Chapter 74
Words he could never say if he knew he had his memories. He doesn't know. He didn't know. She doesn't know that he has the memories from before the regression. Even though he suddenly appointed her as a Squire, she didn't seem to notice.
A sense of relief washed over him, easing the tension he felt at the thought of her disappearing. Yuriene unconsciously smiled faintly.
Then her reaction was strange. She looked at him with trembling eyes, then hastily averted her gaze. Her cheeks flushed slightly. He wondered why she was acting like that, then remembered having seen a similar attitude before.
He wasn't one to smile often, but when he did, the other party, if female, generally reacted that way. Or they would openly admire him, casting sparkling glances. Sometimes even men did that.
Having received countless compliments, he knew well that his appearance was above average. Nevertheless, until now, he had never been particularly interested in his looks. It was just one of the factors that drew attention and displeased the Emperor or the Second Prince.
But now, for the first time, he was glad that his appearance was outstanding. He felt excited at the thought that she might like his looks. He said, still excited,
"You know who I am, don't you? You've seen me before."
"Yes?"
Cadet Ekinesia repeated in a cracked voice. Her complexion turned pale in an instant. Her eyes trembled. Yuriene quickly continued,
"Last summer, at the birthday banquet."
"...Ah."
She seemed slightly relieved. Yuriene watched her with a bitter heart. She doesn't know, and she wants not to know. It was only natural, since it was a past she had worked so hard to erase.
If she wanted to pretend that all those things never happened, he couldn't dare to reveal them. He was the one who started the tragedy, and she was the one who gained a second life to prevent it from ending in tragedy, so how could he dare.
"At the birthday banquet, you... saw me?"
"I didn't know who you were, but I remember seeing you. Didn't you see me?"
"Y-You were the captain of the royal guard! I'm sorry for being late to realize."
He matched his words to her wishes. It wasn't a lie. It was true that he saw her at the birthday banquet.
Even if it was a superficial conversation, it was the first conversation he had ever had with her. To be able to face her and have a conversation. It really didn't feel real.
"Captain of the royal guard..."
In the midst of all this, the title bothered him.
Wasn't it as if she and he were complete strangers? No, they were actually strangers, and there wasn't any relationship between them, and even the memories they shared had to be ignored, but still.
"Call me by my name. My name is Yuriene."
He didn't want to attach the imperial family name in front of her. Because he was a member of the imperial family, because the Emperor was his father and the Second Prince was his brother, she ended up wielding the Demon Sword. It would have been nice if he was just a man named Yuriene.
"I'm a Military Cadet, Captain of the royal guard. How could I dare."
"Military Cadet. I see."
Ekinesia quickly refused. There was nothing to refute. If he wanted to pretend that she had no memories, then in the end, he and she were just the captain of the royal guard and a Military Cadet.
A distance so far away.
Realizing that, he felt extremely fortunate to have appointed her as a Squire. Lord was much better than Captain of the royal guard.
Of course, his true wish was for her to call him by his name. The sensation he felt when she called his name in the Rangiosa's memories still lingered. Perhaps that sensation would never disappear.
Yuriene blankly stared at her while thinking such thoughts, then voiced the question that had been welling up inside him.
The reason he had been curious about all along.
"Why did you apply to the academy?"
"Because I want to become a Knight."
"Why do you want to become a Knight?"
"...Because I like swords."
That's a lie.
Yuriene moved impulsively. He approached her and raised her right hand. Ekinesia didn't avoid him. She froze as he held her hand.
Yuriene, who was about to check the calluses on her palm and question her, was momentarily stunned as soon as he held her hand.
It was soft and small. As if it would break if he held it too tightly. It was the hand of a lady who had been raised delicately. Even though he had expected it to be like that, it ached so much that his insides churned.
When she was tainted by the Demon Sword, this hand was rough and dirty, and blisters repeatedly formed and burst. The hand he saw while experiencing the Rangiosa's memories was covered in scars, and even the shape of her nails was strange.
The hardships she must have gone through to make this soft hand like that welled up anew.
Yuriene stroked her palm with his thumb. He could feel the soft flesh beneath the smooth texture of the glove. Since it was her right hand, there would be the mark of the Demon Sword under this glove.
'I hope... you never have to ruin this hand again.'
I hope that your body and mind will never have to suffer again. So, if the fact that he has his memories seems like it will hurt her, let's pretend not to know.
He wouldn't dig into the erased past that she didn't want. He would wait until she could accept it someday. Even if that wait became eternal, it didn't matter.
Yuriene whispered while holding her hand.
"...Your hand is not one that enjoys swords."
Ekinesia pulled her hand away. He stared blankly at her hand slipping out of his. He resisted the urge to grab it.
"I'll ask again. Why do you want to become a Knight?"
What he had been curious about all along. Why on earth was she trying to become a hawk of the Azure Sky in Ajenka? Ekinesia closed her mouth. She hesitated for a long time with a confused look, then slowly opened her mouth.
"Because I want to be happy."
Those ordinary words resonated deeply with him. There was probably no one who knew better than him what was contained within them.
The words she had said in front of the Divine Sword Kairosgiosa came to mind.
〈I'm going to live.〉
〈Right now, it's as if I'm dead.〉
〈Because I can't be happy at all.〉
"It may sound strange... but I'm serious."
Her voice was trembling slightly. He couldn't ask any more. He didn't even want to ask. Something welled up from within. Yuriene struggled to suppress those things and answered.
"Yes, I see."
If she didn't want him to ask, he wouldn't ask. Since he, who was supposed to know nothing, couldn't hear the reason. If she had decided that way, he would only support her without revealing it. Yuriene made that decision amidst a piercing, aching feeling.
Ekinesia changed the subject as if she didn't want to talk anymore.
"What brings you here?"
"You're the one who came all the way here on your first day of admission?"
"...I was just taking a walk and ended up here."
It probably wasn't an ordinary walk. She had come exactly to the fountain in this central square. In any case, it meant that she had no intention of leaving Ajenka from the beginning.
Becoming a Knight was her goal, and she thought he had no memories, so she would continue to stay in Ajenka in the future.
Upon confirming that once again, he felt relieved and smiled again. Ah, this time it was more obvious than before.
When he smiled, she became dazed. Her eyes were fixed on him.
The clear purple color that made him want to get rid of the veil. She was looking at him. The inside of his chest throbbed.
He would have to smile more often in the future.
"I have the same reason as you."
"You came out for a walk?"
"...Yes."
Ekinesia looked up at him with a suspicious expression and asked a question.
"I heard that you appointed me as a Squire. Why did you appoint me as a Squire?"
"You..."
Because I want to keep you close.
Because I want to get closer to you.
To protect your family.
To prevent you from being swayed by murderous intent.
He was about to answer absentmindedly, still lingering in the afterglow of the throbbing, but he quickly swallowed his words. He couldn't say it. He mustn't reveal that he had his memories.
Then what should he answer?
Was there a reason why Yuriene de Harden Kirie, who had no memories, would suddenly appoint Ekinesia Roaz as a Squire? A reason that she could accept.
What came to mind at this moment was her talent. The sword that made him feel his first sense of defeat.
"Cadet Ekinesia. May I request a duel?"
"A duel, you say?"
"I want to exchange swords with you."
At the same time as he spoke, a desire he had forgotten surged up. The feeling of regret he had felt while facing her, who was tainted by the Demon Sword, was revived intact. He had thought that if they had met differently, they could have dueled many times and seen even higher realms.
That wish, which he had thought was impossible, had also been fulfilled by her. Now they had met differently. His heart began to beat faster in a different sense than before.
"I, I..."
However, contrary to his excitement, Ekinesia was terrified. She took a step back as if she wanted to run away. Seeing that, he came to his senses.
She wasn't ready yet. Perhaps she would never be ready. There was no guarantee that the wound would necessarily heal. He could wait. But he didn't want to let go.
Yuriene said as casually as possible.
"Not now, but anytime, when you're okay with it."
Ekinesia's exposed shoulders trembled. It wasn't from the cold, but from fear.
The realm of Zenith. Perhaps the strongest being in this world was afraid. Of what? She was probably afraid of her past that he might have.
He was just a being who stimulated her nightmares. Even without knowing that he was the beginning of that nightmare. A sharp knife coldly dug in and churned his stomach.
Yuriene knew the name of that knife. Guilt.
He took off his hood.
"As for why I made you a Squire... I'll answer after we exchange swords."
He draped the hooded cloak over her trembling shoulders. He couldn't comfort her or reassure her, so he just fastened the hood.
"The night is chilly, so keep your walk short, Cadet Ekinesia."
He didn't want to be separated. He wanted to talk longer. But she probably wouldn't want that. The more they faced each other, the more bad memories would come to mind. Yuriene barely took his hand, which was lingering with lingering feelings, away from her and immediately turned around.
[Are you going to keep pretending?]
As he walked away from her, Rangiosa quietly asked. Yuriene invisibly gritted his teeth.
"How can I revive the things she erased when she doesn't want me to?"
[Well, it's rude to reveal a secret that someone wants to hide. But if you keep pretending, you'll be deceiving her.]
"...I'll have to watch for now."
Yuriene rubbed his face with trembling hands.
