Chapter 25
25
The Color of My Sorrow
Through the window of the carriage, where he had absentmindedly turned his gaze, Mathias spotted Leila. She was running along the road, her face lit with an overwhelming smile he had never seen before. Her long golden hair fluttered in the wind as it fell loose.
Unconsciously, strength gathered in Mathias’s fingertips. Leila’s destination seemed to be the man walking ahead—the gardener, Bill Leamer. Mathias, who had been about to order the carriage to slow down, merely pressed his lips into a tight line. By then, Leila had reached her goal.
Leila flew into the gardener’s arms as lightly as one of his birds.
The gardener lifted the girl up with ease. Held in the arms of that massive man, Leila looked like a girl still very much a child. In his embrace, she smiled as if she held the most radiant light in the world, and the gardener burst into a hearty, booming laugh. At that moment, the carriage carrying him passed them by.
Mathias finally drew his gaze from the window. He looked down at his hand—the one that had nearly reached out into the air, the one that still seemed to hold the feel and scent of that day.
The engagement was right around the corner.
As relief settled in at the fact, the carriage passed through Arbis’s gates.
Leila’s wish had come true.
With Uncle Bill back, everything was fine now.
Leila was no longer alone, so the sorrow of the time when she had to become an adult, the horrific memory of that first kiss, all this confusion and despair—it all became okay. In the meantime, the morning and evening winds grew steadily cooler, the days shorter, and a more splendid festive air than ever began to fill Arbis.
“Ugh, don’t even get me started. They’re going at it like they’re going to make every food in the world.”
Madam Mona, who had finally squeezed in some time to visit the forest, grumbled with a straight face.
“If they make the engagement this grand, I’m already scared of what the wedding will be like.”
Madam Mona plopped down on the chair next to Bill Lemmer and launched into a full complaint. Leila, who had just returned from milking the goats, greeted her with a bright face.
“Just hold on a little longer, Leila. Once tomorrow’s over, I’ll feed you so much delicious food you’ll get sick of it. No matter how many guests they invite, they won’t eat half of what’s prepared.”
Madam Mona gave a kind, good-natured smile. Unconsciously, Leila clutched the front of her blouse.
The red mark the duke had left on her nape hadn’t faded even after several days. Every time she caught sight of it in the mirror, Leila trembled with shame and humiliation.
“The engagement is already tomorrow?”
“Already? Don’t say that, Leila. I’m just praying that damned… well, anyway, that engagement passes quickly.”
“Tomorrow…”
Leila whispered softly, then smiled again.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll look forward to it.”
As if wiping away the nightmarish memory, Leila tried to smile even more brightly. Since that day, the duke hadn’t visited the forest even once. It was a relief.
“I like chocolate cookies. And wild strawberry cake too!”
“Whether it’s chocolate or wild strawberry, I’ve got mountains of them. I’ll bring you plenty.”
“How can I repay you?”
“Repay me? Just eat a lot and grow up big and strong.”
“Will I grow as big as Uncle Bill?”
“Oh my, Leila. At this rate, you’ll never get married.”
Madam Mona laughed uproariously and waved her hand as she stood. Bill Lemmer, who had been twitching his thick eyebrows, ended up laughing too.
Once Madam Mona left, the usual evening settled over the cottage.
After eating dinner with her uncle and tidying up the house, Leila opened her neglected textbooks again. She meant to read just a little before bed, but when she came to, dawn was breaking. It was the day of the duke’s engagement.
Leila, who had left her glasses on the desk, rubbed her tired eyes and approached the window. Cool dawn air rushed in as she opened it.
As morning drew near, the sky was dyed in a clear, transparent blue. In that moment, as she thought the color was just like the last candy in a bag, Leila realized it. The duke’s eyes had been that same blue as the candy.
Claudine had chosen a pale pink dress. Adorned with chiffon layered over silk, it made her look elegant and radiant, fitting for the star of the evening.
“You’re truly beautiful, Claudine!”
Countess Brandt, watching her daughter, cried out in感動. The maids standing behind her wore the same expressions.
Claudine offered a quiet smile, a modest show of humility. Even then, the pride and satisfaction in her eyes as she gazed at her reflection didn’t fade.
It had been Claudine’s decision to hold the engagement in Arbis. She had put it forward as a way to show consideration and respect for House Herhardt, but more than that, she wanted to firmly establish her presence as the future lady of Arbis—Claudine von Brandt.
“Marie, is that girl here yet?”
Claudine asked lightly, turning to her maid.
“She should be arriving any moment now… Ah! There, she’s just coming from the garden!”
The maid, peering out the window, reported hurriedly. Countess Brandt glanced toward where her gaze pointed, and her brows furrowed. Leila Llewellyn was ascending the marble stairs connecting the rose garden to the mansion, basket of flowers in hand.
“Did you call that girl again? Goodness, Claudine von Brandt!”
“It’s fine, Mother.”
A calm light settled in Claudine’s blue eyes.
“I just need flowers for my hair.”
“Why have her do it specifically?”
“Well, killing two birds with one stone.”
Claudine shrugged lightly and turned back to the mirror. The face reflected there was no longer smiling.
“Might as well receive congratulations from an old friend while I’m getting the flowers.”
The duke’s residence was abuzz with excitement as preparations finished for receiving the guests attending the engagement party.
Leila entered through the servants’ passage at the back of the mansion. She had brushed off her feet several times, but stepping onto the mirror-shiny floor still required caution.
Claudine had gone so far as to send a maid all the way to the cottage to summon Leila. The moment she received the message to pick roses for her hair, Leila knew. What Lady Brandt wanted wasn’t the flowers.
As she reached the east wing on the fourth floor, where Claudine’s guest room was, Leila’s steps gradually slowed. The knuckles of the hand gripping the basket turned white. Her heart beat irregularly, and her lips kept drying out.
No.
Leila repeated to herself, as if trying to convince herself.
What happened that afternoon when she fell from the tree was just an unfortunate accident. Perhaps the duke had dismissed it as such too. Yes. He must have. So it was fine.
As she steadied her resolve, Leila arrived at Claudine’s door. She knocked with a stiff hand, and the door slid open smoothly.
“Hello, miss. I’ve brought the roses you asked for.”
Leila offered her usual polite greeting. Claudine was dressed in the same pale pink as the roses Leila had brought.
“How do I look? All right?”
Claudine approached Leila with a wide smile.
“Yes, miss. You look beautiful.”
The answer was sincere. Today, Claudine was beautiful like a rose in full bloom.
“I was so nervous, but hearing you say that puts me at ease. Do you think Duke Herhardt will see me that way too?”
“……Yes.”
At the name of that man from Claudine’s lips, Leila’s eyes wavered.
“He surely will.”
Even as she hurriedly added the response, a faint tremor lingered in her voice.
She felt just like a child who had done something wrong. It had been horrific for Leila too, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling of being an impudent thief. The sensation gnawed at the last shred of pride she had desperately maintained in front of Claudine all these years, making her feel small.
At Claudine’s glance, the maid took the basket of roses. And as if it were natural, she handed over money. More than usual, which clawed even deeper at her heart.
“What are you doing? Take it gratefully.”
The frowning maid scolded the hesitating Leila.
Leila gripped the money tightly and bowed her head. It was something she had repeated countless times since childhood, so there was no reason for it to feel awkward now.
“Thank you, miss.”
Fortunately, Leila managed a calm voice for her thanks. Claudine, who had been looking down at her with an expressionless face, soon regained her bright smile.
“Not at all. I’m the one who’s grateful, Leila. Thanks to you, the engagement will be perfect.”
With that, Claudine turned away, signaling the end of the conversation.
Leila hurried out of the room in relief. She wanted nothing more than to escape this uncomfortable, unfamiliar place quickly, but she couldn’t act carelessly.
Straightening her clothes and readjusting the basket, Leila quickened her steps as fast as decorum allowed. But just before the servants’ passage exit, she ran into the duke ascending the stairs.
“It seems you’ve come on an errand for Lady Brandt, Leila.”
Hessen, the butler standing behind the duke, spoke with a kindly smile.
Leila greeted them politely and hastily retreated to the edge of the corridor. She wished they would just go, but the duke stopped right there and looked down at her.
Leila, who had glanced up, flushed and bowed her head deeper. Their eyes met. Just that, and her heart pounded unsteadily. The duke seemed utterly unperturbed. As if he had forgotten everything. Like a fool.
Just as she wanted to flee even at the risk of rudeness, the duke passed by her. Only after the sound of his footsteps faded completely did Leila run from the duke’s residence.
After that, the day’s routines continued as usual. As evening approached, guests invited to the engagement party began arriving in Arbis, but the cottage deep in the hunting grounds remained as quiet as another world.
There, Leila diligently lived her life.
She weeded the vegetable garden and cleaned the goat pen. She simmered stew for dinner and took in the laundry dried in the sun. After finishing all that, she took a solitary walk in the forest. Walking aimlessly, she soon reached the riverbank.
Leila climbed her favorite massive tree and quietly gazed at the evening scenery of a peaceful summer day. It was beautiful. The birds flying into the sky, the Schulter River dyed red, the Annexe floating on the river like a single pristine white swan. Everything that met her eyes.
As the sun set and the sky turned to the clear dusk darkness like the blue candy from her memories, Leila suddenly realized it. The duke’s eyes were exactly this color.
You had eyes the color of my sorrow.
Feeling oddly empty, Leila gave a small smile. That’s when she sensed someone approaching abruptly.
“Kyle!”
Spotting the familiar face below the tree, Leila cried out in delight.
“How did you know I was here?”
“You like evening walks in summer, and whenever you go for an evening walk, you always come to this riverbank.”
The playfulness was gone from Kyle’s eyes, replaced by a deeper, gentler look than usual. Finding it a bit unfamiliar, Leila gazed quietly at him. The sound of leaves rustling in the wind from across the river seeped into the silence between them.
“Leila.”
After a long moment, Kyle parted his lips. Leila tilted her head slightly in response.
“Let’s get married.”
The words, unreal in their reality, rode the soft evening breeze. While Leila stared blankly as if dreaming, Kyle said it once more, this time with more force.
“Let’s get married, Leila.”
