Translator: Nox

54 - The Time of the Blind Beast (15+ Revised Edition)

Chapter 54

He was the man who always made Rose’s heart flutter. Unchanging, continuously, from the first day they met.

No matter how much she thought about it, she felt utterly unqualified, so shamelessly she felt, that she couldn’t even utter his name, yet still…

Even so.

In truth, she had known for a long time.

That all the times she had told herself it was fine no matter what he did to her, that he could treat her however he pleased, were merely excuses to justify this feeling.

If her feelings for him were solely guilt, she would never have been able to share her body, no matter what service she rendered. She wouldn’t have waited for the coming night every day.

She knew. These were feelings not permitted to her.

Still, just once, she wanted to speak the words she shouldn’t.

“Then you should have visited more often.”

A playful smile spread across his naturally cold face.

It was so tender it ached her heart.

She was bewildered that such tenderness could bring not happiness or gratitude, but sadness. Instead of her chest filling up, it felt hollow and empty. It was chilling.

As he tilted his head, his dark, disheveled hair tickled her chest. Rose carefully reached out and stroked the strands. Unlike her own long hair, which she could grasp in handfuls whenever she wished, his hair, cut short to cover his forehead, slipped through her fingers like sand, no matter how much she tried to gather it.

Even that, she completely let go of as Ezekiel moved down, pressing his lips against her soft skin.

“Rose, do you know your pulse beats even from here?”

Ezekiel, lifting her legs, pressed his lips to the back of her knees.

“It’s like a song, if you listen closely. Fast and soft.”

The warm sensation gradually crept up her inner thighs. What had felt merely ticklish around her calves and knees began to throb with a tingling heat.

It felt as if her heart was leaping wherever he touched. Her fingers curled into fists on their own. Somewhere in her belly, she found it hard to bear the ticklish feeling. Rose scratched the bed with her fingertips.

She recalled that on the first night they made love, it had taken a long time for him to explore and map out every part of her body, but now there were no hesitations in their movements. He held Rose’s waist with one hand, pressing into her soft skin with practiced ease, leaving marks as he pleased.

“Ah!”

A wave of exquisite pleasure washed over her, and an involuntary moan escaped her lips. At the same time, the man’s desire against her legs grew more palpable. Perhaps because he was a soldier who was supposed to remain composed in any crisis, this man, who appeared more detached than anyone, was the only one who didn’t hide his intense desire in front of her. It was as if he was saying, I want to enter you, I want to become one with you.

Trying to escape the persistent chill, Rose pulled Ezekiel closer. She clung to his body, which was hard and quivering with arousal. She couldn’t let go, knowing that she would soon miss this embrace, this warmth.

She wanted to be submerged deeper in the heat.

Or perhaps, she wanted to melt away completely.

Lost for a moment in the night’s heat he offered, forgetting everything.

“Rose.”

Ezekiel called her name. Even amidst the dizzying sway of uncontrolled sensation, Rose gathered the last thread of her reason.

“Yes…”

“Rose.”

He called again. His voice seemed deeper somehow.

“…Yes.”

“Rose.”

“…”

Rose opened her eyes, which had been half-closed. And she met Ezekiel’s burning gaze, which was wandering around her face. His dark blue pupils, filled with pleasure, weren’t following her face but were fixed on something just beyond, slightly askew.

Suddenly, a chill ran down her spine.

Who was he looking at with those eyes? And what was he imagining?

The woman he was so tenderly calling out to must be a fantasy woman with red hair and green eyes.

That woman…

“Wait a moment, Rose. I will meet you soon.”

…It wasn’t me.

It was a fleeting moment. Before she could even calm her heart, her vision blurred and then abruptly fell away. Rose quickly turned her head to the side. She didn’t want him to see her tears now.

Ezekiel, holding her tightly, increased his pace, her body slick with sweat. Rose was surprised anew that such a profound climax could be reached despite the vast chasm between body and mind.

Neither her body nor her mind felt like her own.

It was as if she wasn’t herself.

What about this man? Did he wish for this night to pass quickly, or to linger slowly?

“Rose, are you tired?”

“…No.”

“You seemed too quiet, so I called out. What time is it? Has it passed midnight already?”

She felt as if her thoughts had been read. Swallowing the throbbing pain, Rose shook her head.

“…Not yet.”

Through the curtained window, the stars twinkled unusually, but she pretended not to see them.

“It hasn’t ended yet.”

When dawn breaks, he would undergo surgery.

She wished this night, this ‘today,’ would not end.

“Rose.”

Ezekiel pressed his forehead against hers.

“I only need you by my side.”

It was a common promise. A declaration of love that lovers always made, a natural expectation of one person for another.

But for Rose, it was not natural. It was the most difficult promise. The unspoken answer she couldn’t return stung.

He would never even guess the meaning of her silence. This man had never doubted her. He had always shown her trust and faith.

To such a man, Rose had been constantly lying. Looking back, her own actions felt so meager and insignificant that sometimes she felt not just ashamed, but mortified.

“Rose, promise me you’ll stay by my side throughout the surgery.”

She was relieved that a request with a possible answer had come.

Rose pulled his sweat-dampened neck closer and whispered her reply.

“I will.”

This was the only thing she was confident about. She was glad she didn’t have to lie. For as long as she could be by his side, she would stay, not going anywhere.

Two hearts beating at the same rhythm, tilted and overlapped.

Rose slowly gathered her languid body. The end of a long, sticky union usually led to a sleep akin to unconsciousness, but today was different. She endured the overwhelming fatigue, keeping her eyes open until the very end.

Finally, Ezekiel’s eyelids slowly drooped shut. Rose feigned sleep, holding her breath, tracing and re-tracing the man’s beautiful contours.

Until the moon waned and the night light faded.

And until the dawn’s first light painted the sky pale blue again.

---

Ezekiel’s insistence on undergoing surgery without opium, and Polina’s argument that it was the only way she could endure the pain, remained unresolved until just before the operation. Dr. Briman arrived even earlier than scheduled, and Madam Serva had already prepared the drawing-room as an operating room, yet the surgery was delayed somewhat because of this.

“If you move even slightly from your fixed position, I will stop the surgery immediately. And I will never participate in this surgery again.”

After mediation from Rose and Dr. Briman, Polina was the one who ultimately conceded.

“Alright. We’ll do it that way.”

Ezekiel readily agreed.

Servants soon entered. They were strong men handpicked by Madam Serva. As the surgery required extremely delicate manual skill, these men were tasked with physically restraining Ezekiel’s limbs to the bed throughout the procedure.

“Rose, are you sure you’ll be alright?”

Madam Serva looked at Rose with concern.

“Is it truly alright to leave a young lady like you here… Even I, who has seen it all, don’t have the courage to watch this surgery.”

After hearing the surgical procedure from Rose, Madam Serva had declared it a scene she couldn’t bear to witness and gave up on observing. She had even been drinking brandy since morning, saying her heart was too unsteady to sit still.

“If you think it’ll be too difficult to watch sober, tell me now. I’ll have them bring Rose some brandy too. Wouldn’t it be better if you were a little tipsy?”

“I’m fine. Please don’t worry.”

Rose quickly shook her head, refusing the offer.

She couldn’t afford to waste this time, which might become precious minute by minute later, in a dazed, drunken state.