Ch#41
In the end, her husband did not appear last night either.
Rosalyn had been waiting for him since around ten o’clock. Following an old habit, she lay in bed and tried to read a few pages of a book, but she couldn’t concentrate at all. Her eyes remained fixed on the thick, tedious philosophy book she had brought from the study, but her every sense was tuned to the door, straining for any sign of a man approaching.
As the night deepened and she finally became certain he wasn’t coming, a long sigh escaped her lips. Rosalyn couldn’t quite name the reason behind it. Was it relief or disappointment? Was she glad or saddened?
And when she opened her eyes this morning, she saw her husband asleep for the first time.
Jared was in his own bed. Though the duvet was pulled up to his chest, his bare shoulders revealed that he was unclothed. He lay on his side with his back to his wife’s bed, giving Rosalyn a view of his broad shoulders, his back, and his tousled hair.
The bedroom was dim in the early morning light, all the windows still shuttered. Jared remained in a deep sleep even as she quietly slipped out of bed. On the nightstand by his head sat a single empty glass. A round, short crystal tumbler. After staring at the glass for a moment, Rosalyn quietly headed to the dressing room.
The space was silent when she finished dressing herself without assistance and stepped into the sitting room. Her husband seemed to be still asleep in his bed, so she walked even more tentatively than usual, slipping out of the room as quietly as a cat.
She considered waiting until he woke up, but remembering the events of the previous day, she didn’t have the courage.
‘Let’s do it now.’
Rosalyn did not want to go through that again. It might be a duty, but it wasn’t something she desired. She did not want the fear, the self-loathing, and the misery that man provoked in her.
Then what is it that I want?
Rosalyn paused mid-letter, lost in thought, when a knock sounded and the door opened.
“You called, my lady?”
Sitting at her desk, Rosalyn looked up.
She was in the east sitting room on the second floor, which served as the Duchess’s office. It featured a fireplace and furniture enough to seat ten, with several paintings hanging against silk wallpaper. It was similar in scale to the family room at Fairfield House, but far more lavishly decorated.
“Edith. Come in.”
Rosalyn greeted her attendant from the small, elegant desk by the window.
“Could you mail these? I’ve just finished them.”
She gestured to the newly sealed letters. Thirty envelopes were stacked neatly in a box on the desk. They were envelopes embossed with the Glan family’s eagle crest in silver foil.
“You wrote thirty yesterday as well. You write very quickly.”
“I need to get them out of the way. It’s a task that must be done, after all.”
Rosalyn smiled and flexed her aching right hand.
Writing thank-you notes to those who attended the wedding was a matter of proper etiquette. Though she had never hosted three hundred people at once before, Rosalyn still believed she should convey her gratitude personally. These were the first letters she was writing under her title as Duchess, and she did not want to use a ghostwriter.
Moreover, it was a wedding. It was only natural to thank those who had come to celebrate their marriage.
“Only two more days and I’ll be finished. There are sixty-five left.”
“You are remarkable, my lady. However, in the future, I believe it would be best to have them drafted for you so you only need to sign. You cannot do this every time there is a major event.”
“If the scribe writes better than I do, I’ll consider it.”
Rosalyn dipped the tip of her fountain pen into the inkwell with a playful smile.
Her gold-plated fountain pen, engraved with her initials, had been a gift for her fifteenth birthday. That was also the year she had begun writing thank-you notes to guests who visited Fairfield House.
‘I’ll handle the correspondence from now on, Father. In place of Mother.’
Correspondence was a lady’s duty. Rosalyn had invested a great deal of time and effort into mastering a beautiful script, all to fulfill the role expected of her with excellence.
“I shall mail these immediately.”
“Thank you.”
“It is my pleasure. Also, my lady.”
Rosalyn, who had been wetting her nib in the inkwell, looked up. Now that she noticed, Edith was holding a large envelope.
“This is from the staff office. They are photos to be sent to the newspapers, and they wish to ask for your opinion.”
Edith placed the envelope on the desk. Looking down at it, Rosalyn set her pen aside.
“They said they will send them out as soon as you select three or four.”
Before the attendant could even finish her explanation, Rosalyn opened the envelope and pulled out the contents.
Despite the size of the envelope, there were only seven photos. The photographer had followed them around all day popping his flash, so there must have been dozens, but these were likely the ones the staff had pre-selected. Rosalyn looked through them one by one, slowly.
There is no color in photographic paper. Because of that, the scenery in the photos felt like scenes from a dream. The temple on the grounds of Maxville, the outdoor banquet, the Great Hall. A world that resembled reality but was not.
In that world, Jared was looking at her. With a solemn face, he slid the wedding ring onto her finger; he watched her while holding a glass of champagne; he whispered something to her while they danced at the reception. Standing close, he looked down at her face and smiled.
In that colorless world, he was smiling. He was focused on her, unable to take his eyes away.
A happy face. An utterly happy face. Like a lover.
‘Smile, Rosalyn.’
The woman smiling back at him looked happy as well. As if she knew nothing of fear, self-loathing, or misery. Rosalyn envied the version of herself in the photographs, and at the same moment, she realized. This. This was exactly what she wanted.
I want you to look at me like this. To be devoted to me. To smile happily, utterly happily.
Like a lover.
‘Why me?’
Suddenly, a sense of urgency gripped Rosalyn.
‘I think we need to get to know each other.’
She shouldn’t have just left like that.
She should have met him this morning. She had fled because she didn’t know what he might say or what situation she might face if they were eye-to-eye, but she shouldn’t have done that. She should have talked to him about what happened yesterday.
It had only been a week since they married, and Rosalyn knew that the beginning was vital in any endeavor. If things aren’t set right at the start, it only becomes more painful later, and increasingly difficult as time passes.
“Edith. Is the Duke at the mansion?”
I must find my courage now.
“To my knowledge, yes.”
“Find out if he has any prior arrangements for dinner.”
Wedding guests were still staying at Maxville. Rosalyn had already had breakfast with some of them today and had a tea time scheduled in a few hours. However, as far as she knew, none of the guests currently staying were ‘exceptionally important.’
“If he has no prior engagement, tell the Duke… that I would like for us to dine together today.”
Rosalyn continued, looking at her attendant.
“Just the two of us.”
She couldn’t help but feel tense as she said it. He might reject her. She might be hurt again. But even if she did nothing, she would end up hurt anyway.
So, now. It had to be now.
“Understood, my lady.”
Edith, standing across the desk, nodded and withdrew with the thirty letters.
Rosalyn was left alone again. She remained at her elegant desk, the seven photographs in her hand. She still had sixty-five letters to write, a tea time to attend, and five guests to entertain, but for a moment, she forgot that demanding reality.
A world resembling reality, yet not real.
Rosalyn gazed into that world for a long time. She looked at the man and woman captured in the seven photographs. She wanted this monochrome world to become her reality, and to make that happen, she needed to be even braver now.
The reason Jared did not refuse the Duchess’s invitation was simple. It was because her attendant already knew that his dinner companion had not yet been decided. Edith Cheshire was a capable woman, which was exactly why he had bothered to bring back someone who had worked for Veronia. Having capable people by one’s side made many things easier.
So, as a result, Jared ended up sitting in this seat because of a favor granted to his wife.
“I was thinking of putting dust covers on the rooms we don’t use.”
Listening to Rosalyn, he cut into his grilled trout with a knife. The well-cooked pink flesh flaked away softly.
