Chapter 92
92
92. That Still Strange Guest (6)
“Then why run away? You can just live well here. It’s true that a prestigious Count family can be demanding to work for, but life here is better than laboring outside. The pay is much better too. You’re in a probationary period, but at Paula’s level, she’ll be formally hired without a hitch.”
“Ethan, I…”
“Actually, you’re hoping Vincent will recognize you, aren’t you?”
How could that be? That would be meaningless. What would I do if he recognized me? I already put up with his awful temper back then, so would I ask him to treat me well this time? Or would I pour out my resentment that his butler tried to kill me?
I shook my head again.
“Ethan, I’m scared here. You know why I ran away.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
I asked what that meant, but he just smiled again.
“What do you think? Will Vincent remember?”
“…He probably remembers. He often said I was impudent, so I probably left an impression in many ways.”
“Haha. I can imagine.”
“……”
“Then, did he miss you?”
That… I don’t know. Sometimes, while living a hard life for five years, wouldn’t he have thought of me once in a while? ‘She was like this back then, she was like that then.’ Wouldn’t he have indulged in the past, recalling good memories on some days and bad memories on others? But I don’t know if he missed me.
No, I don’t think he would have. Missing someone means wanting to return to a certain moment. There’s no way he’d want to go back to when he was blind. Just because he remembered a maid who put up with his temper doesn’t mean he had a reason to miss her.
“I don’t think he did.”
“Want to bet?”
I shook my head wildly in disgust. I didn’t even want to bring up betting with him. My whole body still remembers the hard time I had after being threatened into betting in the past.
“No, I don’t.”
“How impudent. To immediately refuse a superior’s suggestion.”
“……”
Ethan’s expression hardened completely. Cowardly.
“Ethan!”
“You’re even shouting.”
“Please, please… Don’t do this…”
“Why?”
“Well…”
“Because Vincent would be disappointed?”
I nodded straight away.
“Is it wrong for him to be disappointed?”
“Huh?”
“He might as well be disappointed. You said he knows you with a different appearance. So, since it’s not the person he knew, he might feel empty every time he recalls memories, thinking of someone else.”
“Ethan. That kind of talk…”
“It’s okay.”
“……”
“He can be disappointed. As Paula says, he might be disappointed because your appearance is different from what he imagined. But so what? Is that so important? What’s more important is that the maid survived and is by his side, don’t you think?”
“……”
“What if Vincent says it’s okay even after seeing Paula’s face? What if he’s okay with an appearance that disappoints everyone? Did you ask Vincent? Ah, Paula said she’s scared he’ll be disappointed. Then, do you hate Vincent being disappointed when he sees Paula?”
…How could that be? I deceived him, and he was just deceived by me. It’s scary that he, who believed my lies without doubt, would be disappointed knowing they were lies, but that doesn’t mean I hate or dislike Vincent. Rather, I think I’d understand. Even I hate myself, so how could you not?
Ethan knew my heart well.
“Paula. It’s wrong to arbitrarily judge someone else’s feelings because of your own desires. Do you know what Vincent wants, and that’s why you’re saying that? Do you want to paint Vincent as a bad guy?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Then what if Vincent really misses Paula?”
“That’s impossible.”
“That’s just Paula’s guess. Not Vincent’s feelings.”
His firm words tore through my heart. I couldn’t hide my discomfort. Still looking at me with a kind gaze, Ethan continued.
“Everyone has an invisible longing.”
Those words, suddenly heard, sounded familiar.
“What’s visible isn’t everything. Just because you don’t say it out loud, just because you don’t show it outwardly, doesn’t mean you don’t miss someone. And sometimes, you don’t even know the depth of it yourself. Those are words Vincent used to say often.”
“……”
“Paula, I think Vincent missed Paula. Have you ever thought about how worried he must have been when the person who left after listening to his words suddenly disappeared?”
I had. But I quickly dismissed the thought, assuming he would have forgotten it soon. How cruel. I’m such a cruel person. He brought up what I was trying to hide once again.
“I respect Paula’s feelings, but I also want to respect Vincent’s feelings. You understand my heart, right?”
“…Yes. I know, but…”
But understanding didn’t make me feel any less resentful. I barely managed to answer and turned around. I stomped my feet, keeping my mouth tightly shut. I didn’t want to face Ethan anymore. The welcoming feeling had vanished in an instant. It wasn’t that I hated him. But I was uncomfortable with him stirring up my insides, so I didn’t want to be with him any longer.
“Paula, are you angry?”
“Don’t call me Paula.”
Even though I retorted curtly, he followed me closely. Paula? Paula? Paula! He kept calling my name even though I told him not to. It was fortunate that there was no one around.
“Let’s go see Lucas together later.”
He said suddenly. I hesitated and nodded slightly. I heard laughter from behind. The sound was so innocent, like a child, that my uncomfortable feelings eased a little. A smiling face seems to suit Ethan better than a stiff one.
As Ethan followed me closely, the maids passing by looked at us strangely. So, when I told him not to follow me, Ethan retorted, asking if it was so strange for him to follow someone who serves him. There’s no reasoning with him. I used to be dumbfounded by Vincent’s stubbornness, but now I see that Ethan is just as stubborn.
In the end, I ran away from him. As I suddenly ran, I heard Ethan’s flustered breathing behind me. He has to act like a stern Count, so he probably can’t run after a servant.
After shaking him off, I trudged back to my room. I was tired. It felt like I had suddenly gotten caught up in something very troublesome. I let out a deep sigh and muttered curses at Ethan under my breath.
But then, someone suddenly grabbed my arm. Surprised, I turned around and saw Vincent standing there.
What? Why is this man here? Surely he didn’t come to see me, did he? That question was answered as he asked me.
“Ethan, are you acquainted with Count Christopher?”
“Yes? Ah…”
Flustered by the sudden question, I glanced down. Following my gaze, he gently let go of the hand that was holding my arm. I took two steps back, clasped my hands together, and bowed my head.
“Yes, I am.”
It was too late to deny it now. But is that why he came all the way here to ask?
Recently, Vincent had been treating me like I didn’t exist. He doesn’t need to pay attention to every servant, but his attitude was so blatant that Nanny was even watching me carefully. He had turned his head away as soon as our eyes met just a moment ago. This was our first conversation in a long time since that night with the thunder and lightning.
Vincent was silent for a moment, as if thinking about something. Just when I felt the silence was getting too long, he asked me again.
“Did you find out about the ink?”
“Ah, that… I’m sorry. I couldn’t find it.”
“You couldn’t find it?”
Vincent’s eyes turned fierce. I swallowed secretly, nodded, and immediately bent over, saying I was really sorry. As his gaze sharpened, I fumbled around my pocket. I think I had put candy in there.
“Then.”
The moment he started speaking in an ominous voice, someone wrapped their arm around my shoulder. Surprised, I turned around and saw Ethan.
“Is something wrong?”
Ethan asked nonchalantly. I frowned slightly and quickly composed myself. I twisted my shoulder to try to remove Ethan’s hand, but it wasn’t easy because he was holding on tightly.
Vincent’s gaze landed on my shoulder and then turned back to Ethan. It was as if he was asking why you’re interfering.
“I have something to ask.”
“Something to ask? What is it?”
“You don’t need to know.”
“I’m curious. Tell me too.”
Why is that bastard being like that? I read that thought in his emerald eyes.
“What is it? What is it?”
Not getting an answer from Vincent, he now asked me. I looked back and forth between Ethan and Vincent, flustered.
“I heard you know about colored ink.”
“Ink?”
“Yes. Robert wrote a letter the other day, and the ink wasn’t black. I’ve only seen that kind of ink in your family. Colored ink. You know what I’m talking about.”
Ethan looked down at me. I moved my lips with a gloomy expression. I thought you were selling it. I don’t know if he understood, but Ethan seemed to ponder for a moment before continuing.
“I lent it to her.”
“What?”
“I lent it to her. Right?”
Surprised by the unexpected answer, I rolled my eyes, but the question came from Vincent.
“You lent it to her?”
“Yes. You said you know her. She used to work at our mansion.”
“What?”
“Huh?”
This time, Vincent and I both exclaimed in unison. Vincent looked at me in disbelief, so I quickly composed myself.
“She said she borrowed it from another servant.”
“She must have been scared because you were questioning her so aggressively. I lent it to her. She begged me to borrow it for a moment, so I said she could.”
“……”
“And that ink, my father bought it from a foreign country a long time ago. It’s been quite a while, so it might be distributed here now too. So, there’s no guarantee that only our family has it.”
Even with Ethan’s explanation, Vincent didn’t let go of his suspicious gaze. It was as if he was asking if it was true. I felt suffocated by that gaze. I didn’t know what this situation was, but I decided to play along with Ethan for now. I clasped my sweaty hands tightly, trying not to show any signs of panic.
“Yes, that’s right. I asked him, and he lent it to me.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I was scared because I thought it might be something precious, and I was afraid that I might have done something terribly wrong, so I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry. You were kind enough to grant my difficult request, but I didn’t want to cause any trouble… I was short-sighted.”
I apologized again and bowed deeply. My head was spinning. I was worried if I had spoken well, so I quickly replayed the excuses I had made up in my mind. I felt heavy-hearted, as if I was creating a bigger lie to hide a secret.
“Are your questions answered now? Then, please relax your expression. You’re scaring me too.”
Ethan skillfully intervened again.
“I’m debating whether to believe you or not.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re good at lying.”
Was it just my imagination? There was a thorn in Vincent’s words.
I gently raised my head. Vincent was now looking at Ethan, not me. His slightly furrowed emerald eyes were somehow ominous.
