Ch#158
The sun had already set.
How many hours had passed since he left the bedroom?
He glanced up at the darkening sky through the window to gauge the time, then quickened his pace along the torchlit corridor.
Knowing she viewed him as a jailer, he tried not to let his impatience show, but his nerves were as frayed as if he had left behind a prisoner who might vanish at any moment.
He cleared the hallway and stepped onto the stairs.
It was then that Daren, who had been hurrying after him with heavy footsteps, spoke up urgently.
“Your Grace, I understand your frustration, but… is it truly wise to speak to His Majesty’s messenger in such a manner? What if that man reports your words exactly as you said them…?”
“Did you think I was speaking idly?”
Barkas replied dryly, his gaze fixed straight ahead.
“Even if he doesn’t report it, I intend to tell His Majesty myself.”
“…The Emperor likely made that proposal out of a desire to show Your Grace favor.”
Descending the stairs, Barkas came to a dead stop and looked back at him.
The man continued, his tone persuasive.
“Wasn’t this marriage forced upon you in the first place because of the Empress’s persistence? His Majesty was likely trying to rectify that mistake given the opportunity. He probably assumed it would be difficult for Your Grace to ask first, so he broached the subject as a gesture of consideration—”
“Consideration?”
Barkas stepped up one stair, bringing himself eye-to-eye with the man as he spoke slowly.
“A proposal to lock a woman who nearly died bearing my child away in a monastery—you call that consideration?”
The man’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. Looking uncomfortable, he averted his gaze.
“I find the current circumstances regrettable as well. However…”
“If you find it regrettable…”
Barkas leaned in close to the man’s face and spat out in a low voice.
“Then shut your mouth. There is no shortage of knights in this world who have died at the hands of their own lords for wagging their tongues carelessly. Let’s not add your name to that long list.”
“Your Grace.”
As Barkas turned to continue down the stairs, the man hurriedly caught him by the shoulder.
Barkas glared at him with cold eyes. Flinching as if pierced by that gaze, Daren pulled his hand away and let out a weary sigh.
“Negative talk regarding the Grand Duchess is circulating among the vassals. If Your Grace continues to handle things this way, it won’t be long before the Eastern Aristocratic Union demands the same thing the Emperor did. Do you honestly intend to hang every vassal who offers loyal advice out of concern for the future of the Grand Duchy?”
When Barkas offered no response, the man continued in a firmer tone.
“It has been less than a year since Your Grace inherited the title. Now is the time to firmly prove your leadership. The ruler of the East cannot spend his days indefinitely tending to a woman who has lost her mind—”
“Daren.”
Barkas cut his aide off with a soft voice. Whatever the man saw in his eyes, his babbling mouth clamped shut, his cheeks tightening.
Staring quietly at that pale face, Barkas spoke calmly.
“It has barely been a month since tragedy struck us.”
“…”
“So stop pestering me like a child. Despite all this, I am handling every essential duty required of a Grand Duke without fail, if only because you lot are so utterly useless.”
When the man fell silent, unable to find a rebuttal, Barkas turned away slowly.
He passed through the passage connecting to the main keep and reached his bedroom door. The soldier guarding the hallway saluted with a tense expression.
Barkas ignored him and pushed the door open.
For a moment, his head felt foggy. As he inhaled the thick air—a mix of stale smoke and a sickly sweet scent—his already heavy vision felt as though it were being submerged in water.
Come to think of it, when was the last time he’d closed his eyes?
It felt like it had been two days. Even then, he’d only slept for about an hour. He began to think his body might finally be reaching its limit.
Dully assessing his own physical state, Barkas waited for his vision to clear before closing the door behind him and stepping into the room.
“Has anything happened?”
He directed the question to the maid waiting by the fireplace. The frozen girl squeezed out a tiny voice.
“N-nothing has happened, my lord.”
“Her meal?”
“S-she finished a bowl of porridge a short while ago. She is currently sleeping after taking the medicine prepared by the healing sorceress.”
He walked to the side of the bed and looked down at his wife, who was buried beneath the covers.
Her face was as pale as someone who had never seen the light of day, and strands of hair like golden thread clung to her neck like cobwebs. He reached out to brush them away, then lowered his arm.
Lately, she hadn’t been able to sleep deeply. Fearing he might disturb her rest, he simply gestured for the maid to leave. The young maid, watching him nervously, cautiously exited the bedroom.
Barkas walked to the fireplace and placed a magic stone atop the flickering flames. He shrugged off his overcoat, tossing it aside, and began to wash his hands in a basin of water. Then, a faint, precarious voice drifted from behind him.
“Until when…”
Barkas turned his head over his shoulder and frowned when he saw his wife staring blankly at him.
The woman, biting her lips where dried scabs had formed, forced out the rest of her crumbling voice.
“Until when do you plan on staying by my side?”
He had to waste several seconds just to process the meaning of those words.
He picked up a towel and replied with utter composure, as if he’d been asked a trivial question.
“Until you are well.”
A sound like a hollow laugh escaped the woman as she stared at him vacantly.
“You want me to get well?”
Noticing the cynicism embedded in her words, Barkas looked down at her silently. With a bleak smile hovering on her lips, the woman sent him a gaze like shards of broken glass. Yet, because of her tear-streaked eyes, she only looked empty and pathetic.
Without even realizing what kind of face she was making, the woman poured out poisonous words.
“But what should I do? As long as you are by my side, I don’t think I’ll ever be well…”
Her thorny voice scraped against something deep inside him. However, that stinging sensation vanished like smoke before it could reach his numbed consciousness.
Chasing that fleeting sensation, Barkas closed his eyes tightly and then opened them.
There is no need to dwell on words spoken at random, he told himself. This woman simply needs an outlet for her emotions.
He repeated this internally and prepared to turn away as if nothing had happened, but his lips, escaping the control of reason, spat out a dry question.
“Why…?”
The woman looked at him with hollow eyes. His lips moved again, barely aware of what he was asking.
“Why can’t you get well if I’m here?”
For a moment, the woman looked as if she had forgotten how to speak, her face contorting slightly. Soon after, the sound of pained breathing followed, as if she were vomiting up something lodged in her throat.
“It hurts to look at you.”
In an instant, all his thoughts ground to a halt.
Those deep blue eyes, which had dominated a corner of his consciousness for so many years, seemed to be pushing him into a deep, dark place.
“So let’s stop now.”
She continued as if talking to herself.
“Anywhere is fine. Send me somewhere I don’t have to see you. I… I want to forget everything now.”
After standing frozen like a statue, he suddenly yanked at his collar like a man being strangled.
These were lips that had always prattled on with things she didn’t mean. They weren’t worth listening to.
Unbuttoning his shirt, Barkas spoke coldly.
“You aren’t going anywhere.”
At his voice, which came out harsher than intended, a shadow of fear crossed her face. Normally, he would have searched for a way to erase that fear. But now, he felt no desire to comfort her.
He wanted her to be afraid. He wanted her to be so afraid that she would never dare utter such a request again.
