Ch#210
210
“Give Khan back! Give me back my child!”
Scrawny fists rained down haphazardly upon his jaw, chest, and shoulders.
Varkas looked down with distorted eyes at the woman wailing in agony, then snatched her wrists in a tight grip.
“Get a hold of yourself! That wasn’t our child. It was just a beast!”
“No! No! Khan is my child. You killed my child! You’ve taken him away from me twice now!”
The woman continued her violent struggle as if driven by desperation.
Seeing her look as though she had completely lost her mind made his blood boil.
Varkas cupped her cheeks firmly with both hands and tilted his head close to her face, which was contorted with weeping.
“Our child is dead. He died and was buried in the graveyard a long time ago.”
“Shut up! Shut up! I told you to shut up!”
The woman shrieked and clawed wildly at the backs of his hands. He felt her blood-stained nails digging deep into his skin.
Subduing her even more firmly as she writhed violently, almost as if having a seizure, he looked straight into her madness-stricken eyes.
“Stop this and face reality. That wolf was nothing more than a monster tamed by human hands.”
Beyond those blue eyes stained with tears, a dagger-like hatred flickered. Those eyes scraped mercilessly at his very foundations.
Varkas did not stop, continuing his words even more ruthlessly.
“No, it wasn’t even properly tamed. In truth, you knew that monster was dangerous. You are simply paying the price for turning a blind eye to it despite knowing better.”
Dark red blood trickled down the backs of his hands where her nails were embedded.
The woman, her pale pink lips trembling and encrusted with dried blood, spat out a single word like a curse.
“Die.”
Between her ragged breaths, coming fast like someone drowning, a voice like molten iron forced its way out.
“I wish you would just die.”
At that moment, the savage passion that had filled his body drained away like sand.
As if denying that chilling sensation, he responded in a dry, hollow voice.
“Then find a stronger poison next time. I’ll gladly swallow it for you.”
Those words seemed to strip away all her will to fight.
Her shoulders, which had been taut with tension like a bowstring drawn to its breaking point, slumped downward. Her eyes, which had been pouring out waterfalls of tears, went dry and brittle in an instant.
Looking up at him with a face as pale as a ghost, the woman muttered in a voice that sounded like it might crumble.
“Khan isn’t the monster. You are.”
“…….”
“You’re a horrible monster without feelings. I… I should never have married you.”
After standing frozen for a long time, a dry, self-mocking smile brushed past Varkas’s lips.
“Regret is always late, no matter how early it comes.”
The woman stared at him as if looking at something hideous, just as he had described himself, before closing her eyes as if exhausted. It looked as though she would faint again if pushed any further.
He gave up on his attempt to force her to eat and walked over to the fireplace. As he poked at the weakening embers with a poker, the tattered backs of his hands caught his eye.
He picked up a towel from a shelf and wiped away the blood. Suddenly feeling an unbearable wave of fatigue, he slumped down into a chair. His vision blurred as if frosted over.
Clutching his throbbing forehead, he turned his gaze back to the bed. His vision was filled with the bed, a mess from their violent struggle, and the woman sprawled upon it like a broken doll.
For some reason, he felt as if he were suffocating.
He wiped his face roughly and buried himself deep against the back of the chair.
Days like a war continued.
To get half a bowl of porridge into her, he had to engage in a fierce struggle for three or four hours.
Even when he managed to force the food down, she would often vomit more than half of it back up, and even the small amount of nutrients she managed to digest seemed to be entirely consumed by her physical struggles with him.
Watching her grow thinner by the day, Varkas realized with bone-deep clarity what it felt like for one’s blood to run dry.
She had troubled him many times before by refusing to eat, but this was the first time he had faced such extreme resistance.
She truly seemed like someone determined to starve herself to death. As Varkas held the woman tightly with both arms, restraining her as she poked at her own throat to throw up the oat porridge he had spent two hours struggling to make her swallow, he shouted at the maids standing far off with a face full of horror.
“Light the sedative immediately!”
The women standing by the door rushed over, threw dried herbs into the brazier, and lit them.
Even during that time, she was twisting her body convulsively to escape his arms.
“Let go! I told you to let go!”
He leaned against the headboard, wrapping her tightly in the bedsheets so there was no room for movement.
Before long, the woman’s body went limp like seaweed. Her body, weakened to the extreme, could not withstand even the slightest hint of the drug’s effect.
He brushed the tangled hair away from the nape of the woman’s neck as she leaned her head against his chest, her limbs dangling.
Her face, a mess of sweat and tears, looked up at him resentfully.
“Please… stop this now. Just leave me alone.”
Ignoring her sobbing pleas, he wiped her face with a warm, damp towel.
The woman, looking up at him as if he were something repulsive, soon lost consciousness under the influence of the medicine.
He laid her down diagonally on the bed, which was piled with layers of pillows, and stood up. As he took off his ruined shirt and pulled out a fresh one to put on, he felt a flickering gaze on him.
He looked back at the hesitating maids.
“What is it?”
“Th-that… we were wondering if Your Excellency shouldn’t have your wounds treated as well….”
The maid answered in a voice that trailed off, her face flushing.
He looked down at the red nail marks on his forearms. For the first few days, her nails had left fairly deep wounds, but now they barely managed a few thin scratches.
Even the strength in her grip seemed to be weakening day by day. Varkas looked down at them with sunken eyes and replied indifferently as he buttoned his shirt.
“There is no need to worry about it.”
“B-but….”
“More importantly, where is the Grand Duchess’s wet nurse currently working?”
Startled by the sudden question, the maid’s shoulders stiffened as she looked up at him.
“B-Bremda is staying at the textile workshop in the outer castle. Since she committed a great insolence toward Your Highness a few years ago, she was completely removed from her position as an attendant….”
The maid answered hesitantly. She seemed worried that he might reinstate the woman as the Grand Duchess’s servant.
He loosely threw a black tunca over his thin shirt and gestured toward the door.
“Bring that woman to the lower floor of the annex.”
The woman hesitated for a moment before heading outside.
He called another maid, instructed her to watch over the Grand Duchess’s condition, and stepped out of the dark bedroom.
As he descended the stairs, the entrance to the large hall where the maids lived, a modest kitchen, and a neatly decorated drawing room came into view.
He entered the room where a fire had been lit and slumped onto a velvet chair.
A maid who had followed to attend to him filled a glass with wine and placed it on a small table.
He picked it up to moisten his parched throat just as a woman of mixed dwarf descent, her skin tanned dark, entered the annex led by a soldier.
He scanned the woman’s face, which he had been tired of seeing since childhood. She didn’t seem to have been living too harshly; she had put on more weight than when he had last seen her.
“I g-greet the Grand Duke.”
The woman, dragged before him, muttered with an anxious face.
Varkas did not speak for a long time. The woman, who was rolling her pebble-like eyes while gauging his mood, spoke cautiously.
“For what reason have you summoned me…?”
“She has been refusing food for over a fortnight.”
He finally spoke.
The woman’s eyes widened as if she hadn’t expected those words, but she soon slumped her shoulders.
“It seems that wicked habit of hers has flared up again.”
The woman let out a deep sigh as if it were nothing new and shook her head.
“Ever since she was young, she would stop eating whenever her mood was soured, causing everyone such distress… Honestly, when will she ever grow up…?”
She then clicked her tongue. Even at the news that the woman she had raised with her own hands since she was an infant had fasted for fifteen days, she did not seem particularly worried.
He glared at the woman with eyes like ice.
“Watch your tongue. Do you still see her as a child wrapped in your skirts?”
The woman flinched and hunched her round shoulders.
He pressed his aching eyelids, having not slept for days, and brought up his business.
“Prepare some food that she might be able to eat.”
“Y-Your Excellency knows well. When the young lady… no, when the Grand Duchess closes her mouth once, it’s no use no matter how much those around her beg. No matter what I make….”
“Still, she used to eat the food you made reasonably well. I will provide whatever ingredients are necessary. Make the dishes she used to enjoy and bring them.”
The woman remained silent, offering no response. Varkas shot a murderous look at the woman who dared to disobey his command.
“Did you not hear me?”
“I-I heard you. I heard you quite clearly.”
The woman replied stammeringly with a terrified expression. However, her face was still clearly reluctant.
Rolling her eyes nervously, the woman spoke hesitantly.
“I-I will follow Your Excellency’s command… so please grant me just one request.”
He let out a hollow laugh.
“Do you think you are in a position to bargain with me right now?”
“I-I am not a person of the Grand Duchy. I am only staying here to look after the Grand Duchess by order of Her Majesty the Empress.”
He leaned forward from the back of the chair. He gave a slight nod as if telling her to continue.
The woman, who had been shrinking back and flinching at his movement, squeezed her eyes shut and let out a torrent of words.
“But the Grand Duchess cast me out, saying she didn’t need me, and left me to do chores among the lowly servants. I can no longer endure such treatment. Once the Grand Duchess recovers, I would like you to send me back to the Empress’s Palace.”
