Chapter 57
A Person Who Doesn't Exist
There were so many things I wanted to say that it was hard to choose. Somehow, I felt like I didn't have much time in the dream. Liene said what she wanted to say the most. I didn't have a child. You never lost me. So, if you want, take me back completely. Something like that. I don't remember what Black replied. I thought it was because it was a dream, but it seemed like he really came looking for me.
“How did he know to come….”
I felt a little uneasy. Could he have found Klima, who should be well hidden? And asked Klima for my whereabouts? If so, what happened to Klima now? Could she be dead…?
“You were outside for too long. Your hem was covered in blood, so everyone misunderstood. Princess, you still can't speak, can you? That's why I kept quiet.”
“Pardon?”
Madam Flambard's voice broke through my thoughts. Liene raised her head and stared at Madam Flambard.
“...There was blood on you, Princess. Everyone saw it. He seems to think you lost a child outside.”
“What are you saying?”
That was so unexpected that it was a bit absurd.
“So…?”
Madam Flambard nodded with a troubled expression.
“I thought it would be better, so I kept my mouth shut. There was so much blood that the doctor agreed.”
“No, why….”
I told him. I don't have a child. I never did. Could it be that he didn't hear me?
“What did Lord Tiwakan say?”
“About what? About losing the child?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, well….”
Madam Flambard suddenly held Liene's hand tightly. The gesture of patting the back of her hand felt like a mother on the eve of her daughter's wedding.
“He didn't say anything in particular. He only told the doctor to save the Princess.”
“I see….”
“But you can feel it from his expression, can't you? He looked like he was really heartbroken with worry for the Princess.”
“Could it be….”
…Is that possible? Really?
“I think you've found a good match, Princess. You don't necessarily have to tell him everything about the child. He would have considered it his own child even if there had been one.”
“…….”
It shouldn't be like that. It's strange for that man to accept Kleinfelter's bloodline as his own child, but it really doesn't make sense for him to have affection for a child I bore. There's no such person in the world.
“Madam.”
Madam, who was stroking the back of Liene's hand with an even more delighted face, raised her head.
“Yes, Princess.”
“Do you… remember the former King?”
“You mean the late King?”
“No. Before that… the King of the Gainus Family.”
“Of course, I know him. I never saw him up close, though. Isn't he the King who led the royal guard on a hunt and died from a curse?”
“A curse…?”
“Yes, that's right.”
Madam Flambard looked around and lowered her voice.
“This is a rumor that was kept quiet, but they say that King did something to incur God's wrath and was punished. That's why he died so horribly on the hunting grounds at such a young age. It's a plausible story, so they told us to only talk about it where God can't hear us. We don't want to get caught in the crossfire. Princess, you shouldn't say that King's name so easily.”
Liene felt a surge of anger. A curse, my foot. They must have killed him and made up nonsense. Trying to erase their treason that way.
“Don't say that, Madam. A curse. There couldn't have been such a thing. Don't say such things in the future….”
Bang! At that moment, the bedroom door burst open, startling both Liene and Madam. The person who threw the door open was Black.
“Are you awake?”
The face illuminated by the flickering candlelight was paler than usual.
“Yes….”
Facing him was not as easy as I thought. Liene sighed and closed her eyes, then opened them. In that short time, Black had come right in front of her.
“Then I'll leave you two alone.”
Madam quickly got up from her chair, sensing the situation.
“You don't have to.”
Liene reached out to stop Madam, but Black intercepted and took her hand.
“Call me if you need anything, Princess.”
Madam Flambard left in a hurry, as if she had no intention of being stopped in the first place.
“Why did you wake up now?”
Black sat down in the chair where Madam had been. Not only that, but he pulled the chair very close, right next to the bed. He spread Liene's fingers and intertwined them with his own. With their hands tightly entwined, he brought them to his lips and left a soft kiss on the back of her hand.
“You kept sleeping when I begged you to wake up.”
“…….”
He must have been guarding the bed while I was asleep. When Liene didn't say anything, Black asked.
“Do you want to sleep more?”
“……No.”
I was tired, but I wasn't sleepy. I was just a little worried about tomorrow. Waking up at an ambiguous time meant I would fall asleep at an ambiguous time.
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“What do you want to do?”
“…….”
Ironically, only one thing came to mind right away. I want to erase my memories. All the memories of meeting the Sectarian. The worries I had before seemed trivial. When to tell Black that the pregnancy was a lie, that was so important and a big deal. Thinking about it now, it's just ridiculous. That was nothing.
“Say anything. Even if it's something like what you want to do to the human who did this.”
“……I didn't see the culprit.”
Liene hesitated and said that. If I said Klima kidnapped me, it would be difficult to save him. Black already knew it was him, but Liene didn't know that.
“After I lost consciousness… when I woke up, I was alone.”
“Do you remember seeing me?”
“Yes….”
“Then that's enough. I think nothing happened. Because it really didn't.”
Black gently smoothed her disheveled hair with a careful touch that was barely noticeable, as he had done before. Looking at that, he didn't seem like someone dealing with the daughter of his enemy at all. Could it be that this person… doesn't know because he was too young? What the Arsak Family did. Does he only remember the Kleinfelter Family's crest? Is that why he can be like this to me?
“…….”
The more Liene thought, the paler her face became. That might be it. He said he was eight years old. Then he might not remember all the names of the Seven Families. Even I didn't know anything about what happened back then. I thought I was a Nauk royal since I was born. Yes, that's it. This person doesn't know exactly who I am. He just remembers me as that person he was betrothed to in childhood.
“What are you thinking about?”
Black slowly stroked Liene's face with the back of his hand. The touch was as gentle as a warm flame, and at the same time, it was like a sudden splash of cold water.
“……I have something to say.”
Her heart began to sting. Liene mustered her courage and grabbed Black's sleeve. He said he felt good when she touched him. I hoped he would feel that way now too.
“Promise me one thing before that.”
“Say it.”
Black stared silently at Liene's hand holding him. To Liene, that gaze looked like that of a starving person. …I think I know. The reason why this man is like this to me. He said he wanted a home. A place to rest whenever he came back, a place without any threats. A place where he could let his guard down. To him, I was that place. Although I didn't think I deserved it, that's how it turned out. …I can't do it. So I can't say it at all. That my late father killed your father and stole the throne. That I'm not your home, nor your former betrothed. I'm just the daughter of your enemy. I can't do it. Then this man will lose his home again. Liene didn't know if this feeling was an excuse to save her own life or not. She just couldn't bear to take it away. I can't take it away, not me. It was the Arsak Family that first took his home away from him. It would be too cruel to do it twice.
“Why are you hesitating like this?”
Black, perhaps anxious about Liene who kept opening and closing her mouth, grabbed a handful of the hair he had been stroking and rubbed it against his lips. His fingertips seemed a little colder.
“That's….”
“That is.”
“You might not like hearing this, but…”
“That’s my problem. So?”
“Still, don’t get angry at anyone else… I mean, don’t get angry at your wife.”
“Did my wife do something wrong?”
“It wasn’t on purpose, I instructed her to do it. So it’s not your wife’s fault.”
“Tell me. I will.”
Am I doing something wrong? Is it just greed for an unqualified person like me to protect this man’s house? I don’t know what’s better for you. I’m in so much pain right now, but I hope you’re not. I don’t want you to lose anything again. I want you to get everything back. Everything you wanted back. Everything you were supposed to have.
“I didn’t lose a child.”
The fingers gripping Black’s sleeve tightened as if they would break. Black noticed the fact that Liene didn't know first. He gently pried her fingers off one by one and said.
“Did you want to talk about that?”
He didn’t seem to know what Liene was talking about yet.
“Really. I didn’t lose a child, but…”
“Your lips are chapped. You seem thirsty, wait a moment.”
That’s why he tried to avoid the conversation. He thought Liene was in denial of reality because she was shocked by the loss of the child. Liene grabbed Black’s sleeve again, which he had let go of.
“I didn’t have a child. Not from the beginning.”
“……? What did you say?”
Black, who was about to get up from his chair, froze and stared at Liene.
“I lied. To reject the proposal.”
“……”
“I know. I had chances to tell you all this time. But I hid it. In case you would be deprived of the Nauk’s rule. I wanted to leave it to the Arsak Family.”
“……”
“I know. I shouldn’t have. I’ll understand if you’re angry.”
“……”
Seeing that he was silent the whole time, it seemed like he had never doubted the child. This man was sincere about everything. Except for trying to hide his name.
“……I’m sorry. I was going to tell you. I mean, before I said there was a fire.”
“There was blood…”
Black frowned and muttered softly after a long time.
“If it wasn’t because of a child, then why… …Ah. So that’s why there was bleeding…”
“……Yes.”
Now that she said it, it was nothing after all. Or, is it just me? That man seems agitated. Is he feeling betrayed? Liene, feeling uneasy, let go of Black’s sleeve and pulled his hand altogether.
“Your wife is not at fault. I did it.”
“Not at fault… Yes, I understand.”
“Then… is it okay?”
He still had that frown between his eyebrows. He didn’t look okay.
“I don’t know.”
……I see. That’s right. Liene’s fingers, which were holding Black’s hand, loosened powerlessly.
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t know what else to say. Black remained in that state, then slowly tilted his head towards Liene. His eyes, which sometimes became as sharp as a mirror, reflected Liene as she was.
“I don’t know what to call this feeling. …I don’t think I should just say it’s okay.”
