Chapter 32
32
32. The Count’s Circumstances (2)
“Now that I think about it, I haven’t heard much about you.”
“Because I have nothing to say.”
“You usually chatter away without me even asking.”
“I have a bad memory, so I don’t remember well.”
The empty plate spun around and around. The sound filled the space between him and me.
“Second daughter must miss you a lot.”
“……”
The plate that had been spinning around and around stopped abruptly with a shudder. Silence crashed down in an instant. I couldn’t take my hand off the plate. The breadcrumbs on the empty plate fell messily here and there, making the table dirty. Just like my heart.
“No. She won’t miss me.”
“Why?”
“She went to a good place. We don’t live together.”
As I said that, I looked up at the sky outside the window. The clear and clean sky was so beautiful. My sisters are all up there. They escaped the hell that Devil spawn shook and are living happily there.
And they must be resenting me as they look at me.
“I see. She must have married into a good family.”
Ah, that’s how it sounded. But I didn’t bother to correct him.
“Yes. It’s a good place.”
“What about your other sisters?”
“Yes. Ah, except for the third. Father dotes on her.”
Too much, which is the problem. Then the house in Pilton came to mind. I haven’t shared any news since I left that place. I haven’t visited either. How are they living in that house without me? I’ve had such thoughts, but I quickly dismissed them. It was unnecessary concern.
“What about your mother?”
“I don’t have one.”
I don’t know if she’s dead or alive, so it’s as good as not having one. After answering that far, I didn’t want to talk about my family anymore. I was thinking of clearing the table if he asked again, but he didn’t ask any further and looked out the window again.
“Well, you don’t necessarily have to miss them.”
The casual words sounded like he knew something. My heart felt like it was being pricked. Stop it. Don’t poke at me anymore. I wanted to shout that.
“……What about you, Master. Do you miss them?”
With a spiteful heart, I retaliated. Knowing that his parents had passed away in an unexpected accident, I poked at his wound. I expected him to be displeased, but the answer that came back was unexpected.
“No.”
“Why?”
“There’s no need. I’ll see them when I die, so there’s no need to miss them that much. Sadness should be short. I don’t want to regret it either. It’s better to throw it away than to be caught up in that emotion and not be able to see the future. It’s useless.”
“……”
It was a very cold statement, but I could understand it. Because that’s what I did.
The death of my sisters. The sadness, longing, regret, and guilt that poured out because of it. But I didn’t have the luxury to wallow in those emotions. I had to live through each day right away, and those emotions were of no help in living. The value of my life was determined by whether it was useful or not. And those emotions made me a useless being. So, I chose to cut them out rather than keep them. After doing that, it was actually easier to live.
Was his life like that too?
Suddenly, I felt a sense of kinship.
“I told you. This is not a place to dream.”
‘Then think about it. It’s not an appropriate place to have vain dreams.’
Yes, he said those words. At that time, I thought he was just spewing thorny words because of his nasty temper, so I casually brushed it off, but now that I think about it, it seems like it was his own advice from experience.
“Still, isn’t there at least one thing you want to dream about, even if it’s a vain dream?”
I became a little curious. The wish of a man who gives such dry answers. At my question, he seemed to think hard for a moment before spitting out a difficult answer.
“Being able to see.”
My curiosity disappeared at that answer.
“What about you? Is there anything you want to dream about, even if it’s a vain dream?”
“I just want to live a long, long time. I wish I didn’t have to suffer so much, but since I’m going to live a life of begging wherever my feet take me anyway, I don’t dream of anything extravagant.”
“You can keep living here then. Then at least you won’t suffer outside.”
“Are you going to let me stay for a long time?”
I replied playfully because he was saying something admirable for once. When I first came here, I only shouted at him to get out and threw things, but now he’s saying things like this. I’m a little touched.
“I allow it.”
“Really? You can’t take back your words later?”
“I won’t. Stay for a long time.”
He took another sip of his tea. I wondered if I should get a written promise.
“I’ll protect you.”
Clink. The teacup clinked. The wind blew. Paula’s Hair tie fluttered here and there, struggling to escape from his hand. He wrapped the Hair tie around his index finger. He lifted it slightly and pressed it to his lips.
As if kissing.
“I’ll protect it because it’s mine.”
“……”
“I promise.”
His emerald eyes curved roundly. The Hair tie slipped out of his gently opened hand and fluttered around. It hit my cheek, touched my hand, and then hung around my neck, fluttering. My gaze couldn’t leave Vincent.
My heart was pounding. An unfamiliar sensation emerged strangely, to the point where I curled my fingers.
“So stay by my side. For a long time.”
His firm voice bound me. The white string, imprinted with his body temperature, rubbed against my skin, leaving burn marks. The man sitting upright in front of me even stole my gaze.
“You’re not saying anything. Am I not trustworthy enough?”
“No… No. It’s not that.”
“Judging by the fact that you’re denying it three times, I guess you thought so.”
“Not at all.”
“Four times. That’s for sure.”
“……”
“Still, trust me. I’m trusting you too.”
I opened my mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again. When I faced the emotions contained in his long, curved eyes, my chest tickled. Something inside kept pounding. It’s pounding towards the person in front of me.
“Since I lost my sight, my other senses have become more sensitive. So when I deal with people, I touch and feel their breathing, the trembling of their voice, their gestures, their hand movements, their noises, their smells, and I guess. It’s like I’m playing a game of guessing how they feel while covering my eyes every moment. Right now, I’m guessing about you.”
His fingertips were directed at me. I widened my eyes.
“You become silent when you’re embarrassed. You’re probably opening your mouth right now. Because you’re touched.”
“……You’re wrong. Not at all.”
I closed my open mouth. Even though I knew he couldn’t see, I even shook my head. He chuckled at my answer.
“Really? Then I’m curious. What kind of face you’re making. It would be nice if I could see you right now. Then I would have been able to know right away what you’re thinking.”
“You’ll regret it if you see it.”
“Because it’s too pretty?”
“To the point where you’ll go blind.”
At those words, he snorted. Well done. He said that, but he didn’t stop smiling. I liked the way he smiled. It was even handsome. Thanks to eating regularly, he had gained quite a bit of weight now, and the pitiful appearance he had before had disappeared a lot.
He is definitely changing.
That was both rewarding and sad. I have to stay, and he has to change. Every time I see him changing, I realize that relationship again. So I also tried not to think about what the unfamiliar emotion that was arising in one corner of my heart was.
Because I knew instinctively.
That it was by no means a good emotion for me.
It was just past noon when Isabella came to the Separate Residence. With a look that seemed somehow urgent, she grabbed my arm, which was standing there blankly, and dragged me straight into the room.
“Paula. Go out with Master right away.”
“Yes?”
“Hurry and get ready now. I’ll talk to Master separately.”
As she said that, she handed me the coat she had brought. I took it in a daze, but I was flustered.
“Uh, where are you telling me to go?”
“Anywhere is fine. Go as far away as possible. But don’t go too far. Go to a safe place if possible. I’ll allow you to come back late too.”
With those words, Isabella headed straight to Vincent’s room. I tried to follow her, but first I took off my apron. All I had for going-out clothes was the dress I wore when I first came here, so I changed into that, put on my coat, and left the room.
Just in time, Vincent, dressed in going-out clothes, came out of the room next door. He must have changed his clothes in a hurry too, because his clothes were a little disheveled. And behind him, Isabella looked anxious.
I was about to ask what the heck was going on, but he tapped his cane on the floor and said to me.
“Shall we go for a walk?”
At his very calm words, I nodded without realizing it.
The place he took my hand and headed to was the forest I went to last time. To be honest, there weren’t many places to go for a walk, and there weren’t any places to go. Isabella told me to go to a safe place, and the only safe place I knew was the Bellunita family’s property. And he couldn’t go to crowded places.
The forest was quiet. The chirping of birds ringing out eased the tension a little.
“What on earth is going on?”
“I wonder.”
When I glanced back, he was too calm, unlike me. He looked around the forest here and there with a face that didn’t change even a little. But he wouldn’t be able to see anything anyway. But the fingertips of his hand that I was holding were trembling. He was pretending to be calm.
Vincent seemed to know the reason for this sudden outing. What on earth was it? I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, but recently Vincent had become skilled at hiding his inner thoughts. He was clearly different from when he was extremely sensitive and acted nasty.
I was curious, but I decided not to ask. Thinking that there must be a reason why he wasn’t telling me.
“I don’t know where to go. You told me to go far away.”
“We can just go.”
“Weren’t you reluctant to go out after you went out and met Violet last time? Besides, how can we go far away? We’d have to go towards the main residence.”
“We can go.”
“How?”
Then he suddenly took my hand and started walking ahead. I followed him. He headed towards the bushes, not the path. He was walking without hesitation, not knowing what was in front of him.
As we went further inside, the grass grew lushly, making it difficult to take steps. Because it wasn’t managed, tree branches protruded dangerously, and I almost got hurt. From the middle, I took the lead and helped him walk by clearing the bushes. He walked on, feeling each tree one by one. He carefully felt the surrounding trees as if he was looking for something in the trees.
After walking like that little by little for a long time, a space was revealed when I pushed aside the bushes. It was a circular space with trees surrounding it. There was an iron gate there. Because the bushes grew over it and covered the gate, it was in a position where it wouldn’t be noticeable unless you pushed it aside yourself. And there was a path outside the iron gate.
I couldn’t believe there was such a space. I looked around in admiration.
“Wow. There was a gate in a place like this. I didn’t know.”
“You can go to the village if you go out here.”
It feels like I’m going on an adventure. This is really amazing. I looked around the narrow space here and there, and then glanced at the path visible outside the gate. Then, when I gently pushed the iron gate, it opened with a creaking sound. I thought it was locked because a chain was tied to the doorknob, but I guess not.
“What is it used for?”
“I heard it’s a path used in case of emergency.”
“The gate is rusty.”
“Because it hasn’t been used for a long time.”
I was so amazed that I kept looking at the path outside the iron gate. It was a path, but the inside wasn’t visible well because of the grass that grew out jaggedly. It would be more accurate to say that you’re being sucked into the bushes rather than walking on the path.
“It’s like a secret gate. A new world comes out if you go out here. There are strange animals and fairies, and you can make friends and go on adventures.”
“I’ve been thinking this since last time, but you read too many books.”
He shook his head. I shrugged my shoulders. What does it matter? Imagination is free.
