Episode 20. Terrifying Apple
It was a common opal-colored seashell.
"Thank you so much."
This was the first gift her youngest sister had picked up off the street just two days ago and given to Summer—something Winter had never done.
Ashamed that she had nothing else to offer, she held out the seashell obsequiously again and again. In truth, this wasn't part of the plan.
She had only intended to apologize a couple more times. Even if it meant getting beaten by the uniformed men in the end, toppling all those baskets was an unavoidable risk.
But handing over Autumn's gift like this had never been in the plan. This was just... yes, because she was truly sorry.
And truly grateful.
The boy, who had stared blankly at the seashell, finally took it. And in return, he drew even closer to Summer, as if repaying her.
"Young master, it's dangerous!"
"No, it's fine."
The boy smelled of mock orange blossoms. The sweet scent of those yellow flowers that would make the whole world tremble in autumn.
Soon, the boy whispered into Summer's ear so no one else could hear.
"I have no idea why you're pulling this stunt."
Adel's heart froze.
"The food you just ruined is worth a whopping 40 gold."
"……."
"I hope whatever you're scheming is worth that much."
Then he brushed the dirt from her cheek with his thumb.
"Not that you need to hear this, but even if you're parched, don't drink rotten water recklessly. You'll regret it."
With that, the boy turned away without a hint of lingering.
"We'll run out of time to shop again if we dawdle. Let's hurry."
The people around began moving once more. They passed by Summer, who stood awkwardly in the center, cursing or clicking their tongues at her. But for some reason, Summer heard nothing. The apples clutched tightly to her chest bobbed back and forth noticeably, pressed against her ribs.
After standing in the middle of the market for a long while until everyone had left, the thugs who had put her up to the mischief finally swarmed in and surrounded her.
The sweet mock orange scent had completely vanished. But the tart apple aroma rising from her chest lingered.
Summer opened her eyes. Filling her vision were vile faces, bandit-like mugs, beastly sneers. And all sorts of foodstuffs scattered on the ground.
"Not bad, kid?"
The sleazy-looking one yanked Summer's black hair. Another prodded her forehead with his fingertip.
"Turns out this brat's a con artist, huh?"
Summer glared wide-eyed and swatted their hands away.
"Give it to me. 5 shillings."
The men snickered.
"You nuts?"
"You promised. 5 shillings. Give it."
As if hearing the most ridiculous thing, the men bent backward and forward laughing.
"Her eyes weren't ordinary, but look at this bitch. Guts bloated for real?"
"Kid, the world's not that easy. Just be glad you didn't get thrashed by those guys earlier."
"Still, thanks to you, we had a laugh?"
One reached into her arms for the apples. As Summer backed away to keep them, he went 'oh ho?' and signaled his buddy.
The men easily bound the small child's body. And took the apples. Or tried to.
"Mine!"
Before Summer bit their hands.
"Fuck. This bitch!"
The bitten man backhanded Summer's head. Even as her body lurched sideways, Summer didn't let go of the apples.
Only then did Summer realize what the boy meant by rotten water. All the stinking bait in this filthy world. The 5 shillings that had lured her.
But Summer didn't want to yield. She didn't want to admit she'd swallowed rotten water.
"Hand it over, bitch."
"No. This is mine! Worth 5 shillings!"
"You little shit!"
The beating began. This time, a kick to her shin sent Summer sprawling to the ground.
The grown men trampled the girl mercilessly. Summer curled up as much as possible to minimize the impact.
Still, the violence raining down like massive boulders was too harsh for the girl parched from starvation. It hurt like death, but Summer refused to yield.
"Give me 5 shillings!"
She screamed in rage. She absolutely wouldn't cry.
"You promised!"
Amid pain that felt like her body was tearing and shattering, Summer finally had to admit it.
Ah, I'm regretting it now.
In truth, Summer had known. The slim chance these thugs would pay her fairly.
But she couldn't pass up even that minuscule luck.
If she could just get 5 shillings to fill her siblings' empty bellies, Summer could risk this perilous gamble. No, she had to.
She knew the water was rotten. But she was a child so parched she could only hope not to die from drinking it. That was Summer.
"Look at this bitch. Won't let go of the apples even if it kills her."
"She's vicious, for real."
By the time her mind grew faint from the beating, a distant watchman's whistle sounded. Only then did the men give up the apples and flee.
The watchman paid no heed to Summer sprawled in tatters and chased only the men.
"Haa."
Flat on her back staring at the sky, Summer let out a long sigh.
Dusk had already fallen. To get home, she needed to rise now and cross the mountains.
But she couldn't move. Her body ached like it was shattered, but strangely, Summer couldn't twitch a finger.
When your insides are wrecked, your body won't move either...
Summer steadied her surging heart. She hadn't gotten the 5 shillings after all. To keep from crying from rage and sorrow, she squeezed her eyes shut tight.
"Still... I have to go."
The merchants who had watched her blind act knew her tricks and offered no help. Even so, Summer limped steadfastly out of the market. And into the darkening mountains.
The evening mountain air was bitterly cold. She thought of her siblings waiting anxiously. She had to hurry.
But walking was hard.
Her dragging steps slowed further. Then finally stopped.
It was painful and scary.
During the beating, it hurt so much she feared dying. And now... she was starving.
She was so furious she couldn't move an inch. Angry and aggrieved.
The mountains were darkening. Soon pitch black.
Like this heart.
Like this endless pit carved in her heart.
Like the blatantly dismal future awaiting her.
Summer wanted to give up everything.
In truth, earlier she had wished to just die. If she could die from human kicks, then die right there.
But she didn't die. It hurt like death but she truly didn't die. Nothing went her way.
How long must she live? How long endure? Why couldn't she even die as she wished?
Her stomach growled loudly. Like thunder in a dry sky.
Summer gazed at the two apples clutched to her chest.
Still, it was a relief. She hadn't gotten the 5 shillings, but at least she could bring apples.
But.
But...
I'm hungry too...
I like fruit too...
I've fasted three days...
I want to stop now.
That there are other bellies to fill before mine.
Two of them, even.
That I can endure my own pain, but don't know what to do if they hurt.
Knowing how painful and sorrowful hurt is, so feeling even more sorry and urgent if her little ones ache.
All that...
I want it all to end now.
Indefinable guilt and debt. Suffocating responsibility from birth.
I hate it.
I just want it all over.
Summer hesitated again and again before picking up one apple.
Her hands bruised mottled, but the apple nestled against her chest was smooth, flawless, clear.
Enduring her trembling pain, Summer blindly pressed her lips to the red fruit.
Even that trivial motion made guilt spring up like a fountain in her chest. Winter's grumbles, Autumn's laughter, the growls of their empty bellies swirled in a vortex, blocking her mouth from the apple.
But in this moment, desperate long starvation overpowered it all. Finally yielding to instinct, Summer crunched into the apple.
Summer couldn't understand herself. Wanting to die, yet craving this.
Sweet flesh burst, moistening her cracked lips. It stung. Juice streamed inside and out her quivering mouth.
Forgetting guilt, Summer wiped the flowing juice with her filthy hands.
"Hic."
The tears she'd held back finally burst.
Only in the dark mountains without siblings or thugs could Summer finally sob.
She chewed the apple sobbing loudly. So sweet it dulled her body's pain, and the rugged mountain path felt like a soft heavenly bridge of clouds.
She wished this path would never end, this apple never shrink, this heaven never cease. She yearned so fervently.
Yet she had to hasten her steps over the mountains. Because her siblings awaited. Those children, her prison and her all.
An autumn breeze blew through the pitch darkness. The faint scent of mock orange blossoms seemed carried on it. That scent, that gentle stern voice, fanned her weeping heart.
"Hic, huuuh, huuuuh."
The apple was terrifyingly delicious.
