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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 20
Chapter Title: I Thought I Was the Protagonist
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I really thought she’d turn away this time.
Surprisingly, Espin sent another letter.
I deliberately didn’t reply to her request to visit.
So Espin came in person.
I didn’t even offer a single kind greeting.
We didn’t have long conversations.
Sometimes I turned away the moment we faced each other.
If we happened to exchange more than a word, I only said cold things.
I didn’t hesitate to say words that could feel insulting.
Yet Espin was always bright.
She smiled kindly and innocently.
I thought she’d tire of it soon, but she persistently drew near for over a year.
In the lonely palace that echoed only with solitude, her cheerful voice rang out, if only briefly.
Even after she left, it felt like her brightness lingered.
The initial sense of crisis grew ever stronger.
This girl doesn’t suit me.
A flawless soul raised in love, unlike me.
Even a few exchanged words felt intensely poignant.
So I hoped she wouldn’t come any closer.
I hoped she wouldn’t fall into my dangers alongside me.
And as time passed.
“Crown Prince Luciano. So tell Espin to join me for the next tea time.”
“Espin stopped by yesterday too, I heard. I really want to see her.”
Imperial Consort Isabel began asking after Espin every time we crossed paths.
I realized it was truly time to end this situation.
* * *
“I brought a gift.”
Espin greeted me with a brighter voice than usual and held out her basket.
“Ta-da!”
The basket was filled with orange muffins.
Food.
I’d caught the scent as she entered, but seeing them with my own eyes made my expression harden involuntarily.
“Cheese muffins. I brought them to share.”
Seeing the food dredged up memories of the past.
“Here, try one. It’ll be delicious.”
-Your Highness, aren’t you thirsty?
The moment my uncle had offered the poison.
“They’re not too sweet. You can eat them too, Your Highness.”
-I prepared them myself.
The moment I’d trusted and been betrayed.
My mind went blank white.
I knew the situations were different, but my reason couldn’t hold.
Words interrogating Espin slipped out effortlessly.
“How do you know there’s no poison in them?”
“I’ll prove it!”
Even as she insisted on her innocence, I couldn’t bring myself to believe her.
Then Espin began an utterly absurd act.
“If I eat them all and I’m fine, that means no poison, right? Then you’ll believe me.”
As if to prove her words, she foolishly grabbed a muffin and shoved it in her mouth.
I figured she’d eat just one or two for show, but my assumption shattered quickly.
Even with a face twisted in agony like she was dying, she kept cramming muffins into her mouth.
“Stop eating.”
“No. I’ll eat them all.”
Espin grew paler and paler, yet kept eating.
“I said stop eating.”
“Three left.”
“Right now, haa…”
Words like “Are you staging a protest?” rose to the tip of my tongue.
“It’s fine. Two left.”
“I ate them all. See? I’m perfectly fine. No poison!”
When Espin teared up and forced down the last muffin, my chest tightened even more.
“Uwaaack!”
And sure enough, Espin couldn’t hold it in and vomited everything up.
All I could do was stare at her ashen face.
“Uwaaack, this, eeck, not, eeck, because of poison, eeeeck, no!”
Even amid the agony of retching, Espin insisted it wasn’t poison.
Right up to the brink of passing out.
Only after Espin fainted did I snap out of it.
I couldn’t let anyone else see her like this, so I handled the cleanup myself.
I couldn’t undress her, so I roughly wiped off what had spilled on her outer clothes before calling a maid to change them.
Then I laid her in bed and summoned the court physician.
I knew those two would report every detail to Imperial Consort Isabel.
But I couldn’t just abandon Espin collapsed like that.
After hearing a rough explanation and examining her, the physician gave a curt diagnosis of acute overeating.
I administered the medicine and dismissed him.
Finally, I sent a servant to inform the Samuel Count Family of the situation.
I’d done everything I could.
Even in her delirium, Espin looked utterly miserable.
“Sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Huu, sorry. Sorry…”
“Hic, really, ugh, no poison. Kk, it’s not like that.”
“Sob, so unfair… Why me, huuung, only me, huaaa.”
“Ughk, ugh, now, kk, what do I do… Kek, Mooommy.”
“Huff huff, sorry. Kkung, no poison. Huaaang.”
The girl who’d once been so bright now alternated between sobbing her grievances and apologizing.
I was the one who felt sorry.
This wasn’t what I’d intended.
I hadn’t wanted her to go this far.
I’d simply been afraid.
But now I understood.
The reason my uncle had flashed through my mind the instant Espin offered food was because I trusted her.
Unknowingly, over that year, her unwavering brightness and consistency had led me to believe in her sincerity. Fearing another betrayal like before, I’d pushed her away all the more fiercely.
It was unbearable that I was the one who’d cornered Espin.
Worried her eyes—swollen and crushed from crying—her palm covered them.
“I’m the one who’s sorry.”
That apology was all I could offer.
“Really, I’m sorry.”
Soon after, the Samuel Count Family sent people upon receiving word.
“Miss! Why on earth did our young lady collapse? What happened?”
I explained the situation to Espin’s nanny and handed over the medicine the physician had given.
The nanny expressed her thanks and hurriedly took Espin away.
Even after sending her off, my mind refused to settle for a long while.
I couldn’t go visit her. Couldn’t even inquire after her well-being.
Not when I was the one who’d caused it.
I had no right.
In the midst of my restless anxiety, a letter from Espin finally arrived.
[Dearest Crown Prince Luciano,
It’s been a long time since I last wrote.
I should have sent a letter of apology and thanks sooner, but my condition wasn’t good, so please forgive this tardy note.
First, my thanks.
Thank you for seeing me safely home after I collapsed.
I’m sorry for displeasing you with an unnecessary gift.
There was truly no ill intent.
I’m truly sorry for showing you such an unseemly sight that day.
Please erase that horrific incident from your memory and enjoy peaceful days.
Finally, I’m truly sorry for bothering you all this time.
I don’t know how Your Highness feels, but I was happy in my own way during our time together.
If I ever made you uncomfortable, please forgive me generously.
I won’t bother you anymore.
So sorry I can hardly hold my head up,
Espin Samuel]
It was a letter saying she’d never come again.
I read it over and over, picked up my pen to reply countless times.
But in the end, I couldn’t write a single word.
Because I knew I’d given her an unforgettable bad memory.
It was obvious I’d inflicted a massive wound, enough to make even someone as kind as her turn away.
I regretted it. I was sorry.
‘Better this way.’
I’d planned to keep my distance from Espin from the start.
Dragging it out for a year had been a mistake.
It was for her sake too.
I figured it would hurt for a while, but if I just endured, it’d be fine.
Unaware that I’d committed yet another wrong against Espin.
* * *
“A spring welcome tea party is to be held in Imperial Consort Isabel’s palace garden in one week. You are to attend.”
I didn’t need to ask who it was from.
The messenger was one of Isabel’s maids, who often lurked around my palace.
“Then I’ll take my leave.”
The maid departed without waiting for a reply.
Her attitude made it clear I had no right to refuse.
A prince ignored even by a mere maid.
That was my station.
Pathetically, Imperial Consort Isabel ensured I never forgot it.
The unwanted occasion arrived in the blink of an eye.
When I reached the tea party venue, I froze at the entrance.
‘Espin…?’
I hadn’t expected her to be there.
I thought her poor health would keep her away.
‘Even if not, I figured she wouldn’t come just to avoid seeing me.’
Unlike the others, Espin sat all alone.
At the very table where I was meant to sit.
It looked like Imperial Consort Isabel’s doing.
Realizing that, I couldn’t bring myself to step further inside.
Was it okay to face Espin like this?
‘She’ll just feel burdened if she sees me…’
As I lingered at the entrance.
I ended up witnessing everything that happened to Espin.
“Hey, Betty…”
People ignoring Espin.
“Hey, I wanted to ask…”
People dodging even when Espin spoke to them.
Espin, left sitting alone, blankly passing the time.
Once I grasped the situation, my entire body trembled.
It was a chill far beyond the bullying I endured.
I had turned her into an outcast.
Out of my own selfishness, craving just a bit more of her warmth.
I’d stolen the people around her.
I had plunged her into the despair of loneliness.
I Thought I Was the Protagonist
