Chapter 99
# 99
99. The Still Strange Guest (13)
Ethan mumbled again and lay down on the bed. He looked like he was about to cry, but he didn't shed tears or vent his sadness. He was still very awkward at expressing himself honestly.
I watched him close his eyes and left the room. I carefully closed the door and hesitated as I turned around. Vincent was leaning against the wall.
I froze, only blinking, and Vincent turned his head towards me. He didn't have any particular expression, but his face showed he had many questions. I immediately lowered my head.
I thought he would talk to me any second, but when I glanced up again, Vincent was looking straight ahead, not at me.
There was one more person here who was awkward at expressing himself honestly.
After hesitating, I cautiously approached Vincent's side. I couldn't just pass by him while he was standing like this.
A moment of silence passed. Vincent didn't look at me, and I also stared only at the floor. Just as the silence was becoming tedious, the one word I had been waiting for popped out of his mouth.
"How is he?"
He really makes it hard to ask. But he must be worried, because he's asking about Ethan's condition. I don't know what the two of them said inside the room, but it's clear that no affectionate conversation took place.
I hesitated, about to say he was fine. When Ethan's distorted face came to mind, a sudden grumpy feeling welled up.
"He cried a lot."
"......"
Then I regretted saying something unnecessary.
"Just kidding."
Vincent looked at me, dumbfounded.
"What are you doing?"
"......I thought I should let you know."
"What?"
"He didn't shed tears. But when I saw him, it seemed like he was crying inside. It seemed like he was crying buckets."
"......"
What exactly is the relationship between Ethan and Vincent right now? Ethan was sparing with his words, but I knew that the awkwardness between the two of them wasn't created by simple emotions. It wasn't something that could be defined exactly as hate, resentment, or guilt. There were deeper and more complex emotions intertwined between them.
To Ethan, Vincent is a precious friend and someone he feels sorry for. Even more so because of Lucas's incident. Then what about Vincent?
"After collecting his emotions, he is sleeping now."
I calmly brought out the answer to what he was curious about. A disapproving gaze was fixed on me for a long time. Pretending not to notice, I lowered my head further and stared only at the floor.
"Didn't he say anything else?"
"He said you were very precious friends who only have each other."
"It wasn't that much."
The rebuttal came immediately. To be honest, I exaggerated.
"I heard you had a big fight."
"Did Ethan say that?"
"Yes. He said that's why you grew apart."
"......Anything else?"
"No."
I spared my words, fearing that if I said more, he would suspect that I, a mere servant, knew too much. Vincent didn't ask any further.
Another uncomfortable time passed.
What was Vincent feeling as he waited until I came out? I know well that he becomes more cautious with someone precious to him. That's probably why he doesn't pour out all his emotions. He even hides his true feelings, fearing that the other person might be hurt by his emotions.
To Vincent, Ethan is a precious friend, a resentful person, and also someone he feels sorry for. I vaguely tried to understand his feelings.
Even now, he was still leaning against the wall, not leaving his spot. He was silent, but it seemed like he still had something to say.
I groaned for a moment and moved my lips.
"It may be rude to say this, but if I may say one thing, please don't suppress your emotions too much. I'm worried that even other emotions will become dull."
I felt his gaze again.
"And if you hold back too much, you'll get sick. Even if it hurts the other person sometimes, it's okay to pour it out honestly if you want to."
There must have been many things between the two of them, and there must be a lot of accumulated emotions. They should have resolved them at that time, but according to what Ethan said, it seemed like they hadn't even had a proper conversation.
In fact, I had just witnessed it a little while ago. It seemed like that had been going on for the past five years.
I felt so sorry for them that I spoke, risking being rude. To restore the relationship, I have to open my heart to the other person first.
"Sounds like you're telling me to fight."
"That's good too."
Of course, revealing everything doesn't always have good results. It can hurt feelings and lead to big fights.
But if they are precious to each other, even if they are hurt by the other person's true feelings, they will soon understand the heart that made them do so.
"What's wrong with raising your voices and fighting? You're friends."
I believe that the two of them will understand each other's true feelings.
Then, I blurted out a thought that suddenly came to mind.
"If necessary, have a Fistfight or something."
"Fistfight?"
He asked back as if he had heard an unfamiliar word.
"Yes. Violence is bad, but sometimes it's said to be a way to relieve your feelings in a refreshing way."
I didn't really understand it, but I often saw men who had a Fistfight as if they would never see each other again getting along just fine the next day as if nothing had happened. They had bloody noses and blue bruises on their faces, but they said they had relieved the dissatisfaction they had accumulated towards each other in a refreshing way. Ethan and Vincent are also men like them, so I wondered if that method might work, so I brought it up.
"Fistfight, huh......"
Vincent quietly repeated my words.
I think I said something unnecessary. Surely he's not really thinking of having a Fistfight, is he? Feeling uneasy, I added, 'It's okay if there's no blood and just bruises,' and then said that it would be best to resolve it through conversation, but Vincent seemed to be listening to my last words without really hearing them.
As Vincent became quiet as if he was thinking about something, silence returned to the hallway. I blinked and looked at the floor, occasionally raising my head to gauge Vincent's mood.
Did I make him feel bad? He might think I'm being presumptuous. Because it's a word that crossed the thick line drawn between him and me.
His expression gradually worsened, and I felt anxious.
But unlike my expectations, I suddenly heard laughter.
"Unexpected."
"Yes?"
"I thought you would say something like, 'Make up quickly, resolve it calmly through conversation.' Because that's what people usually say in this kind of situation."
I was puzzled by those words.
"Why would I?"
Why would I say such a thing? I didn't say anything like that even in Ethan's room a little while ago. I didn't even offer words of comfort.
I, who wasn't there at that moment, was an outsider. I can understand the pain, but I can't share the suffering. Advice and comfort can only be given by someone who has felt the same pain. Words given without knowing what kind of pain they have gone through are arrogance and no different from giving another wound.
"I don't know the inside story of the two of you. I don't know what you've been through or what kind of wounds you have as a result. I can't even dare to fathom it. It's only because I'm not the person involved that I can say this and that. How can I only say good things when it's hard? Whether to endure the pain or reveal it on the outside is up to the person involved. Whatever choice you make, I have no right to judge whether it's right or wrong."
"......"
"You can stay like this. It's not that it's good, but you don't have to try to force it."
Once a relationship has collapsed, it will be difficult to restore it easily. How nice would it be if just being honest could immediately reveal each other's feelings and heal the wounds.
But it wasn't a relationship that could be narrowed down so easily. Those who want to be honest and those who want to run away cannot face each other with one heart. That's the reason why this relationship is creaking now.
But if you don't try, there will be no chance to recover.
"But if you want to change, you can do it slowly. It's something that takes time. Slowly, face each other properly, even if you have to fight. You can raise your voices and hurt each other. If you want to, don't be afraid to approach. If you build up little by little, a change will come someday."
"......"
Just like you once did.
I said that far and lowered my head even deeper. The gaze touching my cheek is stinging. Somehow, it feels like that gaze contains emotions. When I slightly rolled my eyes, Vincent was looking at me with a strange face.
"Why, why are you doing that?"
"I'm amazed."
"Yes?"
"There was someone who gave me similar words in the past......"
I don't know who that is, but they're a commendable person.
Vincent took his eyes off me and looked straight ahead again. His slightly lowered eyelids are trembling.
"If I wish for it, can we go back to the way we were before?"
I could feel his worries in his heavy voice. I smiled slightly. Because Ethan's words before leaving the room came to mind.
'After Vincent found out everything, we should have talked properly, but we missed that time. After that, we just drifted along, and now it's not even easy to have a normal conversation.'
Ethan said that and gave a bitter smile. Is there a right time to be honest? Ethan regretted not facing Vincent properly. And now Vincent is also worried about his changed relationship with Ethan. I thought that was a relief. Because I knew that they both felt the same way.
"You can't go back."
"......"
"But it will be made stronger in a new form."
A cracked and collapsed relationship cannot return to its former form. Just because you reattach what has collapsed doesn't mean that the wound will disappear.
But if you build up again and fill in the gaps, it will become stronger than before. It wasn't an easy task, but it wasn't a difficult one either.
"If you wish for it."
Yes, if the two of them wish for it. The person who has already left cannot do anything. But if you are alive, what can't you do? As you live, there will come a moment when a collapsed relationship becomes strong again.
Thinking that, I smiled bitterly. Because I have never had such a relationship. But the words I said to him now are sincere.
"You're strange."
Suddenly, slander came back. No, what did I do? I was dumbfounded and glanced at him. Vincent, who had been staring at me intently, turned his head and slightly narrowed his brow.
"Strange......"
