Chapter 30
After that day, Talia began to struggle to break free from the love that had hardened into a long-standing habit. She had fought to excise her feelings for him before, but she had never been this desperate.
She shoved the dresses he had chosen for her deep into the back of her wardrobe and pulled out the ones he had frowned at the moment he saw them. Then, she began attending the banquets regularly held at the Empress’s Palace.
Naturally, as her escort knight, Barkas was forced to follow her into those scenes of debauched nighttime revelry.
For a man who had received an almost monastic education until the age of fourteen, it must have been a deeply contemptible sight. It wasn’t a comfortable place for Talia, either. Inside the hall filled with her mother’s worshippers, she was treated as nothing more than a miniature version of Senevia.
They regarded Talia—who possessed the Empress’s face on the body of a fresh young girl—as an interesting toy. Not a few of them expressed active interest. Though she felt a strong sense of humiliation at being treated like a substitute for her mother, Talia feigned enjoyment of the attention showered upon her.
She wanted to show off to Barkas.
Look at what you’re missing. I’m going to become a woman more beautiful than Aila. A woman as beautiful as Mother.
She wanted to show him how many people desired her. Perhaps, in a corner of her heart, she had hoped he would stop her.
But Barkas, as always, merely carried out his duties as an escort in silence. Whether she drank heavily among crowds of men or flirted with someone twice her age, he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. That indifferent attitude only further fueled the dangerous impulses taking hold of her.
He had stayed by her side for seven long years. Then, couldn’t he show at least a little worry? Couldn’t he try to stop her? Such childish thoughts clung to a corner of her mind and wouldn’t leave. She felt as if she might finally be able to shake off this foolish lingering attachment if she just ruined herself completely.
In a state of self-abandonment, she hung around with strange men. She even permitted the bizarre behavior of those who admiringly stroked her hands, face, or hair, or brought their noses to the nape of her neck.
It was unpleasant being handled as if she were some porcelain doll, but she didn’t dislike the ecstatic gazes that seemed intoxicated by her.
Sometimes, she felt a sense of elation, as if she had become a god. When swept up in those emotions, the fact that she couldn’t have a single man like Barkas felt like a trivial matter.
She clung to that sensation. If she buried herself in these intoxicating times, her fledgling love would surely wither and die in no time.
She immersed herself further in the trivial and messy games played between men and women. She gradually grew accustomed to the suggestive wordplay and the light caresses, navigating the precarious tug-of-war.
After spending an unknown amount of time buried in those perilous days, a southern noble named Margus approached her.
At first, she didn’t pay much attention to him. Although she went to the banquet hall every evening and mingled with various men, she hadn’t kept a single one of them in her memory.
However, at some point, the man’s name began to linger familiarly in her mind. The man had caught her interest in a rather peculiar way.
He treated her as if she were a young niece or a spoiled child. Occasionally, he would offer advice as if he were sincerely worried. After a brief period of being annoyed by his insolent attitude, Talia gradually opened her heart to him. Unlike the men who tried to touch her whenever they got the chance, he always maintained a friendly demeanor while keeping a proper distance.
That wasn’t all. He acted as if he had no ulterior motives, playing the jester as if his only interest was making her laugh, and bringing toys or dolls as gifts instead of jewelry or revealing clothes. Talia gradually began to feel comfortable with him.
Perhaps the man had noticed the affection-starved child lurking inside her. He slipped into her vulnerabilities all too easily.
And it was on the evening four days before her coming-of-age ceremony that he tore down the castle of trust he had built.
The man visited the Separate Palace late in the evening when Barkas was away. After a brief moment of doubt at his unannounced arrival, her wariness melted away when she saw him chatting energetically with a jovial face.
“Look at this, Your Highness. I finally found the puzzle I mentioned before!”
The man shouted in an excited voice, holding out a large toy box.
“You have no idea how much effort I put into getting this! I haven’t even put this much work into a gift for His Imperial Majesty!”
The man, who had been holding his nose high in triumph, suddenly scratched the back of his head sheepishly. He seemed to have belatedly realized the rudeness of barging in at such a late hour.
“I originally intended to give it to you on your birthday, but… I have to leave the capital urgently tomorrow, so I took the liberty of coming now. Will you please forgive my rudeness?”
At the sight of him drooping his eyes like a puppy soaked in the rain, Talia shook her head as if she had no choice.
“It can’t be helped. Come on in.”
He stepped into the Separate Palace with a bright smile. It was the first time she had let someone other than an escort knight or a maid into the palace. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed by the messy state of the building.
She led him past the drawing room, which was covered in dust from never being used, to the study on the second floor. It was the cleanest place besides her bedroom. There, they unfolded a chess table and sat across from each other to begin assembling the puzzle pieces.
She was so engrossed that she didn’t even realize the man sitting opposite her had his knees positioned on either side of hers.
Talia focused all her attention on joining the small pieces to build a pointed castle tower.
To help her, he leaned his head in close and held the small pillars in place. Finally, one tower was finished. Talia smiled with pride. Then, suddenly, she realized he was too close and her expression became uncomfortable. The man was leaning in so close that his breath, scented with wine, tickled her forehead.
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. However, she felt that pulling away too abruptly would make the atmosphere awkward.
Talia carefully turned her body to the side, pretending to look for another puzzle piece in the box the man had brought. Then, the man moved behind her and, as if embracing her, reached his arms around both sides of her waist to rummage through the box.
“Ah, here it is.”
Talia froze stiff. His long, muscular arms tightened firmly around her waist. Feeling his hot, damp breath pouring over the nape of her neck, she hunched her back as much as possible. Her heart pounded with fear at the unfamiliar situation. But strangely, no sound would come from her mouth.
He pressed his body against her as he pushed his arms deeper into the box. Talia managed to squeeze out her voice.
“Let… let go…”
“Just… just a moment. Your Highness… you have such a sweet scent.”
He pressed his nose against her shoulder and took a deep breath.
Talia felt every nerve in her body stand on end. Her skin became damp with cold sweat, and goosebumps broke out along her spine.
