Chapter 90
# 90
90. The Still Strange Guest (4)
After a bit more conversation with him, I wrapped up our reunion. Alicia might return, and I couldn't keep him, a guest of the mansion, in a dirty storage room.
Checking the time, Ethan rose and asked me,
"By the way, who's Ann? You seem to call Paula that."
"Ah, it's my name."
"When did you change your name?"
"......It just happened. Please call me Ann now."
"I like Paula better."
"Please."
Plea. Se. One word at a time, I emphasized the last word. Although he looked displeased, Ethan nodded.
"Aren't you going to tell Vincent?"
"No."
"Why?"
Why...
"Because I don't want him to know I was that maid back then."
"Why? It would be good if he knew. Vincent, now that I think about it, Vincent doesn't seem to recognize Paula. That's strange..."
Ethan crossed his arms and pondered. Actually, there was nothing strange about it.
"Did you perhaps deceive him about something?"
"......"
At the sudden question, I hesitated. Ethan's eyes flashed as he looked at me.
"Don't tell me, you didn't deceive him about your face, did you?"
"......"
"Paula."
"He probably knows me with a different appearance."
At my answer, Ethan sighed deeply. Rarely, he even frowned. His gaze, with furrowed brows, seemed to scold me for why I did that.
I couldn't answer. Not because it was wrong, but because it was so obvious. How could I honestly say I had this face?
"Ethan. I don't want the master to know who I am. I just want him to not know, like now. Forever."
"Paula."
"I want to remain a good memory."
"What makes you think it wouldn't be a good memory if he knew what Paula looked like?"
"Look at me."
Ethan looked at me as if wondering why I was doing this. I became even more frustrated and spread my arms, revealing myself. Look at me, the woman named me. With nothing, unsightly, this ugly dwarf. The me that everyone looked at with disgust.
"How unpleasant would it be if that maid was someone like me?"
"Is it because of your face?"
"Yes."
"So that's why you grew out your bangs. Right?"
That's right. He was right.
"And your name?"
"That too. And in case someone was chasing me. You know why I left this mansion."
Remembering the story we shared during our last meeting, he didn't say anything else.
"Does Paula think Vincent is someone who judges people by their face?"
"Well, but he'd be disappointed if he saw an ugly face."
"What are you talking about? That's not possible."
"Ethan. Everyone imagines things they're curious about. What's that person like, what does the pretty child's sister look like? What does the face of that impudent maid who nagged me look like? They think about it and imagine it in their head. And when that image doesn't match their thoughts, they get disappointed."
"Paula."
"I don't want the master to be disappointed."
I don't think Vincent is someone who has prejudices based on appearance. But regardless, an image of me had already been created in his head.
He must have imagined the face of the maid who was by his side in the darkness back then. Maybe at first, he imagined an ugly face. But I made him imagine me with a pretty face. That was my greed, my shallow pride.
"Vincent wouldn't do that."
"Everyone who's seen my face has done that. Everyone is surprised when they see my face. Sometimes, some people get angry. The word 'ugly' always follows me like a label."
"......"
"Ethan. I'm leaving here soon. I'm on a Probationary period. And that period is only a few days away. Once the Probationary period ends, I won't be coming back here. And I won't meet the master again... It's better if he doesn't know, since we're going to part ways anyway."
"Really? You really want Vincent to not know?"
"Yes. I don't want him to know."
I can remain a good memory to one person, right? I can remain pretty, right?
I'm glad Vincent can see. I'm sorry to Ethan, but that's what I think now. If he had continued to be holed up in his room after I left, or if he was still blind and living as the Count of Bellunita, I might have wanted to stay by his side again.
I was able to let go of my feelings because he was doing well.
"I want to remain as a pretty face, a good memory, a memory of the past..."
"......"
"The master probably doesn't want to meet me either. It would be a blemish on his life. And he doesn't need someone like me anymore."
"Paula, you really haven't changed."
His words felt like a scolding. We've changed, but you're still the same. That's right. Change is unfamiliar and difficult for me.
Just because I lived a life like eating a sweet cake with poison on it five years ago doesn't mean that the person named 'me' has changed. In the end, I went back to struggling in abject poverty, and even though the Devil spawn left, I couldn't escape this hell.
Changing my name and cutting my long bangs to reveal my face didn't mean I had changed. Because when the bangs dangling in front of my eyes grew out, they could cover me again. Change was something bigger, something that would turn my life upside down in an instant.
Like the man who had been holed up in his room after losing his sight and then mustered the courage to go outside again, like the man who trembled in fear of death but tried to grasp hope with his own hands, like her who lived bravely despite losing her love, like Ethan who silently accepted the sacrifice of his friend and the deaths of his brothers.
I couldn't do that. Only me.
"I hoped you would live a happier life."
"I am happy."
"A truly happy person isn't ashamed of themselves."
I smiled bitterly. That's why I hated Ethan. A perceptive person was also skilled at digging into the other person's inner thoughts. He easily dug out and revealed in front of me what I had hidden deep inside, even I didn't touch it for fear of getting hurt. Look at this. This is what you've been hiding.
"If that's how Paula feels, I don't want to force you."
"Thank you."
"But well, no one knows what the future holds."
What? When I looked up at Ethan at his meaningful words, he smiled softly. It was a strangely sinister smile. A sense of foreboding surged. I desperately hoped he wouldn't do anything, but he just smiled.
The small face with round eyes tilted to the left. Then it shook to the right and tilted to the left again. The twinkling purple eyes revealed a question. The chubby cheeks lifted slightly and stretched out. I carefully examined the small face in front of me.
"Why? Is there something on my face?"
"No. Nothing..."
Pretending not to see even though I had been staring, I patted Robert's pants for no reason. At first, I didn't feel anything, but now I keep looking at him.
This little young master is Violet's son. Now that I realize it, there were definitely similarities. The light golden hair, the purple eyes, even the unpredictable personality. Looking at it in detail, Robert would be exactly what Violet's son would be like.
After finishing the preparations, I headed to the Reception room with Robert and Nanny. Joelly, Vincent, and Ethan, who had arrived earlier, were sitting around the table. They looked quite happy as they chatted boisterously.
Robert ran to them.
"Ethan!"
"Hello, little guy."
Ethan smiled slightly, picked up Robert, and stroked his head. Unlike when he greeted me, his attitude was strangely calm. Robert giggled.
"You've grown a lot since I last saw you."
"Yeah, I grew up! I'm not a little guy anymore!"
"You're still a little guy in my eyes."
"No, I'm not―"
Robert shook his legs and protested. Then he stretched out both hands and explained how much he had grown, and Ethan stroked his head again. Was it because he was Violet's son? Seeing him act playfully, Ethan seemed to get along well with Robert too.
Then Robert looked around as if looking for something.
"Why?"
"Where's Mother?"
"Mother couldn't come with us."
Seeing his brightly smiling face turn gloomy, I guessed he had been expecting it.
As the atmosphere became slightly subdued, Ethan changed the subject by saying he had brought something interesting. When he picked up something from the sofa, Robert became interested. What he was holding was a small animal-shaped stone carving. Several of them.
Wow. Robert smiled brightly, received the stone carving, and looked around. The carvings were in the shape of different animals. The gloomy look disappeared from Robert's face as he examined the stone carvings. I was secretly impressed. Not only Vincent but also Ethan seemed to be skilled at dealing with Robert.
Ethan noticed me standing by the door and glanced at me. As the corners of his mouth turned up, I slightly lowered my head.
"Have Robert sit here. Audrey, please get some milk."
"Yes."
Audrey poured the milk she had prepared into a glass and placed it in front of Robert. Robert excitedly picked up the glass and sipped it. Nanny took care of Robert by his side.
I stood blankly behind Nanny and helped Audrey. Alicia picked up the teapot and filled Vincent's glass first.
"Please be careful, it's hot."
Her voice was gentle. Alicia glanced at Vincent as she poured the tea. Vincent also glanced at her and picked up the teacup.
Joelly chattered about the tea. How difficult it was to obtain, how good it was for the skin. Vincent and Ethan only nodded occasionally and didn't say much else. The only one who reacted to the explanation was Alicia. 'Wow! Really? Where did you get it?' Her excessive reaction suggested she wanted to join the conversation rather than being interested in the tea. Audrey quickly gave her a look, and she had no choice but to step back with a disappointed face.
Now that I think about it, Johnny isn't here. Looking around, I took the dessert plate that Audrey handed me and placed it on the table. Robert's eyes sparkled. I cut it into bite-sized pieces and handed it to him, and he quickly took it and smiled. I smiled softly at his quick actions in front of food.
Then I met Vincent's eyes. I immediately erased my smile and lowered my head. But I still felt his gaze, so I slightly turned my head and placed the cookie plate down, and Ethan's figure sitting next to me came into view.
His stiff face was unfamiliar. There was no smile on his face as he elegantly sipped his tea.
As I looked at his inscrutable face, I remembered what he had said last time. I had a bad feeling. When I glared at him, Ethan raised his eyes as if he felt my gaze. His stiff face relaxed slightly when he saw me. No, he was sneering.
Ethan mouthed.
'Your gaze is intense.'
'Don't do anything.'
I mouthed back the same words and handed him a cookie. It meant, eat this and please shut up. Perhaps sensing my earnest feelings, Ethan took the cookie with a smile.
'We'll see.'
But he insisted on adding ominous words.
When I glared at him fiercely, Ethan, who had taken a bite of the cookie, couldn't hold back his laughter and chuckled. He was definitely teasing me. I couldn't help but curse silently as I watched him try to smile again, his face, which had been stiff until just now, was now smiling.
Perhaps he noticed, Ethan spat out the tea he was drinking. He choked because he had made someone's head hurt.
"Oh my. Are you okay?"
"Cough, cough, yeah. I'm okay."
"Be careful. The tea is hot."
Joelly handed him a handkerchief with concern. Ethan took it and wiped his mouth, but I had already seen him drooling. I suppressed my desire to laugh at his clumsiness and stepped back coldly. Then I raised my head again, and Vincent was looking at me.
My heart dropped. Had he seen what happened just now? Worried, I lowered my head again. Was it because of the joy of meeting him after a long time? I kept making mistakes. I fidgeted with my clasped hands, waiting for this time to pass quickly.
