Chapter 5

5. Unable to Call a Mistress a Mistress

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes, not there… a little higher."

"Yes."

Splash, splash.

The sound of water echoed from the silver basin. An oil made by crushing passion fruit and pomegranates in palm oil emitted a subtle fragrance, filling the bedroom.

I was indulging in ripe red grapes, leaving my smooth, callus-free feet in Derek's care.

Even I thought my adaptability was remarkable.

'Aside from the inconvenience of lacking magic, being an Empress isn't so bad.'

Moreover, I was just a figurehead Empress who didn't even have to work.

I had power, strong backing, and servants who faithfully followed me, so there was no need to suffer headaches.

Living as a human was quite manageable.

"Your Majesty."

"Hmm?"

"There is something I wish to ask…"

And the greatest pillar of my comfortable life was this knight, Derek Noiert.

He was truly sensitive to my every gesture and glance, striving to fulfill my every wish.

Just look at today.

For a guard knight to wash and massage feet was practically unheard of. If word got out that a guard knight was treated like this in another noble family, the world would be turned upside down.

Knights were a proud bunch, not easily kneeling even before a lord they deeply respected.

Let alone washing feet.

Yet, at my word, Derek had silently prepared warm water and fragrant oil. And then, with eyes full of gratitude, he carefully attended to me.

I was quite satisfied, so I couldn't refuse to answer a question.

"You may ask anything."

"Before… you refused the Emperor's visit, did you not?"

"Yes, I did."

"Are you alright?"

At first, it sounded like a concerned tone. But how old did he think I was, that I couldn't discern the hidden meaning in his words?

Derek hoped I was unaffected.

It was rather cute how he asked, hoping that not even a teaspoon of affection for the Emperor remained in my heart.

I tilted my head slightly and smiled with my eyes.

"I am accustomed to being served."

"……."

"I no longer wish to serve anyone. Affection, too, is a form of service to me."

I had always been a rather impudent youngest child, even to my sisters.

The only one I truly respected was my eldest sister.

Besides her, there was no one I would bow my head to.

Whether I was weakened, human, had lost my magic, or was about to have a blade of Divinity pierce my soul and obliterate me.

I was born not knowing how to bow.

Enrique was the only exception to that.

"So the answer is simple. Whatever the Emperor does, I am no longer affected, and I don't need to see his face for the rest of my life."

At the clear answer, Derek's hand paused before moving again.

'He really is like a winter bear.'

His build, his height, his muscles.

Above all, I liked his ashen hair and eyes, like the snowy sky on a winter day.

I scanned Derek before reaching for the bowl of grapes and swallowing a few more.

"Ah."

It was then.

As I bit into a plump grape, juice spilled and stained my lips. Derek, wondering what was wrong at my exclamation, lifted his head, and as soon as I met his eyes, which desperately tried to hide his longing, I felt playful.

"!"

I wiggled my feet and licked the grape juice with my red tongue. My licking my lips must have been quite stimulating, as the veins in Derek's neck stood out as he watched.

I giggled and pressed down on his firm thigh with my toes.

"Sir, would you bring me the diary over there?"

"…Yes."

A metallic sound came from the steadfast knight's throat.

Teasing him was quite enjoyable. Every time I teased him, his yang energy grew stronger, making it good for me to greedily absorb and turn into lifespan.

But he was pitiful, so I shouldn't push him too hard.

I accepted the diary Derek politely handed me and opened it to the page I had been reading yesterday.

This diary, with its red goatskin cover and filled with high-quality paper, was a record of what happened as 'Leonarda Ahillo' became 'Leonarda Nix'.

I had found it a few days ago while changing the bedroom to my liking, and I was reading it, thinking it would be helpful.

But why hadn't I finished reading such an important thing yet?

'Because it's frustrating. Very!'

Even though my own love had failed, I had no right to speak, but honestly, reading about someone else's failed love made my blood boil.

I had to take several deep breaths while looking at Leonarda's scribbled stories. I couldn't stand the frustration.

[ I hate him so much for not looking at me. I wish he would die. I'd rather he die and not be seen in my eyes… or I… Ah, I can't take it anymore……. ]

The 'or I' part was carelessly covered in black ink, but I roughly understood the hidden content by deciphering the ends of the alphabet strokes. And at the end of the last sentence were a few drops of tears.

I scanned the page I had been reading yesterday with blurred eyes, then thumped my chest once and turned to the next page. Meanwhile, Charlotte, a maid who had entered, wiped my feet with a fluffy towel.

[ I want to raise an animal because I'm so lonely. I like puppies and cats. But why do I sneeze so much when I'm near animal fur? Can't I even raise an animal? Then I don't know where to fill my loneliness. Why was I born like this? ]

'Leonarda must have had a fur allergy.'

[ I felt good for the first time in a while, so I went to a banquet with the ministers. The servant serving the meal put food on his plate first. Then he naturally moved towards that woman. When that woman apologized in an embarrassed tone, the servant seemed surprised, as if he had realized his mistake. What am I… in this palace? ]

It was only natural to prioritize the wife over the mistress.

No matter how much you cherish your mistress, shouldn't it be against the rules to be treated better than the wife in a shared setting?

'Honestly, the fact that the mistress is sitting at a banquet with the ministers is incomprehensible.'

But given how insignificant the Empress's influence is in the palace, let's overlook that.

'Did she spare this servant?'

I would have plucked out his useless eyes.

Judging by the fact that there was no mention of it, she must have left his impudent head intact on his body. That's no way to maintain discipline.

The real Leonarda must have been a very kind person.

"Tsk."

I nervously tore off a grape and put two in my mouth at once.

As I chewed on the grapes with bulging cheeks and read the various stories that made my breath catch in my throat, I felt the urge to throw or burn this diary immediately.

"Hoo."

Forcibly holding back, I turned to the next page with trembling hands for a few minutes.

'Anyway, so the mistress is doing all the work that the Empress should be doing, using the excuse that the Empress's body is weak.'

So I can't call a mistress a mistress! I have to call her Saintess?

'That's ridiculous. So what if she's a Saintess? Why should I care? She's a childhood friend, so what?'

The Emperor must have deliberately placed Leonarda in the position of Empress.

He must have done it so that he couldn't give power to the woman he loved if a healthy person became Empress!

'Wait, so is he still waiting for her to die as soon as possible?'

He's crazy, really.

After reading the entire diary, I felt disgusted because Enrique came to mind.

"It's your fault. For making me kill you…."

Even without closing my eyes, the scene of Enrique blaming me vividly came to mind.

Enrique, who wasn't being mind-controlled or under someone's magic. He made the decision to kill me in his clear, sober mind.

What was his love, anyway?

Would it be better if Enrique's heart wasn't love? It might be less miserable if he had never loved me for even a moment.

But he loved me to some extent.

'He loved me just enough to love himself less.'

I, too, had never learned about love, having been born and raised as a demon, but I knew what loyalty, fidelity, and aesthetics were. And I wouldn't have killed Enrique even if I had known he was a holy knight.

That much was certain.

'Did Enrique think I would kill him if his identity was revealed?'

Is that why he attacked without hesitation?

I had no intention of attacking.

'He definitely said that. Why did I come down? He resented me. He resented that he had to kill me with his own hands….'

In other words, Enrique had tried to have me killed by someone else.

Our honeymoon home must have been a trap.

But things went wrong because I got out of there.

'Ah, no matter how many times I think about it, it's awful.'

I suddenly thought of the strange woman with pink hair. He had been reluctant to have skinship with me, but he had stood still when that woman ran up and hugged him.

"Ah, my poor Enrique! My love. You must have had a hard time all this while?"

There were many things that could be inferred from that one sentence.

A close relationship that allowed her to call Enrique 'Enri'. Probably the woman Enrique truly loved.

Since he was a prince, that woman's status would be noble.

Everything that woman, who I saw as I was dying, was wearing was expensive, so my guess is reasonable.

'Not only that, but it was probably that woman's plan to send Enrique to that area and have him meet me in the first place.'

She's also a great ambitious woman. To endure for a year to make Enrique the Crown Prince.

I applaud her for that patience alone.

'If it were me, I would never have been able to watch my man spend a year with another woman.'