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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 66
Chapter Title: This Feeling
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“First, you focus on negotiating with the mages. I'll look into it more and contact you.”
Seeing him analyze the situation so coolly made me feel ashamed of my own assumptions.
“Alright. You must have been busy with so many things. You've worked really hard.”
To think I'd been wildly speculating about why Darcy hadn't come to see me—I couldn't have been more wrong.
“And what was that about Prince Ryan?”
The question I'd been expecting finally came, but with my excitement settled, I could think rationally.
Aside from us being friends, Ryan is a prince who stands in opposition to him.
And as the son of his enemy, Kies, he wouldn't have wanted to see him face-to-face.
“I'm not sure either. I was originally having a tea party with the young ladies, and he showed up as it was ending.”
“So it was a planned visit.”
“I talked to him, thinking I might be able to get some information out of him. But I got nothing.”
“…Marso.”
Darcy stepped closer, so near our lips could almost touch. He frowned at me, then whispered sweetly.
“Let me make this clear. Whatever Ryan does, know that you understand me far better.”
His voice was thick with a desperate appeal.
“So don't just let him into your room. Have some pity on the mansion.”
Pity on the mansion… I've never heard that expression before.
It was true that my conversation with Ryan had yielded nothing, so I nodded.
“Alright.”
“And don't go around hugging other people.”
…Darcy's comment came out of nowhere, catching me completely off guard.
‘So he did care after all.’
I blinked, then smiled.
“Are you talking about Eaton? He's still just a kid.”
“Still.”
“…Why?”
Normally, I would have responded calmly to Darcy's words. Honestly, I might have even been happy that he was concerned about me.
But today, his small considerations, his worries for me, felt somewhat bittersweet.
I was still waiting for him to define our relationship. And today, Princess Werna had forced me to confront that fact all over again.
‘How selfish of me.’
I hated this side of myself, the one that expected something from our relationship.
I'd told myself to respect him, but my own fickle heart felt foreign to me.
…But it wasn't right to unleash these feelings on Darcy.
Taking a breath, I lowered my head and apologized to Darcy.
“That just slipped out. I'm sorry, Darcy. I've been on edge for a few days preparing for the tea party. I'll be more careful from now on.”
Ryan hadn't even noticed my expression was fake, but Darcy sensed something was wrong from my voice alone.
“Marso, did something happen?”
And just like that, he called my name.
‘How can I not have expectations when he's like this?’
Something surged up inside me. I was so happy to see his face after so long that my emotions ran even wilder.
It was also true that I'd been upset he hadn't come to see me. I felt that way even though I knew he had a good reason.
“Marso.”
His prompting tone made me lift my head. I hoped the mask I wore to avoid his questioning was perfect.
“I'll be fine after some rest. You don't have to worry anymore.”
I returned his own words to him.
“This is more than enough comfort from a friend. You must be busy, so thank you for coming.”
In truth, there was a hint of spite in my words.
Darcy's eyes narrowed, as if he didn't like what I'd said.
“Marso, you're acting really strange today.”
“I know, right? I should probably get to bed early. I'll be better after a day's rest.”
“No, how can I believe you when you're making a face like that?”
In an instant, Darcy was close to me again.
His fingers brushed the corner of my eye. Only then did I realize a light tear had formed.
‘Maybe it's okay to confess a little.’
Hadn't I decided to be just as honest with him? I finally opened my mouth.
“Darcy.”
“Yes.”
“Today, Princess Werna asked about our relationship.”
“About our relationship? Why? Is the princess interested in you? I heard she wasn't on Ryan's side.”
Instead of naturally connecting Princess Werna to himself, he brought me into it, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.
‘Ah, I shouldn't be laughing while crying.’
I took a small step back from him, wiped away the rest of my tears, and looked at him as I answered.
“She's interested in you.”
Darcy looked disgusted.
“Unnecessary.”
It was the reaction I'd expected.
“But it was difficult for me to refuse her outright. So I asked her for a letter that I could give to you.”
“What letter?”
Darcy's sentences grew shorter and shorter.
His straight eyebrows and low voice spoke of his twisted mood.
“About how she could be of help to you.”
Was I imagining it? Darcy seemed to grow more and more disappointed with what I was saying.
“…You could have just refused.”
“But Darcy, think about Princess Werna's position. If you just talk to her, she could become a powerful ally.”
I couldn't just sever all his connections for my own sake.
“Darcy, I can't be the only person you can trust forever.”
I reminded him of reality.
“When this is all over, you'll leave… and I, left alone, might live a different life.”
When I become happy, Darcy will leave. I reminded him of the words he had long forgotten—words that even I had forgotten.
“There might even be someone else by my side.”
Those last words were barely a whisper.
Just because we're friends doesn't mean the relationship is eternal.
If he was going to keep living, Darcy's world needed to expand.
Judging by the fact he was meeting nobles, it seemed he was already working on this… but considering his usual attitude toward people, it was hard to say how smoothly it would go.
After this experience with Werna, I realized I hadn't prepared for anything.
I can't just cling to my relationship with Darcy.
His life can't be just about me, and my life can't be just about him.
Because if we don't feel the same way, it's a balance that will one day shatter.
“So in matters like this, let's both maintain a boundary. I'll be careful, too.”
“I won't meet Princess Werna, no matter what kind of letter she sends.”
Darcy declared after hearing me out. I had given the advice I could, and he had made his decision.
“…Alright.”
I don't know exactly where his choice came from. But I know his life couldn't have been easy for him to become this way, so I respect it.
“You have an eyelash on your face.”
As we were talking, Darcy suddenly stepped close to me again.
His hand caressed my cheek before falling away.
He lowered his head to look at me.
His silver hair fell on either side like an awning, creating a shade just for me. The face that only I could see was strange. An expression mixed with so many emotions was hard to describe.
“I wish you were greedier.”
“Greedier?”
“Tell people we're close. If any young ladies try to approach me, you can drive them away. You're allowed to do that. That's how precious you are to me.”
Darcy's words sounded like a confession.
“You're in a bad mood today because we don't have an official relationship, right? Then I'll lay down the law.”
Does he not know that this isn't something one can ask for as just a friend?
If this was a mistake he made because he's still inexperienced with relationships, it was right for me to point it out first.
So that our relationship could continue in a more mature way.
“Darcy, that's not what friends do.”
Darcy’s eyes blinked.
“If the relationship you want is friendship, then you shouldn't spread rumors like that.”
I said firmly.
“You can't reject the people who approach me, and I can't reject the people who approach you.”
“Why not?”
He asked, as if chiding me.
“Because that kind of jealousy is for lovers.”
At my words, Darcy narrowed his brow. His gaze darkened.
He always reacted sensitively whenever the topic of love came up.
He was clearly interested in me, and we might even feel the same way, yet Darcy hesitated to take that one step.
“Darcy, what are you afraid of?”
I had to know. If I just waited forever, we would both remain stuck here, aimlessly.
“This feeling.”
His low, sunken voice was his abyss.
“The me that covets your heart.”
So it wasn't just me.
It wasn't a feeling I felt alone.
My heart felt full.
All his actions toward me until now hadn't just been for a friend; they were romantic signals.
He holds me in his heart, too.
The feelings are mutual.
“It's the same for me.”
I carefully expressed my feelings. At my words, Darcy gave a faint smile. But he didn't look as happy as I was.
“I know this is truly wrong.”
“What's wrong about it?”
“Marso, my feelings and yours are different.”
“…”
“If we go any further from here, I'll end up destroying you one day. Just like my mother did to Emperor Kies.”
The story of his mother, which Darcy had almost never mentioned, came out.
I began to grasp the source of his trauma.
“Marso, my brainwashing isn't just limited to thoughts.”
He lightly touched his forehead to mine, then pulled away.
“It can deceive even emotions.”
His voice was terribly low.
“Aren't you afraid that I might one day brainwash your feelings?”
“…”
“You said you weren't afraid of my brainwashing. That's because you haven't truly experienced it yet.”
“…”
“After seeing the very bottom of me, do you think you could avoid doubting my feelings, my thoughts?”
He warned me. The wound he revealed from his abyss was deeper than I thought. The trauma, covered by a thick scab, was indeed quite large.
His warning to me, his serious expression—they were no different from when he faced Ryan earlier, yet I wasn't afraid.
Rather, I was happy to finally know the truth.
Because this was something I could accept.
I don't want Darcy to keep shouldering this burden alone. What he needs isn't for me to wait, but a hand reaching out to him first.
So I reached out my hand at once.
“If I'm prepared to face it.”
The only person who saved me when I was about to sink into lethargy.
“If I can trust your feelings without doubting you.”
How could I not love him?
“Darcy.”
I called his name.
“How can I not love the one who wishes for my happiness?”
I confessed my feelings with all my heart.
