When the freezing winter winds sweep in [Novel] Chapter 13 – A Change of Pace

How was that any different from being dead to each other?

‘I’ve lost everything.’

On days when the longing for the people I loved grew unbearable, I wept.

‘Everything is gone. What is the point of carrying on like this?’

Soaking my pillow with tears, I wondered what reason I had to go on living here. I couldn't find an answer—not yet.

After such nights, when dawn broke, I pulled myself up with swollen eyes and ran a few extra laps beyond what His Grace had ordered. I didn't know why, but once I had run, the ache inside felt a little lighter.

And so, step by step, I came to like running. While I ran, I could forget everything.

* * *

As autumn deepened, Baldur de Skadi found himself seeing the woman in a new light.

‘How many days will she last?’

At first, he had expected a week at most. A pampered noblewoman would never manage to rise at dawn, let alone take part in military drills. Yet even after a week, Jeanne kept appearing. The soldiers, who had initially glanced around in surprise whenever she showed up, gradually came to treat her fleeting presence behind their ranks as merely part of the scenery.

Baldur, however, could not. She did not feel like part of the scenery at all; his eyes were drawn to her, over and over. Every time he passed her, her face was flushed crimson as if ready to burst and she was gasping for breath, but she never quit until all three laps were complete. Even when she dragged her feet, shifting between walking and jogging, she always finished her set distance before disappearing.

‘Her body is frail, but she has more grit than I expected.’

Even on foul-weather days, Baldur never sent a servant to tell her to stay inside. He wanted to see what she would do.

Even on those days, Jeanne came out. And with every passing day, she grew better at running. Dressed in her shabby maid's clothes, there were mornings she ran even further than he had commanded. On those days, her slender face looked slightly puffy. Her large, beautiful eyes were red, as though she had been crying.

Then came a day when he realized Jeanne was finally keeping pace with his private soldiers. Though she likely had no idea, Baldur had been watching her progress closely all along. He admired her in silence, showing none of it on his face.

‘Quite unlike the nobles of Franc.’

Perhaps he had harbored his own prejudice, simply because she hailed from the capital's nobility.

‘Jeanne de Toulouse, was it?’

Without realizing it, Baldur had revised his first impression of her.

* * *

After lunch and finishing my preparations for the next day's lessons, I lay blankly across the bed. I was not sleepy, but I lacked the will to do a single thing.

‘…I want to go home.’

Whenever gloom pressed down on my chest like a heavy stone, there was truly nothing I could do. I was letting the hours slip away when, a bit early for the dinner hour, a knock sounded at the door. I opened it to find the maid assigned to tend my room.

The words felt like a bolt of lightning striking my head.

Naturally, they wouldn't have explained the reason for the invitation to a maid. With dinner so close at hand, panic set in. I caught the girl's wrist as she turned to leave, pulling her back gently.

Though most of the gowns from Madame Pauline had been altered with hooks and buttons along the sides or front so I could dress myself, putting on a proper gown still took considerable effort. Formal gowns, especially, were far more intricate. I still remembered the Duke's chilly glare when he had looked upon my attire with distaste.

I chose a crimson gown with a neckline cut wide toward the shoulders. The maid helped me into it, then brushed and pinned up my hair. With my neck and ears exposed, the lack of any jewelry felt mortifying. Should I have bought even some cheap trinkets? Fear of what fault he might find was already churning my stomach.

Her compliment brought a wry smile to my lips. To a maid who hadn't seen many noble ladies, it might well look that way. I pressed a coin into her hand.

As I sat waiting on the bed, I suddenly remembered the pouch the escort officer had handed me on my arrival. He had mentioned it held jewelry from Young Master Mael, but I had shoved it aside without checking and forgotten it entirely.

‘Where did I put it?’

Finding the pouch and untying it, I discovered pieces that had almost certainly belonged to the Duchess of Ventadour.

‘All this? He must have given them to me to sell.’

Emptying the contents onto the bed revealed jewel-encrusted earrings and a necklace. At the very least, this gave me what I needed to look presentable for a formal dinner. I hurriedly fastened the earrings and reached behind my neck to clasp the necklace just as the girl's voice called out.

Following the maid into the dining room, I carefully watched His Grace's face.

‘Will this pass?’

He glanced at me once, then looked away, as if my appearance held no interest for him whatsoever.

‘Phew.’

That was precisely the reaction I had hoped for.

‘Good. That will do.’

I had dreaded him finding fault, but evidently, I had passed scrutiny.

The food suited my palate much better than it had during our first meal together. Living here had likely adjusted my tastes. Even so, this was the Duke of Skadi—the man in front of whom I had once vomited. Determined not to suffer indigestion this time, I cut the food into the smallest possible morsels and chewed very slowly.

His sudden question made the tiny bite catch in my throat. I bit my lower lip to stifle a cough.

The meal proceeded in silence. As an invited guest, etiquette demanded I offer some witty topic of conversation, but nothing came to mind, and I doubted the Duke desired idle chatter anyway. Cold sweat prickled against the bare skin of my neck.

‘Still, I was invited. I should say something—anything…. Just think of the man across from me not as a madman, but as the Duchess of Ventadour.’

Framing it that way finally brought a topic to mind: Lady Ana's progress in her studies. By then, the meal had reached the main course.

He spoke first, cutting me off.

“…”

In truth, I had no idea.