Chapter 57
Julian raised his hand.
Just as he was about to knock, Rebecca's voice came again.
"Don't."
"How do you know what I was going to do?"
"Don't knock, Julian."
"......"
"I can't refuse if you ask me to let you in. So don't ask me. I can't possibly see you right now."
"Rebecca......"
"I'm sorry. I'm repaying your kindness in this way. When I get better... when I return to my original self, let's meet then. The me then will be the Rebecca you know."
"You're Rebecca now, too."
"Goodbye, Julian."
Julian closed his mouth at the blatant farewell.
He remembered what Rebecca had whispered to Leo in the Lilac Garden.
'Julian... what kind of expression would Julian make if he saw my face now?'
He felt like he knew why she was doing this.
He wanted to say that it was okay, that he didn't care what she looked like.
But Julian couldn't say anything because he thought that even those words would hurt her now.
She might think he was pitying her.
Julian crumpled the note in his hand. And after struggling to suppress the words he wanted to say, he carefully chose his words.
"I'll come again. I have to come... to pick up the journal."
There was no answer from beyond the door.
Julian took it as a silent affirmation and offered a heartfelt word.
"So don't be sick until then."
As Julian's presence faded away, Rebecca, who had been holding her breath and pressing her ear to the door, collapsed to the floor.
He's coming again.
She hated those words terribly, but when she thought he hadn't said them, her heart ached again.
Rebecca quietly went to the dressing table and sat down.
Even though her symptoms had improved a lot, her face hadn't gotten any better.
"Ah!"
As she traced her face, recalling her former self, a Pustule burst under her touch.
Rebecca's brow furrowed deeply at the stinging pain.
Rebecca took a tissue and pressed it against the Pustule to wipe it away.
Staring blankly at the tissue stained with blood, Rebecca burst into a hollow laugh.
There was a time when she loved her beautiful face, but at some point, she began to think of her dazzling face as a curse.
If she had been ordinary, if she had had an appearance so ordinary that people wouldn't have noticed her, there would have been no reason for her to come back to life from death.
That thought hadn't changed even now.
She even found the reactions of people who were disgusted by her changed appearance quite amusing.
But why couldn't she bear the thought of Julian reacting the same way as them?
Even when Zeppelin screamed when he saw her covered in Pustules in her previous life, it didn't hurt this much.
'I want to look pretty.'
Even if everyone in the world pointed fingers at her and called her ugly, she wanted Julian, at least, to think she was beautiful.
So that he would shine his passionate golden eyes at her, bring his soft hair to her hand, asking her to caress him, and press his hot lips against her forehead, her cheeks, her lips, no, all over her body.
Rebecca squeezed her eyes shut.
"It's greed."
She resented her heart, which knew it was a greed she had to abandon but didn't seem to want to stop at all.
Wouldn't it be okay just to think, just to imagine it secretly?
Even as she thought that, she was afraid that she might actually do it someday.
So she would fall uncontrollably for him, get hurt, and inflict wounds again.
"No, no."
That wouldn't do.
After all, she was destined not to be with him until the end.
It was right not to even start.
Rebecca slowly approached the window.
She could hear the song of the fields.
Along with the pure sound of the wind, cheerful laughter also came over her window.
Every time Julian visited the house, the laughter from downstairs grew louder.
He was like a magician. A magician who picked out only the things that would make her happy and made them bloom.
Rebecca leaned her head weakly against the window.
She quietly imagined her family and herself with him, then squeezed her eyes shut.
"Oh, my! You look so beautiful!"
Sandra clapped her hands and exclaimed in admiration.
Her words were not empty.
Alicia, wearing a lilac dress that was the same color as her hair, was very lovely.
"Really? Does it suit me well?"
Alicia's cheeks flushed red.
Sandra nodded repeatedly instead of answering, and brought out beads to decorate the dress, placing them here and there.
Sandra's atelier was currently the most popular in the capital.
You had to contact her three months in advance to make a reservation. Even then, it was first-come, first-served, so the competition was fierce.
But the Devonshire Earl's Residence was an exception.
Rebecca was like a muse to Sandra.
If she could make a dress for her, she would even postpone the princess's schedule.
So when the Devonshire Earl's Residence requested a custom dress, she was thrilled.
The rumors circulating in the world that Zeppelin and Rebecca had divorced seemed to be false after all.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Alicia."
However, it was unexpectedly Alicia who got out of the Devonshire Earl's carriage.
Sandra was shocked, but she couldn't cancel the reservation, so she had no choice but to let Alicia into the store.
Contrary to her worries, Alicia was a pretty good customer.
Perhaps because she was a commoner, she was curious about everything. Her sparkling, innocent eyes made Sandra smile involuntarily.
'But......'
She missed Rebecca.
The thrill of making a dress that fit her perfectly was worth more than a billion gold coins.
Sandra considered herself an artist before a merchant.
So it was only natural that Sandra secretly sighed when she saw Zeppelin, who had accompanied Alicia today.
The two seemed to be getting along quite well.
'I guess the divorce rumors are true.'
The divorce rumors of the Earl and Countess, who had been a fantastic couple, were heating up society.
That was all anyone was talking about wherever she went.
The Marquess Petunia, who visited this morning, kept talking about it the whole time.
It seemed that opinions were divided between those who understood Zeppelin and those who sympathized with Rebecca.
Sandra thought it was fortunate that Rebecca had returned to her parents' home.
Since the Obelia family had rarely appeared in society since their fortunes had declined, she wouldn't be able to hear the detailed stories that people were talking about.
Rebecca's fragile heart wouldn't be able to withstand the knife-like stories of society.
In any case, it seemed to be a foregone conclusion that she would not be able to see Rebecca in the future.
Sandra's complexion darkened slightly when she thought about that.
"Um, Sandra?"
"Ah, yes."
Sandra was startled out of her reverie by Alicia's warbling voice.
She quickly put on a businesslike smile and looked at Alicia.
"Will this dress also suit me when I have blonde hair?"
"Pardon?"
"I might dye it later for a change of pace."
"Ah. Of course. This dress also goes well with the color of your eyes, madam."
At Sandra's answer, Alicia glanced at Zeppelin for a moment.
He had piled up a mountain of documents on the ornate reception table and was frantically scanning them.
She didn't like that he wasn't looking at her properly, but it was okay.
Alicia was already satisfied just to have come to the capital with him.
After stamping the divorce papers with Rebecca at the temple, Zeppelin spent the day as usual.
No, he was twice as busy as usual.
He was taking care of the vineyard and expanding the hotel business.
He was engrossed in business like a man possessed.
Everything was going smoothly. Life without Rebecca was quite peaceful.
Sometimes, people who asked about the divorce broke the peace.
But each time, Zeppelin would just smile and avoid answering. Then peace would return.
"Earl, do you like it?"
Alicia smiled sweetly and spun around once.
Zeppelin raised his head and looked at her.
Alicia approached Zeppelin from behind with a sparrow-like gait.
She massaged Zeppelin's tense shoulders.
These days, Alicia only did things that pleased him.
Zeppelin stroked Alicia's belly.
A faint smile spread across his lips as he felt the wriggling movements of the baby.
"Pretty."
That one word was enough.
Alicia asked Sandra for the design of another dress with a satisfied look.
With Rebecca gone, Alicia felt happy for the first time since coming to the Count's Residence.
Zeppelin acted like a caring father, and the servants no longer treated Alicia carelessly as they used to.
Now she could have anything she wanted.
But from time to time, an uncontainable anxiety came over her.
An eerily sharp intuition made Alicia tremble.
For example, when she found Zeppelin chasing after Rebecca's room with empty eyes.
Or when she made stupid remarks like now.
"That's right. I need to buy jewelry to match that dress. After we leave here, let's go to the jewelry store on the corner."
Alicia tilted her head at Zeppelin's words.
"Pardon? We just went to the jewelry store on the corner. Is there another jewelry store there?"
Zeppelin paused.
Lately, his memories had been flickering on and off like light bulbs.
He blankly retraced his schedule for today for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"Ah. I must have misspoke when I meant to say restaurant. Alicia, there's a nice restaurant nearby, so let's have dinner there tonight."
He laughed awkwardly.
Alicia gave him an uneasy look at his laughter.
But soon, the fancy dress that Sandra brought in washed away her anxiety.
"It's raining."
Rebecca was sitting in front of the large window in the living room overlooking the garden, reading a book, when she looked up.
Just a moment ago, the sun was blazing, but soon dark clouds gathered and began to pour down heavy rain.
The wind was ominous, and it looked like there would be thunder and lightning.
Come to think of it, Zeppelin would lock himself in his room and not come out whenever there was thunder.
Rumor had it that he was afraid of thunder.
Rebecca shook her head as she imagined him trembling in that large room.
This kind of sentiment was of no help.
Time was passing so mercilessly.
Tomorrow was the last day of the adjustment period.
She had sent the final divorce papers to the Imperial Palace early on, but she was told that the papers had not yet arrived from Zeppelin's side.
Surely he wouldn't reverse his decision?
