Chapter 96
96
- That Still Strange Guest (10)
As soon as I returned to the room, I fixed Ethan's hair at the back of his head. Imagining him walking around like that until now, I couldn't stop laughing the entire time I was fixing it. Ethan rarely frowned, but he glared at me as I kept laughing.
After I neatly fixed his hair, Ethan once again suggested tea time to me. After hesitating, I readily agreed this time. Seeing his face light up with a happy smile, I felt sorry for acting so stiff.
So, we had tea and ate dessert together. Once we were in the room and no longer subject to people's gazes, he relaxed in an instant. His stiff gait softened, and his ramrod straight posture became slouchy. It was as if all his sharp thorns had been plucked out, and his face looked comfortable as he sat on the sofa.
I refilled his empty teacup and ate cake with a fork. The sweetness was delicious. I offered some to Ethan, but he didn't seem to like sweets much, as he only took a few bites and then just drank his tea. So, I ended up eating all the dessert.
Ethan sat on the sofa almost lying down, sipping his tea. His body leaned further and further back as he smelled the tea with his eyes closed. He was about to fall asleep again in that position.
The teacup in his hand shook precariously. I was about to scold him for being reckless but changed my mind. If he fell asleep like this again, he wouldn't bother chasing after me.
I carefully chewed on the cake, watching his completely relaxed figure so that Ethan could fall asleep, when a question suddenly popped into my head.
"Ethan."
"...Yes."
The answer came a beat late. It seemed like he had been about to fall asleep and hurriedly snapped out of it.
"Why were you chasing me around all day today?"
I couldn't understand why someone who usually stayed cooped up in their room to avoid attention would chase me around simply because they found it amusing to watch me. Frankly, I wasn't that interesting to watch.
At my question, Ethan slowly lifted his eyelids. He blinked a few times before slowly turning his gaze towards me. The corners of his eyes curved gently.
"Because I was bored."
"Just because you were bored? Is that really the only reason?"
"I told you, I wanted to get closer to Paula."
"I don't think that's a good enough reason."
"Why not? You've been avoiding me ever since we talked last time."
I felt my face stiffen at his piercing words.
I had been avoiding him a bit since the day he brought up the bet. As someone in a serving position, I couldn't completely avoid seeing his face, but every time Ethan tried to start a conversation, I pretended to be busy and left.
I was worried he would say something that would put me in a difficult position again. I was glad to see him again, but I felt burdened from the moment he brought up the bet and stirred me up. How did he know my feelings again?
"Honestly, I was hurt. You acted like you openly didn't want to deal with me."
"That wasn't my intention."
"So, you were avoiding me."
"......"
"Don't do that. It wasn't my intention to make things difficult for Paula, I mean it."
Even if he said that, I ended up in a difficult position. The extended Probationary period was a problem, but I didn't feel good because it seemed like I had caught Vincent's eye in another sense. Besides, I honestly didn't know if Ethan, who knew who I was, would really just quietly watch as he said.
But he had such a genuinely hurt expression on his face that I couldn't bring myself to argue.
"......I'm sorry."
"I didn't want an apology."
Ethan scratched the back of his neck and smiled bitterly, looking slightly embarrassed.
"What are you going to do now?"
"What do you want to do?"
I was too tired to answer that question now, and there was nothing more I had to do. So, when I asked back, Ethan, who was drinking his tea with a troubled expression, got up from the sofa. As the teacup he put down as if throwing it made a clattering sound, he plopped down next to me.
I flinched and wiggled my butt to the side. My wariness sprang up as the distance suddenly narrowed. Ethan smiled brightly as he looked at me.
"I'd like to have more conversation like this."
"What kind of conversation do you want to have?"
"Well, this and that? For example, about the bet."
There he goes again. I shook my head firmly with a fed-up expression.
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Why? It sounds like it would be fun."
"It's not fun for me."
"Still, think about it. Whether Vincent forgot Paula or remembers."
I sighed at the heavy words that pricked my chest.
"I think he's forgotten."
"So, you haven't changed your mind."
"Yes."
"Why are you so sure?"
"Because there's no reason for him to remember."
I always say this, but it wasn't a good memory, nor was it a memorable event.
Even if he did remember me, that wouldn't directly lead to a reason to meet. I still didn't want to reveal my identity to him. Somehow, I ended up talking to him, but that feeling remained unchanged.
"It's not a memorable event either. Even if you remember, I still don't want to meet you."
"Does Paula feel that way too?"
"......Yes."
I couldn't answer right away. Ethan sent me a sharp look. He caught my lie.
"Why are you so hard on yourself?"
"Because it's the truth. I'm not a special person that you have to remember."
"Paula, how many people have a clear reason to remember and miss someone? You can remain a precious memory to someone even if you're not special."
"Ethan, I'm just... the situation was right."
I've wondered what would have happened if I had met Vincent sooner. If I had met him before he gave up on life, before he was cooped up in his room waiting for death, when he was still full of life and hope despite losing his sight, he and I would never have had such a relationship.
I would have simply served him as a servant, and he wouldn't have even paid attention to someone like me. No, the very event of me going to that mansion wouldn't have happened.
It was all just a coincidence. I happened to catch the eye of an old gentleman who visited the village, and at the mansion I followed the old gentleman to, I met a man who had lost his sight and was in despair. And I became his maid and shared short memories.
That whole situation started with a sheer coincidence. It wasn't anything grand like fate.
"I just happened to go there and serve him when my master was struggling with life and tired of being comforted. I was just being faithful to my role, and I wasn't good at talking, so I couldn't say kind words like other people. Even if it wasn't me, my master would have come out of there someday. I didn't do anything special."
I said that and smiled bitterly.
"So, your words are too much of a compliment."
The time I spent with him couldn't have remained a precious memory for Vincent.
The wind blew in through the open window. The wind swept over Ethan and me, as if to soothe my confused heart. I could hear cheerful chatter from somewhere, but that peace was unfamiliar to me.
Ethan stared at me silently.
"Does Paula see us as great people?"
"I can't say no."
I couldn't help it, even if it was a self-deprecating statement. That's what the difference in status is. I know that their lives aren't always happy, but that doesn't mean they're on the same level as me. It's a fact that they are different from people like me.
But Ethan quietly shook his head.
"You're wrong. We're not as great as Paula thinks. We also get hurt by someone's sharp words, and we get comforted when we're held in someone's arms. We also know that trust is thinner and more insignificant than a piece of paper, and sometimes life is so painful that we want to die. We live lives that are no different from yours, not very special."
"......"
"And you don't have to be special to remember someone. Don't push yourself too hard. At least I know that Paula is a good person."
"What about me makes you say that?"
I was genuinely curious. What about me makes you say that?
"Well, you say that Lucas is a kind person."
"Because it's true."
"But Lucas was too much of a coward."
"Don't say that."
"Paula. That Ann closed her eyes and turned away from a very big truth because she was scared and afraid. Then, out of guilt, she dragged Vincent in. Do you feel sorry for Lucas? Even though it was Ann who made Vincent that way."
"Ethan!"
I don't know why the conversation is going that way. I didn't want to hear those words. He's already gone. Even if he did something wrong while he was alive, I don't want to blame him even after death.
When I glared at him fiercely to tell him to stop, Ethan pulled up the corners of his mouth as if he knew my heart.
"Are you angry?"
"Yes, I'm angry. Never, never say that again."
"Will you get angry if I do it again?"
"Yes, I will."
"Paula, at me?"
"Yes. I will dare to get angry at Ethan."
"And spank my butt?"
No, not that far. I stopped talking for a moment. Ethan chuckled.
"You know what? I like that Paula says that Ann is kind. I'm grateful to Paula for remembering Ann as a kind person."
"......"
"By making Lucas a kind person, I know that you are a good person."
He gently wrapped his hand around the back of my hand. Then, he patted my twitching hand. As if he was saying thank you. His touch was uncomfortable, but I didn't pull my hand away.
"Still, I... I don't know."
I shook my head and refuted his words. No matter how I thought about it, I wasn't the kind of person who deserved to hear those words. I couldn't understand or accept his words.
His brown eyes looking at me have a gentle light. As if he knew I would say that, but as if he understood. It's a look of affection that cares for the other person.
"Paula. You know, sometimes people are saved by something trivial."
"......"
"Lucas was like that."
Instantly, I felt suffocated.
"Ann nurtured her feelings by reading the replies to the letters Paula sent. Funny, right? She doesn't even know the other person's face, but she feels attracted to just a few lines of letters exchanged a few times. Anyone who hears it will say it doesn't make sense. But Lucas said that he felt so lost that he didn't know where to go, and it was like he was alone in a dark world, but a single line of letter seemed to say that you're not alone."
"......"
"Do you understand? The feeling of being saved from despair."
It feels like something sharp is scraping my throat. I swallowed hard. But the thing scraping my throat doesn't disappear. It now comes up to my eyes and pokes at them.
