I Married the Dragon I Killed
Chapter 109
Chapter 109: Things Unabandoned
Ferda stood with a dazed expression, unable to utter a single word.
‘Erembalt Rosnova.’
The head of the Rosnova family.
Ferda’s father.
And the very source of the hatred that had driven him to become a mage.
“What would you like to do?”
Ruri asked.
It was a simple matter.
He could just send him away.
Ferda had been cast out of the Rosnova family, and since he no longer used that surname, they were strangers now.
No matter what the man had to say, there was no need to listen.
Listening would only serve to rake up negative emotions that were better left dormant.
Normally, that would have been the end of it.
“Let him in. I will prepare myself.”
“Understood.”
Ferda decided to face him.
Even if it might be a mistake, he had to confirm it.
He had to know if this hatred was still alive.
After about twenty minutes of preparation, Ferda walked down the hallway toward the drawing room.
Once he passed through this door, the man who had personally thrown him out of his home would be waiting.
Ferda’s feet felt heavy.
“Ruri.”
Instead of moving forward, he spoke to her as she stood behind him.
“Yes.”
“I will go inside alone.”
“Understood.”
“And make sure that no one, including yourself, knows what happens inside.”
“……What are you planning to do?”
Ruri asked, feeling that his request was excessive.
“I’m asking you as a favor.”
A favor.
Those words carried more weight than a command.
And because of that, Ruri grew even more uneasy.
“I understand.”
Ruri quietly cast a barrier to seal the room.
Feeling the space become completely isolated, Ferda stepped inside.
There he was.
The man who had treated him so cruelly and cast him aside.
The man who had returned Ferda’s pain with even deeper wounds.
The moment the man saw Ferda, his face brightened.
“Oh, my son! My son has come!”
No, it was a pretense of joy.
The acting was so awkward that even a child could have seen through it.
Perhaps that was why his face seemed all the more wretched.
Ferda felt relieved to feel that way.
Thanks to that sense of disappointment, he found himself surprisingly calm, contrary to his expectation that hatred would boil over.
“Welcome, Lord Rosnova.”
Ferda greeted him with formal courtesy, drawing a clear line between them.
Erembalt looked troubled.
It was unclear what he had expected, but it was certain that he hadn’t anticipated the attitude Ferda was showing now.
Ferda sat across from him and looked into his face.
Avoiding Ferda’s gaze, Erembalt pushed something forward.
“This is honey from the bees raised on the Rosnova estate. As, well, the Regent knows….”
“Yes, the Rosnova family’s honey is quite delicious.”
“Yes, yes.”
“But I don’t like it much anymore.”
“Ah, I suppose so. Since the Regent is nearly nineteen now—”
“No. I almost died while eating this once.”
Ferda’s gaze fixed on him coldly.
“Your second son, Huren Rosnova, poured it into my mouth and blocked my airway.”
The man’s face turned pale.
Ferda continued calmly.
“If I hadn’t stuck my fingers down my throat to scoop it out, I would have died right then. Since then, I tremble just at the sight of a honey jar.”
“I, I…… that is…….”
He looked as if he were about to offer the excuse that he hadn’t known.
“There were five servants who saw it happen that day. It seems none of them reported it to you, Lord.”
“I am sorry. I have no excuse. If you wish for punishment, I will do it myself. No, if that is not enough to appease your anger, I will bring him here and punish him in your presence….”
“No. That’s enough. Just get to the point.”
Ferda leaned back in his chair.
He had no desire to engage in any more tedious pleasantries.
“The thing is…… Big Sister descended upon the Rosnova family recently.”
Big Sister.
Erdes Roton’s alias—a title of respect and a slur all at once.
“She must have gone to ask about me.”
“Yes. She asked about the Regent.”
“And you must have told her everything.”
“No. Not quite everything…….”
“Do not even think about lying to me, Lord Rosnova.”
Ferda warned in a low voice.
“Erdes already knows that I use black magic. Those who use black magic face at least the destruction of their entire clan. The fact that you are still alive means you denied my existence while simultaneously confessing everything, does it not?”
Erembalt flinched in shock.
His dry lips did nothing but flap repeatedly.
“Am I wrong?”
Ferda pressed for an answer.
Erembalt lowered his head, breaking into a cold sweat.
“You are…… correct.”
Yes, he had known.
He had known since the moment he was kicked out that the man did not consider Ferda his child.
‘I already knew this.’
The past tried to force its way out.
A surge of emotion welled up within him.
A headache throbbed, pressing down on his skull.
“So, did you travel all this way just to make that confession?”
Ferda still couldn’t understand the purpose of his visit.
“I simply came because there was one thing I had neglected to tell you.”
“Speak.”
“Regent…… do you remember Anna Rosnova?”
What?
That single sentence was enough to provoke Ferda.
Observing Ferda’s expression, Erembalt corrected himself.
“No, what I mean to ask is…… do you truly remember your mother, Anna Rosnova?”
Even the words he chose as an excuse failed to soothe Ferda’s irritation.
“Isn’t that obvious? She is my mother. And she was your wife.”
“I suppose so. It should be that way…….”
Erembalt struggled to continue.
“But that memory feels…… so foreign to me.”
It dug deep.
Erembalt’s words felt as if they were piercing Ferda’s heart.
It felt like listening to a cruel joke.
He felt anger, yet a laugh escaped him.
He felt as though he were losing his mind.
Ferda forced himself to respond rationally.
“My mother, Anna Rosnova, had blonde hair and blue eyes. You praised her, saying she was a woman far too beautiful for me.”
Every moment flashed through Ferda’s mind like a revolving lantern.
He remembered them eating together, laughing, holding hands, and whispering words of love so vividly.
He clearly remembered the goosebumps he’d felt watching them, so it made no sense for the man involved to claim he didn’t remember.
“There is only one thing I remember clearly. It is the sight of a vagabond walking in, holding a child.”
Erembalt said.
No, the word ‘spat’ was more appropriate.
Because to Ferda, it was no different from being spat upon.
“Thinking back…… I had no reason to take that woman in. Even though I had lost my wife, I had two sons and I wasn’t lonely. I only realized that again after she died. So…….”
“So, what is it you want to say?”
The man looked at Ferda with a face drenched in fear and spoke.
“I wanted to tell you that you and I never shared blood in the first place. So please…….”
He bowed his head low.
“I ask for a complete severance from the Rosnova family now.”
Ferda couldn’t speak.
His mind was trying to pick out words, but he couldn’t grasp a single one.
His head was in a state of chaos.
Why did he have to listen to this kind of nonsense?
Why did this man come before him, when he thought he could finally forget everything and live his life, just to pick at a scab?
He had barely managed to let everything go.
Why was he dragging it back out and bringing it to him?
The man he had hated more than anyone else was, once again, doing this to him…….
Ferda felt his consciousness starting to fade.
Emotions were trying to consume him.
He quietly closed his eyes.
He tried to calm his heart.
But what he felt was the movement of his circuits.
And a sweet whisper.
Ferda knew that voice.
It was the voice he had heard in his ear when Ruri was in danger.
Kill him.
Just kill him.
Back then you turned one into an empty shell, so this time, just strangle him to death.
You have to pay him back for the pain he caused you.
Why are you hesitating?
Killing once is hard,
But the second time is easy, isn’t it?
At those words, Ferda snapped back to his senses.
The circuits in his chest were spinning.
They were rotating so wildly it felt as if they would reach the 6th Circle at any moment.
But that wasn’t the end of it.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw something startling.
Stretching out behind the confused Erembalt Rosnova was a pair of black arms.
Could Erembalt use shadow arts too?
That was impossible.
Those shadows were limbs created by Ferda’s own will.
They had reached right up to Erembalt’s face, as if ready to seize his throat at any moment.
Ferda quickly withdrew the hands.
Suppressing his spinning emotions, he spoke in a rational voice.
“Go back, Lord Rosnova.”
Even so, an ominous aura hung heavy in the air.
Erembalt scrambled to his feet.
Just before he went out the door, he paused for a moment and looked back.
“I thank you for your mercy, Regent.”
With that, he left.
Was that a final squeeze of paternal affection, or was he just fawning to lessen any future trouble?
Ferda had no way of knowing.
His mind was a jumble.
“Lord Ferda.”
As the man left, Ruri entered.
“What kind of conversation took place for him to leave with such an expression…….”
Ruri trailed off.
Ferda was staring blankly into space with his head bowed.
It was an expression Ruri had never seen before.
“Ruri.”
The voice that came from his struggling lips was heavy.
“Can I ask one favor of you?”
“Please, tell me.”
Ferda said in a trembling voice.
“I want to go…… see my mother.”
“Understood. Just tell me the location and I will take you there immediately.”
“We go to the Rosnova estate.”
“Yes.”
Stepping out onto the terrace, Ruri pulled Ferda into a tight embrace.
Not like she was transporting luggage, but a true hug.
She flew like a comet and arrived in front of the main gate of the Rosnova mansion in an instant.
“Where is the grave?”
Ferda didn’t answer.
Instead, he turned and began to walk somewhere.
It wasn’t toward the Rosnova estate.
Ruri, who had naturally assumed the grave would be somewhere on the mansion grounds, followed silently behind him.
Ferda walked without saying a word.
Ruri knew how poor his physical stamina was.
Before long, his ragged breathing and heartbeat reached her ears.
“Lord Ferda.”
“…….”
“You are out of breath. Why don’t you rest for a bit?”
Ferda didn’t answer.
He simply kept moving his feet like a man possessed.
Ruri could have stood in front of him and stopped him.
But she didn’t have the confidence to do so.
She didn’t have the confidence to face the heavy burden weighing down those shoulders.
Or the expression he was wearing right now.
She followed behind Ferda in silence.
He was drenched in sweat and gasping for dry breath when his feet finally stopped.
It was a plain.
A parched plain with a single tree stump.
It didn’t feel like he had stopped simply because he was exhausted.
“Is it here?”
Ferda nodded.
“Where is the grave?”
Ruri looked around several times just in case.
But no matter how hard she looked, there was no sign that anyone had been buried there.
“There is no grave.”
Ferda reached his hand out into the air.
“This is where…… I sent my mother away.”
“Do you mean…… she was cremated?”
It was a rule for members of long-standing knightly families to be buried when they died.
No matter if she was a concubine, once she became part of a knightly family, she should have been buried in the family plot.
“As soon as my mother died, they burned her body. They even tried to have the servants throw the remains away as if they were trash. Like they were throwing out garbage.”
“…….”
“So I cleaned it all up myself. I carefully wrapped those ashes, bit by bit, and put them in a jar.”
Ferda looked down at his own hands.
They were empty, but the sensation of touching those ashes was still vivid.
“That day, I wanted to scatter the ashes somewhere my father didn’t know. Even if they scattered in the wind, I wanted to find a place where I could remember her.”
“…….”
“So I walked until I was so exhausted I felt my soul would leave my body, and I finally reached this place. This was it.”
Ferda raised his head and looked up at the sky.
In the parched sky and earth, the traces of life were coldly scattered.
Ferda’s gaze dropped to the stump.
“There used to be a tree here. A tree standing lonely in the middle of the plain. It felt like me, left all alone, so I secretly scattered them under this tree.”
“But why is there only a stump…….”
“A servant must have followed me. And they cut the tree down.”
“……They did such a cruel thing to a son who had lost his mother?”
Ruri was furious.
As someone who knew how precious family was, this matter was not light to her.
She clenched her fists.
She thought she should have threatened that man much more before sending him away.
“I thought it was my fault.”
Ferda’s voice trembled.
“I thought that if I hadn’t been weak, if I had shown talent as an excellent knight within the family, I could have protected my heart’s desire to honor my mother…….”
His own weakness.
A body so frail that no matter how much effort he put in, not even a trace of it remained.
Until the day he died, Ferda had never been physically strong.
“That was how I was kicked out of the house.”
Ruri knew the story up to that point.
What followed was known only to Ferda.
Ferda poured it out.
“I trained as a mage, and in a short time, I surpassed even the talented mages. I had reached the 3rd Circle.”
At that time, Ferda was not overwhelmed by hatred.
Inside his heart, there was a young boy who wanted to be acknowledged, and an angel.
The young boy thought:
Would Erembalt perhaps accept me now, as I am?
In truth, Erembalt had been a father overflowing with paternal love.
He was a good father who was faithful to his wife and didn’t spare advice for his sons; at one time, he had been Ferda’s idol.
It was only to Ferda that he wasn’t that way.
The angel in his heart said:
The bond of family still remains.
The boy believed that angel.
He wanted to realize that there was more than just malice in the world.
Ferda, the young boy, hoped his pathetic father would seek forgiveness.
—Where do you think you are setting foot!?
The moment he entered the mansion, what returned was a roar, as if greeting a mortal enemy.
—You are no longer my son! You dare show your face again just because you learned some petty magic tricks!? Get out of here this instant!
The words were hotter than fire and colder than ice.
The eldest son, Ellen, and Huren personally beat Ferda until he was driven out.
It rained that day.
With blood in his mouth, his body was soaked.
Ferda, half-crippled, could have died at any moment.
If he hadn’t crawled with pure spite to lie under some shade, he would surely have become a corpse.
That day, the young boy realized.
He realized that hope was an illusion that only made a miserable life continue.
The young boy killed the angel.
What filled that heart was only the voice of a malicious demon.
Seeking mercy only left greater pain, and at the end of hatred, he harbored yet another hatred.
It was only after feeling futility at the end of it all that he finally regretted everything.
“I thought that…… was the end.”
Because he had deeply regretted it at the end, and had decided to live for only one clear purpose.
That demon had surely died.
So he thought the innocence of that day would return to his heart.
“But it hasn’t changed.”
“What hasn’t changed?”
“Hatred.”
The little monster his father had created.
“That hatred that turned me into a monster, that made me such a hollow shell…….”
Ferda clutched his chest.
“It still remains in this heart.”
Ruri, looking down at him, couldn’t say anything.
It was Ferda who broke the silence again.
“Ruri.”
“……Yes.”
“When I met my father just now, I tried to kill him.”
“A father like that deserves to die.”
“It wasn’t my will.”
That was what Ferda feared most.
Just as he had subconsciously tried to kill his father, he wondered if he was unknowingly choosing options that would kill Valdroba.
The fact that the possibility remained was a massive burden to Ferda.
But how could he say that?
He didn’t want to burden Ruri any further.
“Stop saying such pathetic things.”
Ruri rebuked him with a pout.
“You are the Regent of the Valdroba Principality, the ruler of Hestia Village, and the fiancé of the Great Fire. Did you not decide to wear the crown, prepared for your neck to break?”
“…….”
“You mustn’t speak so weakly. Straighten your back and put strength in your shoulders. And wear an expression befitting of that. Having such worries is a luxury for you, Lord Ferda. You shouldn’t be wasting time in a place like this. Go back quickly and get to work.”
Ruri took another step closer.
“If you lose your judgment and become a monster, Lord Ferda…….”
She reached out her two small hands.
“With these hands.”
Her two hands wrapped around his neck.
The warmth of her soft skin spread through him.
Following her touch, Ferda’s head was lifted.
Ruri was wearing the clumsy mask of an adult.
“I will execute you.”
Despite such bravado, the mask was cracking.
“So…….”
Her face was overcome with sadness.
“That foolish face…… please leave it behind forever in this moment.”
His emotions were trying to submerge even Ruri.
If Ruri was like this, what about Valdroba?
She would suffer even more.
Ferda felt his mind clearing again.
“I’ve been helped by you again.”
Ferda smiled faintly.
“Thank you.”
Meanwhile, there was someone watching Ferda and Ruri from a distance.
It was Olivia Arken.
