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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: Lingering Attachments
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“So, you tell me.”
A wave of delayed emotions washed over her.
“What do I do now?”
To interpret his words, *I haven’t forgotten*, she didn’t know which season of her past to return to. Unsure of which version of herself to summon from that time, she was lost in confusion.
Standing in the middle of a downpour of memories so intense it was hard to stay lucid, she looked at him. He had asked a question, but she couldn’t decide what to say, and in the meantime, only time flowed by.
“I think you’re seriously misunderstanding something right now.”
At last, Yeon-joo gathered herself and spoke. His expression remained unchanged as he met her gaze.
“Just because I don’t have a husband, that doesn’t create some kind of opportunity for you, Actor Im. I have absolutely no intention of leaving the door open.”
“…”
“Whether you’ve forgotten or not is none of my business. Because I’ve forgotten everything.”
She conveyed her clear intentions in a steady voice.
The frantic pounding of her heart was something she could endure.
“If our relationship gets tangled up like this, I’ll have no choice but to quit. Wouldn’t it be better if I quit?”
She laid out only words that were bound to hurt his pride. *Please, get a grip. Please, stay in a safe place.*
“You’re the star of the movie, so you can’t be replaced, but I can be replaced easily. If I’m getting on your nerves by hanging around, I’ll disappear…”
“Disappear? Says who.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“What do you mean, what? Who said anything about you doing something?”
Was it enough to provoke his anger? His voice rose slightly.
“You’re the one who’s got it all wrong. I never said I liked the person you are now. I just said I haven’t forgotten the us of the past.”
“…”
“The reason I was relieved you’re alone now was to prevent any damage to my own morals and ethics. So what do you mean, what should you do? What’s all this nonsense about disappearing and being replaced? Do you think I’m doing this to cut off your livelihood?”
“You keep going on about my livelihood. Is this how someone who’s aware of that should act? How thick-skinned would I have to be to keep working here after hearing all this?”
…The days when he was her everything.
The days when she wished they were one seemed to shimmer just within reach.
“Listen carefully, Go Yeon-joo. The person who wants to escape this situation more than anyone is me, not you.”
She had wanted to be colored by his hobbies, to seep into his daily life.
A love that begged for him to swallow her life whole—that fervent wish.
“The desire to do something with the you of today? I have even less of that than you do. As you can see, I’m in no position to be fooling around with anyone. In fact, my circumstances are even more dire than yours.”
“…”
“You must think I was asking you out. Wake up. You and me, getting back together now? Is that even realistic?”
Her chest ached as if being pierced by an awl.
Feeling the coppery tang of blood on her tender gums, Yeon-joo resignedly swallowed.
“This isn’t about what we do from now on. It’s just that I have lingering attachments to my past.”
Her body felt as if it were floating, then the ground beneath her split open, and she began to fall at a dizzying speed.
Sensing that this dizzying feeling was not hers alone, she curled her fingertips into her palms.
“Don’t forget that I’m the one who wants to end this situation more than anyone.”
“What on earth do you want me to do?”
“So just stay still from now on! Don’t do anything!”
She fell endlessly. A dizzying sensation rose from her toes, leaving her breathless.
“It’s my lingering attachment, so I’ll take care of it. I’ll sort it out on my own, so you just have to endure it.”
“…”
“This time, I’m going to forget you for good. I just need some time, so… endure it. Isn’t that something you can do? For me… that much… you can do that much for me… at least as a courtesy, you… you, for me.”
“…”
“Ha…”
A surge of heat welled up, cutting his words short. A long, hot sigh escaped through his teeth, coloring her entire being as she plummeted.
How much time had passed?
He, who had been pressing his temples with a look of extreme headache, slowly opened his eyes, which he had briefly closed. The lingering attachment in his pupils so closely resembled her own that Yeon-joo gave up her resistance.
“I don’t know about anything else, but from now on, endure whatever I do. That’s all you have to do.”
…The crash landing site was the heart of their memories.
“You don’t have a choice. This time, I’m absolutely not giving you one.”
He, who had landed there first, was already standing there.
*
She didn’t know how she managed to get home.
At midnight, with both Han-byeol’s grandmother and Han-byeol fast asleep, Yeon-joo quietly opened her bedroom door and stood in front of the refrigerator.
Opening the fridge as silently as possible, she pulled out a can of beer tucked away in a corner. Then, with quiet steps, she returned to her room and closed the door.
Fearing the sound of the can opening would be too loud, she pulled the tab as carefully as she could. With a *psst* of escaping carbonation, a little foam seeped out. Without taking a breath, Yeon-joo took a long swig of the beer.
As the cold liquid flowed down her throat, her dazed mind seemed to clear. When she was about to run out of breath, she pulled her lips from the can and let out a deep sigh.
*Hoo…*
Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she exhaled again and again. She listened for a moment, wondering if her mother, a light sleeper, might have come out into the living room, before taking another gulp of beer.
The sharp carbonation scratched its way down her throat, and the can was empty in no time. With a look of regret, she shook the already empty can.
“I should’ve bought the tall ones.”
She debated going out for another can but gave up. A home was supposed to be a sanctuary where one’s freedom was guaranteed, yet it wasn’t easy to drink even a single can of beer in peace.
The reason she locked her door and drank in silence was simple. She was afraid her troubled heart would be transmitted to her family. Afraid of causing them needless worry.
“Should I have just one more can…”
Normally, she would have stopped there, but today, it was unusually difficult. Yeon-joo stepped outside again and headed for the refrigerator.
With a swift hand, she grabbed another can of beer and returned to her room. Just like before, she carefully pulled the tab. *Pssssst*. More foam escaped than before, and Yeon-joo quickly brought the can to her lips.
*Because I haven’t forgotten.*
Her eyes squeezed shut.
*Am I so great that I can laugh at the life you’ve lived?*
“Haah…”
As if there were no other way, she bit her lip. She had been squatting on the floor, and now she slowly leaned her head against the mattress.
*Don’t forget that I’m the one who wants to end this situation more than anyone.*
Because I, who should have become nothing to him, had reappeared. Because the memories that had settled like sediment had begun to drift up.
He had finally come face to face with the feelings he had buried so well. Memories that would never have surfaced if I hadn’t appeared, all because I did.
Because I appeared.
“See? I shouldn’t have been hovering around you.”
*You must have been in pain. You must have been sad, too.*
*The feelings you believed were severed remained so stubbornly—how flustered you must have been.*
*You don’t have a choice. This time, I’m absolutely not giving you one.*
“I’m really going to lose my mind…”
The can she was holding crumpled slightly. Her heart was burning to a crisp, yet she couldn’t let out a single deep breath or a satisfying groan.
The small bedroom felt like a suffocating prison. Yeon-joo slowly drew up her knees and lowered her head. She swallowed down the resentment that piled up layer by layer, letting out breaths with frayed ends.
In the cave-like room, with the lights off to prevent any glow from seeping through the crack under the door, she relied on a single small night-light, blankly opening and closing her eyes.
It felt as though she couldn’t breathe, caught in the cracks of a secret she had created, hidden, and concealed.
“What should I do… What am I supposed to do…”
She couldn’t forgive herself, and the thought that she would end up abandoning herself made her toes tingle with dread. She hadn’t started anything with bad intentions, yet the guilt of having disrupted everyone’s lives settled on her shoulders like a heavy shadow.
*Because I haven’t forgotten.*
And yet, despite it all, the wicked part of me was momentarily thrilled. My pulse quickened.
His words, *I haven’t forgotten*, felt like a reward for all my past years, and my heart seethed like boiling water.
“Haah… I can’t be like this, I can’t…”
A hot, stinging sensation rose in her throat, and Yeon-joo cleared it with a low cough. *Get a grip,* she told herself, forcing strength into her eyelids.
*Get a grip. Get a damn grip.*
…But that too was fleeting. Yeon-joo buried her face in her knees again.
She understood his desire to finally settle the past he couldn’t tie up. If he wasn’t hoping for a future for them, but simply wanted to properly throw away a past that had become like a crumpled piece of paper…
If that was the case, then it was right for her to help him now.
*Yes. That’s the right thing to do. Helping him live that way is what I should be doing now.*
“It’s okay… It’s okay… Everything… is okay…”
*I understand your desire to let go properly.*
*So try to forget. Try to erase it.*
“Everything’s okay… It’s okay… so be calm… It’s okay…”
I, who can’t let anything go, will help you.
*
The morning, fair to all, dawned.
Eun-seong, who had arrived on set early for additional filming following yesterday’s shoot, entered the waiting room. He had practically stayed up all night, but even without yesterday’s events, that was a common occurrence for him.
Showing no signs of fatigue, Eun-seong sat on the sofa. His manager, Dong-hwan, left to check on the set, and in the still-empty room, Eun-seong stretched his shoulders out of habit.
“…She’s not going to just not show up, is she?”
Only after he’d made a scene did the worry begin to creep in. He hadn’t intended to unload that much yesterday, but Go Yeon-joo’s infuriating words had continued, and his intense emotions had spilled out like a colt with a broken rein.
He could have hidden it well. He could have kept her from knowing.
“Just try not showing up. I’ll take her son hosta…”
As he was anxiously muttering to himself about the possibility of Yeon-joo quitting, the waiting room door opened, and she appeared.
Eun-seong’s eyes widened as if he’d seen a ghost. Yeon-joo, however, wore a calm expression and offered a normal morning greeting.
“Good morning, Actor Im.”
“Ah, uh, good morning.”
*Ah. Maybe not such a good morning.*
Caught off guard, Eun-seong scowled. Regardless, Yeon-joo put down her things and immediately began organizing his clothes, looking no different than usual.
“Did you get some sleep?”
“I went to bed early yesterday. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.”
“Right. Glad to hear you slept well.”
“Yes. Though I did have a bit of a nightmare.”
Feeling like he was the cause of said nightmare, Eun-seong swallowed hard.
Yeon-joo, who had been taking out clothes and hanging them on a rack, lowered her hands. Eun-seong, who had been watching her every move, tensed up with a flinch of his shoulders.
“You know, right? Han-byeol’s first shoot is tomorrow.”
*Phew, that was a scare.*
As his son’s name came out of her mouth, Eun-seong let out a dry breath. He’d thought an unbearable conversation was about to start; this was a blessing in disguise.
“Is the kid preparing well?”
“He reads the script every day. I think he’s enjoying it.”
“It’s most fun at this stage. Since the first shoot hasn’t started yet.”
*How fun could it be?* He wouldn’t care about the break-even point or the production company’s stock prices.
In any case, Go Yeon-joo had clearly launched yesterday’s events into Andromeda. If not, she wouldn’t be casually talking about her son with such a composed face.
*Is this her ‘talk all you want, I’m not listening’ strategy?*
“We’ll follow labor standards, but the filming hours are quite long for a child to endure. Make sure to comfort him so he doesn’t get tired midway.”
“Yes, I’ll do that.”
As Eun-seong gave her a heads-up and crossed his legs, Yeon-joo rummaged through her pockets and approached him.
Then, she placed a few small, plastic-wrapped chocolates on the table.
“You keep stealing your son’s snacks and making me an accomplice. Huh? This is a problem.”
“These aren’t Han-byeol’s snacks. I bought them on my way here.”
When Eun-seong looked up, Yeon-joo hesitated before sweeping her hair back. Wondering what on earth she was doing, Eun-seong just blinked stupidly.
“Thinking back on yesterday, I realized there was a point I skipped over with you.”
“Wh-what is it?”
“Back then, I was truly sorry for breaking up with you so one-sidedly.”
His lips parted slightly. His earlobes quickly turned red, and Yeon-joo hurriedly added.
“That was the first time I realized I was such an impulsive person with such rapid mood swings. I’m sorry for not being more considerate.”
“…”
“I was sorry. I truly was.”
This sudden apology for their past breakup left Eun-seong unable to hide his bewilderment, his hands fidgeting. Lacking the confidence to look her in the eye, he picked up the chocolates from the table.
“You think I’ll accept your apology if you just give me five of these pea-sized chocolates?”
“Just a moment.”
Yeon-joo pulled five more chocolates from her other pocket and set them down.
“I figured you’d say that, so I brought more.”
“Well, now. This is how much you should’ve given me from the start.”
“I’m sorry. I sincerely apologize.”
Yeon-joo gestured toward the waiting room door and quickly continued.
“I’ll, uh, be heading out now. Good luck with the shoot today.”
After laying out ten chocolates, Yeon-joo scurried away. Eun-seong stared blankly at the five chocolates in his hand and the five on the table, then leaned his head back against the sofa.
A hollow laugh, like that of someone who had lost their mind, escaped him.
“This is driving me crazy. How am I supposed to eat these? They’re too precious.”
It was the beginning of a truce, a hand she had extended with great difficulty.
