Chapter 15
If I Tell You to Eat, You Have to Eat
Liana recalled the harbor ablaze in crimson. The acrid smell of smoke seeping into her lungs remained unforgettable.
“When you pass through the deepest night, I will be there.”
That single phrase echoed in her mind, refusing to leave.
Liana looked at the man sitting across the table.
He appeared utterly unfamiliar.
The cold eyes, the raven-black hair, the luxurious shirt, the impeccably pressed trousers, the gleaming black leather shoes polished free of dust.
A perfectly handsome Duke.
An arrogant man brimming with the confidence that he could have anything he wanted.
A man of authority who didn't need to possess kindness or consideration.
Clearly, he was a completely different person from the slave boy.
But…
“When you pass through the deepest night, I will be by your side, Milady.”
Why did his voice overlap with that memory?
Do you remember that promise too?
Does that time remain somewhere within the changed you?
Liana recalled the rough but gentle hand that had pulled her from nightmares late at night.
She had frequent nightmares as a child.
Nights crushed by fear-induced insomnia.
When all the nightmares and terrible despair scattered from his touch, she could close her eyes again without fear.
But now, he was willingly becoming a nightmare himself, dragging her down into the mire.
Liana bit her lip.
Words she had held back for years welled up to her throat.
The day I abandoned you, I wanted to protect you with all my might.
The harsh words I poured out on you were not sincere.
They were selfish lies.
If I didn't say those things, I thought I would have lingering feelings. That someday I would embrace this curse and come to find you, to beg you to wake me from the nightmare.
So… I lied to you.
But the words that had risen to her throat boiled hotly before sinking down like heavy lead weights.
For her, truth was a sin.
If honesty was a virtue for angels, then lies were a virtue for demons.
A demon's sincere confession only spreads curses.
The treasonous crime of heresy spreads like an epidemic.
Those involved in treason are treated as the same criminals, and even if innocent, they are punished together.
To prevent the spread of that epidemic, she had to seal the terrible disease with silence.
So she swallowed and swallowed again the leaden truth deep within her heart, piling it up.
Even if her chest felt stuffy, heavy, and throbbing as if she had indigestion, there was nothing she could do.
That was the price a sinner had to pay.
That was why she had tried to run away.
Because it was painful to swallow lead weights every day.
Because she would have to swallow even more lead weights if she went to Ideana.
'I barely managed to bury it…'
Shed Lester appeared and dug up all the memories she had struggled to distance herself from for eight years, scattering them about.
At that moment, a 'knock, knock' sound wedged itself between the two of them. It seemed to create a small gap in the suffocating air.
“Your Excellency, dinner is ready.”
It was Werner's voice.
“Come in.”
At Shed's permission, the door opened, and Werner and the maids brought the meal into the room to prepare it.
They placed the food on the table in the bedroom and quietly withdrew.
As Werner, the last to leave, closed the door, Liana felt trapped in a secret chamber once more.
Then, Shed, who was sitting somewhat far from the table, turned his gaze back to Liana.
“Sit.”
He indicated the chair opposite him with his chin.
When Liana hesitated, his brow furrowed again.
“I’ll say it again, I don’t like repeating myself.”
He warned in a low voice, as if this was his last time.
Liana lowered her head.
She followed Shed's command and headed to the chair opposite him.
And after hesitating for a moment, she sat awkwardly on the edge of the chair, as if it were covered in thorns.
The meal prepared by the maids was laid out on the table.
Simple tomato soup, bread, turnip pickles, and roasted vegetables.
It was a somewhat modest meal for a Duke, but it looked appetizing with the warmth that remained as if it had just been made.
Liana felt, embarrassingly, a pang of hunger at that moment.
Come to think of it, all she had eaten since the night before last was a single glass of cheap beer she had ordered at the tavern last night.
Having walked and run constantly without getting a wink of sleep, and with an empty stomach, the hunger that came with the smell of food ached as if twisting her stomach.
“Eat.”
Shed said to Liana, who was in that state.
He sat leaning back as if he had no intention of eating in the first place, crossing his legs and folding his arms like a bystander.
'He's telling… me to eat this?'
She had clearly heard his command, but Liana couldn't pick up the spoon and sat still.
Then Shed's eyes narrowed even further.
“I don’t like to repeat…”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
Just as Shed was about to unleash his annoyance, Liana asked.
She couldn't understand Shed Lester.
He acted kindly while giving her hateful looks, leaving behind strange possibilities.
Liana would have preferred him to hurl insults at her, hate her, and despise her.
But Shed cursed her, yet offered her touches of warmth.
“Why, when you hate me…”
“Liana Serpens.”
Shed rose from his seat at Liana's question.
“Haven’t you adjusted yet?”
“What…”
“Realize your position.”
Shed ran his hand through his hair irritably.
The right to ask questions, the right to have doubts, the right to object to orders.
Those were not things a maid could have.
A Duke didn't need to explain every order to a maid, convince her of the reasons, or ask for her opinion.
All that was permitted to her was obedience.
“Even if there’s poison in that soup, you have to eat it if I tell you to.”
Shed slammed the table irritably, causing the dishes to rattle and shake once.
Liana swallowed her breath.
Her chest felt heavy and stifled, and she even forgot her hunger.
However, as a maid, she obeyed Shed's command.
With trembling hands, she picked up the spoon and took a mouthful of the soup.
She couldn't tell what it tasted like or what kind of aroma it had.
The smooth soup remained in her mouth like rough grains of sand.
“Swallow.”
Shed said when Liana remained still with the soup in her mouth.
Liana forced the tomato soup down her constricted throat.
It felt as if something like tomato granules were stuck in the middle of her esophagus.
Liana, who barely managed to swallow the soup, quickly put down the spoon and stood up from her seat.
Then Shed's large hand pressed down on her shoulder, forcing her back into her seat.
“Eat until I tell you to stop.”
Liana opened her lips to retort again, but then closed them.
And as he commanded, she picked up the spoon and fork again.
Even though it was just a simple meal on a single plate, it seemed infinitely distant to Liana, as if a banquet were spread out on the table.
The soup seemed to never decrease no matter how much she ate.
The turnip pickles and roasted vegetables seemed to have been made by plowing an entire field.
She forced herself to swallow the food, waiting for Shed to tell her to stop soon.
Shed sat far away, watching her as if he were monitoring her.
The speed at which the fork moved was slow.
She chewed on a small piece of bread for what felt like an eternity.
As if she were staging a protest.
She must be hungry.
She hadn't been able to eat anything since meeting him, and probably even before meeting him.
But she forked at the food he gave her as if it were garbage, as if he were torturing her, as if it were disgusting.
He couldn't figure out what was going on in that small head of hers.
There was a time when he could see through her heart clearly. There seemed to have been a time when he could see all the way to the depths without hesitation, like a clear lake.
But now it was hazy like fog, and he couldn't see an inch ahead.
What she was thinking, what she wanted.
Was that why?
Even though she was clearly in front of him, it felt like she would disappear if he closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them.
Even if he reached out his hand, it felt like she would disappear like smoke and he wouldn't be able to touch her.
What should I do with you?
Just what do I have to do to make this anxiety completely disappear?
He hadn't been able to close his eyes even once since yesterday, and his head was burning as if it had caught fire and wouldn't go out.
His heart was pounding as if he had taken stimulants, but his head throbbed and ached.
Yes. Would this suffocating anxiety end if I killed you?
No, I can't do that.
It wouldn't be fair if it ended that easily.
Dying is too simple and comfortable.
Shed knew.
That life was a more terrible punishment than death.
Perhaps death was the only salvation that God had given to humans.
Humans were desperately running towards the salvation of death in this hell called life.
He couldn't easily give her that blessing as a gift.
Even now, wasn't she standing in front of him with a desperate expression as if she had fallen into hell?
Shed felt somehow angry at that sight, and he gulped down the alcohol in his glass.
At the moment he was about to put the glass down irritably, his gaze stopped on Liana's legs. Below the dark hem of her dress under the table, a bit of her calf was visible.
Shed was silent as if lost in thought, then picked up his sword and rose from his seat. Liana's head tilted up slightly as Shed, who had been sitting all along, moved greatly.
As if a beast were walking without making a sound, he quietly approached the opposite side.
And in an instant, the cold tip of the sword was pressed close to her ankle.
Liana shuddered at the chilling sensation.
The silver, glittering blade slowly rose along the soft curves. A cool sensation brushed against her leg.
The hem of the skirt covering her calf was caught on the tip of the sword and slowly lifted up.
And.
“It’s gone.”
The violet eyes said as if chanting, looking at her white calf.
