41
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I ended up saying it. I had resolved not to be upset even if Cesare refused, but the thought of being rejected right in front of me still made me feel uneasy.
'It's probably not going to work out,' Aileen thought, waiting for his refusal. But why? Cesare chuckled and asked back.
"You're scared, so you want me to hold your hand?"
I hadn't even considered that. I had only asked because I thought just having him by my side would make me feel much more at ease.
'But wouldn't it be even better if he held my hand?'
When Diego held my trembling hand in the dressmaking salon, I felt a sense of stability. If Cesare, of all people, held my hand, I would feel even more reassured. Aileen replied in an even smaller voice.
"If you would, I'd be grateful..."
At the near-whisper, Cesare immediately took her hand. She was startled by the force with which he grabbed it. As Aileen fluttered like a bird caught in a downpour, Cesare tilted his head and asked.
"Why, don't you want me to hold it now?"
"No! You can do whatever you want."
Only after answering seriously did Aileen realize he was teasing her. Cesare led Aileen as if escorting her.
Walking hand-in-hand inside the Grand Duke's Residence felt strange. It was as if they were really newlyweds.
Led by Cesare's hand, they headed to the drawing room. Among the many drawing rooms in the Grand Duke's Residence, it was the one where Aileen had waited for Cesare with the pocket watch before. Aileen was seated on the sofa where she had placed the watch box. She had expected a hairdresser to be called, but Sonio suddenly appeared.
"Sonio?"
"Don't worry. My skills are quite decent."
Sonio explained to Aileen, whose eyes had widened, in a soft voice. He said that he sometimes cut the hair of the other employees and that he could trim Aileen's bangs.
I was well aware that Sonio had good manual dexterity. In the past, even in the Imperial Palace, he used to make sculptures of flowers or animals out of small pieces of wood and give them to Aileen as gifts. But I didn't know he was skilled enough to trim other people's hair.
Sonio draped a cloth around Aileen's neck, covered the scissors with his hand, and said.
"You'll feel more comfortable if I cut it for you, right?"
Of course, I felt much more at ease than with a complete stranger. When Aileen nodded slightly, Cesare took off his gloves. Bare hands touched each other. He slipped his fingers between Aileen's and interlaced them.
Even though she was surrounded by familiar people, Aileen felt nervous when she recognized the scissors. She felt her breathing quicken slightly. At that moment, a gentle force was applied to the hand she was holding. Aileen turned to the side.
"Close your eyes."
After staring at the quietly rippling red eyes, she squeezed her eyes shut. Then she straightened her head.
She was startled by the cool sensation of metal touching her forehead and gripped Cesare's hand tightly. Snip, the first snip of the scissors was heard.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, yes... I'm fine..."
Sonio began cutting again. Aileen stiffened like a statue and tried to focus only on Cesare's hand. She was afraid that if she moved even slightly, the scissors would graze her face.
It was when she was trembling slightly with rising fear. He slowly rubbed Aileen's palm with his thumb.
"...!"
She was startled by the sudden movement, but she couldn't move, so only her fingers trembled. Even if she tried to pull her hand away, her fingers, already tightly intertwined, would not come loose.
The more the round part of his finger slowly touched her palm, the stranger she felt. Something tingled somewhere near her tailbone, and she felt like her hair was standing on end.
It was a simple movement with nothing special about it. Even her palm was a part of her body that she didn't usually pay attention to, but just because the other person was Cesare, her body felt completely strange.
Maybe it was because she was reminded of what he had done to her with those fingers. The act of ruthlessly rubbing her most sensitive spots...
Unable to bear the strange feeling, she spread her hand wide, and Cesare, who chuckled softly, lightly scratched her skin with his fingernails. Aileen involuntarily suppressed the sound that was about to escape as a dizzying sensation ran up her spine.
To have such lewd thoughts in broad daylight. She would have nothing to say even if she was told she was beyond redemption.
While she was struggling alone, the regular snipping of the scissors stopped before she knew it.
"All done."
At the same time, Cesare let go of her hand. Aileen quickly escaped from his grasp and took a small breath.
She couldn't believe it was already over. She had been so focused on the hand she was holding that she hadn't paid any attention to the scissors.
It was so scary and frightening, but it passed so quickly... It would have been absolutely impossible if it hadn't been for Cesare.
I could see too well. The clear vision was awkward, and I tried to touch my glasses, but my hand only drew in the air. I remembered that I had taken off my glasses to cut my hair and lowered my ambiguously raised hand.
Sonio gently wiped her face with a soft cloth and handed her a hand mirror.
"How is it? It pleases an old man, but I don't know about Aileen."
Even when she looked in the mirror, all she could see was the black monster. Aileen looked at Sonio and Cesare instead of the mirror. She inferred her face from their eyes and expressions.
"I like it too. Thank you, Sonio."
Everyone seemed satisfied, so that was enough. Aileen smiled brightly and thanked Sonio. Sonio gathered the cut hair, gathered the cloth, and left the room.
Now only the two of them were left in the drawing room. They were still holding hands.
As soon as she realized that it was just the two of them, she felt a strange tension. Her throat felt dry, so she gathered saliva and swallowed it. Aileen carefully turned to the side.
"Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule."
To dare to use His Grace the Grand Duke's time for something as simple as cutting hair. He had really granted an absurd request. She was choosing her words to express her gratitude a little more.
"Aileen."
He picked up the hand mirror that Aileen had put down and held it out to her again.
"What do you see?"
Aileen, who had come to look at the clear mirror, froze. She didn't want him to see her flaws. She was already flawed here and there, but she wanted to hide even one of them. But it was not easy to lie in front of Cesare.
"...Actually."
Aileen confessed the truth to him as if she was being driven to it.
"I can't see my face properly. It's painted black, like a monster..."
Even as she spoke, she kept looking at his face. She tried to make her tone as casual as possible so that she wouldn't look like someone who was too mentally ill.
"That's all. Everything else is fine."
As she spoke, she felt her heart beating fast again. She felt like she was going to be swallowed by the monster reflected in the mirror. As if not only her face but her whole body would be dyed black.
There was a reason why she had been avoiding mirrors all this time. Aileen swallowed a short groan inwardly. At the same time, she unconsciously looked at the hand she was holding. The man's hand with blue veins on the back of his hand and clear knuckles.
Perhaps he sensed an unconscious wish in her gaze. Cesare lifted Aileen up and sat her on his lap. He held her in his arms like a child and took her hand again. The large hand and the small hand were stacked on top of each other.
She was well past adulthood, so she shouldn't act like a child. But his arms were so warm and cozy. Aileen pretended not to notice and leaned her head against Cesare's chest.
After enjoying the comfort for a while, she raised her head again and made eye contact with him. Cesare, who seemed to be thinking about something for a moment, immediately turned his gaze to Aileen.
"My bangs... Do you like them cut? You don't find them unpleasant, do you? After all, my eyes are a little grotesque."
After speaking, she seemed to have acted too recklessly. Aileen quickly added another word.
"I'm sorry for asking so many questions. I'm just curious."
He touched his forehead to hers with a thud. Red eyes filled her entire vision.
"I've been seeing you since you were 10 years old, have I ever said that?"
Cesare continued slowly.
"Have I ever said that you are grotesque and disgusting, Aileen?"
