Chapter 24
24
Blue Candy
The four days Leila spent alone were utterly bizarre.
Following the uncle’s words, which she’d dismissed as a joke, she locked the windows tight and even brought the hunting rifle hanging in his room to her bedside.
Even with every precaution taken before bed, Leila tossed and turned endlessly. She startled awake at the sound of cries through the night and suffered sudden nightmares. Dreams of being beaten or abandoned were interspersed with glimpses of that man’s face. Whenever that happened, memories of the kiss resurfaced too, dragging the dreams into a deep, swampy mire.
And when the sun rose, an endlessly long day stretched out before her.
Leila kept herself ceaselessly busy. She tended to the livestock, tilled the vegetable garden, and scrubbed every corner of the already spotless house. She washed all the curtains and bedding, organized the storeroom. She couldn’t read her books or study as usual. Strangely, the words wouldn’t stick in her mind.
But the days were unbearably long, she was alone, and whenever she paced anxiously, another nightmare-filled night would come.
On the morning of the fourth day, as Leila tied her apron strings tightly and stepped out into the backyard, she froze in place, staring blankly.
What an odd thing. Bill spent most of his days at work, and aside from helping him now and then, Leila lived her own routine of housework and studying.
Being together didn’t mean they did everything side by side. They simply sat at the table together, returned home in the evening to the warm glow of lamplight to chat about their ordinary days, and that was it…
“It’s the first time.”
Leila murmured blankly, struck by the sudden realization.
Since being chased out to Berg and meeting Uncle Bill, there hadn’t been a single day apart from him. Bill had always been by Leila’s side, and she had never been alone, not even for a day. He was there without fail at the start and end of every day.
But now, she was alone.
This fact, newly realized after just four days, brought another revelation with it. How lonely, how heartbroken, how terrified little Leila Llewellyn had been, wandering the world all on her own.
It took Leila a long while to start moving again. Even as she fed the chickens and milked the goats, she kept glancing toward the far end of the yard.
Her wish for Uncle Bill to return had now become a desperate prayer. If only he would come back, everything would be fine again. Once she wasn’t alone anymore, the sorrow of having to grow up, the horrific memory of that first kiss, all this confusion and hopelessness—it would all vanish.
“Kyle Etman.”
Kyle turned around with a startled face at the name called abruptly from behind. His father stood there behind the chair, unnoticed until now.
“Yes, Father.”
Kyle quickly stood up. On the desk lay the same page of the book he’d been staring at for days. It had been that way ever since the evening he’d declared to his father that he would marry Leila.
“You’re home early.”
Kyle glanced back and forth between the still-bright window outside and his father’s face. Dr. Etman’s lips curved gently as he looked at his son.
“It’s the weekend, Kyle.”
“What? Oh, already?”
“I won’t ask where you’ve left your mind. I think I know without asking.”
Dr. Etman chuckled lowly and sat in the chair Kyle had just vacated. It meant he had something important to discuss. Kyle, a bit tense, pulled over the chair in front of the table and sat facing his father.
That day, his father hadn’t given him an answer. After staring at Kyle for a long time, all he’d said was to take a few days and think it over. Kyle knew well that no words would work on a father speaking in that tone, with that expression.
So he waited. Enduring the urge to run to Leila, bearing the agonizingly slow crawl of the clock hands. He couldn’t hurt her with an uncertain promise.
“I understand your feelings. I know how much you like Leila too. Still, Kyle, you and Leila are both too young to talk about marriage.”
“But Father, you married Mother the year you entered medical school.”
“That was twenty years ago.”
“And Lady Brandt, who’s just a year older than Leila, is getting engaged next week.”
“That’s…”
“The lady from the Arnt family that Mother introduced me to was the same age as Leila.”
Even with a stiff face, Kyle countered point by point. Dr. Etman finally burst out laughing.
“It seems your feelings are far more serious than I thought.”
“I know I’m still young. I know what you’re worried about too.”
“You know all that, yet you’re stubbornly clinging to this because you like Leila that much?”
“Yes.”
Kyle answered without a moment’s hesitation. To him, it was as natural as breathing, not something to even think about.
“Helping Leila go to university—yes, our family could sponsor her as her patrons.”
Dr. Etman’s gaze on his son was warm yet stern.
“Leila’s a good girl. Kind-hearted and smart. I know that well, Kyle. If she wants it, I’m willing to sponsor her university education.”
“Of course, I really hope Leila can continue the studies she loves. But Father, what I want most is to marry Leila.”
“Marriage isn’t just about you two.”
“I know family standing, circumstances, reputation, and prestige aren’t unimportant at all.”
“Then why be so stubborn about this?”
“No matter how important those things are, Father, they can’t be more important than the person you’ll spend your life with.”
“Kyle.”
“I want to become a good doctor, a good husband, a good father. Just like you have, Father. But Father, it all starts with Leila for me.”
His heart now pounded as if it might burst out, but Kyle held on and continued the words he’d cherished in his heart for so long.
“I want to live with Leila, by Leila’s side, as Leila’s good man. As Leila’s good husband, as a good father to the children we’ll have together.”
He felt his face gradually heating up, but Kyle didn’t stop.
“With Leila’s name alongside mine, it all feels so natural, but without her name… then, Father, all of it feels utterly impossible.”
Kyle’s voice, now free of trembling, was clear and resolute.
“Without her, I don’t have the confidence to become that person.”
He clasped his hands together on his lap and lifted his head to meet his father’s eyes.
“I think even the version of me that you and Mother love includes Leila. Maybe she’s the one who brought out the best in me.”
Dr. Etman looked at his now-serious son with equally serious eyes.
“I don’t want to lose that Leila.”
Kyle’s eyes sparkled with determined light.
“Please help me protect her, Father.”
Even as evening fell, Bill Lemmer didn’t return.
With no more housework left to focus on, Leila sat blankly in the chair on the porch, waiting for him. His empty chair felt especially vast.
What if something like an accident had happened?
Startled by the ominous thought flashing through her mind, Leila jumped to her feet. She vaguely remembered reading a newspaper article about a train accident once. And it wasn’t just trains—carriages and automobiles had frequent accidents too.
After pacing the yard in circles, as dusk began to fall, Leila mustered her courage and headed toward the estate entrance. It was the path she’d been too afraid of the Duke to even approach these past few days.
With every step, she thought of Uncle Bill.
As a child, Leila had habitually imagined the worst-case scenarios. Because misfortune striking unprepared was far too devastating. If she prepared at least a little, maybe she could face it with some composure.
When her relatives’ gazes began to carry hints of displeasure, she prepared for the coming misfortune. Don’t cry even if they hit you. They’ll say harsh words, but don’t let them hurt you. Stay polite and brave right up until they chase you out. On the way to the next house, try to smile even brighter.
Whether because of those efforts or not, Leila ended up a little less hurt and able to smile a little better. Misfortune usually came just as she’d foreseen, but thanks to her preparations, she endured it more easily.
But with Uncle Bill, she wasn’t sure.
“Uncle…”
Chanting his name like a spell, Leila passed the estate’s entrance before she knew it.
Uncle Bill wasn’t the type to abandon her and leave. He had to come back. But if he didn’t… then…
Please come back.
Leila now clasped her hands together as if in real prayer.
Don’t leave me all alone, please.
It was laughable—after just four days, she was powerless before the very uncle she’d comforted for worrying over those four days.
‘Mama, where are you going?’
To her mother, who gave her candy in a beautiful glass bottle she’d never seen before, little Leila had asked innocently. Her mother that day was as pretty as the candy in her hand.
‘Far away.’
After gazing down at Leila for a long while, her mother answered curtly.
‘Then come back late?’
Eager to eat one of the candies right away, Leila asked impatiently.
‘Yes.’
‘How late?’
‘Very late.’
‘You’ll come back before I finish all these, right?’
Leila shook the glass bottle full of colorful candies, and her mother nodded silently.
‘Yes.’
She answered curtly again.
‘I’ll wait.’
If she was going to abandon her, she shouldn’t have said that.
Her mother, called too beautiful to be a poor man’s wife, had shed her ill-fitting life like an ill-fitting dress and left her husband and child behind. Rumors said she’d become a high noble’s mistress, or married a wealthy merchant and gone abroad.
People savored the inflated, distorted gossip in every way before it eventually faded. What remained was a husband broken by his wife’s abandonment and an neglected young daughter— that cruel reality alone. The once-kind father drowned in alcohol every day after that. He no longer looked at Leila. He said it was too hard to bear her face, so like her mother’s.
Leila waited for her mother, rationing the candies. By the time the pretty glass bottle’s bottom was revealed, she realized her mother would never return, but she didn’t want to accept it. That was why she hadn’t eaten the very last one.
In the end, she ate even that last candy on the evening she was left utterly alone in the world. Her father, ruined and weakened by alcohol, passed away from illness. As if sensing his end, the father who’d ignored Leila gazed at his daughter that day and smiled.
‘When the flowers bloom, let’s go to the park together, Leila.’
In a feeble voice, her father said. And that evening, he breathed his last, making those words his final ones.
If you’re leaving, don’t make any promises.
While her relatives, at a loss over what to do with the troublesome child, just watched warily, Leila was left alone in the empty house. All that remained were meaningless promises and one candy.
Leila still remembered that candy. The transparent, beautifully sparkling blue one.
Days later, with nothing left to eat, Leila finally ate the last candy. Biting down hard, the shards scraped the tender flesh of her mouth.
Sticky blood welled up, but Leila crunched through the candy. As she ate, she sobbed uncontrollably. The sorrow was so sweet and fishy. Outside the window, the flowers had bloomed. It was a spring afternoon when pale pink petals scattered on the wind like snow falling in spring.
“…Uncle!”
Leila, walking along Platanus Avenue, lifted her head, and her eyes widened round.
“Uncle!”
A radiant smile now bloomed on her pale face.
“Uncle! Uncle Bill!”
Leila started running toward Bill Lemmer, striding toward her from down the road. It was then that the black car carrying the Duke turned onto Platanus Avenue.
