Ch#51
Throughout her preparations for bed, Rosalyn’s mind was in a state of turmoil. No, “turmoil” was too mild a word. She felt she was being treated unfairly. She was hurt, aggrieved, and even a little angry.
‘Some rumors are worth listening to.’
How could he treat her so coldly during the day, only to act like the most devoted husband in the world in front of others?
‘I would prefer it if you didn’t enter my office without permission from now on. I would also appreciate it if you refrained from touching my things.’
Rosalyn could not understand it. Why was he so prickly toward her? They had been married for nearly a month; did he simply need more time to grow close? Was this how all newlyweds were?
Her heart felt stifled, and she longed to talk to someone, but there was no one suitable. To whom could she voice such complaints? Diane Glenn? Edith Cheshire? The intimate matters of a husband and wife were not things to be unburdened upon a mother-in-law or a servant.
After much thought, she considered Baroness Elwood, but she was not the right person either. Rosalyn was reluctant to make her aunt worry about her niece’s marriage, but more importantly, she felt she could not reveal the discord between the Duke and Duchess to an outsider. In the end, this was a problem she could tell no one.
She either had to find a solution on her own, or—
“Gerard.”
The only way was to speak with the Duke himself.
Rosalyn was sitting at her vanity. Gerard was reclining on his bed, reading a bundle of unidentified documents. On days like today, when they had a shared evening schedule, they returned to the room together, creating a scene that looked quite like a proper married couple.
“Rosalyn.”
Gerard responded, his gaze shifting to her. He must have sensed something unusual in the way she called his name.
Rosalyn watched him through the mirror before turning her seat to face him. As their eyes met directly, her lips felt a little dry.
“I’d like to speak with you for a moment.”
“Go ahead.”
He gave a brief reply and lowered his eyes back to his papers. That attitude—the clear lack of desire for a serious conversation—stung Rosalyn’s heart, but she did not let it show. To display displeasure was unbecoming of a lady.
“Have you thought about being close with me even when we are alone? Just as you appear to be in front of others.”
The moment the words left her mouth, her heart began to race. Despite her anxiety and tension, she was inwardly satisfied. Graceful speech comes from circumlocution, metaphor, and composure. And confidence.
Gerard took his eyes off the documents and raised his head. Rosalyn tried to read the meaning behind his steady gaze. This time, she was determined to have an honest conversation. Just as she made that vow, Gerard spoke.
“No.”
Her pounding heart seemed to stop dead.
“I haven’t thought about it.”
Rosalyn was speechless at the bluntness of his answer.
Nobles always left an opening. They kept things soft and loose, feigning a joke to leave a path for retreat. They knew that human relationships and situations could change at any moment.
That was why Rosalyn could not believe Gerard’s attitude. This man was leaving no opening at all. It was as if he didn’t doubt the limits of this relationship in the slightest, and his decisiveness pierced her chest like a massive spear.
“……You are very definitive. Having confidence in one’s own opinion is a good trait.”
“Thank you for the compliment.”
“But it may not be the wisest attitude. You might regret it if your mind changes.”
“Don’t worry. I only feel certain about thoughts that will never change.”
“How can you be so sure of that?”
Without realizing it, her tone grew sharp. Gerard, staring back at her, did not look like someone who was silent because he had nothing to say. It felt as though he had plenty of words in his mouth but chose not to speak them. Rosalyn both wanted to hear those words and feared them. She was afraid.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you seem excessively cold to me.”
“And you seem excessively emotional, Rosalyn.”
He placed the documents on his lap and looked at her again. The intention behind pointedly adding her name to the end of his sentence pierced her heart once more.
“Have I not given you everything you wanted?”
Gerard seemed intent on having a truly honest conversation now. Perhaps he had been waiting for this opportunity more than she had.
“You became the Duchess, just as you wished. I spend time with you every Tuesday, just as you suggested. Don’t you think it’s only fair that you accept what I want as well?”
“And what is it that you want?”
“I believe you already know.”
Rosalyn fell silent. She became acutely aware of her left hand. She had never once taken off the engagement ring she wore stacked with her wedding band. Not since the day she had put it on herself.
‘Miss Fairfield, you have a habit of making easy assumptions.’
He had warned her clearly. Not to assume or expect things so easily. Knowing that, Rosalyn had accepted his proposal. The moment she slipped this ring onto her finger, she had essentially signed the contract he held out.
“May I offer you a piece of advice?”
The man’s tone was neither cold nor warm. He seemed to pity her, yet also despise her. Now, Rosalyn could read nothing from him.
“Don’t expect anything. Then you won’t have to be disappointed.”
She simply looked at her husband, at the face of the man leaning back against the bed.
“You are doing very well as a Duchess. Everyone seems to like you and be satisfied with you. That is exactly what I expected from this marriage and from you. I want nothing beyond that.”
“…….”
“Ah. There is one thing I want. I would like to rest comfortably at least in the bedroom, but it wouldn’t look good for a married couple to sleep separately.”
At that point, Gerard wore a faint, barely visible smile. Rosalyn was certain it was a sneer.
“So let’s just keep doing as we are. I will do my part, and you do yours. Then there will be no problems.”
Having finished his piece, he watched her for a moment. He gave her plenty of time to respond, but Rosalyn had nothing to say.
What could she say now? That she had still hoped? That she hadn’t given up expectation? She would only be mocked for her foolishness.
She kept her mouth shut and lowered her gaze. She didn’t know how to handle all these circumstances and emotions. When you don’t know what to do, remain silent. That was the first lesson in social etiquette she had learned from her governess.
“Go to sleep first. You must be tired.”
Gerard didn’t press her further for an answer and got off the bed. It seemed he intended to step out to make his wife feel less uncomfortable. For the first time since the wedding, Rosalyn felt a desperate need for a space of her own, but it was certainly bad form for a couple to use separate bedrooms.
“You worked hard today.”
The moment the man passed her by after his final parting words, Rosalyn spoke on impulse.
“I……”
When you don’t know what to do, you should keep your mouth shut. Yet, she could not remain silent. The thought that she had to convey her feelings somehow overrode everything else.
“I want to be a good wife to you.”
The moment she uttered those words, her emotions wavered. A sudden surge of sorrow made the bridge of her nose sting. Rosalyn was momentarily at a loss, her heart shaking to an embarrassing degree. This was why she had been told to remain silent. So as not to show emotions she wasn’t prepared to handle.
Gerard stopped in his tracks before the door. He didn’t turn around or twist his head to look at her. He simply stood there for a moment as if chewing over her words, and then—
“I feel the same.”
He answered in a tone no different from before, then walked slowly toward the door and exited.
“Goodnight.”
Even after the door closed softly, Rosalyn sat on the vanity stool for a long time. She stared at the two empty beds before finally standing up quietly. Her bed was perfectly turned down, as always. The servants of Maxville were seasoned and meticulous.
She crawled into the perfect bedding and lay facing the wall. Tick, tock. She could hear the second hand of the clock. Even under the down duvet, her feet felt cold.
‘Don’t expect anything.’
The damask pattern on the silk wallpaper felt dizzying. Rosalyn blinked slowly as she watched it, then tucked her freezing feet together and curled up to try and sleep.
Natalie Hope, the Baroness Elwood, could not hide her pride. She wanted to take a photograph of herself sitting in this grand drawing room. To be invited to the Duke of Windberg’s mansion! And not just to a crowded ball, but as a proper guest of the Duchess!
“So this is the famous honey cake. What a lovely color it has.”
“I hope it’s to your taste.”
Rosalyn smiled and set down the pot. The tea she poured personally was a perfect hue. And the teacup holding that tea was so exquisite. From the pot painted with tiny floral patterns to the various dishes holding cakes, cookies, and sandwiches, and even the decorations on the silver tea forks—everything was so beautiful she felt the urge to take them home.
