Chapter 43
That was real. No, that couldn't be. Was that a lie? It must be a lie. It couldn't be true. If it were true, it would mean he loved me? Why? When? I don't understand. That can't be. It's fake.
No, you can't make that face with a lie. Smiling defenselessly, looking carefully, those things mixed with wails and joy, it's impossible for all of that to be a lie.
Well, if that emotion is real, why the engagement? No, that's not it. He's showing goodwill, putting me at ease, to see if I'm the Demon of the Demon Sword. Is the person he loves his fiancée?
Really? Is everything he showed all a disguise? All those emotions?
Ekinesia Roaz, did you think it wasn't a lie? What were you expecting? He has memories of dying because of you.
'What... was I expecting? Why do I feel like this?'
Her heart is a mess. Eki buried her face in the pillow and forced herself to sleep.
That night's dream was an endless maze. A ray of light formed a line, guiding her way. A white, dazzling, beautiful line of light.
But Eki couldn't trust that light.
I don't know where you're trying to take me. What should I see to trust you? Where are you trying to go?
The light did not answer her question. So she stood still and ignored the light.
The maze standing alone was dark and cold. Only the line of light circled around her feet.
* * *
The next morning, there was a formal Squire appointment ceremony.
It was more of a personal oath than a grand event. It was a simple matter of the Lord and Squire making an oath in front of a priest dispatched from the Ajenka Grand Temple.
The ceremony took place in one of the chapels within the Grand Temple. Attendance was prohibited, so no one other than the Lord, Squire, and priest could enter. So Baraha leaned against a roadside tree near the chapel and waited.
Cadet Ekinesia Roaz appeared in a red dress.
It was a red dress decorated with lace and ribbons of a dark brown color that looked almost black. A white petticoat was slightly visible below the hem.
The gloves were russet silk, and the necklace, bracelet, and earrings were a set of silver and small rubies. A narrow-brimmed hat that matched the dress, with a thin veil. The hat had delicate silver decorations attached to it along with ribbons.
Light pink hair flowed down in waves from under the hat. The face within it was expressionless. Baraha approached her and called her name.
"Eki."
The expression disappeared from her face as she turned to him, replaced by a light smile. Baraha stared intently at the slightly raised corner of her lips. Until her lips parted slightly and his name was pronounced from between them.
"Baraha, what brings you here?"
"What else? I came to see your appointment ceremony."
"Attendance is prohibited."
"Well, yes, but I wanted to see you, so it doesn't matter."
Baraha shrugged. Eki didn't understand what he was saying, but she didn't press further. Her body hadn't fully recovered. Standing was tiring, so thinking was a hassle.
Especially when she thought of Yurien, who would be waiting inside that chapel. His presence felt like a thorn pricking her heart.
'His fiancée... She was supposed to arrive today.'
Something she had been consciously trying not to think about came to mind. Eki bit the inside of her cheek and tried to convince herself.
It's not like there's a special private relationship between Yurien and her, so what does it matter to her whether he gets engaged or married?
Her reason judged that way, but her heart couldn't be controlled. She kept feeling down.
"Are you not feeling well?"
Baraha asked as she stood still. Eki quickly shook her head.
"No, I was just lost in thought. Then I'll go in."
"Okay, good luck. I'll be waiting outside."
"...You're waiting?"
"It's the day you officially become my junior, so we should celebrate together. Are you going to eat in the public dining hall even on a day like this? I know a good place."
Normally, his kindness would have been quite appealing. But not today. She planned to finish the Squire appointment ceremony quickly and lock herself in her room to sleep. She was even more tired because she had been having strange dreams and couldn't sleep well at night.
Eki shook her head with an apologetic expression.
"I'm sorry, let's go together next time. I'm tired today, so I'm going to rest right away."
"...Hmm. Excuse me for a moment."
Baraha tilted his head and suddenly approached. He pulled Eki's arm and put his hand through the veil. Eki stiffened, but didn't avoid him. She guessed his intention.
As expected, a large hand touched her forehead. He frowned.
"You have a fever."
"It's nothing."
"Tsk. This won't do. Finish the appointment ceremony quickly and go rest."
Baraha released Eki and gently pushed her shoulder.
'When I had a cold before, he didn't notice even though he was with me in the stable all the time, but how did he know today? Is it that obvious?'
Eki inwardly clicked her tongue and greeted Baraha. Then she reluctantly took a step and entered the chapel.
The chapel was quiet. A statue of God surrounded by two sword-bearing angels was in the front. Since no one dared to sculpt or draw God's face, the sculpted God looked down with layers of cloth pressed together, making it impossible to know the gender or face.
The priest was right below the statue. Seeing the white robes with gold thread embroidered in ancient language, he seemed to be the chief priest, the position right below the grand priest. The priest was placing the Bible on the lectern and unfolding the oath.
Yurien was standing to the left of the lectern. The light pouring through the stained glass on the ceiling flowed down his hair.
When Eki entered the chapel, he turned his head and looked at her. She couldn't see his expression well because of the distance.
She slowly crossed the chapel and headed forward. He didn't take his eyes off her as she approached.
As she got closer step by step, his face became more visible. Even though it was his bare face, without anything to hide it, his expression was unreadable, like the statue of God covered in layers of cloth.
Eki reached the right side of the lectern, grabbed the hem of her skirt, bent her knees, and bowed.
"I greet the Commander, no, Lord."
"Cadet Ekinesia."
Yurien called her name and then fell silent for a moment. His clear blue eyes traced Eki's figure and took it in. He hesitated and said in a whisper.
"...I hoped you wouldn't overdo it. The appointment ceremony could have been postponed."
It wasn't a statement he expected an answer to. He immediately turned his head and looked at the priest.
"Proceed quickly."
"Yes?"
"Begin."
"Ah, yes."
Eki lowered her eyes. He noticed her condition again. Just by looking at her for a moment, like before.
She pressed her lips tightly to keep the words from coming out. If she let her guard down, she felt like she would ask. How did you notice? And, are you really getting engaged?
The priest recited the tedious introduction to the oath. Chivalry, the mindset of a Squire, the virtues a Lord should have, the obvious words that a Squire should serve the Lord with loyalty and the Lord should lead the Squire to the best of his ability.
Throughout those words, Eki didn't make eye contact with him. On the other hand, Yurien was staring intently at her.
"...May it be so. Squire Ekinesia Roaz, can you follow the Lord with unwavering faith and acquire the virtues of a Knight?"
"...Yes."
She answered a beat late because she was lost in thought. The priest then asked Yurien.
"Knight Yurien de Harden Kirie, can you spare no knowledge and experience and do your best to lead the Squire on the path of a Knight?"
"Yes."
"I hereby declare that Ekinesia Roaz has become the Squire of Knight Yurien de Harden Kirie. I declare that this oath will remain in effect forever until death or birth. May 19, 1629, Arse Sebatiel."
The 'birth' mentioned in the oath meant that the Squire relationship was naturally terminated when the Squire became a Knight.
'Death' was an expression that included not only actual death but also cases where one put down the sword and retired or gave up becoming a Knight.
The priest handed two copies of the oath to Yurien and Eki along with a quill. Each signed their own oath, exchanged them, and added their signature to the oath with the other's signature.
The oath with the Lord's and Squire's signatures side by side was given to each other.
With this, Ekinesia became Yurien's Squire. It was a relationship that would continue until she became a Knight or one of them put down their sword.
The priest bowed, packed up the Bible and pen, and left the chapel.
Eki folded the oath and put it away. Across from her, Yurien was looking down at the oath in his hand. A slightly dazed look. As she looked at that face, the words she had been suppressing burst out without her being able to stop them.
"Commander, no, Lord. I heard you're getting engaged."
Yurien raised his head. Another unreadable expression. She felt like she was going crazy wanting to know what that man was thinking. An inexplicable anger surged up. Eki spat out dryly.
"Congratulations."
"...You."
Yurien blinked weakly. Then he continued in a low voice.
"Before, you said you wanted to become a Knight because you wanted to be happy."
"Yes, I did."
"Does that happiness mean a peaceful life?"
"Yes?"
It was a vague and meaningless question. Eki frowned without realizing it. Yurien rubbed his face roughly and opened his mouth without removing his hand from his face. A hoarse voice leaked from under his hand.
"If, if, there is something you want, can you sacrifice your peace to get it? Can you endure being caught up in chaos?"
It was still a pie-in-the-sky question. As Eki blankly looked up at him, Yurien hastily added.
"It's just a hypothetical. Just..."
"...I don't make choices that sacrifice my peace."
Eki cut him off and answered. Does her happiness lie in a peaceful life? Of course. She had spent nine years collecting Giosa only for a life where her precious people were alive. She threw everything away and worked hard for it. So her answer was set.
"You asked if my happiness means a peaceful life. Yes, it does. Living peacefully with my family, my relatives, and the people around me, that's my happiness. I'd rather give up what I want than make a choice that endangers those around me."
The fever rising in her body took away her composure, and she just answered with her true feelings as they came to her. Yurien's face crumbled as her words continued.
He slowly closed and opened his eyes. His twitching lips were tightly shut. As if suppressing something that was surging up. Then his expression became indifferent.
"I understand, Ekinesia. Then, go back and rest today. Squire duties will begin in three days. Let me know if you need more rest at any time."
"Thank you, Lord."
Yurien left the chapel first. Eki watched his receding white back for a moment, then left the spot. Only the faceless statue of God remained in the empty chapel.
