Translator: Nox

Chapter 79

Ekinesia.

Yuriene walked towards the barracks, recalling that sun-like soul. Dazzling, strong, and precarious. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to support her.

But she felt uncomfortable when she saw him, reminded of the past. His very existence was making things difficult for her.

Even so, wanting to help her, he made her a Squire, hovering around her, obsessing over minor changes, hoping that she would gradually get better...

"What a mess."

[What are you talking about?]

Instead of answering the Holy Sword's words, Yuriene stopped walking. Her barracks were next to his. He could feel her presence inside the barracks.

He stared blankly at it, then turned his head and went into his own barracks. He didn't turn on the light and sat on the cot in the darkness.

His gaze was fixed on the direction where she was. Even though he couldn't see anything beyond the thick barracks tent. His clasped hands on his knees twisted.

If someone else could be by her side, if she was no longer lonely or in pain, wouldn't he not need to approach her, who was uncomfortable with him?

He had secretly thought that only he, who knew the erased past, could be by her side. But perhaps what she wanted was to completely erase that past and live a new life.

As Dietrich had said, Baraha was a good man, and if Ekinesia liked him, she could become his lover and be happy.

That might be the best outcome for her. In fact, Baraha and she had become close quickly, and they seemed to be happy together.

But why did this, this sticky something, seem to boil up from his stomach and fill his entire body?

The barracks, without a single light, were pitch black. Yuriene imagined her smiling at Baraha in that darkness.

He had never seen her proper smile, so he imagined that expression she had when she greeted him in front of the royal guard headquarters that day.

If she showed that smile to someone other than him, reached out her hand, and touched them.

A raw desire he had never known before arose.

Anyone who knew her would be captivated by her. Baraha, or anyone else. Yuriene truly thought so.

Such a dazzling being, it was inevitable that someone would be captivated by Ekinesia, but he didn't want to see her smile at that someone.

I want her to smile only in my arms, only for me. I want to be the one who makes her happy. I want her to be only mine.

A storm of greed seemed to squeeze his chest. His fingertips tingled.

[What's wrong with you since earlier, seriously?]

The Holy Sword asked, sounding strange. Yuriene swept back his falling hair and took a breath. The breath he exhaled was hot like a beast's. Raw, fishy emotions raged within him.

I can understand her better than anyone else in this world. I can do more for her than anyone else. I can live for her. How can anyone make her happy without knowing how great she is, what wounds she carries? So shouldn't that sun be mine?

It was irrational and unreasonable. There was reason that judged it as crazy, and desire that roared stubbornly.

Tangled, turbid emotions. What is this? When did this monstrous thing exist inside me?

The inside of his throat was dry as a desert. Yuriene muttered in a cracked voice.

"The more I think about her... the more I feel like I'm going crazy."

The words Dietrich had rattled off before suddenly came to mind. He wished there were no men near the woman he liked. He would hate it even if it was a woman who was too close to her.

He understood those words now. What did he say back then? He said it was crazy talk. Dietrich retorted that love was like a mental illness.

Then, is he, who seems to be out of his mind now.

"Am I, in love with her?"

The Holy Sword made a bizarre sound. It was a strange sound that seemed like a combination of a groan, a tongue-lashing, and choking. After a long silence, it asked, sounding dumbfounded.

[Are you seriously just now figuring out something so obvious?]

"How can you be so sure?"

[You've changed.]

Yuriene stared blankly at his palm. In the darkness, the golden pattern flickered faintly and then subsided.

[...I'm a sword, so I don't really understand human emotions. But based on my experience of watching countless humans so far.]

The Holy Sword sighed deeply.

[Humans don't change easily. Especially if that change is for someone else, not for themselves. As far as I've seen, the only time humans change for others is when they're in love.]

"Change..."

[Yeah. Why do you think I warned you not to get involved with her? Humans change rapidly when they fall in love. Do you know how powerful that force is? It's the emotion that can turn someone who pursued justice enough to become my master into a revenge-crazed murderer overnight.]

"......"

[Look, you've already changed, you're changing, and the reason you're changing is her. What did you say to me? That it's natural to change? That it would be stranger not to change after seeing her or something? Ha, if that's not love, then what is it, you idiot.]

The Holy Sword scolded him, sounding pathetic. Yuriene covered his forehead with a trembling hand. A storm raged in his heart.

Can these confused, tangled emotions be defined by a single word, love? With such a simple expression?

Rangiosa continued in a resigned tone.

[That's why I wanted to stop you as much as possible. Of course, I've never succeeded before, and I failed this time too. If it could be stopped by someone, it wouldn't be such a powerful emotion.]

"......Is it normal to want to monopolize her?"

[Humans often want to monopolize when they're in love. Hmm... Thinking is free, but don't do anything that goes against justice. I'd like you to be my master until you live out your natural lifespan as much as possible.]

The Holy Sword's grumbling didn't register properly. Even this desire is love. I am in love with her.

The newly awakened emotion took shape and crushed his limbs. Feeling his breathing quicken, Yuriene swept back his hair again.

As he took a breath and thought about it slowly, he realized that he was far too late.

If he had truly respected her purely and only wanted her happiness, he should have stepped back the moment he knew she was uncomfortable seeing him.

He couldn't do that. He didn't cancel the Squire appointment because it was a decision he had already made, and he kept hovering around her. He felt desire when he looked at her, and he regretted assigning Baraha as her training officer.

He even practiced smiling in the mirror because she was loosening up a little, and he desperately wanted her to smile at him.

"Ha..."

What a fool.

The moment Yuriene let out a soft laugh, there was a presence at the entrance of the barracks. Someone carefully entered, parting the tent at the entrance.

Cadet Ekinesia Roaz.

Yuriene stiffened rigidly. She didn't know he was inside either, and she froze. They stopped breathing as they recognized each other's presence in the darkness.

[The timing is amazing.]

It was the Holy Sword's muttering that broke the silence. Yuriene barely came to his senses at those words. He fumbled for the lamp.

He lit the lamp and looked at her. Ekinesia's face was pale, but it looked like she had a fever because of the crimson light.

"Cadet Ekinesia."

Her figure standing in his barracks, shrouded in flickering light and darkness. Considering what he had been thinking until just now, he wondered if it was an illusion.

There was no reason for her to visit his barracks. All sorts of assumptions flashed through his mind in a matter of seconds, but they were all absurd assumptions.

For example, that she had come to talk to him about the erased past.

Among the fleeting assumptions, there was even a lewd fantasy. Yuriene was shocked by himself for having such a fantasy.

He couldn't bring himself to look her straight in the eye and averted his gaze, then barely made eye contact.

"...What brings you here?"

Ekinesia took a deep breath and held out what she was holding in her arms towards him.

"I came to... return this. I'm sorry for returning it so late."

Return it, what?

He stared at what she was holding out, and belatedly realized what it was. The dark blue cloak he had put on her at the fountain. He approached her and took it.

'......She came to return this. And she thought I wouldn't be here.'

The things he had imagined were all absurd after all. Yuriene stared blankly at the neatly folded cloak.

There was no need to return this. But it's not bad since I got to see her face one more time because of this.

Then he suddenly remembered that Ekinesia hadn't left yet. She came to return the cloak, so if she returned it, she could just go back, so why was she still here? Was she staying because she had something to say?

Was the cloak just an excuse, and did she have another purpose? Such a hope arose.

Even a trivial conversation would be good. Even a small question would be a pleasure. He wanted to get a little closer. He was disappointed just now, but he was getting his hopes up again.

Yuriene hesitated with his eyes lowered. His skin was taut with tension. He chewed over the words in his mouth several times and struggled to ask.

"Did you just come to, return this?"

"......Yes."

Ekinesia's answer was concise. He felt deflated. Then he felt ridiculous at his own state. What was he expecting? It was pathetic.

As self-reproach filled him, she added.

"Ah, thank you for the yakgwa and ginger tea last time..."

"...Did those things help you?"

"Yes. Very much."

He raised his head and looked at her. Her expression was soft.

It helped her. It was a very small help, but still. With just that one word, his mood, which had been plummeting, rose sharply.

A smile appeared on its own. It was awkward when he practiced in the mirror, but in front of her, a smile came out surprisingly easily. He just had to let it out as his sincerity led him.

Ekinesia stared at him as if possessed, then flinched and averted her gaze.

"Excuse me, Commander. I will leave now."

"Cadet Ekinesia, wait a moment."

Yuriene reflexively grabbed her. He tried to grab her shoulder, but he couldn't dare to grab it because she stopped, and he lowered his hand.

His mind went blank after calling her. He called her on the spur of the moment because he wanted to be with her a little longer, but he had no words prepared. He had no choice but to string together words as they came to mind.

"...Have you ever experienced a Monster?"