Ch#117
Thalia stared at the dress in the woman’s hands with cold eyes.
“When did you start moonlighting as a madam?”
At the mocking remark, the nanny’s face contorted unpleasantly.
Ignoring her, Thalia stepped down from the windowsill and headed toward the bed. But the nanny did not back down.
“The truth is, you and the Grand Duke haven’t even properly spent your first night together. Do you know what that means? It means His Grace could apply for an annulment at any time if he so desires!”
Thalia, looking down at the nanny blocking her path with a frigid expression, suddenly hiked up the hem of her baggy dress.
As she pulled the sweat-soaked garment over her head and tossed it aside, her twisted legs and gaunt, unsightly naked body were revealed.
The nanny immediately lowered her eyes. Seeing this, Thalia let out a dry laugh.
“You can’t even look at me properly, yet you’re telling me to offer this hideous body to a man?”
“…Still, you have to try.”
The nanny muttered, her gaze fixed firmly on the floor.
“It’s not as if His Grace is entirely indifferent to you. Look at how devoted he was when you collapsed. Even while he’s busy beyond belief with the funeral and the succession, he personally makes sure your meals and medicine are taken care of. If you were to ask, he surely wouldn’t refuse you.”
Thalia let out a series of short, airy huffs of laughter before the mirth abruptly vanished from her face.
“So, you’re telling me to beg.”
“Don’t be so cynical. This is for your own sake as well. Once a child is born, your position as Grand Duchess will be…”
At the transparent ulterior motive, Thalia’s patience finally snapped.
She swept her hands violently across the table. The bowls, plates, and porcelain sitting atop it crashed to the floor with a sharp, shattering cacophony.
A few flying shards of glass pierced the top of her foot. Ignoring it, she snatched the candlestick from beside the fireplace and hurled it against the wall.
“Get out!”
The nanny let out a belated scream and scrambled toward the door.
Thalia grabbed the dress the woman had left behind and yanked it in opposite directions. With a loud rip, the fabric tore in two. She threw the ruined garment aside and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over her head.
How long had she been like that? A soft voice echoed through the room following a cautious knock.
“Your Highness, I was told you injured your foot. I am here to examine the wound.”
Thalia did not answer. Taking the silence as permission, the door opened, followed by the sound of light, careful footsteps.
“I will examine the injury now.”
As the woman pulled back the duvet, Thalia’s blood-stained foot and leg were revealed. The healing mage, having cast a spell over the area, took out clean bandages and wrapped the leg meticulously.
“How is the pain?”
“…”
“If you require a sedative…”
“Did my mother give you specific instructions too?”
The woman fell silent at the blunt question.
Thalia stared blankly at the woman’s stiffened face. After a long hesitation, she finally confessed.
“…Her Majesty requested that I look after the Grand Duchess’s health with the utmost care.”
“So that I’m fit to conceive a child?”
As Thalia spat the words out mockingly, the woman’s expression hardened. Thalia watched her with cynical eyes before turning away and murmuring weakly.
“You can leave now.”
“Your Highness.”
Just then, she felt the woman kneel beside the bed.
Thalia flinched and turned her head at the unfamiliar warmth covering the back of her hand. The healing mage looked into her eyes with a serious, brown gaze.
“Your Highness, you do not have to do anything you do not wish to do.”
Thalia blinked.
She should have laughed at such overstepping interference. What could a mere healing mage possibly know? She should have snapped at her to shut up and mind her own business, but strangely, the words wouldn’t come.
“I…”
Her tongue moved of its own accord inside her open mouth.
I don’t want to.
I don’t want to show this pathetic body to Varkas. I’m tired of being my mother’s pawn. I don’t want to suffer because of people who will never love me.
She desperately swallowed the words rising in her throat.
To show weakness was to be trampled. She didn’t want to be hurt by anyone ever again.
Thalia coldly pulled her hand out of the healing mage’s grasp.
“Stop talking nonsense and call the maids.”
The woman looked at her with a contemplative gaze before slowly standing up.
Thalia watched her retreat, then asked on impulse.
“Now that I think about it, what did you say your name was?”
The woman’s eyes widened slightly before she answered calmly.
“I am called Marisen.”
Repeating the name to herself, Thalia dismissed the woman with a light wave of her hand.
A short while later, the maids swarmed in to clean the messy room and assisted her in dressing according to her instructions.
Thalia chose the most extravagant dress from the dowry sent by the Imperial Palace, braided her hair elegantly, and adorned it with pearls.
After heavily applying red pigment over her scabbed lips, she took out her jewelry box.
Inside the velvet box lay a small button engraved with the crest of the Roem Knights, a silver-blue moonstone, a neatly folded handkerchief, and a ruby brooch.
After staring for a long time at these traces of a lingering attachment she had vowed to let go of a thousand times, Thalia picked up the brooch and pinned it to her left breast.
Standing before the mirror, she saw a pale woman who had desperately tried to erase her gauntness.
She asked that woman.
What are you trying to do?
‘I haven’t decided yet.’
Staring into her own faintly trembling pupils, she dismissed the maids and left the room. Through the hallway windows, she could see the sky growing dark.
Varkas likely hadn’t returned yet.
Since the late Duke’s death, he spent most of his time outside the castle. He was seemingly busy without a moment’s rest, attending nearly every religious event hosted by the Eastern Order, while also calming the public unrest and reorganizing military funds.
‘And in the midst of all that, he’s taken on the task of cleaning up after Gares, so ten bodies wouldn’t be enough for him.’
Letting out a bitter, cold laugh, Thalia walked down the wide staircase, passing through the silent, chilly corridors.
When she reached the Grand Duke’s bedchamber—now Varkas’s room—the servants guarding the door widened their eyes in surprise.
Instead of ordering them to open the door, Thalia pulled the handle herself.
With a slight creak, the interior of the large, brightly lit room was revealed.
Thalia’s spine stiffened when she spotted a long shadow in the center of the room. Varkas, still in his formal uniform, was unbuttoning his coat as if he had only just returned.
“…What is the matter?”
The man asked, his brow furrowing as he scanned her slowly over his shoulder. It was a reaction that made the hours she spent dressing up feel utterly futile.
Swallowing her hollow disappointment, Thalia walked into the room and closed the door behind her.
“I came because there is something I want to say.”
Varkas, who had been observing her with an expressionless face, gestured toward the chair in front of the fireplace.
“Please, sit.”
She moved her stiff legs and sat down. Meanwhile, Varkas took off his coat, hung it on the wall, and poured her a glass of cider.
“I heard you’ve been eating less again lately. Even if I cannot attend to you personally, you must not skip your meals.”
Thalia remained silent, staring intently at the glass.
Varkas, who had been watching her with his arms crossed, broke the lengthening silence.
“What is it you wish to say?”
“You…”
Thalia looked up at him with eyes full of uncertainty.
What should she say? She didn’t even know why she had come to see him.
Submission? Or resistance? It was clear she stood at a crossroads. And she intended to leave that choice to the tip of his tongue.
Thalia gathered her trembling voice and made it firm.
“Is it true that you are opposing Aila’s marriage?”
As she looked directly up at him as if picking a fight, the corner of Varkas’s lip twitched slightly.
“Is that the reason you haven’t even met my eyes for the past few days?”
He let out a dry laugh, raking his fingers through the stray hairs on his forehead.
“I only opposed it because of the political risks.”
“But rumors are circulating in the Imperial Palace that you still have feelings for Aila.”
As the conversation continued, she felt more and more like a petty child throwing a jealous tantrum. Shaking off that feeling, she pressed him further.
“You said you would silence the gossip regarding our marriage? Is spreading such ridiculous rumors your way of silencing gossip?”
“The safety of those two was at stake,” he said, showing signs of exhaustion.
“Preventing the Crown Prince from acting rashly was the priority. I have an obligation to protect them.”
His tone grew slightly harsher toward the end.
Thalia looked up at him with a hardened face.
Varkas let out a long breath and leaned down toward her, his tone softening considerably as he added, “I plan to propose a better marriage prospect for the First Princess soon. Once that happens, the rumors will naturally subside.”
Thalia looked down at him and let out a hollow laugh.
Did this man even realize what he was saying?
Seeing Varkas speak so nonchalantly about plunging a knife into Aila’s heart while claiming he would protect her, a sense of despair ironically welled up within Thalia.
Her mother was right. This man was practically blind when it came to emotions.
To him, matters of the heart were not worth considering. What mattered to Varkas was fulfilling his duty.
And at the very top of that long list of obligations was likely the protection of the twins.
As the one who occupied the position of Grand Duchess, she might have risen to a fairly important place too. But she would never be his top priority.
His duty as a vassal of the Imperial Family. His duty as the head of a Great House. Nothing could ever take precedence over those.
“You are… truly, truly a loyal man.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. He seemed to realize that it wasn’t a compliment.
The mirth vanished from Thalia’s face. Her mind gradually grew cold and calm, and what she had to do became clear.
When Gares became Emperor and demanded her life even at the risk of war with the East, it was obvious what choice Varkas would make.
The question was whether she could submissively accept that situation.
She imagined her own death. The image of her dying miserably soon became the face of the late Grand Duke. That man had feared death and what would follow it.
What about me?
The answer came quickly.
I am afraid of death.
It was because she was so terrified that she had struggled so hard. Because she knew all too well that the only one who could protect her was herself.
It was the same this time. She had to survive by her own strength.
This isn’t obeying Mother. I’ve just decided to fight because I want to live.
Building up countless excuses in her head, Thalia finally raised her head and looked him straight in the eye.
“You’re saying you were simply doing your duty?”
His cool gaze fixed on her without a trace of movement. She spoke as if carving each word into those icy pupils.
“Then I, too, shall demand that you fulfill your duty as a husband.”
A crack finally appeared on his face, which had been thoroughly devoid of emotion. She spat out the words directly, wedging herself into that opening.
“Tonight, I will be staying in your chambers.”
