Ch#36
“The bride is beautiful. I’m sure you’ll have lovely children.”
“The Dowager Duchess must be so relieved.”
“I wish prosperity for the House of Glan.”
The blessings offered by the guests were all of that nature—well-wishes for the birth of a high-bred foal. As Gerard thanked each of them, he couldn’t help but face the reality of this marriage.
In the end, it was for the sake of producing a child. The elegant ball, the floral decorations, and the solemn ceremony were all pretenses to mask that fact. The true and only purpose of this marriage was to secure an heir. Putting two stallions in a stable was the goal of yesterday that everyone had been so eagerly anticipating.
However, he had failed.
“I shall begin, Your Grace.”
At the barber’s words, Gerard closed his eyes. His personal barber was a servant residing at Maxville whose sole duty was to shave and cut the Duke’s hair. To maintain a clean face, he had to be shaved every morning.
The scent of scented candles wafted over him as the barber began to apply a white lather. Inhaling the familiar scent, Gerard found himself thinking of the woman again. There was no helping it. He had been thinking of Rosalyn all along.
From last night until this morning, even at this moment while sitting for his shave, she would not leave his mind.
‘It hurts too much…’
He had been flustered then. What man wouldn’t be flustered in front of a woman crying out in pain? For a split second, he had even wondered if he should call a doctor.
If anyone knew he’d had such a thought, they would surely laugh, calling Gerard Glan a delusional man who grossly overestimated himself. To think a single encounter could leave a perfectly healthy woman in need of a doctor—did such a man even exist in this world?
Self-derision rose at the absurd thought. With a silent huff, he opened his eyes and looked into the mirror in front of him. His face, covered in lather around his jaw, looked ridiculous to him.
What a joke. Could anything be more pathetic than a man who ruined his wedding night out of panic?
A short, dry laugh escaped him at the thought. The barber, who was preparing the razor, glanced at him warily, but Gerard feigned ignorance. If he admitted he was laughing at how pathetic his actions on his wedding night were, the barber would surely mock him too.
To be clear, Gerard Glan was no green boy who knew nothing of women. Like most younger sons of the nobility, he had attended boarding school, and the talk among adolescent boys in the dormitories was entirely about women.
Whenever he returned home, his older brothers would forcibly pass down all sorts of knowledge and techniques. If the rumors and exploits accumulated over more than a decade were compiled into a book, it would be a rather thick volume.
Almost every man Gerard knew had lost his virginity in the arms of a prostitute. It was obvious enough who would satisfy the lust of a curious boy. That he hadn’t joined them back then was due to his peculiar fastidiousness. He wasn’t desperate enough to endure the physical and mental unpleasantness of it.
After waiting so long and finally finding the partner he wanted, he had become a rather rare man who gave his virginity to a virgin.
Thus, it was inevitable to compare yesterday to that past experience. Humans are limited to thinking based on their experiences. According to what Gerard had experienced, a woman felt pain during the first time, but it wasn’t that severe or long-lasting.
It was clear that yesterday had been Rosalyn’s first. She had been trembling even before he touched her, an attitude that didn’t suit her provocative nightgown at all. He had thought her quite bold when she refused the whiskey, but he couldn’t fathom what kind of nerve she had to try and do that without even a single sip of alcohol.
Gerard, having to deal with such a woman, was also bewildered. Everything was much more of a mess than expected. He felt guilty because of the terrified woman, yet he felt the pressure of what he had to do. He was also flustered by his own body, which had become unhesitatingly aroused in front of her. By the time he had unconsciously pinned down the pained woman, he was already beyond his own control.
‘A little more.’
He hadn’t wanted to stop. He shouldn’t have stopped. If Rosalyn had kept her mouth shut, he probably wouldn’t have.
‘Gerard…!’
He had stopped purely because of that. Because the woman had called his name. So desperately.
Of all things, for the first moment he was called by his name by his wife to be that.
“I’m applying the blade, Your Grace.”
He closed his eyes again at the barber’s low notification. The sensation of the blade touching his face was cool. The well-honed blade began to scrape away the foam with a rhythmic sound, and amidst the refreshment and slight tension, Gerard thought:
What should I say when I see her?
‘Let’s stop for today.’
Yesterday, he hadn’t known what to say. It was absurd that the woman who had begged him to stop while crying would then ask to do it again, and he had even less desire to get back on the bed and continue.
What did she take me for? Does she think I’m some beast that gets down when told to get down and gets up when told to get up?
Gerard let out a slow breath at the thought. Shame, which he had barely managed to suppress, reared its head. He kept his eyes closed and quietly calmed the emotion.
The barber’s blade brushed past his Adam’s apple. Even with a touch familiar for years, his body tensed instinctively. When offering one’s neck to someone holding a knife, it was wise to stay as still as possible.
Last night, her husband had not returned until she fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, the bed was empty. She could only tell he had returned during the night by the fact that the bedding was disturbed.
Rosalyn lay in the solitary bedroom for a while before carefully getting out of bed.
Her body was fine. It was to the point where she wondered if yesterday’s terrible pain had been an illusion. If her body had actually felt unwell, her mind might have been more at peace; instead, she felt embarrassed and regretful, as if she had made a fuss over something everyone goes through.
‘It will hurt a bit at first, but it’ll be fine soon. Just endure it.’
I should have endured it. If I had just endured a little more, it might have been okay. I got scared over nothing and ruined it. I should have been more patient.
She began her day amidst such thoughts, ruminating on regret and anxiety.
“Did you rest well last night?”
At the question directed at her, Rosalyn tucked away her thoughts. She looked up and met the gaze of Diane Glenn, who sat opposite her. The Dowager Duchess’s green eyes were inspecting her daughter-in-law’s complexion.
It was custom to invite the female elders of the family to the first social gathering the day after the wedding. Following Edith Cheshire’s advice, Rosalyn had invited her mother-in-law, along with her husband’s aunts, great-aunts, and great-grand-aunts, to the tea room. It was late morning, a time when the sunlight was clear, before luncheon.
“You worked hard for the wedding. You must have been tired.”
“Yes, Mother. I rested well. Thank you for your concern.”
Rosalyn replied politely with a smile. There were seven guests gathered in the tea room, most of whom were strangers to Rosalyn.
“Rested well? How could that be?”
Except for one person. Karina Glenn.
“Those words sound quite unreliable to my ears. There’s no way the Duke would have left such a beautiful bride alone, is there? Even bothering her all night wouldn’t have been enough.”
At Karina’s words, the elderly ladies smiled. Before she could do anything, Rosalyn’s face flushed bright red.
“Stop it, sister-in-law. In broad daylight, no less.”
“Oh, sister. What does it matter among ourselves? The Duchess is no longer a maiden herself; she ought to learn the ways of a lady’s social life, shouldn’t she?”
Karina waved her plump hand with a twinkle in her eye. Even Diane Glenn, who had feigned a scolding, didn’t seem to entirely dislike the topic. Seven noblewomen were looking at her with subtly shining eyes. Even in her embarrassment, Rosalyn could understand the meaning behind those gazes.
These ladies were curious. They wanted to be sure she had ceased to be a maiden last night.
‘Why else would he not have married until now? It’s been over three years since he became the Duke. There must be a problem.’
The misunderstandings surrounding Gerard weren’t entirely groundless. In fact, he hadn’t even been engaged until he was thirty. It was quite strange for him to remain single even after inheriting the title.
There was certainly a reason for it, and Rosalyn would eventually have the chance to find out, but as of yesterday, it was clear that it wasn’t the reason people whispered about. Therefore, she had to dispel the misunderstandings about her husband. As his wife, she had a responsibility to clear his name.
“Of course, Aunt Karina. Though I am still lacking to be a formal member.”
“That is exactly why this social circle exists. To help poor wives who don’t fully enjoy the pleasures of being a woman.”
Karina Glenn laughed heartily. Rosalyn pretended to be quite bold and laughed along with her husband’s aunt. However, she couldn’t bring herself to look her mother-in-law directly in the face, so she had to lower her gaze with a burning face.
