Chapter 46
"Why? It has nothing to do with anything!"
"The Demon Sword that was supposed to cause a massacre disappeared. And no one died. Logically speaking, who else could make that happen besides the Azure Knights, who manage the Giosa?"
"You're saying they suspect Commander Yuriene dealt with the Demon Sword sent to the Roaz?"
"It's a reasonable suspicion, rather than fantasizing that the daughter of that family has a unique constitution that allows her to wield a Demon Sword without issue. Besides, you became the Commander's Squire, didn't you? It would be stranger to think you're not involved."
It was an irrefutable statement. Eki groaned. Nicole sighed deeply and continued.
"There are factions secretly supporting the Third Emperor even within the country. Even though Emperor Yuriene himself has no interest in the throne. Besides, his popularity and fame, his influence on the Knights, and the military power of the Azure Knights, the strongest Knight order on the continent... the Crown Prince and the Second Emperor can't help but be wary."
"Yuriene is getting too big to be left alone... is that it?"
"Exactly. Regardless of the Third Emperor's own intentions. Now he doesn't have many options."
Nicole held up a finger.
"Accept the engagement and submit to the Crown Prince. Or use Ajenka and the Azure Knights to antagonize the Empire."
"..."
"And the latter choice will eventually lead to war. The first to be sacrificed will be the Count Roaz family, who are suspected of being connected to Yuriene. Even if it doesn't come to war, they'll use the Roaz in some way. To bring Yuriene down."
The color drained from Eki's face. Nicole added in a dry tone.
"So we have to hope he quietly accepts the engagement and hands his leash over to the Crown Prince. That's the most peaceful path."
A silence hung in the air for a while. Nicole, feeling parched, reached for her teacup but found the tea had cooled. She excused herself to Eki and warmed the teapot with magic. Then she drank her tea, giving Eki time to process what she had just heard.
Eki thought in a confused state. The first thing that surged up was anger. A murderous intent that Bardelgiosa would enjoy but also be wary of, rose up deeply.
Whether it was the Second Emperor's faction or the Crown Prince's that sent the Demon Sword to the Roaz, she was filled with a murderous desire to cut them all down. It was even harder to bear because she was capable of doing it with her own power.
Eki reflexively estimated the size of the mages and royal guard she had fought before her regression.
She could do it. She might collapse and be bedridden this time, not just suffer from body aches, but if she struck quickly while Mana remained, she might even be able to cut down the Emperor.
[Why are you holding back when you can do it? It's revenge. They're bad guys! Didn't you suffer because of them getting tangled up with me? Let's go kill them, huh? If we wipe them all out, you won't have to worry about murderous intent for a while!]
The Demon Sword, which had been watching for an opportunity, chattered sweetly like a demon who had seized a chance. Eki glanced at her right palm covered by her glove. The Demon Sword continued to babble as if impatient.
[They sent me, so it's their karma to die by my hand. Let's go kill them! You have to get revenge! Don't you want to see the blood of those who put you in such pain? If you're worried about the aftermath, just don't leave any witnesses! Kill all the witnesses too!]
The last words brought her back to her senses like a splash of cold water. Kill them just because they witnessed it? Chills crawled down her spine. Eki touched her forehead.
'Just now... I was naturally considering killing mages and royal guards who had nothing to do with it, in the name of revenge. I'm crazy.'
Royalty is never alone. To kill a member of the royal family, you have to kill all the guards and servants who block your path. She was not an assassin. She could imitate an assassin to some extent with Mana and skill, but she was definitely not capable of assassinating the Emperor. But she could wipe them all out.
[Master, is it because of that red-haired woman that you can't answer? Huh? Are you going to kill them? Let's go kill them! You have to get revenge!]
'It's not a battlefield where you die if you don't kill. If I do that, it's a massacre. How is that different from when I was the Demon of the Demon Sword?'
Reason returned. Eki channeled Mana into the pattern on her right palm.
[Ow, that hurts. Ah, ah! Why are you hurting me! Are you saying you're going to kill them? When are you going? Today? Tomorrow? In two nights?]
Eki clenched her fist irritably. And she poured in more Mana. Her Mana struck the Demon Sword's Mana flowing through the pattern.
[Ouch! Ah! That hurts! Why! ...You mean shut up. Tch.]
It was different from dealing with Ian. He had directly tried to kill people around her. Baraha would have certainly died if Eki hadn't been there. But those who protected the royal family were not. They were just doing their jobs.
She knew very well what would happen if she wielded her sword as she pleased. She knew too well what it meant to kill people. So she had tried not to cut anyone down in this life. But the situation was not so smooth, and she finally made a decision.
She could kill without hesitation the one who delivered the Demon Sword to the Roaz, or rather, the one who orchestrated it. But it was not clear which of the three, the Emperor, the Second Emperor, or the Crown Prince, had orchestrated it.
If someone threatened the people around her, she would deal with them. If the royal guard charged into the Roaz mansion, she would wipe them out cleanly. But that had not happened yet.
Kill them all because it might happen? Because she was angry? She didn't want to become a demon.
Eki closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
'Why did I go through all that trouble to turn everything back? Don't be consumed by anger. Don't be swayed by murderous intent.'
Calm gradually returned. Once the anger and murderous intent had swept through, other thoughts came to mind. What should she do now?
As Nicole said, it would be best to stay still and hope that Yuriene would quietly accept the engagement. Then, find out exactly who ordered the Demon Sword to be sent to the Roaz, and then plan how to take revenge. She had no intention of forgiving that person. Even if it was the Emperor of the Empire.
'Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll pray that the engagement goes smoothly, find the mastermind behind the Demon Sword... and take revenge.'
Even as she made that decision, she continued to feel a sense of resistance. He, Yuriene, had to get engaged and married. A chilling sensation. A corner of her heart ached. A cold and sad feeling, yet a complex emotion that was difficult to define, dyed her whole body.
Wouldn't she feel this way if she saw someone other than Yuriene holding the Holy Sword Rangiosa, which she couldn't even grasp? The feeling that someone else was easily encroaching on something she could never reach, something she shouldn't reach.
Eki looked down at her right hand with a dazed feeling. She had often looked at Rangiosa when she was collecting the Giosa. She could never touch it with her bare hands, so she always wrapped her hand in cloth and pulled it out, leaning it against something or placing it on the floor, and just stared at it blankly for a long time.
An unreachable sword. An unreachable person. Something that shouldn't be reached. But in fact, really, from a long time ago, she had wanted to reach it...
Something was overflowing. Something that had been suppressed all along pushed away what was being suppressed at this moment and surged up.
Why didn't she want him to get engaged? If he got engaged, the Roaz wouldn't get involved. Was she feeling sorry for his life being used by the Crown Prince?
Yes, she felt sorry. She felt sorry for his trapped situation and his past, which she could guess even from fragmentary facts. She wanted him to be happy.
But if he didn't get engaged, her family might be in danger. Wasn't her family the most important thing?
Peace. A peaceful life. Happiness. Yuriene's sudden question to her after the appointment ceremony came to mind.
<If, if, you have something you want, can you sacrifice your peace to get it? Can you endure being caught up in chaos?>
Was that question about Yuriene himself? Was he hesitating between resistance and submission? Did the chaos he mentioned mean the war that would occur if he didn't submit to the Crown Prince?
Then what did he want? What did he want to get even if he had to sacrifice his peace? Freedom from the imperial family?
'...Then, what do I want? Why, at this moment, even with the obvious conclusion, even though my peaceful life might be threatened, do I feel resistance? What do I want?'
Why was she shaken by the news that his fiancée was coming? Why did she suddenly get angry when she saw his face at the Squire appointment ceremony after the engagement news? Why did she keep worrying about what he was thinking and what he thought of her? Why didn't she want him to know about her erased past? Why was she always nervous when she stood in front of him? Simple guilt? No.
Why was she afraid of being mistaken when she saw his expression or smile? What was she afraid of being mistaken about?
'That he might love me, that I might be mistaken...'
Why was that mistake so scary?
'It's too, excessively, a happy mistake. It's a mistake so happy that I'm afraid of finding out it's a lie. And it can only be a lie. It's impossible for him to love me.'
If he loved you, would you be happy? Why would that make you happy?
'Why, I...'
Because she loved him.
She had reached the truth she had wanted to deny. Something that had been rippling finally overflowed and invaded her reason. It crumbled like a sandcastle soaked in water. Ekinesia forgot to breathe.
In front of the fountain stained with blood, the emotions she had thought were already broken had somehow revived and taken root deep in her heart. That root was revealed.
The only person who had looked into her heart and believed in her in the most desperate moment, in the worst moment. The blue eyes that had watched her throughout the long, painful, and lonely battle. Silent encouragement and support.
The person who had been ruined as the price of that belief, yet had not left her with a single curse.
The eyes that looked at her. The unexpected warmth that touched her shoulder. Careful consideration. The scent of ginger tea. Tension. The defenseless smile. Worry. The desperate embrace. The trembling voice. The expression that wandered between weeping and joy.
Her own agitation that she had felt in front of all those things. The things she had cared about one by one in all his actions and words, which might have been nothing.
She thought she didn't love him because she didn't have the nerve to love him. It was self-deception. The heart is not something that can be controlled by such logic and reason. Just because you ignore something doesn't mean it disappears. Just because you decide to erase something doesn't mean it gets erased.
That feeling had never even been broken. She had only been ignoring it, believing it had been broken, because she was afraid of the weight of the things she had done, the consequences it would bring, and the changes that would occur if she acknowledged her feelings.
Ekinesia Roaz had continued to love Yuriene de Harden Kirie.
From the first time he found her inside the Demon of the Demon Sword, through the long years and the return of time to the present, that feeling had only sprouted and taken deeper root, it had never died.
She could no longer ignore what she had barely been ignoring.
Eki covered her mouth with a pale face. Her face, which had been as white as paper, soon turned red from her neck. It turned red as if it were burning.
Nicole, seeing her face, was flustered and put down her teacup. She had known Eki since she was a child, but she had heard her get annoyed a lot, but this was the first time she had heard her voice trembling with tears. She hurriedly pushed the teacup away and came closer to Eki, examining her face.
"Eki? What's wrong? You said you had body aches, are you sick? Do you want to rest? I told you because I thought you should know, but don't worry if it's too much. You're already having a hard time with the Demon Sword problem, why would I add more to a young girl like you? The Roaz's problem is my problem too, I'll take care of it..."
"Nicole, what should I do?"
"...Huh?"
"I..."
I think I love that person. A person I shouldn't love.
The rest of the words could not become language and only rolled around in her mouth. There was no way she could say it. Ekinesia put her legs up on the chair and buried her red face in her knees. Her heart was pounding as if it would burst, and at the same time, she was scared as if it were being squeezed. It was as terrifying as it was exciting.
Nicole was flustered and stroked her shoulder, continuing to ask her if she was feeling unwell. It took a considerable amount of time for her to calm down and come up with a suitable excuse for her reaction.
