-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 43
Chapter Title: I Want to Protect Him
-----------------------------------------------------------------
“What are you doing here?”
“That damn princess wouldn't let me see you, so I came! And you—instead of asking stupid questions, you should…”
My mother was gripping the windowsill, about to haul herself up, when a voice drifted from the hallway.
“…Imeline…”
A familiar voice.
It was Eric.
Damn it.
I smacked my mother's fingers.
“Ow! You…!”
“Get down! Get down, I said! I'm coming down with you!”
I roughly perched on the windowsill, right where her fingers were clinging. Just before I crushed them, she let go and dropped to the ground.
*Damn it… I absolutely cannot see him right now! Absolutely not!*
Screaming internally, I threw myself out the window after her. As always, my landing was a disaster.
My backside ached, but I didn't care. I just couldn't face that strange man who had hugged me the moment I'd asked.
✵ ✵ ✵
In the dark of night, Helena lowered the hood of her robe in a garden within the princess's palace.
She rubbed the fingers Imeline had smacked just moments before, glaring at her daughter.
“Ow, that stings like hell!”
“That's what you get for brazenly sneaking into the princess's palace! If you're caught climbing these walls, it's execution! Execution!”
I made a slitting motion across my throat.
But my mother… Helena had never been one to scare easily. She placed her hands on her hips and spoke as if it were nothing.
“So I'm supposed to just sit tight in that mansion, not knowing whether my own daughter is dead or alive?! Besides, I have something to collect from Eric…”
“Collect what?”
Why did those words, “my daughter,” sting my heart so much?
It was only then that I realized how anxious I'd been. I had betrayed her, yet I was still terrified she would abandon me.
“What else? Money.”
But her next words made my expression harden.
*…Just get the money and leave.*
The words from the note surfaced in my mind.
I avoided her gaze, feigning ignorance.
“What money…”
My mother said, incredulous.
“You haven't opened the diary I gave you, have you? Or the note?”
Seeing my stiff expression, Helena said.
“You have.”
“Where in the world did you find…”
“I found it in a shed in the forest. I heard it's used by the servants who manage the woods. I just stumbled upon it.”
“So it was just lying around in the forest…”
“Or a servant could have found it and put it there. That's a possibility, right?”
The forest…
I frowned.
Helena asked incredulously.
“What are you even thinking about?”
“…I'm not.”
I answered curtly. Helena shook her head.
“You are thinking. I can see it. Otherwise, why would you still be here? Did you show Young Lord Eric the diary I gave you?”
“...?”
I gave Helena a puzzled look. Just then, I thought I saw something move at the shadowy edge of the garden…
…But it must have been my imagination.
“Why would I show it to the Young Lord?”
*There's a code, you know…*
I thought of Eric, tormented by nightmares just a short while ago.
I couldn't just shove that diary in the face of a man who, only days before, had discovered his own father murdered his mother.
“...?”
Helena stared at me as if I were speaking nonsense.
“Did you hit your head?”
She's saying the same thing Philip did. Honestly, the way my family thinks.
When she reached for my forehead, I flinched back. Her eyes widened at the rejection.
*What?* I kept my lips sealed.
“The Duke is a psychopath. That diary is the proof. So, what's the next step?”
I wet my lips and recited the expected answer.
“…Show it to the Young Lord and blackmail him? Tell him to pay up if he wants to protect his family's honor?”
As I rattled off the answer, my mother gave me an incredulous look.
I finally understood how, in my dream, my mother had gotten her hands on things like the Duke's secret ledger.
She never had any intention of marrying the Duke and living happily ever after. Her only plan was to blackmail him.
That's how she must have found things like his secret ledger and diary—by searching the ducal estate.
“Exactly. Turns out the Duke is a psychopath. If that gets out, how do you think the House of Orleans will be treated across the continent? Eric will have no choice but to give in.”
“I don't think he will.”
I shook my head.
He won't.
The Young Lord is the kind of man who believes punishing a wrongdoer is more important than his family's honor or his own power. Not that Helena could ever understand that.
“Don't be absurd. Nobles are all the same.”
*I used to think they were all the same.*
I pressed a hand to my forehead, troubled.
“Your face is plastered all over the papers. If Marina catches us, we'll be right back to being slaves, with no way out. We have to squeeze the money out of Young Lord Eric and run, the three of us.”
The three of us.
Once again, using money extorted from someone else to escape a crisis. Making choices not to be happier, but to be less miserable.
The three of us, again.
*‘You were just trying to protect Philip. Weren't you?’*
Protecting each other.
That's what's right.
Isn't it?
I clenched my fists.
*‘It's true that I doubted you. And I might have reason to doubt you again in the future, but…’*
*‘Fraud or not, I'm your husband. I'll protect you, and if anything happens to you, I'll come for you.’*
Right. That's what family is.
You protect each other. Even if you can't… trust each other, you still have to.
But you know what, Mother?
Being caught by Marina and forced back into that wretched den, doing her dirty work… that's a thousand times better than being hunted by the Duke.
Helena said.
“Your pregnancy is a lie, isn't it? To be honest, I'm suspicious of Eric marrying you at all. He might have some ulterior motive, especially if it's connected to that diary…”
“No.”
I cut her off, my voice low.
My mother's brow furrowed.
“What do you mean, no? Are you saying the pregnancy isn't a lie?!”
No, no, that's not it… Hearing the shrill note in Helena's voice, I waved my hands frantically. It would be a disaster if that part were a lie.
“No, I mean about the ulterior motive. That's not true.”
“What?”
My tone was firm.
We can't escape anyway. Not if we want to survive.
Especially not if Baldeck is hunting us down using what our family did at the Bluebeard Company as leverage.
But it would be difficult to persuade Helena with talk of the Mermaids' Tomb.
Unlike in the dream, the only thing Helena knew for certain was that Baldeck had murdered his own wife.
Since I knew I wouldn't succeed, I decided it was better to deceive my mother and Philip than to waste my breath trying to persuade them.
To protect them. To protect my family.
But Helena shot back.
“Don't lie. I can always tell when you're lying.”
*It's not obvious. Everyone else says they can't tell, but my mother always knows.*
“From what I can see… yes, this Eric Orleans is a kind and honest man, just like you wrote in your letters. But if you had truly fallen in love with him…?”
Helena's expression suddenly clouded with sadness. I tried to suppress my own emotions.
But I knew. The reflection of my face in those brown eyes, so much like my own, was blurry, but I was certain it wore the same sad expression as hers.
It's what happens. People who are connected mirror each other's expressions.
You don't want to leave the other person to be sad or happy all by themselves. You want to grieve with them, to rejoice with them.
To make them feel less alone, if only for a moment.
So, if Helena looked sad, it meant that I did, too.
“You would have told me. You wouldn't have left some ridiculous letter. You would have told me straight. You knew it, didn't you? You asked me if I loved the Duke. I don't. But if you had told me you loved Young Lord Eric, why would I have stopped you? If you had truly told me you loved him… do you really think I would have stood in your way?”
Helena gazed at me steadily.
Just like…
*‘Do you want to be my daughter?’*
…the day she'd asked.
I gritted my teeth and met her gaze—met the eyes that were a perfect mirror of my own.
Helena said.
“Look me in the eye. I always know when you're lying.”
“…”
“Do you really like Young Lord Eric? Are you staying here because you like him?”
My lips parted, but no words came out.
*Do I really like Young Lord Eric? Truly?*
I knew that if I lied now, my mother would do anything to drag me away with her. And she would absolutely know I was lying.
I finally opened my lips.
“I want to protect him.”
