Translator: Nox

Chapter 108

<108> The Worst Night (3)

‘Miss Pendleton.’

She must have known everything. Her own misjudgment and Mr. Dalton's feelings.

Miss Lance recalled the picnic from last spring. Miss Pendleton running away and Mr. Dalton chasing after her.

She had thought he betrayed Miss Pendleton after learning about her background. But perhaps, it was the opposite. Perhaps he passionately loved Miss Pendleton, but Miss Pendleton pushed him away.

Why hadn't she considered this?

Why indeed. She had subtly looked down on her. Because her origins weren't clean. Because she was an old maid. Because she had no fortune.

‘She was the most aware person in London, the one who cared about me the most….’

The truth stripped her ego bare. That nakedness was a far cry from her twenty-year-old body, a pathetic, twisted, and feeble sight.

‘I thought I was smart. I thought I was much better than my class-blind father, my money-obsessed mother, and my immature friends. But I'm no different from them. I'm just a foolish twenty-year-old.’

Miss Lance covered her face with both hands. Soon, her palms were wet with tears. Not the sentimental tears of a woman scorned, but the bitter tears of realization that only someone who has faced their true self can shed.

* * *

Laura, wearing a green checkered dress and a white shawl, came out of the mansion's entrance. Two maids followed behind her, carrying luggage.

A dark brown Four-wheeled carriage was waiting in front of the mansion. Whitefield's coachman, who had been waiting, loaded the luggage with the maids. Meanwhile, Miss Pendleton got into the carriage.

She wanted to leave this house as soon as possible. She needed time to sort out her thoughts alone.

It was last early summer when she thought Mr. Dalton's heart was directed towards another Lady. The point when he suddenly reappeared, mingled with Miss Lance's group, and asked her to help him find a partner.

Seeing Mr. Dalton's attitude, armed with friendship, Laura had completely discarded the belief that his heart was directed towards her.

But it was an act. A mask. He used Miss Lance to deceive her, who was defensive about love.

After all the luggage was loaded, the maids greeted her and returned to the mansion, and the coachman sat on the driver's seat.

Miss Pendleton leaned out the window and ordered him to depart.

The coachman immediately flicked the reins with a "Giddy up!" The horse neighed and began to step forward.

At that moment.

"Stop."

Laura looked at the entrance of the mansion. A tall man was standing in front of the door. It was Mr. Dalton.

The coachman quickly stopped the carriage. He approached the carriage.

Laura became impatient and shouted to the coachman.

"Just leave!"

He ordered the coachman.

"Release the reins."

The coachman naturally obeyed his master's words.

Mr. Dalton opened the carriage door without permission. Laura clenched her fist tightly.

"Can't I go anywhere on my own, Mr. Dalton?"

"Are you going to leave without any conversation about what just happened?"

"I have nothing to say."

"If this issue is so trivial that there's nothing to talk about, then there's no reason to avoid me, is there? There's no reason to be angry with me either."

Laura looked at Mr. Dalton with cold eyes.

"What needs to be discussed? The story of you manipulating Miss Lance to deceive me? The circumstances of you arming yourself with lies to get me?"

"The expression 'manipulation' is not accurate. There was nothing more between Miss Lance and me than the friendship between Miss Pendleton and William. Don't denounce me as unscrupulous. I have lived my entire life not caring what anyone thinks of me. There is only one exception to that. That is you."

"……."

"Now that it's come to this, let's lay everything bare. I fell in love with you at the Ball where we first met. The reason I kept circling around you in London was not because of friendship, but because of love. But you didn't want me, and after much deliberation, I pretended to have another woman in my heart. In the cabin in the woods, I said there was a Lady in my heart. That Lady was Miss Pendleton, you."

Laura was speechless.

"I don't regret that. If I hadn't deceived you, you would never have become a governess at Dunville Park and would never have come to Whitefield. Giving up on you was impossible, so it was an inevitable choice."

"……What changes by bringing me here? Even if I fall in love with you, what can we be more than lovers? You're not thinking of marrying me, are you?"

"Why not?"

"That's absurd. There's a difference in our origins..."

"That's the core issue in our relationship. I know I can't convince you with a few words. So."

He got into the carriage and slammed the door shut. Then he ordered the coachman to depart.

Miss Pendleton trembled in surprise. He crossed his arms.

"Let's talk slowly while we go."

* * *

Clatter, clatter.

Even as the carriage left the forest of Whitefield and passed the familiar Parsonage, there was no conversation between the two.

Mr. Dalton kept staring at Laura's face. Laura, as if ignoring Mr. Dalton, only looked out the window.

She could feel that the man in front of her was waiting for her to speak first. Whether to get angry or argue. But Laura couldn't find anything to say.

Unlike her calm appearance, Laura's mind was in chaos.

He said he loved her. Not Miss Lance, nor any other unknown Lady, but Laura Sheldon.

She thought it was a presumptuous unrequited love. She thought it was a pain she would have to carry like a chronic disease for the rest of her life. But he felt the same way as her.

It was definitely something to be happy about, and a part of her heart was definitely happy. If she had been alone in the carriage, she might have briefly entrusted everything to her emotions and shed tears of happiness.

But the larger part of her, her strength and also her weakness, her overly developed sense of reason, had tightly bound her joy with chains.

"You made a big mistake with Miss Lance."

"Did I?"

"You inflicted an irreversible wound on Miss Lance. London is a conservative place. A woman who has been rumored to be engaged to a man can never find a good husband. It's a harsh thing for a Lady who is only twenty years old to experience."

"But she is the Lady of a popular baronet. Her friends boast that she has a constant stream of marriage proposals."

"That's when her reputation is spotless."

"If Miss Pendleton insists, I will apologize to Miss Lance separately. So let's stop talking about Miss Lance. We have more important issues, don't we?"

Mr. Dalton brushed aside the topic of Miss Lance as if it were a useless piece of trash. The joy bound by chains shrank slightly.

Laura looked out the window and thought about herself at 17. Everything she had to go through in London, where everyone knew that John Ashton had left London and that she was his lover.

Rumors spread that she had lost her chastity, and there were even rumors that she was pregnant. Ladies were reluctant to even talk to her as if she were a street woman, and gentlemen insulted her with insidious kindness that was not befitting of a Lady.

The memories of that time left countless scars on Laura's heart, hurting her from time to time even now, at the age of twenty-nine.

Miss Lance would go through the same thing. She might suffer less than she did because she had the title of a baronet's daughter, but Laura knew Miss Lance. An innocent yet proud Lady. She would be broken if she went through such a thing.

‘Because of the man I introduced….’

"Mr. Dalton."

Laura stared straight at him.

"Marry Miss Lance."

Mr. Dalton's expression hardened. Laura knew she was hurting his feelings, but she steeled her heart and spoke firmly.

"Save the Lady who is in danger because of you."

"I am not a knight who rushes towards a fire-breathing dragon to save a princess trapped in a tower."

"But you shouldn't become a villain. She is a great wife in many ways. You get along well, and through marriage, you can mutually benefit..."

"Stop!"

He suddenly raised his voice.

"I don't want to be interfered with in who I marry. Especially, not by you...!"

His handsome face contorted.

"You know my heart, yet you're only worried about Miss Lance. Her reputation, her future, her marriage. What is she to you? Just one of those friends you barely greet at a Ball?"

"……."

"You know my heart now. That I love you, that I don't want to marry any woman but you! And yet, how can you tell me to marry another woman? Is my heart so worthless? Don't you know that your suggestion will hurt me? Or... am I that meaningless to you?"

There was definitely hurt in his voice.

"I am not a gentleman. I have never been a gentleman. I am a person who lives as I want and doesn't care about what others think in getting what I want. There are no other conditions for marriage. Only love. And I only feel that love for you. So, don't try to persuade me with conditions or benefits. The more you do, the more my heart will become as hard as a rock. And a heart that has become a rock may drive you into a cave and block the entrance forever."

Laura decided to give up trying to persuade him. He was a stubborn man and his feelings for her were stronger than she thought.

"I was presumptuous. I apologize. Mr. Dalton's marriage is something that Mr. Dalton will decide."

But his angry expression did not ease at all.

"Who I marry has already been decided. But whether I can actually marry depends on you."

"……Please, don't pass that decision on to me. I can't make Mr. Dalton happy."

"With just one nod, you can make me the happiest man in the world."

"That's the only thing I can't do for you."

"Why?"

"Anyone with sense wouldn't welcome a presumptuous marriage with open arms. Because it's obvious that it will make their spouse and children unhappy."

"Are you so afraid of the world? Is avoiding other people's gossip and unkind gazes Miss Pendleton's only purpose in life?"

"My purpose in life is to live righteously. Freedom, love, and marriage should only be achieved without disturbing the order of society and without making the people I care about unhappy. That's the value I hold as a belief."

He laughed as if he was dumbfounded.

"You're treating marrying me like committing a crime."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Don't apologize. It's no comfort at all."

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. Laura found it hard to see him in pain and turned her gaze back to the window.

"Miss Pendleton, let me ask you just one thing."

After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth.

"Putting everything else aside, don't you have any love for me at all? Even for a fleeting moment. Has your heart ever fluttered when you looked at me, have you ever tossed and turned at night thinking of me, have you ever imagined a future with me, not even once?"