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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 67
Chapter Title: 0013_67
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'If the Northern Duke is to willingly move for me, I need to become a better person than I am now.'
A princess of the Eastern Territory, beloved by her family.
To do that, she had to abandon her past demeanor. If she continued to maintain her distance, even the kind White Family members would surely turn their backs on her.
'But...'
She hadn't expected Caradine to be so pleased.
It was just calling her "Grandmother." Just calling her "Grandmother," as she had said. But seeing Caradine's eyes well up with tears made Ariana feel guilty.
The elderly woman's hand, tightly gripping Ariana's, was painfully hot. Though human body temperature couldn't cause burns, it was that warm.
Ariana, too, felt like crying for no reason and squeezed her eyes shut.
"Child, you said you never had a tutor when you were in the Western Territory, didn't you? Do you want to study?"
"Yes, Grandmother. I do."
She had learned a lot through hands-on experience while dealing with Third Prince Harold's affairs, but she hadn't learned anything systematically.
She recalled the days she envied Helena and Victoria learning from their tutor. She had even been severely scolded by Rachel once after a maid reported her for secretly standing outside their room, eavesdropping.
"Then this old woman will find you a good tutor. Is there anything in particular you'd like to learn?"
"Could I also learn things like horseback riding, swordsmanship, martial arts, spearmanship, and archery?"
"Of course. It's best to start with solid physical training and basic skills, and then delve deeply into the field you like most."
She had expected Caradine to suggest learning things like dance, etiquette, embroidery, or musical instruments because she was a girl, so Caradine's ready acceptance was surprising.
"Do women in the Eastern Territory also learn martial arts?"
"They learn enough to protect themselves."
"I heard Grandmother is very strong."
"Strong enough to protect you, child."
Her compassionate gaze, full of sincerity, made Ariana's eyes well up again, almost bringing tears. Ariana blinked and said,
"Can I become strong too?"
"Of course, you can. If you eat well and recover your strength, you'll become even stronger than me."
+++
She was called 'that,' 'this,' or 'that other one.' Occasionally, some called her 'Golden Eyeball.'
From birth, she was confined in a small iron cage. She always had an owner, but they changed before three years had passed. When her owner changed for the third time, she began to be called 'the cursed girl.'
One day, a female slave in the adjacent cage said,
"Still, you're lucky. Even if you bring misfortune to others, no one lays a hand on your body because of it, do they? Your situation is better than mine."
She didn't understand what those words meant.
As time passed and thoughts began to form in her mind, a male slave told her,
"You're truly beautiful. I'll find a chance to get you out. Then we can escape together."
Less than a week later, that male slave was beaten to death by the owner in front of her. Throughout the beating, the male slave glared at her and cried out,
"You truly are a cursed girl! I wish I had never paid attention to someone like you."
Only then did she realize that 'the cursed girl' meant something bad. Something akin to pain, dislike, hatred, or death.
Her encounter with the male slave taught her about hope and despair. For the first time in her life, she longed to get out of the narrow iron cage, and she despaired at the fact that she couldn't.
As her despair deepened, so did her longing.
If someone could just get me out of this cage, I'd give my life for it.
The night her ninth owner died, a plump Slave Trader came for her.
"Here we are again. I don't know if I can even sell you this time. Everyone who needs to know already knows how many owners you've 'killed'."
She had never killed an owner, but because she was 'the cursed girl,' she thought it might be true that her owners died because of her.
The Slave Trader loaded her, cage and all, onto a cargo wagon and took her to the now-familiar slave market.
Many slaves were there, but none of the faces were familiar to her. The slaves, however, knew her.
"I don't want to be with *that*! Get me out of here! Please, get me out!"
"Put me in a cage far away from *that*. I don't want to be here."
"They say if you make eye contact with *that*, you die."
"I heard its owners changed twenty times."
"I've never seen anything like it. How can its eyes be that color?"
"It's disgusting. Paganus eat people, don't they? Does *that* eat people too?"
"What on earth are those nobles thinking, buying *that*?"
They feared being cursed, so they couldn't physically harm her. She recalled the words of the female slave she had once heard:
-"Your situation is better than mine."
Was that really true?
+++
To hasten their journey to the Eastern Territory, they drove the carriage even at night, only changing horses. It was about a week after they had left the Empire when they arrived at the Empire's last city, near the border with the Eastern Territory.
The sun was slowly beginning to set, and if they continued driving, they could reach the Eastern Territory before it was too late. Yet, for some reason, the carriage stopped in front of a luxurious inn in the city.
"This place has many interesting things, so it would be good to stay for a day and look around."
Caradine dismounted first and offered her hand to Ariana. Ariana took the wrinkled hand, which she had held several times during their journey, and stepped out of the carriage.
The Eastern Duke had rented an entire floor of the luxurious inn. Ariana's room was located between the Eastern Duke's room and the former Eastern Duke's room.
Although the carriage was spacious and comfortable, sitting in a swaying seat for a long time was tiring. As soon as Ariana entered her room, she flopped onto the large bed.
"It's clean."
Even after a long time, the clean ceiling she saw from the bed still felt unfamiliar. The cozy, soft blanket and the high-quality dress didn't feel familiar at all.
When she heard a knock and told them to enter, Caradine's maid came in carrying several clean dresses.
"Princess, I've brought clothes for you to change into."
"Oh, thank you."
"I'll help you."
"No, it's fine. Just leave them there, and I'll change myself."
"But..."
"I don't want to show my body to others."
"Ah."
The maid, who knew Ariana's circumstances, bowed slightly in embarrassment and left the room. Ariana got up from the bed and examined the clothes Caradine had sent.
"They're beautiful. All of them are high quality."
Bright, cheerful dresses and gowns that girls Ariana's age would love. None were out of fashion, nor were they of poor quality.
They were Ariana's clothes, prepared solely for her.
Ariana chose the plainest dress among them. It was a dark pink dress that reached below her shins. The waist was cinched, but the skirt flared widely, giving it a lively feel.
After changing into the dress and tying her hair back in a single knot, Ariana went to Eastern Duke Russell's room.
Russell, as always, greeted Ariana with a slightly awkward smile.
"Ariana, those clothes suit you well."
"Yes, thank you."
She was used to conversations ending abruptly at this point.
Ariana hesitated for a moment, then asked,
"Father, what time is dinner?"
Instead of answering, Russell stared down at his daughter, his eyes wide, holding his breath. It was only after a long silence that Ariana realized she had called him 'Father' for the first time.
Instead of apologizing as she had with Caradine, Ariana simply gazed intently up at Russell's face. Soon, Russell turned his head and covered his mouth with one hand.
He remained like that for what seemed like a rather long time.
Ariana saw that his eyes, visible above his large hand, were moist. Suddenly, the image of Russell from a dream she'd had overlapped with the Russell before her.
-"I will always wait."
That voice, which had never reached Ariana.
For some reason, Ariana also felt like crying. She wanted to cling to him and whine like a child, telling him how hard it had been, asking why he had never come to see her.
If she did that, what kind of expression would Russell make?
At the very least, he wouldn't coldly push Ariana away.
The fact that such trust had formed was surprising.
When had she started trusting this person?
Perhaps she had been influenced by her last conversation with the Northern Duke. Their discussion, instead of freezing her heart towards him, had slowly melted her feelings towards her family.
'He said I needed to distinguish between the direction of my hatred and my wariness.'
As Cyrus had said, being wary of everyone only exhausted Ariana. If she was wary of those she could trust, she would, in turn, be unable to distinguish those she couldn't.
She resented the Eastern Duke for abandoning her all this time, but that resentment produced nothing.
So, Ariana changed her question.
"Father, did you... perhaps send a letter to Rachel, Duchess Bronte, saying you wanted to meet me?"
Russell seemed flustered by the sudden change in question, but he answered.
"Yes."
A suppressed voice emerged from between the fingers covering his mouth.
"I sent it many times."
"Did Duchess Bronte perhaps say that I was afraid of you, Father?"
"...Yes. She said you considered the Duke of Bronte your father and didn't want to meet me for fear of being disliked by him."
"So that's why you didn't come to see me?"
Russell squeezed his eyes shut.
"Yes."
Ariana had only wanted to know the truth of that dream, whether it was a nightmare or reality. There was no reason for her emotions to intensify.
She had to be a calm, mature, low-maintenance, good child. A noble Princess of the Eastern Territory, one who harbored no resentment and had shed all past emotions.
"Why... did you do that?"
But she couldn't stop the words from spilling out.
"Why did you abandon me like that?"
"..."
"Still, just once, just *one* time, you could have come. You could have come and seen what kind of life I was enduring. If you had, I wouldn't have..."
...died enduring that hardship.
"I wouldn't have... like this..."
...lived only thinking of using others and being used.
Hot tears streamed down Ariana's cheeks. Ariana didn't even realize it and said,
"I hate you, Father."
"I know."
"I know it's not your fault, Father. I know... I truly do know..."
Strictly speaking, it wasn't Russell's fault.
It was her own fault. Submitting to the Bronte Family, not escaping from the Alfrech Family, being used by Third Prince Harold—they were all her choices.
Yet, she searched for someone to resent because if she didn't, she felt like she would suffocate and die. She felt like she would choke on the fear of death that surfaced every moment.
In truth, she didn't want to die.
She wanted to live.
She wanted to live a normal life, without using anyone, and without being used by anyone.
