42 - The Time of the Blind Beast (15+ Revised Edition)
Chapter 42
Even his voice held no particular emotion. It was the calm indifference of a man for whom being born Valdemara was so self-evident that he had never truly considered any other possibility.
All courage evaporated in an instant.
Was it okay to continue speaking?
Hesitating, Rose opened her mouth again.
“Major, you've fought wars in positions that were more difficult, dangerous, and burdensome than others. Wouldn't you feel resentful or regretful, thinking that if you had just been the son of an ordinary family, you wouldn't have had to suffer like this?”
“Not at all.”
He answered immediately again.
“If you are born Valdemara, you must be Valdemara until you die. I am proud that I was born Valdemara and had the opportunity to make a name for myself.”
His reaction was so solid that there was no room for even a needle to penetrate.
He was a man for whom being born Valdemara was so natural, and who had no intention of escaping it.
“What His Excellency desires is that you are no longer Valdemara. He said to live quietly, hidden where his eyes and ears cannot reach, never setting foot in Claris again for the rest of your life…”
If he had revealed even for a moment that he had envisioned a life as an ordinary person, or if he had said he was even slightly willing to accept such a life, Rose would have carefully broached the matter Merlo had brought.
She would have said that, just like during their walk today, there are many small, comforting joys in the world if one looks for them, that it’s fine not to live extravagantly, and that she would be by his side forever, acting as his eyes, ears, and hands.
So… if it were possible, if he had even the slightest inclination, she would have asked, what about leaving this place together, burying the past, and living in pursuit of small happinesses?
She had harbored such a selfish wish.
But the life he desired was vastly different from Rose’s wish.
His orbit was far larger and more distant than hers, allowing them to share a fleeting moment but not to travel together for their entire lives.
Rose followed the stars in her mind, drifting somewhere in the night sky where the light had vanished.
It was a night full of secrets, for both her and the stars.
Merlo’s suspicion, which had been probing Achenaus just then, still lingered in her ears. Shaking her head was useless.
She still wasn't sure if her response had been correct.
“I don’t understand. Even so, they are trying to cast you out of the family worse than anyone else, and now it’s Valdemara’s prerogative to decide which woman stays by the Major’s side?”
Merlo’s suspicion had momentarily weakened her resolve. However, Rose quickly held herself back.
She couldn't waver here yet. It was an accusation based on suspicion, not evidence. She had to keep her wits about her.
Rose prayed her trembling wouldn't show outwardly and shot back at Merlo.
Half of it was courage, and half was pride.
“Doesn’t the Valdemara family have no right to interfere with the Major? You couldn’t even reveal who you are or what errand you were on, and were just secretly spying. At least it’s clear who among us is honest before the Major. Whether you suspect me or not is none of my concern.”
“I apologize if my interference sounded rude. I had no intention of upsetting you, Miss.”
Merlo showed a flicker of surprise at her retort and quickly tried to smooth things over. The messenger, having instantly calculated his next move, bowed his head and offered a polite apology.
“Actually, I did hear some things about you as well. The elderly butler of this mansion, in particular, seems to be very fond of you. He mentioned you have a unique connection with Ezekiel.”
Rose was not surprised. This was a messenger who, upon arriving in Derosa, had immediately gathered rumors about Ezekiel to prepare himself. Likewise, he must have subtly inquired or overheard from the staff about Rose’s story.
“No matter how I look at it, it’s an impeccable, heartwarming story, so I was suspicious. When you belong to a large mansion like Valdemara and interact with all sorts of people, you develop occupational hazards. What they call paranoia, perhaps. The thought that all perfectly beautiful stories in existence might be fabricated. Claris is a place where so many scripts and lies abound.”
The man explained himself with earnestness. Rose stood still, watching Merlo.
“We will likely need each other’s help often in the future, and I don’t want to ruin your mood over something like this. I made a mistake. And please, I ask for your cooperation going forward.”
Whether he backed down because he needed her cooperation regarding Ezekiel, or because he had truly let go of his doubts, it was unclear, but Merlo expressed no further suspicion.
“By the way, this is quite bothersome to keep hearing.”
Ezekiel muttered, lost in thought for a moment.
“Yes?”
Had she accidentally let something slip?
Rose hastily reviewed every word of her conversation with Ezekiel.
“Rose, how long are you going to call me Major?”
“……Yes?”
“You know my name.”
Ezekiel.
Rose repeated it silently.
Ezekiel.
How could she call him that name? It was a name tangled with too many complicated circumstances and a jumble of emotions. She didn’t have the confidence to call him Ezekiel without guilt. Just imagining it made her want to cry.
“Later… later.”
“Why?”
“I am an employee. I must maintain the proper courtesy befitting our contractual relationship.”
Her excuse was still the difference in their social status.
“Is our relationship just a normal contract?”
“……For now, I was hired by the mansion and am still working and receiving a salary. If I am treated too exceptionally among Madam Serva and the other colleagues, it would be awkward for us to work together.”
Ezekiel sighed at her explanation.
“I suppose I need to finish the treatment quickly. There are too many things that need to be set right.”
Problems, tied down by a single eye, were piling up.
Ezekiel furrowed his brow. Rose gently rubbed his narrowed eyes with her finger to smooth them out.
“When my eye is healed…”
She couldn’t promise anything yet, but if his blindness were cured, she would absolutely have to remain unseen.
Her time in this mansion would have to be treated like a dream.
However, he seemed to have misunderstood her unspoken thoughts. He interpreted it as a stepping stone to continue the conversation, asking what she intended to set right once her eye was healed.
“I will get revenge. On Achenaus and that woman who did this to me. I intend to repay them as much as I have suffered.”
His sudden surge of vengefulness bit into Rose.
Rose gasped.
Ah, she had forgotten, engrossed by the warmth he had begun to show her, that she was harboring a man consumed by hatred.
It felt like a stab to the heart. It was chillingly numb.
“Did I speak frighteningly? Rose, why are you trembling?”
He sensed it keenly, though it was merely a fleeting tremor.
“You don’t need to be scared, it’s not like I’m going to harm you. You understand my feelings better than anyone. You’ve seen me all this time.”
“……Of course. I understand.”
She saw the man who had lost faith in humanity. She saw the man who had fallen to the loneliest position in the world. She saw the man living a life devoid of light. She saw the man stripped of reason and freedom. She saw the man living day by day, dependent on opium and alcohol.
She had ruined him with these hands. There was no excuse.
Ezekiel’s anger and desire for revenge were justified. She understood. And someday, he would surely harm her.
Even so.
Despite all that.
She could find no way to control this heart.
