Chapter 72
“Oh, heavens, Miss.”
The maid’s warm, calloused hand firmly grasped Vanessa’s slender, pale wrist. It was as if, given her temperament, this was the only way she knew how to comfort, embrace, and weep alongside her. Vanessa offered a small smile. It was so very like Mary.
“First, I need to be examined by someone who can keep a secret. We might be mistaken.”
“…….”
“And, if it turns out to be true.”
Vanessa took a step closer to whisper. Her innocent eyes, filled with earnestness, looked up cautiously at her maid.
“If you want to do something for me—and if it isn’t too dangerous for you—could you tell me when my uncle leaves his study vacant?”
The silence lasted a long time. It wasn’t hesitation; rather, Vanessa felt as though Mary was simply etching this moment into her mind. The room where the sunlight leaned lazily, the heat lingering like an afterglow of summer, the inch of skin where they touched.
Mary’s eyelashes fluttered as she squeezed Vanessa’s wrist tight enough to sting.
“…….”
With her free hand, Mary lightly stroked her lady’s soft jawline. Her fingertips traced upward, hesitating before carefully touching the full curve of Vanessa’s lips. Feeling the slow breath escaping from them, Mary closed her eyes with a faint sigh.
As if she were facing something profoundly pitiful and precious.
“…….”
When Mary opened her eyes again, every trace of soft emotion had vanished from her face.
“I believe he has an appointment with the Earl of Essex from morning until evening two days from now.”
“Two days from now.”
“The study is usually locked when he goes out. I know where the key is kept. I will help you just this once.”
Returning to her dry, impassive expression, the maid slowly released her wrist.
“So, keep your wits about you. I… I have to look out for my own life from now on, too.”
To River Ross. How have you been? You’re probably wondering why I’m suddenly writing to you, but when I thought about it, I realized I don’t even know how to contact you. By the time I finish this letter, perhaps a miraculous way to send it will occur to me. If all else fails, I suppose I could send it to the Admiralty. At times like these, it’s a relief that your status is guaranteed by the state.
Anyway, I don’t know when or where you’ll receive this, but I hope you are well in body and mind. Because, it seems that I—
Vanessa, who had been idly moving her pen, suddenly stopped and reread what she had written. The preamble felt far too long before getting to the point. It was written too much like a stream of consciousness. She crumpled the paper.
River Ross. Don’t be alarmed as you read this. I think I might be pregnant—
That felt too focused on the pregnancy. Of course, she was thinking about it, but she couldn’t just dump the main point in his face the moment he opened the letter.
The garden you left behind feels rather lonely—
…That was too sentimental.
‘I must be losing my mind.’
Vanessa’s cheeks flushed red as she crumpled the paper again. She let out a groan and rested her forehead against the desk. She wasn’t in the right state of mind to write. Even in the manuscript she sent yesterday, she had repeatedly written strange, nonsensical phrases only to startle and erase them.
She exhaled a sigh and straightened her posture. Dipping the old fountain pen into the inkwell, she faced a fresh sheet of paper with newfound calm. From the graveyard of disastrously crumpled letters, Vanessa salvaged a few usable sentences.
Dear River Ross,
I am sending this to the address of the hotel where you last called me. I hope this news doesn’t weigh too heavily on you. It seems I am with child. I would like to discuss this with you, so I hope you return as soon as possible on the day we agreed.
She debated whether to add ‘Your Vanessa,’ but ended up covering the start of the ‘y’ with a ‘v.’ The ink left a blotch like a stain on the elegant script, but she didn’t have time to start over. Mary was due to arrive soon.
From Vanessa.
She held the paper and rehearsed the letter from beginning to end in her mind. It seemed a bit dry, but it felt like a decent start. It didn’t seem overly dramatic.
She folded the letter, placed it in an envelope, and sealed it carefully with melted wax. On the front, she wrote the name of the hotel he had mentioned in passing during their last call. She would find out the exact address tomorrow or the day after and ask Mary to send it by express mail. Then, the letter would arrive before River Ross finished his business in Linden.
‘Pregnant, of all things.’
She lightly placed her hand over her flat lower belly. Honestly, she couldn’t feel any physical change yet. Perhaps Mary was overreacting.
‘I won’t know for sure until a doctor examines me.’
Vanessa massaged her shoulders, which were tense from writing, and leaned back slowly in her chair. How would their relationship change after River Ross received this letter?
The thought made her heart feel infinitely fragile, yet a sudden desire surged within her to share the news as quickly as possible. That feeling was surely a form of wretched expectation.
River Ross was likely not the kind of man to ignore his own child. Given their respective positions, it would be difficult for them to become a couple who promised a future together, but she thought she would be happy if he just spent time with the child occasionally.
Of course, she couldn’t jump to conclusions before actually being in that situation.
‘I told him from the start that he wouldn’t have to worry about the child for the rest of his life.’
The moment she imagined such a future, an indescribable ache washed over her. It was far too late for the regret that she should have been less picky about the man. She had already developed a greed that crossed the line, forgetting her place.
She had been told that pregnancy would be difficult because of her weak constitution. So, she had calculated that she needed to have relations regularly and frequently to increase the chances. She had hoped for a man who was at least suitable to share her bed, and River Ross, who had caught her eye, was more than perfect in every way.
Therefore, these were all useless hypotheticals. Even if she went back to that day, she would choose River Ross again. It was impossible to look at anyone else besides him, and falling in love with him was simply unavoidable.
In the end, it was her own problem that had tilted their fair and equal contractual relationship. Love—if one could dare to call it a problem.
“Miss.”
The door opened soundlessly. Vanessa instinctively tucked the letter into a drawer. Mary approached, walking quickly across the room with a stern face.
“The carriage carrying the Earl just left through the main gate.”
Finally. The tension returned to her shoulders, which had been softly relaxed. Mary reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a slender metal key. Vanessa took hold of the end of the key, but Mary did not let go. Holding it firmly, she gave a warning.
“If you touch anything inside, put it back exactly as it was. When you are finished, hide the key under the porcelain jar across from the study door. I’ll come by later and move it back to where it was hidden.”
“Thank you so much, Mary.”
Mary’s cheeks flushed involuntarily before she straightened up with a cold expression. As if she had done nothing to deserve such gratitude. Or perhaps, as if she were drawing a line.
“Keep this in mind. Whatever happens in there has nothing to do with me.”
Last week, Wyatt had dismissed most of the servants staying at the manor. Now, only eight people remained in this vast castle: two footmen, one housemaid, Mary, the chef, Harold the butler, Mr. Ross, and one driver.
Thanks to that, the hallway was excessively quiet despite it being midday. Nevertheless, Vanessa moved slowly, conscious of potential eyes. She stopped occasionally to listen intently, checking for any sign of a presence.
“…….”
After looking left and right, she hurried to insert the key into the study’s doorknob. With a soft click of the lock disengaging, the thick wooden door opened as if being sucked inward.
