Chapter 76
76
76. The Count I Met Again (6)
Yes, I messed up.
I begged Vincent to save me right after the catastrophe that day.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
“Do you even know what you’ve done?”
“Yes. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”
“If I help you twice, will you kill someone and then say sorry? Or is that how you treat the people you’ve helped?”
“……”
That mouth is still the same. But it was my fault, so even if I had ten mouths, I had nothing to say, and I silently accepted his criticism. Vincent looked like he wanted to say more, but he couldn’t bring himself to directly mention the catastrophe, so he seemed to be suppressing his anger. Next to him, Joelly had been laughing mindlessly since earlier, completely oblivious.
“I-It’s okay, pfft, Vincent, cough. S-Shouldn’t you get a referral from a doctor, snicker.”
“Can’t you shut your mouth?”
“Pwahaha!”
However, Joelly laughed without giving in, and Vincent’s murderous gaze was once again fixed on me. My head dropped down. As I subtly hid behind Johnny, he moved to the side, avoiding me. I sent him pleading eyes not to avoid me, but Johnny was firm.
“You have to deal with it.”
You little jerk. In the end, I had to endure the dizzying time alone.
That day, I seriously considered running away once again.
He came to see Robert every time he came here, so uncomfortable situations continued several times after that. The disapproving gaze soon turned into indifference. Occasionally, Joelly would playfully mention the catastrophe, and I would secretly sweat bullets.
Alicia, another witness to the catastrophe, seemed complicated, wondering if this was an enviable situation or not.
Even now, thinking about that day makes my face flush. I wondered if I would be punished, but he didn’t take any action, perhaps because of his pride. Fortunately, I had kicked the side of his thigh next to that area between his legs, so I avoided misfortune, but it was obvious what kind of impression he had of me.
This time, I avoided him in a different sense.
“Ah……”
It was when I went into Robert’s room with his dessert. There was someone in the room. An adult man holding a child in his arms. Even though I only saw his back, I knew who it was right away.
As I stopped in surprise, Vincent also noticed me and turned around. As his gaze reached me, I instinctively lowered my head. I touched my bangs as if it were a habit. Surprised by his unexpected appearance, I glanced up, and he frowned as he recognized me. Seeing his displeased face made me nervous for no reason.
He raised his index finger to his lips, pointing at me, who was stiffly frozen.
‘Shh.’
Shh? Ah, shh. Shh. I also put my index finger to my lips, following him, and nodded hesitantly. Vincent patted Robert’s back with his large hand.
“Mo……ther……”
A voice full of tears flowed out quietly. Looking closely, Robert’s face was swollen, as if he had been crying. Did he cry again? Robert’s longing for his mother was considerable. He often whined and cried like this when he was sleepy. I was starting to wonder what kind of person Robert’s mother was.
Vincent gently stroked Robert’s hair. A leisurely, careful, yet familiar gesture. Robert, who had been whining for a moment, began to breathe evenly again.
Bright rays of light poured in through the large window in the wall. Short, messy blond hair scattered over Vincent’s shoulders sparkled in the sunlight. Robert rubbed his chubby cheeks, humming. Vincent adjusted his posture familiarly.
The figures of the two swayed through the rays of light.
They actually look good together?
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Vincent, who was turning around, frowned.
“No, it’s nothing.”
I immediately lowered my gaze and bowed.
Before long, only the even breathing of the child echoed in the room. Vincent, who had laid the completely asleep Robert on the bed, left the room.
I, who had been standing there holding the Silver Plate with the dessert until then, also glanced at the sleeping Robert and headed outside. I muffled my footsteps, walked out lightly, and gently closed the door.
“You.”
The hardship I had forgotten had come.
Seeing his murderous eyes, I unknowingly raised the Silver Plate to cover my face.
“W-Would you like some?”
Even I thought it was a bizarre thing to say.
“What?”
He seemed taken aback as well.
“I brought it for the young master, but he’s sleeping. If you don’t eat it, it’ll melt. If it melts, it won’t taste good, and it’ll be a waste. If, if you’re okay with it, if you like sweets…… no, even if you don’t like them, no, that is, um……”
As I rambled on, my words became strange. What? What was I trying to say?
My voice gradually faded, but he didn’t say anything more either. An awkward atmosphere flowed.
I didn’t know how to end this situation, so I was at a loss, but suddenly the Silver Plate became lighter. When I lowered my gaze towards the Silver Plate, I saw him leaning against the window right in front of me. He was holding the dessert that I had intended to give to Robert.
The dessert was a chocolate cake. He broke off a piece of the dark cake with a fork and put it in his mouth. He was munching on it. There was no scolding about what kind of nonsense I was spouting. He really started eating the cake deliciously.
I smiled a little. Not only because of his attitude, but also because his face, after taking a bite of the cake, seemed to come alive. Even if he pretended not to, it seemed to suit his taste quite well. His face was sullen, but he looked strangely satisfied. He still likes sweets.
“Have some tea too.”
I poured tea into the teacup that I had brought with me, thinking that he might get thirsty from just eating cake. But what the child drinks is not tea leaves, but Honey Milk. I was embarrassed again when I saw the milky white milk. He looked down at the milky white milk with me, and then silently raised the teacup I offered and drank the milk.
“Sweet.”
“It has honey in it.”
“Perfect for a child’s taste.”
The man in front of me was also included in that child’s taste. He drank the sweet milk well.
I held the Silver Plate and cautiously stood next to him. He didn’t tell me to get lost. He didn’t even look at me, as if he had no interest.
Silence lingered in the hallway where only the two of us were. It was quiet. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because the sight of him enjoying the sweets reminded me of old memories.
“What did you say your name was?”
“Yes?”
“Name.”
“Ah, I told you last time, but don’t you remember?”
“Last time?”
His voice became fierce. I quickly shook my head, saying that it wasn’t that last time.
That day, I couldn’t bring myself to answer his fierce question of who I was, and I only looked around cautiously. Joelly, who had been laughing happily for a while, gave me permission to leave, so I was able to run away.
“I, I greeted you before that.”
“……”
“I greeted you about twice.”
“Do I have to remember everything?”
He seemed to be sarcastic, but I was surprised in a different sense. He really didn’t seem to remember meeting me twice.
Usually, once they see my face, they say they can’t forget it. They frown, saying that I’m too ugly, the complete opposite of Alicia, so they remember me even more.
I thought he was surprised when he saw my face too.
“You, don’t you remember?”
“You’re not noticeable.”
“Are you talking about me?”
“Who else is here besides you?”
The voice that came back was cold. After that day, he revealed his emotions to me. Usually it was annoyance, but now it was even bothersome.
But I was really puzzled. Was he pretending not to know?
No, what was contained in his sullen emerald eyes was indifference. Only then did I realize. He had no interest in me. He would forget the face of a servant he had seen twice as soon as possible.
I felt strange. I didn’t know whether to feel bitter about the rudeness of meeting someone and forgetting them, or to be grateful for the attitude of not treating me as special.
Still, considering what happened last time, Vincent’s own consideration was to get along with me so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed by the unexpected dessert recommendation. But he was also so prickly.
Even after all these years, he hadn’t changed.
“Ann…… was it?”
But what came out of his mouth was not my name. I hesitated to answer. It was a name I had told him twice, but for some reason I didn’t want to answer it now. Even though it wasn’t my real name, I couldn’t say no, so I chose silence.
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
It doesn’t seem like he’s remembering it in a good way.
I glanced at him as he ate the remaining cake deliciously. His emerald eyes had a clear Heterochromia, and there was no suffering visible on his peaceful face. He really can see now. Even though I had checked it several times, it was still amazing every time I saw it.
Perhaps sensing that I kept glancing at him, he frowned slightly. It was like he was telling me to look away. I quickly looked down at the floor.
“Is Nanny out?”
“Yes. She went to her family home early in the morning. She often goes out and visits her family home because she has something to do.”
“Is it frequent?”
“It has been recently.”
“How is Robert? Is there anything that makes him uncomfortable in his daily life?”
“Yes. He’s doing well.”
“Is he still looking for his mother a lot?”
I, who had been answering immediately, paused. Did he hear the conversation I had with Robert back then? I nodded a little late.
“He doesn’t show it much, but.”
“Because nothing changes even if he shows it.”
Those were familiar words. I had heard them from Nanny before.
In fact, Robert didn’t complain much about wanting to see his mother. When he was with Nanny, he talked a lot, but he didn’t show any such signs. The last time he went into the forest, he explained to Nanny why he had done that. Even that Robert was longing for his mother.
Then Nanny smiled bitterly.
‘It’s because he doesn’t show it well. He doesn’t show it because he can’t meet her even if he does.’
He used to complain a lot when he was younger. But because nothing was achieved even if he complained, those signs gradually decreased.
Just say you miss her. Complaining was more childish. But that young child was also an aristocrat. He was living in the strictness of aristocratic society. Perhaps Robert is a more mature child than I thought.
‘Please listen to him a lot when he says he misses her.’
Nanny had asked me that.
“Still…… he’s doing well.”
“Well. If he was doing well, he wouldn’t climb on the Iron horse statue and look outside.”
He knew that too. He was more interested in Robert than I thought.
“What do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you think there’s a way for Robert not to miss his mother?”
I rolled my eyes for a moment. It was a question that couldn’t be answered easily.
But I know the answer.
“Is there someone you miss?”
“……Why do you ask that?”
“Wouldn’t it be the same depth?”
“……”
The depth of longing comes from affection for the other person. Robert loves his mother very much. So there’s no way to forget the longing. You can temporarily divert your attention to something else, but it’s impossible to forget completely.
“If he could forget easily, I don’t think he would have missed her.”
It’s not a problem that can be forced either.
That’s what emotions are like. Even if it’s not always good, even if you didn’t want it, you can’t just throw away what’s piercing your heart. That’s why it’s complicated, cumbersome, and difficult.
“Just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean it’s light.”
He’s right. Just because he doesn’t show it doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss her. Just as he doesn’t know the hardship of climbing onto the Iron horse statue with his short legs, no one can fathom the longing that Robert hides. Rather, the emotions that are hidden may be deeper.
What is visible is not everything.
