Translator: Nox

Chapter 89

89

89. That Still Strange Guest (3)

“Don’t hate her too much. She gets lonely easily, so she’s very guarded.”

“Yes. I don’t hate her.”

“Really?”

“…A little?”

Ethan burst out laughing at my answer. He held his stomach and laughed heartily. I rested my chin on my hand and stared coldly at Ethan.

“I missed one thing. This honest side of Paula is also charming.”

“I’ll pass on that charm.”

“Haha. You can scold him sometimes. Discipline is necessary. Nanny is so worried about Robert that she’s only focused on appeasing him even when he’s stubborn, so there should be at least one person to scold him.”

“Thank you for your kind words.”

Then I’ll discipline him harshly. If anyone says anything, I’ll say Ethan allowed it. As I nodded with that thought in mind, Ethan laughed again.

“You’ve met Joelly, right? Well, if you live here, you can’t help but meet her.”

“Yes. But what is her relationship with you, sir?”

I had been curious all along. Robert was Violet’s son, so I understood. And I was relieved that Vincent hadn’t cut ties with Violet. But I still didn’t know who Joelly was.

Wait, he called Robert her nephew. Then with Violet…

“You didn’t know?”

“Pardon? Know what?”

“…Ah, well. You might not have noticed.”

“Yes?”

I tilted my head at his incomprehensible words. Ethan groaned and whispered softly.

“This is a real secret, I’m only telling Paula. You absolutely can’t tell anyone else. Got it?”

“Ah, yes.”

“She’s a princess.”

“Yes, she’s a princess… What?!”

This time I was surprised in a different way. Ethan scratched his head again as I was shocked again, asking if I didn’t know. His question was meaningless now.

“Joelly and Violet have been close friends since they were young. Even though she’s royalty, she never treated people based on their status. Thanks to that, they’ve maintained a long friendship to this day.”

“Th-Then, could it be the one in the newspaper?”

“You saw it. That’s right. There was an engagement article with Vincent.”

“Then really?”

“Ah, it wasn’t a real one. It was just talk.”

I really didn’t know. The faces of the two people in the newspaper photo were small, so I couldn’t even make out their features. And the princess in the photo looked elegant and dignified… Who would have imagined she would be living this kind of life in the Forest Mansion.

“Th-Then, how did she end up here?”

“It’s a long story, but for her true life?”

“What does that mean?”

“It means people sometimes need a breathing space.”

He only said things I couldn’t understand. I frowned because I couldn’t understand at all. Ethan burst out laughing again, as if my face was funny. But seeing that he didn’t say more, it seemed he didn’t want to tell me the details.

“You called Robert your nephew, so what is your relationship with Violet?”

“We’re related. Violet is royalty, even if she doesn’t look like it.”

“I didn’t know.”

I saw Violet differently now.

“Anything else you’re curious about?”

Ethan asked when his laughter had subsided somewhat. I thought carefully. Anything else I’m curious about… As I repeated his question, something came to mind. Maybe it was the first thing I wanted to ask from the moment I met him.

Looking at his happy face, I hesitated and parted my lips.

“Um, Ethan.”

“Yes.”

“When you met Vincent again, I saw that he could see.”

I swallowed hard involuntarily. Ethan paused, then nodded slowly. As if telling me to continue.

“I was worried a lot, but he’s become stronger, and it seems like he’s living a healthy life now. And it seems like he can see very well.”

“And?”

“And… the moment I saw that, I had a question.”

Even saying this much made me feel strangely breathless. One side of my chest felt stuffy. I licked my parched lips. As if giving me courage, Ethan calmly waited for my next words.

I moved my lips several times, but in the end, I couldn’t spit out the question that was lingering in my mouth. Noticing my hesitation, Ethan smiled kindly. He seemed to know what I was trying to ask. No, he was allowing it.

Telling me it was okay to ask.

Ethan is really the same as ever. A person who hides his own inner thoughts while sharply piercing through the hearts of others. That’s why it was uncomfortable to be with him.

This time too, he revealed my inner thoughts. The question I wanted to ask the most when I met him, but on the other hand, couldn’t easily bring up.

I moved my lips and barely spat out a word.

“What happened to Lucas?”

Finally facing, his well-being.

“I was wondering when you’d ask.”

“……”

“May I ask why you thought of Lucas when you saw Vincent?”

“Lucas used to…”

At the time, I only thought he was being mischievous. I realized that it was actually his true feelings the moment I met Vincent again. Maybe I wanted to believe I had misheard. I was angry at his attitude of saying it was a joke, but on the other hand, I was relieved. Relieved that it was a joke.

A kind person.

Therefore, a bad person.

“He said he wanted to give his world to Vincent.”

I choked up as soon as I said that. My heart always ached when I thought of Lucas. My heart was constricted, and sadness filled my throat to the point of suffocation. That’s why I avoided thinking about him. Pretending not to know, I tried to forget the anxiety that was in one side of my heart, thinking he was living well. In fact, even though I knew I couldn’t erase it even if I tried to forget, I took care of my own desires first.

Lucas would be living happily and well more than anyone else.

Because, he had to be.

Ethan was now giving me the answer to that. Brown eyes tinged with sadness comforted me. I didn’t want to see that face anymore, so I buried my face in my hands. I bent my back so that my hands touched my knees, afraid that he would tell me to lift my face.

“Paula.”

“……”

“Lucas didn’t hesitate. He didn’t regret it either.”

“Was there no other way? No other way?”

“I don’t know. If we had waited, there might have been another way. A way for Lucas to live and for Vincent to go out into the world. But there wasn’t time for that. Lucas’s condition worsened day by day. One of the reasons for the deterioration was that he had been weak since he was a child.”

“……”

“It was what Lucas wanted. It was his own choice, so I wanted to respect it.”

Ethan’s voice was calm. But I know how painful a time he spent to be able to say this. I knew it well. Who would welcome their younger sibling giving up their life for their friend?

Lucas and Vincent each had their own circumstances. Ethan chose between them and had to bear his own choice.

I wondered how much he had agonized and suffered until he respected and accepted Lucas’s decision. I now realized the meaning of what he had said to me.

The count who survived by devouring his own flesh and blood. That was his truth. A very sad truth.

His face, which had been stiff without a smile, came to mind. That face, which was unlike him, was the shell of Ethan that remained after enduring everything. The face that smiled at me might have actually been making a sadder face than I was. I knew his habit of trying to overcome sadness with a light attitude.

Tears fell drop by drop. The sobs I had been trying to hold back while biting my lip finally came out. It was the second time I had shed tears since coming here.

The first was for Lucas.

Now it’s for Ethan.

And for another man who had to accept this situation.

Because this is all I can do.

“Paula. Will you remember him? No matter how sad you are, don’t forget, and keep your memories with Lucas in your heart?”

Am I allowed to? Am I allowed to, after leaving him behind and running away alone at the end? Am I allowed to remember him, after running away and shamelessly trying to forget everything?

As if reading my mind, Ethan patted me on the shoulder. As if saying it was okay.

“Remember him. I want Paula to remember him.”

“Sniff, yes… I will… I won’t forget…”

“Thank you.”

I shook my head wildly, saying no. He just patted my shoulder. He soothed me with careful and gentle hands.

I gently lifted my head. When I lowered my hands, Ethan’s eyes widened and then turned mischievous. My face, stained with tears and snot, must have looked funny.

Ethan took out a handkerchief and handed it to me. Instead of taking the handkerchief, I reached out and stroked his hair.

What kind of time has Ethan, who became alone overnight, been spending? Vincent was holed up in his room after going blind, but Ethan wouldn’t have done that. He, who judged the situation more coldly than anyone else, would have run without rest. He wouldn’t have looked back, afraid that sadness would trap him. Just like I did, he would have done the same.

That’s why my heart ached more.

“You’ve been through a lot.”

“……”

“You endured well.”

The smile disappeared from Ethan’s face as he listened to my story quietly. I smiled gently and comforted him. I didn’t hide my face, which had become even more unsightly with tears and snot. I wanted to shed tears in place of Ethan, who hadn’t been able to cry freely until now.

“Thank you for enduring.”

“……Don’t say things like that.”

“Thank you for living.”

“……”

“Thank you.”

In the end, Ethan’s face contorted. I wanted him to break down the wall that had been built up so firmly, layer upon layer, and release the emotions trapped inside.

Ethan covered his face with one hand. I gently stroked his hair again.

But he didn’t cry. After taking a moment to catch his breath, Ethan quickly regained his composure. The solid wall was only slightly cracked, not broken. I know that’s how he protects himself. There were no traces of tears on his face. His eyes were just a little red.

Ethan grabbed my wrist, which was stroking his head, and lowered it.

“Paula hasn’t changed.”

“Except for my bangs, right.”

“I was quite surprised by that.”

“But how did you recognize my face so quickly?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t recognize you because of your bangs?”

“Actually, yes.”

“I told you, I saw your face.”

Did you? Ethan pouted when I didn’t remember. I burst out laughing. Then he put his pouting lips back in and laughed.

Hiding sadness with laughter. Because he can’t stay in sadness, he tries to shake it off with a light laugh. That doesn’t mean this sadness will disappear, but he hides it deep in his heart so that the feeling gradually fades, so that when he takes it out again, the sadness will be lighter.

Still, I was glad that I could meet him and share this sadness.

“I hoped I wouldn’t see you again when I last saw you.”

He said, reminiscing about the day I left the mansion. It was the same for me. Just like the beginning, the end wasn’t good either. I didn’t expect to see him again. I thought that even if I did see him, I would only see him from afar, or pass by him by chance on the street.

But now, here I am, reunited with Ethan.

“Still, it’s good to see you again.”

He smiled kindly. I smiled brightly as if agreeing.