Chapter 177
177
A stream of water, whether tears or rain, flowed down Madam Ma's cheek.
In her hand, she clutched a handful of half-burnt paper money. Seeing the burial money for the deceased, I felt a lump in my throat.
Ah... So Songhwa was talking about her martial uncle's memorial day...
I couldn't readily reach out. I couldn't approach him, nor could I return to my room, so I bit my lip tightly.
Seeing me at a loss, Madam Ma, wiping her eyes with her wrinkled hand, retorted gruffly.
"What's so good about watching an Old man cry that you're standing there gawking?"
"You'll catch a cold, Madam."
"What's a cold to an old woman who's already waiting for her death?"
After grumbling, he pursed his lips as if trying to compose himself, then crumpled the damp paper money in his hand.
"When will this damn rain stop? The paper money won't even burn."
Madam Ma's eyes were red as she cursed. I opened the door and approached, covering Madam Ma's hand with mine. The skin that touched was as cold as ice.
"You avoided me as if this old woman's hand was cursed, but what wind has blown you to grab it so readily?"
"Your hands are cold, Madam. Let's go inside and warm up a bit."
As I answered gently and pulled Madam Ma along, she relented and moved her feet.
After seating Madam Ma in front of the brazier, I hurriedly revived the embers buried in the brazier and placed the water kettle on top.
I took out a towel and covered her soaked body, and until I wrung out the moisture remaining in her clothes, Madam Ma stared blankly out the window. Her eyes were vacant.
"Madam, you're too cold. You should change your clothes..."
"Enough."
Worried about her temperature not rising, I cautiously suggested it, but she gave me a dry wash and scolded me.
"Young Miss is soaked to the bone herself, and yet she's taking care of others? You act like a wildcat who hates being touched, but you're also full of affection."
After grumbling, Madam Ma pulled me closer and drew up her Inner Energy, instantly drying the moisture remaining on both me and her with Internal Qi.
Sighing, she stared out the window, still holding the half-burnt paper money in her hand.
Silently tidying up the towel, I brought a blanket and draped it over Madam Ma's shoulders. The steam rising from the boiling water filled the space.
Madam Ma, watching me put jujubes and honey into the boiling water and cover it, placed the paper money she was holding on the table.
"Looking at Young Miss... reminds me of my son."
"Your son?"
"I wanted my son to bring home a pretty Young Miss like you and live happily together."
Madam Ma muttered and smiled bitterly.
"But the unfilial wretch didn't even know his mother's heart and became a Taoist, what could I do? Seeing a grandchild is out of the question."
Instead of answering, I poured the thoroughly boiled jujube tea and handed it to her. Madam Ma, receiving the cup, quietly stared at it.
I sat beside her and silently waited for her to empty the cup. After emptying the cup cleanly, Madam Ma stroked the warmth remaining in the cup and began to ramble.
"He was a precious son."
"Yes."
"At first, I didn't know if it was a dream or reality. I had given up on having children, but to have a child after forty, I couldn't believe it. I carried him for ten months, gave birth in pain, and raised him with great care... But when he grew a little older, he said he wanted to become a Martial Artist."
"..."
"It must be my blood. My husband never knew how to fight in his life. I used to be quite the handful when I was young. I beat up this one and that one, and only settled down with a kind man in my forties."
Madam Ma chuckled and rubbed her eyes.
"Anyway, so I sent him to the local martial arts school. I thought he would do it for a while and quit because it was too hard. But my son had a talent for the sword, and Taoist Masters came looking for him. It turned out that the martial arts school was a lay school of Wudang. They said they would make him a Jinshan disciple, or something like that."
"Didn't you hate to send him?"
"Of course, I hated to send him. I knew exactly what the Rivers and Lakes was like, so how could I welcome my precious son entering that quagmire? But what could I do even if I hated it? A mother can't block her child's path. What an opportunity it is to become a disciple of the Nine Sects. An opportunity that you can't seize even if you pour in gold and silver."
Madam Ma, who had been laughing heartily, began to tear up.
"It was okay even if I couldn't see his face, even if we only exchanged news through letters. When I heard that he had officially received his Taoist name, my heart ached, but I accepted it. As long as he was alive, I could see him. I comforted myself that he would come to see his mother sometimes when he became free. But this wretch... this wretch..."
Madam Ma, who seemed unable to continue speaking, covered her face with both hands. I slowly stroked Madam Ma's back.
"He died gripping his sword tightly. As if this mother was not even in his thoughts, he died as a disciple of Wudang to the end. How heartless. How heartless..."
Her faintly trembling voice soon turned into a plaintive sob. I couldn't even dare to offer any comfort.
How could I possibly fathom the heart of a mother who had sent her child away first and buried him in her heart?
All I could do was silently stay by her side.
After sobbing for a long time, Madam Ma wiped away her tears and said.
"Everyone says it was a righteous death. They call him a chivalrous person who saved the common people oppressed by the Black Faction and offer incense for my son. A Martial Artist died upholding his chivalry, so how can I criticize that choice? But, but..."
Grief surfaced in her dark eyes.
"I know it in my head, but my heart doesn't feel that way. Why my son of all people, why did it have to be my son? What does a Three Great Disciples who has just held a real sword know...? What does that young one know...?"
Madam Ma's voice gradually faded, buzzing and then disappearing.
Silence descended over the space, leaving only the sound of the heavy rain and the sparks flying from the brazier.
I poured the lukewarm jujube tea again and handed it to Madam Ma. She emptied the cup more easily than before, then sniffled and smiled.
"I've told a long, boring old story. This old woman has been foolish. I'm sorry."
"What are you saying? Don't worry about it, Madam."
"Young Miss has a kind heart too. I'm already envious of the man who will take Young Miss as his wife."
Madam Ma, forcing a smile, wiped her face and got up. After taking the paper money and stuffing it into her sleeve, she turned her back, avoiding my gaze.
"I'm sorry for waking you up so early in the morning. This old woman will be going now."
She seemed embarrassed that she had grabbed me, a much younger person, and told me a story I hadn't even asked about.
Hesitating for a moment, I followed Madam Ma and stood up, asking kindly.
"Um, Madam. Could you spare me some time?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I have some good wine. If you don't mind, I'd like to offer it to your son."
Madam Ma's eyes widened as if surprised, then she smiled faintly and slowly nodded.
In the small shrine where memorial tablets were lined up, several incense sticks that seemed to have been visited by many people were already stuck in the incense burner, burnt to the end.
"Is the roof leaking...? Some water splashed."
Muttering, Madam Ma approached the memorial tablets, picked up a clean cotton cloth, and began to wipe each one.
Then, she stopped in front of one tablet.
Hyun-so, the 19th generation Jeon-in of the Wudang Sect.
Madam Ma, slowly stroking the engraved letters, smiled sadly and caressed the tablet.
"My baby. Mother is here. Is it because of the rain, but it's cold even though it's spring. Aren't you cold?"
After offering a kind greeting, she picked up Hyun-so's tablet, wiped it carefully, and placed it back in its original place.
I also took out the white wine I had brought and poured a little into a glass, placing it in front of the tablet.
Since we weren't close enough to say anything, I hesitated, but Madam Ma chuckled and held my hand tightly.
"Thank you, Young Miss. Thank you."
"Th, I..."
"That's enough. This is enough. Let's go."
She patted the back of my hand and led me out of the shrine. It seemed she was going to take me to the Guest quarters.
Madam Ma opened her paper umbrella and covered me with it, opening her mouth.
"The baby Taoist Immortal seems to like Young Miss a lot."
"Are you talking about Songmyung Taoist Master? Isn't he just afraid of me?"
"What fool would come to see someone they're afraid of every day? Treat him well."
"Yes, I will."
As I answered obediently, Madam Ma clicked her tongue as if feeling sorry for me.
"Even if he doesn't say it, the Taoist temple life must be difficult. What do twelve- or thirteen-year-olds know when they enter the mountain? Would they like the food at the Taoist temple, would they like the rules? And it's not like the training is easy."
"Ahaha, that's true."
"Even if they grit their teeth and swing their swords, they're anxious if they fall behind their senior and junior brothers, and they're afraid that they'll be kicked out because they're not good enough, right? It breaks my heart to see them crying silently behind their backs without being able to show how hard it is at such a young age."
Madam Ma sighed and muttered in lament.
"...Our son must have been like that too. He couldn't show how hard it was, he couldn't act spoiled with his mother. All alone, struggling. If I had known earlier, I would have looked after him... It's too late."
I was at a loss for words at her resentful voice. As I hesitated and chose what to say, Madam Ma waved her hand as if telling me not to worry and changed the subject.
"That's why... they all seem like my sons... I shouldn't say this to the Taoist Immortals, but that's how this old woman feels."
"Everyone knows how Madam Ma takes care of them with what kind of heart. They said you're like a mother to them."
"Did they? That's kind of them."
Madam Ma smiled faintly at my answer. She looked a little pleased.
