Chapter 71
“Let’s run away. I’ll take responsibility for everything.”
“If we run away, the monthly income from the Admiralty will disappear too, won’t it?”
“Money is something that comes and goes. The important thing is that we’re together.”
“How can my lady be so recklessly romantic?”
As always, the dream was hazy, lacking even the slightest bit of context. It was as if it merely reflected the physical desires that mediated the subconscious.
In her sleep, she felt a hand pulling up the blanket that had slipped off. She felt fingertips hesitantly entwining with hers. Lulled by the pleasant sensation, Vanessa sighed and tossed before snapping her eyes open. There, she saw a woman kneeling at her feet.
“…Mary?”
Rubbing her weary eyes, Vanessa murmured with uncertainty. Until a moment ago, she had been dreaming of being in the garden with River Ross, but upon waking, she was in her room at Gloucester Castle. Reality and dreams blurred together, clouding her judgment.
She waited a while for her senses to return, and in that brief lapse of focus, Mary, who had finished straightening the blanket, stood up with a cold expression.
“Are you sleeping without even eating?”
“Yes… I just ate enough to take the edge off the hunger.”
Vanessa yawned behind her hand and sat up. Every time she leaned against something lately, her whole body grew so lethargic that she couldn’t keep her wits about her. Cold sweat clung stickily to her forehead.
“If you’re going to be like this, you should at least change your clothes and sleep comfortably.”
“Should I? I don’t know why I’m so overcome with sleep lately. Perhaps it’s the change of seasons…”
Fanning her flushed cheeks with her hand, she walked toward the window. Through the open pane, a soft breeze drifted in along with the hazy afternoon sunlight. Though it was a cool day compared to others, her body felt unusually hot.
As she looked out at the garden, her thoughts naturally drifted to River Ross. Had he made it back to Linden safely? What was happening with the matter he said he had to settle? And…
‘What on earth did he want to say?’
Just imagining the possibilities made her heart swell with unearned hope. Perhaps it was the possibility that she had finally been accepted into his future, or past some line he had drawn.
“Your clothes are ready, my lady.”
Vanessa stretched her arms wide and turned around. In that moment, a flash of pale shock struck the face of Mary, who had been waiting quietly with the clothes. With a look that was either appalled or stunned—her face turning a chilling shade of white—she strode forward.
“What is it?”
Without knowing why, Vanessa was pulled by her hand to stand before the mirror. The maid’s pale face was so drained that even her freckles looked white. Mary’s hands swept over Vanessa’s lower abdomen, waist, and hips before coming to a sudden halt at her chest. Her eyes, narrowed somewhat fiercely, and her lips were tinged with a reddish hue.
“How long has it been?”
“How long… what do you mean?”
“Since you missed your period. I am asking how long it has been.”
The blood drained from Vanessa’s face as well. She forced her lips, stiff with shock, into a thin line.
“It’s only been a little over a week past the expected date.”
“Then it’s been at least five weeks.”
“Surely not, Mary. That can’t… be. You’ve mistaken something.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“That’s…”
Vanessa lowered her voice to a whisper, her confidence wavering.
“He said he couldn’t have children.”
“Your breasts are swollen. More than usual.”
“……”
“I know these signs better than anyone. I’ve assisted midwifes with deliveries several times.”
Mary’s voice, pressing her with certainty, was fiercer than usual. Vanessa covered her mouth with a trembling hand. She wanted to make an excuse, but she felt the physical changes more clearly than anyone.
The increased sleep, the rising body heat, and just as Mary said, her breasts were swollen to the point of aching. When they had shared their bodies, she had been more sensitive to every sensation than usual.
If all those things she’d attributed to the change of seasons were actually signs of pregnancy…
“You really are most beautiful when you’re completely bare.”
Five weeks. If she truly was pregnant, it was likely from that day. The day she had been reunited with River Ross after more than ten days apart. The very moment she had tangled her body with that man, who had returned to the garden treading on the morning dew.
Seeing the look on her face as she realized the truth, Mary bit her lip hard. She grabbed Vanessa’s wrist—Vanessa, who looked half-incapacitated by shock—and interrogated her again.
“Does that man know about this?”
“He… no, before that, I was always irregular. You know that. It’s not even certain yet…”
“It was Mr. River Ross, wasn’t it? The one who left for Linden early this morning.”
Reading the affirmation in Vanessa’s silence, Mary turned away resolutely.
“I’m going to tell the gardener. He should be in the greenhouse right now.”
“No! Don’t do that!”
Vanessa hurried to wrap her arms around Mary’s back. At that warm contact, Mary let out a slow breath. The maid’s shoulders and neck heaved as if she were suppressing a surge of emotion. Prying Vanessa’s arms from her body, Mary spun around and snapped.
“Why? That man ought to take responsibility for you. You should run away together right now. Before the Master notices.”
“And after I run away like that? You know everyone in the castle will be hurt. And… I can’t even fathom how cruel my uncle might become now…”
“……”
“As long as you keep your mouth shut, my uncle won’t know whose child it is. Now that there’s a scandal with the Duke, my uncle won’t be able to force me to get rid of the child or harm me so easily given his personality…”
The more she spoke, the more her thoughts became a tangled mess. Contrary to the intuition that this situation wasn’t entirely bad, there was a definite sense of shock. Pregnancy, and a scandal terrible enough to cover the entire social circle. Vanessa continued the words she had been holding in her mouth out of habit.
“So if I really am pregnant, I think it’s actually for the best.”
Though the involvement of the Duke’s name was a burden, it was actually a relief to be able to add scandal upon scandal.
The public’s attention is limited. High society was prone to pouring out provocative rumors day after day, and when a new piece of gossip emerged, the previous ones were easily forgotten. If the previous scandal was merely a base and terrible label, the meaning would change entirely once pregnancy began to be publicly discussed.
The gossips would chatter that the child in her womb was of the Duke’s bloodline. And that public misconception would serve as her strongest shield, if only temporarily.
‘Now, I must use that scandal instead.’
At least until she safely gave birth to the child and the legal battle with her uncle proceeded. Afterward, once she inherited her pension, she could build a foundation for an independent life. By then, it would be revealed that the child wasn’t the Duke’s, but it didn’t matter.
“I write. About the things I’ve experienced. Sometimes I use a pseudonym, but mostly I use the real names of the people involved.”
After the child was born, no matter which man’s bed Wyatt tried to push her into, those words would make her seem like the most wicked woman imaginable.
Just like the plan she had made the day she confidently proposed to ‘buy’ River Ross. A pen, a woman, and a mother. She would perhaps be called the most terrible witch since the founding of Ingram. Even more so than Lady Rowan.
In the past, she wouldn’t have dared to even think such a thing. But now, she had to use everything at her disposal. Because she had realized that her uncle—no, Wyatt—was a man who would harm even his own kin for his own gain.
‘If there’s one major problem with this plan, it’s River Ross.’
How would he react when he found out she was pregnant? Would he be happy? Or would he be flustered by something so unplanned? Yes, he would be shocked. Since he had said he couldn’t have children.
‘But how on earth did this happen?’
Had River Ross’s body been healed? Without him even knowing? Or had he been mistaken from the start… perhaps it was a kind of miracle granted by God. A miracle. Once she thought of it that way, the shock of the situation began to feel bearable.
She continued her anxious thoughts. In the end, there was only one conclusion. Even if she had the child, she had to keep her relationship with River Ross strictly hidden. He was a commoner, and he happened to be connected to Duke Battenberg, with whom she was entangled in scandal. It was best for his future not to give any room for unnecessary talk.
Mary seemed to faintly sense Vanessa’s resolve. She stared blankly at her lady with a somber, sunken face and murmured.
“…You should look for a way to get rid of the child, even now.”
“I can’t do that.”
“It will be hard.”
She knew. This was the world she had belonged to since birth. Though illegitimate children were common in high society, it was extremely rare for an unmarried woman to give birth. She would have to navigate everything alone from now on. It would be difficult to endure without extraordinary determination. However, that was exactly why.
‘It will be the driving force for a life I’m not ashamed of.’
Giving birth to and raising a child alone was nothing to be ashamed of. It was certainly not an act that violated morality or something so terrible that her late parents would grieve.
Vanessa pressed down hard on her trembling heart. Though she was terrified now that it was actually happening, despite having steeled herself long ago, nothing had changed. Her resolve to rebel against her uncle had been set for a long time, and now she simply had one more reason why she absolutely had to succeed.
