41 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Chapter 41
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“I’ve decided to distance myself from everything that makes things difficult for me, to be more true to my own time, out of self-pity. The exhibition was one such thing, but in the end, it’s all ruined. I shouldn’t have granted your father’s request. But this should be enough. You are now presentable enough not to be ashamed to be seen, and more importantly, you are quite intelligent, so you won’t do anything to tarnish my reputation.”
Excessive self-love turns one into a selfish person. A lack of it makes others look down on themselves. Lavalliere was someone who struck the perfect balance between these two extremes.
With appropriate self-pity, free from bias, she made people respect her. Even rude demands appeared as arrogance and confidence.
Even if there were occasional individuals who struggled with her sharp tongue and showed their anger, they were few compared to those who followed you.
“Do not forget. Self-pity comes first.”
I bowed my head in agreement. I needed to maintain a submissive demeanor until she returned home. The snake had not yet even bitten the leopard’s hind legs. I was still a pitiful beast, ravenous with unfulfilled desires.
The next day, after breakfast, Madame de Lavalier declared with an extremely arrogant and confident expression that she would be leaving the mansion.
Her gaze was directed at my mother, and it seemed to say, ‘It is because of you.’ Naturally, my mother and stepfather’s faces turned pale.
My mother looked at my stepfather as if asking for help. There was nothing else she could do.
My stepfather, trying to maintain his composure, cleared his throat a few times before finally speaking.
“What is this sudden declaration? Isn’t it too soon?”
“The exhibition is almost over, so it’s not soon. It’s rather late.”
“Are you perhaps referring to the incident from before?”
“I am so disappointed that you see me as such a narrow-minded person.”
Lavalliere’s voice suddenly lowered. She frowned as if greatly displeased and even put down the glass in her hand. The way she began to wipe her hands with a cloth made it seem as though she would leave the hall at any moment.
“It’s not that. But isn’t it too sudden?”
“Not at all. I no longer feel any interest or pleasure in the exhibition, so what is there to do by staying here? I’ve already had the maids pack my luggage. All that’s needed is for the carriage to be ready. There’s no need for long farewells.”
“Sister!”
“You don’t need to worry about Sissae’s education. This child, contrary to what you might think, is very intelligent and quick-witted, with a talent for pleasing people. I was very satisfied while teaching her. As for the rest, you will need to invite talented individuals in those fields to teach them. I have written recommendation and opinion letters, so you just need to send them by mail.”
“Aunt!”
Roena called out to Madame with a pleading voice. As Madame’s gaze turned to her, she continued speaking with tearful eyes, as if begging.
“You’ve come after so long. How enjoyable it was to have tea and talk with you, Aunt. For my sake, could you not spare a little more time?”
“Oh, my dear, I am sorry to disappoint you. I have already made my decision. So, let us look forward to the next time we meet with joy.”
Roena lowered her head with a look of deep disappointment. Though one might offer comfort for such a pitiable sight, Madame’s attitude seemed to allow no exceptions. She truly seemed disappointed in everyone present due to the incident with my mother.
Knowing his sister’s resolve was firm, my stepfather no longer pleaded with her to stay at the mansion. Instead, with a look of utter despair, he said, ‘I will prepare the carriage immediately.’
The unpleasant meal for everyone ended quickly. My stepfather left the hall without looking back, and the same was true for Lavalliere.
Roena hesitated for a moment, wringing her hands, then followed behind Lavalliere. My mother, unable to follow my stepfather due to anxiety and guilt, chose me as a secondary option to hold back.
Her lips, which had apparently been bitten, were swollen a vivid red, looking pitifully raw.
“Sissae, my child.”
My mother’s voice sounded extremely anxious. Her face, pale as death, was filled with unease, devoid of any beauty.
I thought it was fear regarding her relationship with my stepfather. Madame de Lavalier’s gaze, as she declared her departure, was overtly directed at my mother, and no one but a fool wouldn’t know what that meant.
‘I am leaving because of you.’
Although not explicitly stated, recalling the previous incident made it fully inferable. Lavalliere was shifting all the blame onto my mother. The fact that my stepfather had expressed strong objections was all my mother’s fault.
‘If it weren’t for you, none of this would have happened.’
My stepfather must have felt this keenly, experiencing deep self-reproach, and would undoubtedly reflect on his actions and regret them. My mother feared this. She was afraid my stepfather would regret taking her side and become angry.
Indeed, one regret can lead to hesitation in future actions, ultimately causing him to waver again between Lavalliere and my mother.
If my stepfather truly cherished and loved my mother, he should not have been swayed by Lavalliere’s declaration. But he could not do so, leaving a sliver of doubt for both Lavalliere and my mother.
Do people know how terrifying it is to fear that the person you trusted might not be completely on your side?
This was no different from telling everyone in the mansion that Madame de Lavalier still held the upper hand. The queen of high society had cornered my mother with a most cunning method.
“You were the only one who spoke with Aunt, weren’t you? Was there any other conversation?”
“Mother.”
I took her hand. The trembling fingertips were cold, and my heart ached.
You and I, as always, are watching the eyes of these people.
If Roena was a great wall to me, then Lavalliere was a colossal castle and a swamp blocking my mother’s path. No matter how hard she tried, she could not dare to trespass on his position, nor could she match his wit or connections.
Most importantly, the label of a lowly woman who seduced my stepfather was a heavy chain that would follow my mother until her death. As long as this existed, my mother would always be the weaker party in everyone’s eyes.
To my past self, you were a strong shield, an understanding confidante, and the only one who always gave me unsparing affection. But now that I’ve returned, you appear fragile and pitiable, like a single flower before a typhoon.
I tightened my grip on my mother’s hand. I had tried to resist with courage, like a lady, but I could see the frustration of realizing it was ultimately a futile struggle.
“Don’t do that. Just move forward.”
But the water has already spilled. If you try to scoop up the spilled water with your hands, you will only end up getting your hands and clothes wet, gaining nothing but a sense of loss. Isn’t it enough for me alone to be bound by the past?
“You know we can’t go back. So, don’t regret it. If you show such weakness, I don’t know what I’ll do. So, be strong. I am very proud of you.”
“But……”
“Go and comfort stepfather, who is in distress. That is what you must do. Not come to me asking about the conversation with Aunt. But I swear to God, there were no words of the kind you fear. Leaving the mansion was already a planned situation. So, don’t blame yourself.”
“Sissae, my dear. Yes, you are right. I must not waver.”
I kissed my mother’s cheek and gently embraced her. I could feel her strong scent from my nose, and a soft sense of happiness bloomed. Is there any place safer in the world than a mother’s embrace?
I think this every time I have physical contact with my mother. And I wanted my mother to feel the same from me. I wanted her to strongly realize through this incident that the one she must trust and rely on is ultimately me, and that her daughter is solely Sissae, and no one else.
My stepfather began to extensively decorate the carriage for Madame de Lavalier’s comfortable journey home. Several skilled maids and servants worked together to adorn the carriage, and strong, healthy horses were chosen and fed plenty of hay.
As if to show the utmost courtesy to his sister, he asked Sir Halberd to escort her until the Lavalier family’s private guards arrived.
In truth, my stepfather seemed to want to delay the departure time somehow to persuade Lavalliere. And he truly tried hard to do so.
You could guess his intentions just by seeing him send the butler to find fault with this and that as the preparations neared completion.
But Madame was one step ahead in her actions. She shattered my stepfather’s heart once more by mentioning that she had sent a letter to the Lavalier family through a maid a few days ago, when she had confined herself to her room out of anger towards my mother. Lavalliere’s decision was terrifyingly resolute, and no one could stop her departure.
The time for farewell came quickly, and Madame de Lavalier displayed an arrogant and elegant demeanor, just as she had when she first set foot in the Bishvarts Family estate. Her gaze overwhelmed everyone, and her voice had the power to command the attention of the entire assembly.
Everyone from the Bishvarts Family who came out to see her off bowed their heads and greeted her.
“Thank you for the grand hospitality. I am truly happy to leave with pleasant memories.”
“Will you visit again next time?”
Lavalliere replied to my stepfather’s question with a faint smile.
“Of course.”
But only Lavalliere herself would know when that next time would be. My stepfather kissed the back of her hand, expressing his respect for her. She looked at my stepfather’s gesture with satisfaction and made eye contact with everyone as she bid them farewell.
As Lavalliere turned her face to bid me farewell, I ran out as if I had been waiting and embraced her. Then, lifting myself on my tiptoes, I kissed her cheek.
I could hear the murmuring voices of people behind me, but I looked only at Lavalliere, as if I knew nothing, and smiled brightly.
“……Well, now.”
A moment later, Lavalliere spoke. Her hand covered the cheek where my lips had rested.
“That is unbecoming of a lady.”
Someone gasped. A strange tension filled the hall, but I did not blink, looking only at her. Because of this, I could clearly see your face, a smile slowly spreading around your lips like ink spreading in water.
“But you are so lovely that it offsets all of it. This kind of unexpectedness doesn’t seem so bad.”
“I don’t know how to express my gratitude. May I dare to ask for your forgiveness for my rudeness?”
“Of course. Please take care.”
I held the hem of my skirt and bowed as I had learned from her.
