-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 19
Chapter Title: The Peculiar Girl
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If someone asked, ‘What kind of person is Espin?’
There was only one answer I could give.
She was peculiar.
Yes, from our first meeting, she somehow stood out as different.
Survival had always been my top priority since childhood.
A young, powerless first prince of the empire was enough to be a thorn in others’ sides.
My father’s favored consort, Imperial Consort Isabel, didn’t look kindly on my existence.
That dislike became blatantly obvious after she bore her son, Prince Steven.
At first, it was just subtle hints, but as I grew, she started acting on it.
At age seven. That was the first time I collapsed after being poisoned.
I was lucky to survive, but it was a shocking experience for me.
Even when I was careful, poison kept finding its way into my food, and I’d collapse only to barely claw my way back to life, over and over.
At least my utterly indifferent father wouldn’t tolerate outright harm, so I was spared direct attacks with blades.
The more brazen Imperial Consort Isabel became, the fewer people around me I could trust.
I felt that desperation keenly at age eight.
“Wh-why…….”
Even though my body had built up some resistance to poison, a gush of blood welled up in my throat.
The burning pain in my gut hurt less than the ache in my heart.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I’m so sorry.”
Her tear-streaked face begging for forgiveness only fueled my disgust.
I had trusted her.
No, I had no choice but to trust her.
She was the only family who stayed by my side when everyone else abandoned me.
The drink handed to me by my uncle, whom I believed in, had been laced with poison.
I collapsed in despair, wishing I could just die right then.
Better to end it this way.
‘At least I won’t have to struggle so desperately to survive anymore.’
But I survived.
When I opened my eyes again and realized I was alive, the feeling wasn’t relief—it was overwhelming emptiness.
I wanted to demand who saved me and why.
When I grilled the servants, they said some passing nobleman and his daughter had rescued me.
The father had no choice but to step in after hearing his child’s cries.
It was a pointless meddling.
By then, I could no longer trust anyone.
Even family had turned on me like that—who could I possibly believe?
After that, I began keeping my distance from people.
I didn’t even seek out the nobleman and his daughter who saved my life.
They had probably just acted on a whim in that moment.
No matter how vigilantly I watched those around me, the betrayals never ended.
Some were caught red-handed slipping poison into my food after turning traitor.
Others had to be chased out for suspicious behavior.
If there was even the slightest cause for doubt, I expelled them from the prince’s palace.
Just like the palace emptying out, my heart grew hollow.
In that frigid palace, day after day, countless times, I pondered endlessly.
What if I had been born to an ordinary family?
No—what if I had no family at all?
Would my life have been joyful then?
Could I laugh and play like other children?
Surrounded by people to the point of nausea, yet sometimes cripplingly lonely.
I’d think I was fine, but on dark nights,
Alone in that dreary palace, fear and sorrow would overwhelm me.
It felt like the darkness would swallow me whole.
“It’s okay. I’m okay.”
On those nights, I’d hug my knees, murmuring to myself over and over that I was fine, enduring until dawn.
That made it a little better.
Unsure why I had to keep living, I still made survival my sole goal.
Then came the day my life became special.
The day I became aware of Espin’s existence.
It was one day when I was nine.
I had come out to attend the tea party that Imperial Consort Isabel held every year.
That tea party was a grueling ordeal.
No one was unaware that it was held to isolate me further and mock me.
Having to sit there, fully aware of it all, and become the butt of their jokes was hardly welcome.
“Crown Prince Luciano, alone again this year?”
Imperial Consort Isabel brazenly put on a gentle face.
“Is there no one to befriend Crown Prince Luciano? I worry so much seeing how lonely the prince seems.”
Her lips curved into an unmistakable smile as she voiced the insult under the guise of concern.
‘Crown Prince Luciano’s Playmate Search’
I had anticipated it, and it wasn’t the first or second time, but the pitying gazes from all the nobles still brought waves of misery.
The resolve I’d steeled myself with began to crumble.
Having to endure these chilling situations every time was utterly wretched.
“Me!”
A clear voice pierced the silence.
A girl with deep brown eyes and hair as bright as if it held the sky opened her round eyes with utter innocence.
Beaming with a radiant smile, the girl called out brightly.
“I’ll be Your Highness’s friend!”
Her cheerfulness was so pure that for a moment, her words didn’t fully register.
It had been ages since Imperial Consort Isabel’s intimidation kept anyone from stepping forward for me.
Yet this one girl shattered the tacit silence with such ease.
“I’m Espin Samuel. Count Benjamin Samuel is my father.”
Espin Samuel.
Daughter of Count Samuel.
That was the moment her name lodged in my memory.
Watching her respond with that endlessly bright voice, I thought she was an incredibly peculiar girl.
“I was taught to get along with people my age. But do you need a reason to become friends? Didn’t everyone learn that like I did?”
Oblivious to Imperial Consort Isabel’s warning, Espin just kept smiling innocently.
“Consort, is it okay if I become friends with Crown Prince Luciano?”
Foolishly unaware that others avoided him.
“Crown Prince Luciano, let’s get along, just like the consort said!”
Meeting her eyes and seeing that sunny smile, I could only nod slowly.
At the time, I thought it was just a minor incident.
Something that would pass by in the tea party.
She had stepped forward because she didn’t know Crown Prince Luciano’s situation.
Out of pity for the lonely prince, as the consort implied.
Once she got home and heard about me from her parents, she’d lose interest.
Or her parents would stop her.
But not long after the tea party, Espin came to visit.
“Hello, Crown Prince Luciano.”
The unexpected visit left me silent.
“You look dashing today, too.”
Seeing her brightly compliment me so naturally.
“Who told you you could come here?”
Instinct told me to keep my distance.
“You agreed last time to get along with me, Crown Prince Luciano.”
This child approaching without hesitation was dangerous.
“That didn’t mean you could barge in uninvited.”
I spoke coldly on purpose, pushing her away.
I left her there and walked off.
I figured such rudeness would wound her pride enough to make her give up.
But letters started arriving.
After expelling her for showing up without permission, she proposed setting a schedule.
I didn’t reply to refuse.
When I ignored her several times, she sent a willful letter saying no reply meant permission granted.
It was so absurd that I couldn’t help but chuckle as I read it.
But I couldn’t accept it, so I sent a refusal.
Immediately, a letter arrived without any formalities.
It was as if she’d sent it the moment she read mine.
Espin kept requesting visits, and I kept sending refusals.
The wording grew funnier with each exchange, making me chuckle as I replied.
Was it a mistake to exchange letters multiple times a day?
“Crown Prince Luciano, who are you exchanging such amusing letters with?”
I ended up receiving an unexpected visitor: Imperial Consort Isabel.
It had been ages since anyone visited this desolate palace.
“What brings you here?”
“I heard something concerning. They say the prince has been busily exchanging letters with someone outside today. Who are you scheming with?”
I knew I was always under surveillance, but her not even hiding it was so typical of brazen Imperial Consort Isabel.
“Scheming? Nothing of the sort.”
“Is that so? Then who are you exchanging letters with so fervently?”
Her voice sharpened.
After isolating me like this.
Still wary that I might build influence from outside.
As if there was anyone who’d risk themselves for someone like me.
To avoid trouble, I told her honestly.
“It’s Espin Samuel.”
“Come to think of it, she visited not long ago and left right away. Are you planning to get friendly with her?”
I’d thrown it out to defuse the situation, but Imperial Consort Isabel showed curiosity for a different reason.
“Didn’t you arrange it yourself, Consort? I should at least observe basic etiquette.”
Meaning, would I accept someone you might have planted as a spy?
She fell silent for a moment, pondering, then smirked.
“I’m glad you appreciate my efforts. Get along well with her.”
Realizing I wasn’t up to anything, Imperial Consort Isabel left reassured.
My eyes fell on the stack of letters on the side.
The sender had no idea she’d landed me in such a bind.
What a headache she was.
Realizing it was dangerous to keep exchanging letters, I sent a final one.
[I understand. I’ll permit your visit tomorrow.]
* * *
“Hello, Crown Prince Luciano.”
Espin greeted me with that astonishingly sunny face every single time.
“And you are…….”
“Please call me Espin casually, Your Highness.”
Even more astonishingly, she had no hesitation in approaching.
“Do people ever say you’re a bit slow?”
“No? I get told I’m smart a lot.”
Even blunt questions got absurd answers.
And her beaming smile was ridiculous.
She could hear that and still smile?
“Then why can’t you understand what people say? Haven’t you made me repeat myself over and over?”
I snapped harsher.
“I understood. I did, but I pretended not to because I wanted to see you, Your Highness.”
An outrageous response came back.
‘What the…….’
“Why?”
Why do you want to befriend me?
Didn’t you hear about me when you got home?
“We said we’d get along!”
Don’t you know it’s unreasonable to be with me?
Didn’t your parents stop you?
“So why should we get along?”
“I told you before. I’m going to get along with everyone.”
Get along with everyone?
That was idealistic nonsense.
Her foolishly naive answer brought a mix of emptiness and anger.
My voice turned even colder.
“You can’t get along with everyone. Go find others who’ll accept you.”
I saw her expression harden, but I didn’t offer kind explanations.
This was right.
She shouldn’t approach me with such flimsy sentiments.
내가 주인공인 줄 알았다
