Chapter 28
Kaella envied the unconscious Empress. She even envied the dead mother of the gardener who had worked at the Ostein Duke’s townhouse.
She envied those who had slipped peacefully into death, or something close to it. It was the death she had so desperately longed for when she lay in the North Tower of Lüsenford, so why wasn’t it granted to her?
What was the point of staying alive? Everything felt tedious now, and sometimes, in an act of utter filial impiety, her father’s hand on her shoulder felt like a burden.
The Emperor picked fights at every turn, and no matter how much power the Ostein Duke held, they were powerless before imperial authority. If ordered to die, they had to die. That was the empire.
Continuing this suffocating life in Lüsenford, where she was treated as if she didn’t exist, only delayed the inevitable arrival of death by a little.
Everything was exhausting, utterly meaningless. So she wished for death to come quickly. Those who desperately longed for death could always tell at once upon waking whether what they saw was reality or not. This time too, Kaella knew she had survived.
“Kaella.”
Pheon, his eyes bloodshot, was right there beside her. Just looking at the shape of the wall behind him told her this was Lüsenford. The only thing slightly off was that this wasn’t the Duchess’s bedroom she was familiar with.
“Do you hear my voice?”
She did. Having held him in her heart for so long, she would have recognized his voice even with her eyes closed.
“Do you know who I am?”
His voice was thick with urgency. Kaella nodded vaguely and tried to sit up.
“Don’t get up. Don’t move.”
If she had died just like that, it would have been the perfect death for Kaella.
But it would have been the worst possible death for Lüsenford, so Pheon must have desperately tried to prevent it. That was probably why he was sitting there with his unshaven, scruffy face. And yet, the moment she woke, her mind turned straight to thoughts like these.
Was it just so astonishing to see the Duke, who had never once stayed by her side, there with her now?
“Your Grace the Duchess. Let’s take your temperature first.”
While Pheon stepped aside briefly, the doctor approached.
‘Back to square one.’
She was still the Duchess of Lüsenford. What abuse would she face this time? Would they call her vicious for collapsing on purpose, as if to spite them by actually eating it?
“You’ve been asleep for three days. It’s such a relief that you’ve woken up.”
His kind, gentle face was a welcome sight, and he answered the question she was most curious about right away.
“Your fever has come down quite a bit. Good. Now, shall we try moving your eyes to follow my finger?”
Three whole days asleep? Yet her body didn’t feel heavy or painful; on the contrary, she felt refreshed, as if she’d slept deeply and soundly. She didn’t feel at all like someone who had eaten a full plate of Ferenco pickled heavily with Tourberry. What kind of medicine had they used?
Thinking of Tourberry, which made her whole body itch just to look at it, Kaella shrugged her shoulders. She had always tried her best to avoid it.
It was an ingredient rarely used except in Ferenco and a few desserts, and yet because of it, she had been branded a “spy from the Emperor refusing to become a true Lüsenfordian.”
“Your condition was extremely serious. I thought you wouldn’t make it past the crisis, so this is truly fortunate.”
Yeah, why hadn’t she died? Kaella lowered her gaze. She had planned to die the moment she arrived in Lüsenford, so why hadn’t she? Even her half-hearted attempt at death had failed to execute properly because of lingering attachments.
“Miss, Miss! It’s such a relief you’ve woken up. You don’t know how much I prayed.”
But seeing her Ostein maids, who had kept vigil by her side, approach with puffy, tear-swollen faces, beaming with joy, made her feel sorry. She didn’t care what happened to anything else, but she still felt a lingering sense of responsibility to protect these three.
“It’s my responsibility that I couldn’t properly prevent you from eating food you must be so careful with. I’m sorry, Miss.”
Cecil, the eldest of the maids, bowed her head calmly. Kaella thought that was utter nonsense and slowly shook her head.
“No…….”
Her first words came out in a terribly raspy voice. The maids immediately paled.
“Miss, you mustn’t speak yet!”
“Water…….”
She wanted to gulp down cold water refreshingly, but after all their fussing, they brought only a tiny amount of lukewarm water. Kaella drank it gratefully anyway.
“You’re not cold, are you?”
The delicate young lady had come to the windy, frigid north, so the maids were always on edge about it.
Among them, the eldest, Cecil, had fallen ill and died while tending to Kaella here; Denise had married here; and the youngest, Mari, had stayed by Kaella’s side until the end, though Kaella didn’t know what had become of her after her own confinement.
“I’m fine. It’s hot.”
The fireplace had so much wood crammed into it that flames licked out beyond the grate, flicking their tongues. Amid all that, the doctor calmly reminded them not to forget proper humidity and ventilation.
It wasn’t the Duke’s personal physician, whom Kaella knew well, but a female doctor she’d never seen before. How had an outsider entered Lüsenford Castle, where strangers weren’t allowed? But Kaella quickly lost interest.
It was none of her concern. She had no intention of scurrying about playing the role of Duchess, a position she no longer had any authority in. Besides, in a few years, the Emperor would slap a treason charge on this place and wipe it out anyway.
She hadn’t known the details back then because she’d been confined, and even as Duchess, no one had dealt with her directly while Pheon remained indifferent, so it was the same.
“Your Highness’s recovery is astonishing.”
The doctor quietly reported to the Duke, who had given up his bedroom for his newlywed wife and was sitting quietly in the corner.
“There’s almost no internal damage, and the swelling has already gone down. It’s thanks to the Retillin. If she’s careful with food and rests enough, she’ll recover soon.”
It was truly a magical medicine, just as the rumors said. Pheon, who had obtained it, gazed toward his curtained bed.
“Is it alright in this lingering chill?”
“Of course she needs to stay warm. This is sufficient. But don’t overdo it. The room is already too hot and dry. Moderation is key in everything.”
These words were directed at the Duke, who had been on edge for the past three days about the Duchess’s condition and kept shoving more logs into the fireplace at the slightest thing. The Duke nodded silently.
“Light fluid foods would be best. Once she eats and regains some strength, she should be able to walk around soon. But she really must be careful with food.”
“Naturally, she must.”
For the first time in Lüsenford history, the lord of the castle had begun personally overseeing the castle kitchen, the hierarchy of the servants, and even the kitchen facilities.
He nodded and rose from his seat. He had seen Kaella awake; that was enough. The maids, who hadn’t slept properly and were still glued to her side, would care for her better than he could. He forced himself to look away from the bed and head for the door.
“Cough…….”
But his gaze betrayed him again, drawn to Kaella as she coughed weakly. Was she in pain somewhere? His heart, which had been tightly clenched for three days, plummeted.
“I’m fine…….”
It wasn’t just Pheon; the other maids reacted the same way, so Kaella whispered almost to herself and feebly waved away the eyes fixed on her.
“Drink more water.”
Pheon strode over, poured a little more water, and fed it to her himself. His hand was surprisingly deft at it.
The first sip had barely been enough to moisten her lips, so Kaella eagerly drank what he offered without refusal.
The doctor said it was fine, so she finished half a cup. After she drank, Pheon wiped her mouth with a cloth and gazed at her quietly for a moment before speaking.
“I’ve heard everything about what happened.”
The Ostein maids, who hadn’t eaten properly and had cried a lot, all testified unanimously: “Miss—no, Your Grace the Duchess—clearly told the head maid that Tourberry makes her ill, but the head maid was extremely insolent.”
There were far too many witnesses from the banquet hall who had seen the same behavior to dismiss their testimony just because they were outsiders.
“We’re investigating now. I’ll make sure it never happens again.”
Kaella looked at him, then nodded slowly and murmured a soft “Yes,” before falling silent.
“This should never have happened. I’m truly sorry, Kaella.”
“No.”
Her small voice held no emotion at all. It would have been better if she’d gotten angry or cried.
Kaella shook her head firmly, then lowered it again, showing no resentment toward him—or rather, no expectations at all.
Was that the reaction of a newlywed Duke’s daughter, raised delicately and with the pride of imperial blood?
As Pheon looked at her with a complicated expression, she added one more word.
“It’s fine.”
Hearing “It’s fine” again made Pheon’s blood run cold. A foreboding certainty settled in that she would never use that familiar old tone with him again.
“……I see.”
He forced the words out through gritted teeth.
“That’s a relief.”
Unable to meet her eyes, he nodded.
“Then rest. Don’t worry about anything else—just focus on recovering. Call me anytime if you need or want anything.”
Kaella watched Pheon rise from his seat in bewilderment. “Call me anytime”? He had never said anything like that. What was with him?
“You have no idea how worried His Grace was. For three days straight, no matter how much we begged him to sleep, he didn’t rest at all and nursed you himself right by your side.”
The moment the Duke left, Mari chattered on.
“Not Miss anymore, it’s Your Grace now, Mari.”
“Oh, right. Sigh. I still can’t get used to it—‘Miss’ is stuck on my tongue. Sorry. I’ll fix it right away.”
Mari slapped her own mouth. Watching her, Kaella smiled weakly. After lightly scolding Mari, Cecil approached, tidied the table by the bed, and said softly.
“But what Mari said is true, Your Grace. His Grace was always here. Except when he had to leave for the investigation, he sat right in that spot. He even wiped your face himself.”
Cecil, who had served the young lady traveling between Ostein and Kline, thought her lady had found a caring husband.
“He ordered that no Tourberry be allowed in the castle. He even said to uproot all the Tourberry trees growing nearby.”
Oh dear. Kaella reflexively thought of the backlash she’d face from that order—how much glares, how much blame, how much hatred she’d get.
It was a deeply harmful habit she’d picked up in Lüsenford. Here, she had shrunk smaller and smaller until she was worth less than air or wind. Even a vase sitting quietly received better treatment than she did.
The mockery had grown ever more cunning; sometimes she only realized much later, after much thought, that a comment had been a sneer, leaving her stroking her aching heart. Other times, like at this banquet, it came in aggressive barrages.
She’d have to endure more of that malicious ridicule. Well, it was nothing new.
“That insolent head maid has been thrown in prison. Don’t even think about her, Your Grace.”
Kaella’s eyes widened at those words.
“Is that true?”
“Yes. Of course it is. That’s only right. The head cook has been arrested too. Everyone who was rude to Your Grace at the banquet has been taken into custody.”
No way. Kaella thought of the head maid who had ruled Lüsenford Castle and refused to hand over the warehouse keys to the young Duchess until the very end.
She was someone who prided herself on having raised Pheon herself when he was thrown here at just twelve. She was practically his wet nurse. And they’d locked her up?
“Why?”
“Good heavens, why? Miss—no, Your Grace…! How dare she be so rude to the Ostein Duke’s sole heir and the Emperor’s only niece, forcing it on you like that! Her head should roll immediately.”
“But I’m the one who ate it.”
Cecil looked at Kaella with an expression of utter disbelief.
“What do you mean? You didn’t eat it because you wanted to.”
Kaella averted her gaze, her face dazed. Yeah. She hadn’t eaten it because she wanted to— so why was she defending that wicked head maid and the rude northern nobles like this?
Ahh. She really had so many harmful habits.
*
Lüsenford was poison to Kaella. The Duke responsible for it knew that all too well.
He had finally washed properly and shaved. Now that Kaella was awake, he didn’t want her to see him looking disheveled. Wherever he went, he felt those clear eyes, holding the pure sky itself, following him. It must be his guilty conscience as a sinner.
“Lezen.”
“Yes, Your Grace. Today, the imprisoned criminals are all saying the same things. So, if I may, perhaps you should rest? You haven’t slept properly for days now, and you’ve barely eaten anything.”
“I’m managing within my limits, so it’s fine. They’re still saying the same things?”
The secretary’s face was full of worry, but Pheon cut him off and got straight to the point.
“Yes, well… They’re phrasing it very indirectly, but it’s things like ‘I didn’t realize it was that bad’ or ‘If it was that serious, Her Grace shouldn’t have eaten it.’ It always ends with ‘It won’t happen again.’”
In closed-off Lüsenford, frailty was seen as bad and strength as good. And the knowledge that a common food could be poison to someone wasn’t widely known.
Kline might be the same, but Kline and Ostein were open to new things because outsiders came often, whereas Lüsenford never was.
Pheon understood their insularity—they were constantly driven to fight the Evil Dragon and battle the harsh land. But some things couldn’t be overlooked, no matter what.
It’s fine.
He’d heard those words muttered blankly into the void so many times. Before his regression, and after. That woman had always said the same. Let’s pretend it’s fine, no big deal, sweep it under the rug.
Was it really fine?
“……I’ve let them live too long.”
Pheon halted his steps. Part of him wanted to hear what nonsense the last testimonies held. No, it was pointless.
“Execute the head maid at sunrise tomorrow.”
