“Jin……”
I quickly pulled out the medicine from the kit. It was extracted from acacia flowers. Until coming to this world, I had no idea that acacia flowers, so common in late spring, were effective for respiratory illnesses.
And they even worked for conditions accompanied by bleeding—exactly what Jin needed.
I gently stroked Jin's back while waiting for the coughing to subside. Fortunately, it stopped soon. After giving him the medicine, his breathing eased, and the hemoptysis ceased.
But Jin's face remained stiff. Seeing him trembling pitifully, gripped by fear, made my heart ache for some reason.
I don't know what possessed me, but I awkwardly hugged Jin and patted his back.
“……Jin, are you okay?”
“Astrid……”
Jin opened his mouth. His voice trembled. Right now, Jin looked just like a kitten abandoned in a box.
“……Yeah, it's me. Astrid.”
I stroked Jin's smooth black hair. A pale smile formed at the corner of his bloodied mouth.
“Jack. In the clinic, on the shelf, there's a bottle labeled sedative. Can you bring it?”
Though I wasn't a formally trained doctor, somehow in that moment, I instinctively knew. Jin's abnormal state wasn't physical—it was psychological.
Jack returned quickly, and I gave Jin the medicine. It must have worked, as he soon fell asleep.
“What on earth happened, Rishar?”
Once Jin was asleep, I interrogated Rishar. It seemed Jin's sudden deterioration stemmed from some major mental shock. I had no idea what had happened.
“It's…… my fault. Because of me, Jin……”
Rishar said, his face drained of color. No, why was this man like this again? What on earth had happened to shatter both their mental states to pieces?
“You seem pretty shaken too, Rishar. Drink some cold water.”
In times like these, a cold water prescription was best. After gulping it down, Rishar's face regained some humanity.
“Tell me in detail. What happened?”
I pressed again, but Rishar remained silent.
“Jin's sudden decline seems due to major psychological shock. So you need to tell me exactly what happened to prevent this in the future.”
I practically begged Rishar. He clutched his head at my words, sighing deeply in anguish.
“I…… touched a wound of Jin's I shouldn't have. A very old wound. I thought it had healed, but it had been festering inside…… ready to burst at the slightest touch……”
His voice was laced with tears.
Such vague talk made it impossible to understand. Did Jin have some trauma, and Rishar had poked at it?
“Did you touch that wound on purpose?”
I asked Rishar. Of course, I firmly believed he wouldn't, which allowed me to ask. Rishar deliberately triggering Jin's trauma? No way.
“……No.”
Rishar sighed in response. As expected.
“Then don't feel so guilty when it wasn't intentional. Jin would be sad too.”
At my words, Rishar's rigid face softened slightly. As if I'd unlocked shackles around his ankles.
“But……”
But what? Rishar truly had a steadfast, obtuse personality. Frustrating man. Yet I couldn't hate him for it. He was too honest, too kind.
It was exasperating. I'd read the original so many times, yet there was so little info on Jin and Rishar. Maybe because they only appeared briefly in Rodent's childhood and died off.
What on earth had happened to Jin for someone so usually composed to suffer such a panic attack?
“You're hurt too, Rishar. Rest up—you must be tired. Stop worrying about Jin.”
At my words, Rishar shook his head and sighed deeply again.
Sigh, really. Suddenly, I wanted to comfort this pitifully trembling man.
‘But Rishar keeps avoiding me……’
I wanted to pat his back, but wasn't sure he'd welcome the touch. Ugh, hesitating, I squeezed my eyes shut and placed my hand on Rishar's back.
“It's okay, it's okay.”
Rishar child. He flinched at my touch but didn't pull away. Phew, good. Now I had Rishar child alongside Jin child. Felt like a kindergarten teacher……
“I'll stay with Jin. When he wakes, I'll let you know, so don't worry and go rest. That's an order from his primary physician, patient. You have to follow the doctor's prescription.”
I coaxed Rishar again. He bowed his head, then looked up at me. His sky-blue eyes trembled faintly.
“Go drink a warm herbal tea, take a warm bath, and sleep deeply without a care. Ah, be careful not to get the wound wet!”
Indeed, a warm bath, herbal tea, and sound sleep were the best prescription. I felt proud of my perfect remedy.
Then, Rishar gazed at me with clear, cloudless autumn sky eyes. Why, why look at me like that, Rishar child?
“Thank you always, Teacher.”
Rishar murmured in a slightly trembling voice. Then he strode out of the Greenhouse with his long legs.
Anyway, is Jin really okay? Even in dramas, patients in recovery sometimes deteriorated sharply from sudden stress. And that usually…… was a death flag.
‘Ah, what am I thinking?’
I shook my hand vigorously, banishing the words 'death flag' from my mind. No, our flounder! After all I've done to save you, you can't die like this!
Feeling chills down my spine, I picked up the stethoscope and listened to Jin's lung sounds. Worse than usual, but better than his really bad episodes—the noises were less severe.
I gripped Jin's hand tightly. So white and slender it might crumble. Holding that delicate hand strangely made my nose tingle.
Jin's sleeping side profile was so pale…… it felt like my breath was catching.
The terrified face calling me 'Astrid' kept replaying in my mind.
The name hadn't felt familiar at first, but now 'Astrid' truly felt like mine.
When had it started? No matter how I denied it as mere fandom, I could no longer deny that I liked this man. When Jin hurt, so did my heart; when he smiled brightly, my lips curved too.
“Achoo!”
……Achoo? Staring at Jin's sleeping face while clutching his hand, I startled at the sudden sneeze and turned. Jack sat near the Greenhouse entrance.
Ah, right. Jack…… Jack was here. How could I forget Jack? My face heated up.
“S-Sorry, Teacher……”
Jack's face was beet red too, mortified. Why the 'sorry for ruining the mood, I tried to hold it in……' look of utter remorse? He seemed to have caught me and Jin in a secret tryst.
I couldn't even protest it wasn't like that, just fanning my hot face.
* * *
“Teacher, Teacher! The Leader……!”
Finn, tear-streaked, sent me rushing to the Greenhouse in terror. Jin was vomiting blood profusely.
A normal adult's blood volume is about 1/12 of body weight. Not knowing Jin's exact weight, but eyeballing it, he had around 5L total.
Humans die from hypovolemic shock after losing 30%.
And the blood staining Jin's bed…… easily exceeded 30%.
“Jin, Jin! No, Jin. Don't lose consciousness. Look at me. Please……”
I clung to his cooling body, pleading desperately. No, Jin…… please don't leave me.
“As…… trid.”
In his fading consciousness, Jin laboriously placed his bloodied hand on my cheek. Through his trembling fingers, I felt his life force ebbing.
“My death…… isn't your fault. So…… don't grieve too much. Okay?”
Sad eyes. Fading blue light of life. Tears streaming, I hugged Jin. No, Jin. Don't go……
Jin's hand caressing my cheek dropped with a thud.
And I woke gasping for breath. Why this horrific dream every night?
Rushing to me crying about Jin's worsening state: sometimes Rishar, Rodent, Rick, Lui, Betty. Everyone I knew in the Underground City took that role once.
Where I ran: Greenhouse, Jin's bedroom…… sometimes even the clinic.
Dying Jin varied too. Like today, vomiting so much blood I couldn't help; or gasping breathless.
Variations endless, but Jin's final words in my dreams always the same. His original deathbed words to Astrid.
These hated nightmares started after I admitted I liked Jin. Waking soaked in cold sweat daily was torture.
‘Still, thank you today. That it was just a dream.’
