Translator: Nox

Chapter 30

It was only natural.

A family I finally gained in this life after returning from death. Precious people who cherished and loved one another.

To think I could trade the safety of all those people for my own life?

That was nonsense. It shouldn’t even be an option.

“…Wouldn’t it? Or, if unnie got married a bit sooner….”

“No.”

“Why, why not? My big brother is still….”

“No.”

“If unnie comes to the House of Castline, we can definitely protect you!”

“Who gets married just for protection! It’s not like getting a divorce is easy, either!”

“Oppa will say he likes the idea too!”

That was exactly the problem….

Sighs kept escaping me. No, your brother utterly despised me for being jealous of you, getting angry, clinging to him, and even causing that accident, so he would basically…

—I am merely glad that you finally seem to have realized why I have looked upon you as if you were vermin all this time.

He’s the kind of person who recites lines like that!

He’s a stubborn man who abandoned his fiancée to dance with another woman at her debutante ball, and wouldn’t even offer a single word of comfort—even out of mere politeness—to his weeping, throwing-a-tantrum fiancée!

It was right then.

“What is it that you say I would like?”

…Raymon abruptly stepped into the room. I looked with a startled face at Bibi’s maid (the former assassin) who had opened the door without making a sound.

However, with her characteristic indifferent face, she looked at Bibi as if she had simply done what was expected of her.

Bibi, as if the timing were perfect, spoke up with a triumphant expression.

“You came at the right time, oppa!”

“Bibi?”

“Listen! Unnie says she won’t let me be completely on her side! She said no!”

“…….”

The man’s lips, which had parted as if to habitually recite that ‘one must respect the other’s wishes,’ closed again. Then, with a somewhat troubled face, he looked back and forth between me and Bibi.

No, what are you troubled about right now?

“The reason why is, she says if she does that, she’ll be used as bait and the House of Castline will be in danger too! So I said!”

Wait, are you seriously treading on that and titter-tattling to Raymon?!

If you put it like that, I look like some incredibly devoted benefactor who sincerely worries about the House of Castline! I looked at Bibi, absolutely aghast.

“Bibi! That—that wasn’t the point of what I meant!”

“So I asked if we couldn’t just move up the wedding between unnie and oppa!”

Good heavens, what kind of sister sells off her brother’s marriage as a way to repay a debt?! Bibi, you weren’t this kind of character, were you?! And we still have several years left before we reach adulthood!

Whether I stood there with my mouth agape in horror or not, Raymon narrowed his eyes at Bibi’s words.

“…That could be one of the ways.”

“What do you mean ’one of the ways,’ are you crazy?!”

“Though the treaty with the Imperial Family is a bit of a hurdle…. The Emperor will likely agree.”

“Won’t you listen to me first? I said I hate the idea. I said it won’t work. And even if we marry, the Emperor can still easily manipulate….”

“The House of Castline is not so incompetent that it cannot protect the Duchess.”

No, I mean, for me, there is… nothing that makes it worth taking such a risk….

For a moment, I was so dumbfounded that I was lost for words.

You’ll protect me? Me? If I become the Duchess?

In an instant, I came to understand Titania’s plight in the original story all too well.

Right. Because she threatened Bibi’s life, she was… so thoroughly destroyed and brought to rock bottom. While they had ignored her like a common fly before, once she tried to poison their precious Bibi, that was the end.

So now that I’ve saved that precious Bibi’s life, my situation must have changed 180 degrees.

It was just a little bit funny, and a little bit sad.

So I lifted my head. I looked toward Raymon, who was watching me with those strangely vivid gold eyes, and Bibi, whose eyes were sparkling as if anticipating something.

“I am sorry, but the thing is, I cannot trust the Ducal House.”

I smiled.

Even if I did save Bibi, it was thanks to their favor that I was able to eat, dress, and enjoy things far beyond my station, even being able to punish the maids.

It was probably my own arrogance to say such a thing. To think I could earn even a shred of goodwill, make some paltry deal, and cling to my life. To think I could flee from the Imperial Palace and live independently of them.

The ‘me’ from those days would mock the ‘me’ of now.

It was actually easier to forgive Prince Adrian. It wasn’t even difficult. But….

“There is no one who does not know the relationship between the current Imperial Family and the Ducal House, and there is no one who does not know the track record of Imperial Princess Titania, who was wicked and ignorant, obsessing over her fiancé. Based on what do you trust me enough to so easily bring me into the heart of the Ducal House and call me the future Duchess?”

Bibi lowered her darkened gaze to the floor. I felt a bit sorry for Bibi.

But to Raymon—yes, to Raymon, who spoke so easily of marrying me.

This was something that had to be said at least once.

—…Why doesn’t Raymon like me the most?’

After waking up from the brink of death, the things the young Titania had endured rose up in my heart with piercing clarity.

The most vivid memory was this.

She hadn’t even had her debutante, and she had no connections outside the Imperial Palace to invite her. Titania, as shabby as a bird raised in a cage within the palace.

Unable to step out anywhere unless it was a banquet held inside the Imperial Palace, yet she changed her dress every single day, applied powder so thick her skin couldn’t be seen, and groomed her hair over and over again.

Like a flower withering away. Even though a single reply never came back. Waiting for a single line of a letter. Waiting. And waiting again.

She was endlessly foolish and full of stubbornness, clumsy and blind, but Titania loved Raymon.

Unlike herself, she was proud of him, who was recognized by everyone. Because he seemed to shine. Because he was the first ‘fiancé’ she ever had, when she had no one she could even call family.

‘It is said that such a handsome gentleman and such a lovely lady are destined to become a pair; they truly suit each other well.’

When exactly had she heard those words? Was it during their first meeting?

After hearing that, she felt she had to be pretty at all times to be worthy of Raymon. She thought that if she wasn’t pretty, she would lose her qualification as his fiancée.

Even if it was an endlessly foolish and blind unrequited love, it was still love. Even if it was a heart that bloomed in a mess because she didn’t know the proper form or color of love, it was certainly that.

‘…….’

No matter how stupid one is, it’s impossible to be completely ignorant of the true feelings of the one they love.

Perhaps that was why, on that day, seeing her fiancé dancing the first dance of the debutante ball with some random young lady, Titania must have fallen into despair.

‘Why does Raymon…….’

It had all been meaningless.

Seeing that endlessly cold and blunt gaze settle on her, seeing that he didn’t even offer an explanation. She had realized it, bone-deep.

‘I, like, Raymon, the most, but….’

Everything she had done until then had been for nothing.

Titania had nothing, so even if it was such a foolish love, it was close to everything she possessed.

To deny that was no different from denying her entire life.

Even if she changed her clothes hundreds of times and touched up her makeup hundreds of times. Even if she decorated herself by changing the flowers that bloomed each season over and over. She couldn’t buy a single smile.

If so, wasn’t the meaning clear?

There was no problem with the clothes, the makeup, or the flowers.

She was the problem.

And so, she wailed, not even caring that her makeup was becoming a mess.

It didn’t matter.

Raymon—her fiancé, whom she loved—really… wouldn’t have cared at all, whether she was pretty or not.

Presumably, that was why she had finally hovered around the second-floor balcony to draw her mother’s attention.

She was still obsessed with Raymon and craved his love, but in the deepest part of her heart, she had resigned herself.

It was just that until now, she had lived only as a pretty, stupid doll. As the girl who would become the future mistress of the House of Castline. She was simply living the way she had always lived, but….

Since she had given up on the one and only being she believed would give her affection, she had turned her attention to her biological mother with a heart that thought, maybe, just maybe.

When she had cried and pleaded before things turned out that way, he had ignored her like that.

When the Imperial Princess, who had died and come back to life, recited information from an unknown source at a tea time, he had threatened her with a sword.

“You ought to be wary.”

Raymon’s expression wavered.

Even though it shouldn’t be possible, he looked agitated. Perhaps, as if he were regretting.

Regret? How laughable. It was merely the dream of the dead Titania.

I wish my fiancé would lose me and regret it to the point of death, even just once. I wish he would regret it too late, thinking he should have held my hand then, he should have loved me.

A childish dream. An endlessly selfish, blind, and foolish dream. Like the dreams of the dead usually are, a dream that would never come true.