168. I Love You
That proud man was sitting carelessly on the stone stairs.
Had Noah Astrid, who was perfect at all times, been sitting like that all day without even wearing gloves?
Olivia, something boiling up inside her, yelled furiously at Noah, who looked surprised to see her and stood up.
“What on earth have you done?!”
“O…Olivia!”
As the flustered Noah reached out to grab her arm, Olivia pushed his hand away and raised her voice.
“How could you bring warships all the way to Pulder without His Majesty’s permission?!”
“……”
“What on earth were you planning to do about the aftermath?!”
Noah was silent. He was merely gazing at her.
He looked thinner. His eyes were sunken, and his already sharp jawline seemed like it could cut. Above all, his eyes, those eyes that shone arrogantly even before the King of Herot, had lost their light as if pressed down by something.
His appearance made her already boiling chest boil even more. Olivia’s brow furrowed as if she were about to cry.
“Why are you here looking like this!! Why are you sitting on the ground, and what is this state you’re in?!”
“……”
“Noah!!!”
“I’m sorry.”
“……!”
She thought she had misheard. But Noah moved his lips again and uttered unbelievable words.
“I was wrong.”
“……”
As Olivia stared blankly, the guards who had been watching the surroundings quickly retreated.
Noah’s eyes slowly crumbled. The corners of his eyes, always strong, drooped, and the corners of his mouth, which had always been elegantly curved upwards, trembled.
The moment tears fell from his reddened eyes, the moon, revealed by tearing through the darkness, appeared behind him.
“Olivia……”
The moment Noah uttered her name in a trembling voice,
“Olivia!!!”
A voice that had cried out her name as if she were dying suddenly burst from her subconscious and shook her.
The sky filled with swirling snow, the bright moonlight, the black death descending towards her, and the figure that tore through it and rushed towards her…….
“Noah……”
With that last, faint call to him, as if her voice would break, that moment that day came flooding back.
Finally, tears burst from Olivia’s eyes.
Noah fumbled helplessly at her tears. His hand, which had reached out to wipe her tears, hovered, unable to bring itself to touch her cheek, and his usually neat demeanor was also a mess.
Seeing him like that, Olivia thought.
He had risked his life to save her from the brink of death, and he had risked everything he had to keep her alive.
“Noah.”
“Yes?”
“What kind of existence am I to you?”
Noah could not easily answer her question. He moved his lips as if he had something to say, but no words came out, and his gaze, which swept over her face, trembled incessantly.
He seemed like someone who didn’t know what or how to say it, and like someone who was lost.
Olivia looked at him like that and asked again.
“Are you… at peace right now?”
“Yes.”
The man who had only moved his lips until now answered this question very lightly.
Olivia exhaled as if deflating and asked again.
“You say you are at peace right now?”
Then, unbelievably, Noah smiled faintly.
“Yes.”
Just as she was about to ask how this state could possibly be peaceful, Noah opened his mouth.
“Because you are alive.”
“……”
“Because you are alive. That is enough for me, and I am at peace now.”
Noah, who had endured hell while bearing Olivia’s tears, collapsed onto the stairs as if he himself had cried, utterly exhausted, once her tears stopped.
Sitting there, he looked out at the wide field and suddenly thought.
It’s a relief that Olivia is alive.
Even though she told me she wanted a divorce, and I fear the love that once resided in me might be gone, she is alive, isn’t she?
Isn’t that enough?
Olivia looked at Noah, who was smiling with a tear-streaked face, and moved her lips. Her chest felt tight, as if something were rising in her throat, as if somewhere in her heart were being squeezed, a dull ache spread.
Then, she suddenly realized something very important.
She lowered her gaze and looked at the old stone stairs. Then she turned her gaze back to Noah, and finally, she saw the old stone path and him in the same frame.
Surprisingly… she no longer felt the urge to run away.
Was it because Noah was disheveled?
No.
Her heart had changed.
The eyes of one who had not fully loved his own life were covered by glasses. He saw everything in the world through those glasses, and he saw the man before him through those glasses as well.
And so, he had always dismissed the one assumption that would suddenly arise.
Telling himself it could never be.
Olivia slowly inhaled. From the man standing close, she smelled the scent of cold wind and earth. Imagining him sitting there all day, her throat inexplicably tightened.
Feeling tears welling up again, Olivia quickly turned her body towards the house.
As she turned, Noah felt a pain like his heart was being stomped on. His chest felt heavy and suffocating, but at that moment, unbelievably, he heard her voice.
“…Betty said she made stew.”
“……?”
The words that flowed into his ears were so incomprehensible that Noah replayed them in his mind several times. So, Olivia was now…
“…Can I come in?”
Noah asked, surprised. As Olivia, who had taken a step towards the house, turned back to him without a word, Noah moved as if propelled.
“Thank you.”
Noah, whose head was taller than the height of the door, bowed his head as he entered. Olivia stood awkwardly in the entryway, blinking at Noah, then walked towards the kitchen.
The chair, cushioned with soft cushions, had legs too short for Noah’s height, making it undoubtedly uncomfortable, but he didn’t seem to notice.
His entire focus was on Olivia, who sat opposite him. His heart pounded like a teenage boy’s.
Betty brought each of them a bowl of fish stew and a few light dishes before retreating.
Olivia paused with her spoon, then glanced up. As their eyes met, Noah quickly lowered his gaze. She lowered her eyes to the milky stew and said,
“Eat.”
“Ah, yes. You too.”
Noah, who seemed to have been waiting for her voice, immediately replied and quickly picked up his spoon.
Betty’s stew was incredibly delicious. Not only Olivia but even Noah, who didn’t particularly like fish, soon finished his bowl.
As the warm broth filled his empty stomach, the turmoil in his chest gradually subsided.
Soft light filled the space between them, and Olivia fully faced her husband, who sat in the seat her grandmother used to occupy.
Noah just kept gazing at her.
Seeing him like that, Olivia slowly began to speak.
“…On our wedding day. I hoped I wouldn’t be a heavy responsibility hanging on your shoulder.”
Noah repeated Olivia’s words.
A heavy responsibility hanging on his shoulder.
“What I said that day… about peace, about promises……”
The words he had spoken then stuck in his throat like a thorn, rattling with every breath. Noah traced the face of the one he missed with his eyes, even though she was right there, and apologized again.
“I’m sorry. I… was selfish.”
And then, letting go of everything, he confessed.
“At no point were you a burden to me, nor a responsibility. I didn’t marry you expecting anything in return. I……”
“……”
That night, under the bright moon, filled with the scent of roses, when our shadows stretched side by side, my heart fluttered.
“I went into the maze to find you.”
Olivia slowly blinked.
“You were wearing a blue dress that day. I couldn’t look at you properly. The autumn night we walked together, I walked alone every day.”
Olivia bit her lip as she listened to Noah’s calm confession. And she murmured very softly.
“…Lies.”
Noah, who had been revealing his earnest feelings with trembling eyes, suddenly stopped. He stammered in surprise, then barely managed to ask back.
“…How do you know that’s a lie?”
Olivia felt her heart pounding.
What she had tried to bury and forget, pretending not to know, was like a thorn stuck in her throat, bothering her with every breath. So, she probably never forgot.
Olivia bit her lip slightly and said,
“That flashlight I gave you that autumn night.”
At that moment, a chill ran down Noah’s spine. He looked up in surprise, and Olivia’s calm voice was heard.
“I know you gave that flashlight to Seymour Young Lady.”
“……!”
All the arrogance he had committed until then seemed to surge like a tsunami and engulf him. Noah involuntarily jumped up from his seat.
“So, Olivia, that was… no, that’s not it.”
The flustered Noah spoke incoherently, and finally let out a sigh. If only he could turn back time and return to that day, that moment, he felt he could do anything.
Noah ran his hands over his face several times, then finally decided to confess honestly.
“That… wasn’t given.”
But the tsunami of arrogance was never lenient.
“It wasn’t given…”
‘It was thrown away.’
How would he say that?
How would he pick up the harsh words he had spoken to Isabel Seymour and explain them to Olivia, and how would he tell her that he was that kind of person?
While hesitating like that, Olivia asked.
“It was thrown away?”
“……”
Noah was speechless.
Olivia had completely figured out Noah Astrid.
Noah wanted to stomp his feet and run away anywhere, just like he did when he was young. But since he couldn’t, he nodded his head as if confessing.
“Around that time, news spread that you had become a professor. At the same time, I heard that you… might marry Ansen Wilhelm.”
Olivia’s brow furrowed sharply.
“What nonsense is that……”
At her reaction, Noah forgot the situation and let out a small laugh.
“Why were you so angry? On the day I heard that, I had a broken flashlight in my pocket. I felt so pathetic… I just thought I had to throw it away quickly.”
Thinking that if he threw it away, perhaps his feelings for her would also be sorted out.
“But why did you give it to Seymour Young Lady…?”
Ultimately, all sins return.
Who knew that the price for the harsh words of that day would be paid in this way?
Noah finally had no choice but to sit opposite Olivia and hesitantly recount the events of that time. He hated making excuses or explanations, so he wanted to stop midway, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
While listening to Noah’s explanation, Olivia did not add a single word or ask any questions.
Noah thought he would collapse and die like this, and apologized again.
“…I’m sorry.”
To that, Olivia immediately shook her head.
“I said the same to Seymour Young Lady, but since I had already given it to you, it was your possession, not mine. So, you don’t need to apologize to me.”
“……”
“There’s no reason for you to explain what happened, but still… I was honestly curious, so I kept listening.”
Listening to Olivia’s words, Noah thought.
Perhaps, to this woman, I will remain a wicked child until the day I die.
Noah slowly lowered his tired head.
Olivia gazed at him as he did. Her husband, who had seemed as tall and grand as a mountain range, for the first time appeared as an equal to her.
Because of that, his wounds and true feelings were finally faintly visible.
Beatrix had pointed out Noah’s wounds to her, but she still hadn’t truly empathized with those wounds.
She, too, had not seen the world properly because of her own wounds.
She had chosen necessity and comfort, and then fallen in love with him, and he had chosen peace, and then…
“You don’t not trust me, but you were always worried about me, weren’t you?”
Noah, who had been lowering his head, suddenly lifted it.
His eyes turned a reddish hue, like maple leaves beautifully colored. As Olivia watched that change, transparent tears also welled up in her eyes.
Noah’s face, now fully met, held an emotion that was impossible not to recognize.
And so, Olivia herself uttered the words she had always wanted to hear, wanted to believe.
“Do you… love me?”
Noah realized that even in a moment too overwhelming to bear, his voice was choked. He couldn’t possibly remain seated.
As if possessed, he stood up and approached Olivia, kneeling before her. Then, carefully holding her hands, he confessed in a voice cracked with emotion.
“I… can’t live without you.”
He carefully articulated the word that had already permeated her.
“I love you.”
Olivia held her breath.
Love. A word she had never dared to expect from this man.
“I love you, Olivia. From the moment I first saw you… I fell in love with you.”
Noah’s confession shattered the last piece of glasses remaining in Olivia’s eyes.
Olivia released her hands, which Noah had held, and pulled Noah into an embrace. Then she buried her face in his hair.
His brilliant golden hair smelled of wildflowers and wind.
“I love you.”
Olivia closed her eyes and slowly nodded her head.
