73
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Aileen often dreamed about Cesare. As he was the person she thought about the most, he appeared in her dreams quite frequently.
The dreams were mostly realistic. They were all peaceful scenes, such as taking a walk with Cesare in the Imperial Palace garden or having tea.
However, while he was away at war, she had frequent nightmares. Mostly, they were dreams of hearing bad news. Or sometimes, she would endlessly watch Cesare's retreating figure. She would wake up with her pillow soaked in tears after dreaming of calling out to him, again and again, as he walked away, never turning back.
It was painful, but unavoidable. Aileen was always thinking about Cesare, so it was only natural that she would dream of him.
But conversely, the fact that Cesare had dreamed about her felt very strange. Even more so, the dream of living together in a brick house. That was the married life Aileen had longed for.
Aileen wished he would tell her more about the dream. But as always, Cesare didn't go into detail. He simply caressed Aileen's body in silence.
Heavy rain lashed against the window. Aileen woke up to the sound of rain seeping through the thick curtains.
As soon as she opened her eyes, she was startled and turned to her side. Next to her was a man sound asleep, oblivious to the world. Seeing him in such a deep slumber cleared her hazy mind.
It was the second-floor bedroom of the brick house. Judging by the lack of any sticky feeling on her body, he must have cleaned her up after she had passed out and carried her to the second-floor bedroom.
Her face flushed, thinking about the people who would have to clean up the mess on the sofa later. Aileen thought she should at least take off the sofa cover as she glanced around.
The bed was originally Aileen's alone, so it was too small to lie down with Cesare. It was only big enough for the two of them if they pressed their bodies tightly together without any gaps. Aileen belatedly realized that she was lying with her head on Cesare's arm.
His arm was wrapped around her waist. She felt the appropriate weight from his firm, muscular arm. Aileen gazed at Cesare. Amidst the sound of the rain, his quiet breathing was steady.
Suddenly, Sonio's words came to mind. It was something he had said in passing while teaching her about the Grand Duchess's duties.
"His Excellency hasn't been getting much sleep lately."
The butler's voice was full of concern. But he didn't elaborate and changed the subject. It was probably because he didn't want to burden Aileen with worries when there was nothing she could do about it anyway.
Come to think of it, Aileen had rarely seen him sleep deeply. They had been sleeping in the same bed every night since they got married, but Cesare always woke up with eyes that didn't seem to have any trace of sleepiness. It was almost the first time she had seen him sleeping so deeply that she could even hear his breathing.
Looking at him asleep, she naturally thought of their night together. Among the moments that had passed in a daze, there was one scene that stood out in her memory.
"You only say that at times like this?"
She kept thinking about his face as he smiled like a boy. What had she said to make him say that? She had been too dazed at the time, so her memory of it was not clear. She hadn't even gotten a good look at Cesare's smiling face.
'I should have looked more closely instead of being so out of it.'
She wanted to record in her diary exactly how he had smiled. She hadn't been able to write in her diary since she had been staying at the Grand Duke's Residence, and her fingers were itching to do so.
She had been recording her experiences with him for over ten years. She wondered if it might seem like a morbid thing to do to others. But Cesare had already read her diary anyway.
'If he didn't like it, he would have said so.'
She was lost in thought, looking at his face, when Cesare opened his eyes. Aileen was about to greet him, asking if he had woken up, but she stopped breathing.
The pouring rain filled the surroundings. Crimson eyes stared directly at Aileen. She felt strange being stared at expressionlessly. As she stiffened at the sense of alienation, Cesare suddenly smiled quietly.
"Aileen..."
His voice, slightly husky from just waking up, was somehow sensual. It resembled the low voice he would use during lovemaking.
Cesare slowly sat up. Aileen was about to follow him, thinking he was looking for water.
He nimbly climbed on top of Aileen. Aileen was about to get up, but she ended up lying back down as she was. She looked up at him with wide eyes. Then, she realized the cause of the alienation she had been feeling since earlier.
Cesare's eyes were strange. He was clearly making eye contact, but she didn't feel like he was looking at her. His eyes were hazy, like someone wandering in a dream.
"Cesare...?"
As she cautiously called his name, Cesare slowly reached out his hand. Aileen obediently watched him reach out to her without any suspicion. She waited for his touch, assuming he would stroke her hair or caress her cheek as usual.
But Cesare grabbed Aileen's neck.
"...!"
Aileen's breath was immediately cut off by the force of his large hand gripping her neck tightly. Aileen struggled to shake off his hand, but there was no way she could shake off the grip of a man who had lived as a soldier for so long.
She desperately tried to inhale air, opening her lips as wide as possible, but the hand tightening around her neck was resolute. Cesare kissed Aileen's face as lightly as a petal, while tightening his grip. With his other hand, he stroked Aileen's hair.
Why? Why?
She couldn't understand at all. He was the one she had been intimate with just a few hours ago. They had shared their affection, delving deeply into each other.
She couldn't believe that Cesare, of all people, was strangling her. The hand that had always cherished and cared for her was now harming her. Aileen let out painful groans.
"It's okay, Aileen."
Cesare soothed Aileen more tenderly and gently than ever before.
"Shh, good girl. It won't hurt as much this time either... It'll be over soon."
His low voice scattered in her ear. He kissed her lips, which were desperately trying to breathe, and whispered.
"I love you."
The moment she heard those words, the strength drained from her resisting body. Her limbs, which had been desperately trying to remove Cesare's hand, slumped down.
She knew. There was no sincerity in those words. It was just sweet talk to make her docile and easy to kill.
But it didn't matter. Aileen was no longer afraid.
'Cesare said he loved me.'
Having dared to hear such words, it was perhaps only natural that she had to pay the price with her death.
'There must be a reason why I have to die.'
If Cesare was killing her, there must be a clear reason. Even if it was a reason she couldn't fathom... Aileen was still okay.
From the beginning, her life belonged to Cesare. As his possession, it was his freedom to take it back.
Aileen, who had stopped all resistance, looked at Cesare through her blurring vision. She was glad that the last sight she would see in her life was his smiling face.
Aileen waited quietly for death. Her consciousness grew faint.
Suddenly, Malena came to mind. She had come to her, asking her to tell her how to die beautifully, wanting to become the most beautiful corpse in the Empire.
At the time, she hadn't understood her feelings, but now she felt like she understood them perfectly. For the sake of the person who would see her last moments, Aileen wanted to die in a way that wasn't unsightly.
It was just as she was struggling to pull up the corners of her mouth to somehow smile back at him, like a flower containing honey.
"... "
The face of the man who had been smiling sweetly like a flower containing honey hardened. He removed his hand from her neck. As the blocked airway opened, Aileen desperately inhaled air.
"Haa! Hicc, hngh..."
While instinctively opening her mouth wide to inhale as much air as possible, Cesare immediately got out of bed. He walked to a small table and picked up the letter knife used to open envelopes. Then, without hesitation, he slashed his palm.
"Hngh, Ce, Cesare...!"
The smell of blood spread quickly in the small bedroom. Aileen was startled by the self-harm she had witnessed and called out to him. She squeezed out a voice that wouldn't come out properly.
"Hand, stop, you're hurt..."
She forced herself to speak, swallowing the pain, but Cesare stared straight into Aileen's eyes and slashed his palm again with the letter knife.
A second red line was drawn on his faintly convulsing hand. But as if that wasn't enough, Cesare repeatedly slashed his own palm with the knife. Bright red blood flowed down his skin. Drop, drop, drops of blood fell to the floor, forming a puddle.
Aileen struggled to get up. She staggered as if she was about to fall at any moment, but she stubbornly walked over and hugged Cesare.
The hand that had been repeatedly harming himself finally stopped. Aileen cried as she hugged him. She cried out, forgetting even the pain in her aching vocal cords.
"Please..., hngh, stop... Rather, to me, hngh, to me..."
Trembling, she reached out her hand to Cesare. The red eyes that had been staring at Aileen until now slowly moved. Cesare, looking at her white, small hand, moved his lips.
"...Aileen."
His breathing was unstable.
"You are."
Cesare asked with trembling eyes.
"Are you my Aileen?"
