46 - The Time of the Blind Beast (15+ Revised Edition)
Chapter 46
"How are your eyes?"
After Dr. Briman left, Rose looked at Ezekiel, who was lying back against a long chair.
"Well, what do you think?"
The response he gave her suddenly brought back a dream from the past. Rose paused, her hand hovering over the wet cloth she was changing at Ezekiel's bedside.
"You were here. Do you know how long I searched for you?"
His vision had not yet returned. It wasn't a condition that would improve with just one or two treatments, anyway. Even though she knew it all, her own compromised position made her shrink back unnecessarily.
Quickly composing herself, Rose gently touched the area around his eyes. Even with the cool wet cloth, she could feel the heat. He was clearly in considerable pain, yet the man bore it alone without showing her. It was the same last time. With no proper medication, he had tossed and turned all night, unable to alleviate his suffering. She, too, had stayed awake until dawn, her mind too troubled to sleep.
"It must hurt. But why don't you say you're in pain?"
"Am I contemplating which would be better?"
"Better what?"
"If I complain, you, being kind, will worry about me. But then I'll be seen as a pathetic man, always showing you only my weak and frail side. On the other hand, if I act indifferent and say I'm not in pain, I might appear strong, but your attention might lessen."
Ezekiel tilted his head slightly.
"Rose, you choose. Which is better?"
"I..."
"Yes, tell me. What about you?"
"I am always interested in the Major. It never lessens. So, when you need me, please just tell me honestly."
Sometimes, Ezekiel found Rose astonishing. As if she had read his mind, Rose always gave him the answer he wanted to hear. Her very existence was a comfort and a gift.
He answered immediately.
"I always need you."
Whether he was sick or not, he needed Rose.
When Rose was around, the density of the air felt different. The darkness that had always felt suffocating and maddening became bearable. Breathing became easier. Daily life felt quite good.
Ezekiel didn't miss the opportunity as Rose's fingers rested on his face; he gently covered her hand with his own. Half of his face was hidden beneath their joined hands, leaving only his prominent nose and beautifully sculpted lips exposed.
"I like the feeling of you touching my face like this."
"Why?"
"Because I can feel your kindness from your touch. It feels like you're encouraging me not to be in pain. I've been waiting, but you haven't touched me like this lately."
Ezekiel tightened his grip on her hand and slowly drew it downward. Rose's soft palm, now weighted by his touch, brushed against the firm bone structure of his face. Yet, the peculiar ticklish sensation remained.
His fingertips, which had traced his cheek, reached her lips. He carefully took hold of her slender finger joints and kissed her delicate skin.
"When I'm like this with you, all my worries disappear."
...A lie.
Liar.
Rose hid a wry smile.
He never forgot 'that woman,' no matter the time or place, yet he offered her such blissful lies.
Perhaps the fundamentally kind person wasn't her, with her unspeakable secrets, but this man.
His lips, which had kissed her fingertips, naturally moved to the center of her wrist. With soft kisses, he sensually drew Rose closer to him. As if they were one body, unwilling to allow even the slightest gap, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
How many more days would she have to enjoy this touch, this feeling, this warmth?
She would chide herself to remember the past and maintain her dignity, but faced with this affection, as precarious as a flickering lamp, she couldn't help but lose herself in it, cherishing every moment.
Rose embraced Ezekiel's nape with her free arm. Ezekiel, feeling her breath close to his ear, tapped his cheek. Rose placed her lips on the spot he indicated with his finger.
"What is it, Rose? It's rare for you to be so forward."
"I wish you could forget all your troubles."
She felt the muscles in his lips tighten and lift into a smile through the skin where they touched.
He would probably never guess.
What she wished for him to forget, and the heart with which she had answered.
Rose closed her eyes and wished.
She wished this moment would never end.
She was afraid to imagine how he would change if he knew her true identity. So, she could only wish and wish.
May today not pass too quickly.
And may tomorrow come a little... more slowly.
Captain Moncam sent a letter with news about Claris. While temporarily halting the pursuit of 'that woman' as per Ezekiel's orders and gathering his company for reserve training in case of emergency, the loyal adjutant immediately relayed the news upon hearing from the Valdemara family.
"Given that they even placed a bounty on an enemy officer, it seems they are keeping a close watch on the Major's movements. And have you contacted your family?"
In fact, it was Rose who had been in contact. Without Ezekiel's permission, she had used his name as a proxy. Through Merlo, a messenger secretly sent from his family, she conveyed the news that the Doctor and Ezekiel were proceeding smoothly with his treatment, and informed them of the special bond between the 37th Regiment and Ezekiel, as well as his intention to return to his post once his sight was restored.
"The Valdemara family responded that they are still prepared to serve faithfully in the 37th Regiment and will take up their post whenever the country calls. However, I don't know how much we can trust this declaration. On one hand, if they were to immediately relinquish their officer positions, it would be too obvious, making it seem like they are merely trying to buy time."
Rose, having already heard the family's reaction through Merlo, was not particularly surprised as she read the letter.
According to the messenger, who had stayed at the family home for a few more days before returning, Achenaus was extremely agitated, fearing he might be conscripted due to the family's official declaration. There was even a follow-up story about him storming into his father's office, demanding to know what his intentions were, arguing that he should have withdrawn from military service long before a war broke out.
"He probably worried that the Valdemara name would be tarnished if he returned his commission so soon, after leveraging his specialization for the family's business and causing a stir with Claris over a poisoning attempt by a blood relative."
Ezekiel scoffed.
Rose concealed her surprise. She had indeed heard that his father's excuse for calming the agitated Achenaus was the family's reputation. It seemed blood was thicker than water; their ways of thinking were similar.
"If I can't return, whether they push him forward or not is none of my concern. As they say, there's always a way out, even when the sky falls. It seems fortune hasn't entirely abandoned me."
Rose felt a quiet sense of relief at Ezekiel's attitude, welcoming the family's decision.
Thank goodness. She hadn't misjudged. It was a relief to know that her efforts, even writing letters to ask for this, hadn't been mere meddling. At least having one more place to return to would give him strength.
It was a good decision. A right thing to do.
As she convinced herself of this, Rose tried to ignore the unsettling flutter in a corner of her heart.
...But later, when he returns to his rightful place, where will I go?
As summer fully set in, the days grew longer. Rose asked Merlo to pick apricots from the trees and stew them with sugar.
"It's apricot compote. I didn't use much sugar, so it should be palatable."
Compote made with less sugar and with the fruit's texture preserved had poor shelf life and couldn't be kept for long. It was a dessert that would be diligently made for this season and disappear with the fading summer, much like herself.
"Are there apricots on the apricot tree?"
"Yes, I was worried because the soil is poor, but they still bore some fruit."
The apricots grew sparsely due to the unfavorable climate and environment. Merlo offered to bring back plumper, tastier apricots, but Rose deliberately made compote from the ones in the garden.
"Winter will come soon."
"Were you waiting for winter?"
"There's so much we can do together. And it's the season I first met you."
Rose understood the unspoken premise.
'When I can see,' there's so much we can do together.
Even on the nights they walked in the garden, Ezekiel had mentioned that his vision would return around winter. It wasn't just a wish, but a deadline; a conclusion had to be reached by then, no matter what.
The positions he had left behind in his family and the military wouldn't wait for him indefinitely.
This summer was a reprieve for him, one that would not come again.
