Chapter 10
10
- The Baron family's Crazy Master (10)
“It’s irreversible, no matter how hard I try, it can’t be changed, so how am I supposed to overcome it? How am I supposed to live in this hell?”
The sound of grinding teeth was followed by the figure that had been crouching being lifted up abruptly. As the sheet covering him fell down, his face was revealed. I widened my eyes in surprise. His forehead was stained red.
“Your forehead……”
He snatched the hand that I was fumbling towards the air. He grabbed my face, making me look at his hand in surprise. The long bangs that had been hanging down were pushed up.
I instinctively pushed him away. Don’t do this! Don’t!
“Let go―!”
“Look at me!”
He tried to grab my wrist and face, and I twisted my body to avoid his hands. In the struggle, my body eventually fell onto the bed. He quickly climbed on top of me and tried to grab me as if he had planned it all along.
His bangs were completely disheveled, constantly revealing his face. Don’t look. Please don’t look at me. I pushed his face, hit his shoulder, and tried to push him down somehow, but it was no use. He grabbed my face as I turned my body to escape.
Dry fingers gripped my hair as if tearing it out. He brought his face close to me, shouting at my groan of pain.
“Look at me!”
Only then did I open my eyes and face him.
Rough breaths were exchanged. Seeing his cloudy emerald eyes, I was reminded of the fact that he was blind.
Right, this man can’t see me. He can’t see me. A wave of relief washed over me.
“How am I supposed to live in this state? What am I supposed to believe in? Do you know my heart? The fear of not seeing anything, do you? How can you know the frustrating feeling of not knowing whether the other person has goodwill or poison, whether they are trying to harm me or protect me!”
His hollow eyes were full of venom. The hand gripping my face was trembling. It wasn’t scary. It was resentment.
“My life has failed. There is no light in front of me now.”
He was resenting his situation.
“If you try……”
He snorted. So that’s all you can say. His eyes were full of disappointment.
“I don’t want to hear any more of that ‘cheer up,’ ‘you can do it,’ ‘you can overcome it if you try’ crap. It’s all just words in the end. You can say that so easily because you’re not blind like me. Don’t say anything ridiculous. My eyes will never see again.”
His anger was felt in the voice that spoke each word as if spitting it out. His fear lingered in the hurried breaths.
“But what am I supposed to try to do? What can a blind cripple do……”
His gradually distorted face looked sad. Like a child left alone in a place where no one was. With so much wealth, honor, and power, what could be so sad? I could only guess at his sadness, but I couldn’t really understand it.
He was right. I was just an outsider after all.
“So you’re going to die? Like this, alone, withering away.”
“Isn’t that okay? I can choose death over life.”
“I guess so.”
“……”
I raised my hand and grabbed the back of his hand that was holding my face. It was still cold.
“You can choose.”
I could have said something superficially nice. The reason I didn’t was because his pain was deep. So I stopped. It was arrogant of me to comfort him.
“Reality isn’t a fairy tale. God is said to give everyone trials that they can endure, but I don’t believe it. It’s so hard. Whether to keep enduring it or not, choosing is my freedom. You’re wielding that freedom, so I can’t help it.”
“……”
“Just tell me in advance before you die. I don’t want to clean up a corpse all of a sudden.”
Because I need time to prepare myself.
I took his hand off my face and pushed his chest. This time, he easily pushed back. I quickly got out from under him.
The moonlight outside the window was still bright. I wanted to show it to him. But even if I opened those curtains, the light wouldn’t reach Vincent.
“I’ll stay by your side until then.”
When I turned around, Vincent had a blank look on his face.
“You’re not afraid of me, are you? Because you can kill me whenever you want. As I said before, there’s no one who will come to avenge me even if I die. You don’t have to worry.”
“……”
“And one more thing, you’re wrong, Master. Sometimes the world you can see is more terrible.”
Like the mother who abandoned her own child and ran away, like my siblings who were beaten to death by Father, starved from poverty, and sold to the Brothel by their own father.
And like my life.
“You have a lot, Master. You have a tomorrow. So why don’t you try a little bit now that you can breathe? So that you can live even one day more happily.”
“……It’s all useless.”
“I’m not saying you should do something right away. I’m just saying you should try it as if it’s the last time. Whatever it is. Eat meals on time, take a bath in warm water, wear new clothes, and go out of the room.”
“……”
“If you get scared, you can run away again. You have a place to hide like this. You can hide here and come out again when you calm down. You have wealth, power, and a large mansion with servants who care about you, so what are you so afraid of?”
“All of that…… is scary. Wealth, power, attention, this mansion too.”
“It’s better than having nothing.”
At least you can run away.
“You must be mistaken about something, Master, living without those things is more scary.”
I have often seen people who can’t see like him. Babies born blind and abandoned by their parents, old people who had to have their eyes gouged out due to illness, young breadwinners who had to support their families despite losing their sight in an accident. They also have to live in darkness forever like Vincent. But they can’t cower in a comfortable room like him.
They had to work to live. Hunger was more frightening to them than the fear of not seeing. They had to beg, enduring neglect, ridicule, and mockery, in order to breathe even one day more.
Everyone lives in hell.
Some are poor, some meet the wrong parents, some have an unexpected accident, and some face tomorrow in a life where they can’t see.
“If you accumulate one thing at a time, change will come. Whatever it is. Just like light shines into this dark room.”
“……”
“Do you know that the moon in the sky right now is very pretty?”
So much so that I want to show it to you.
Then maybe he’ll stop thinking about dying.
Even after my words, Vincent didn’t raise his head. He wrapped himself tightly in the sheet again. I reached out and lifted his face. A ray of light seeped into his cloudy emerald eyes.
Beautiful.
His eyes sparkled with moonlight.
It was the first time I had faced someone so closely. Everyone looked at my face as if it were terrible, so I always lowered my head to avoid people’s gazes.
Third Alicia often gave me a look of shame. Father also clicked his tongue when he saw my face. I was afraid to meet their eyes. So I didn’t cut my bangs. Because long hair would cover my ugly face even a little.
But now.
“Don’t lower your head.”
My heart was pounding. Would it be okay? After all, that man can’t see. I can be honest. So for the first time, I faced someone closely.
So that my emotions can reach him as much as his emotions have reached me.
“This is real.”
I stroked his red forehead. His skin was torn and bruised. Was the nightmare so scary that he hit his forehead against the wall? So that he couldn’t fall asleep. Maybe he wanted to know that this was reality.
“Be brave.”
I’ll try even if you don’t like it. There was no way back since I was sold for Gold coin anyway.
Living or dying here.
By the side of this blind master.
Secretly.
His emerald eyes shook with confusion. Then slowly, his trembling fingertips wrapped around my face. The misaligned gaze gradually moved and fixed on me.
Our eyes met.
“You……”
And at that moment, my face was turned sharply to the side by a strong force. Before I could say “Huh?”, my vision was turned upside down in an instant. Soon after, my body fell backwards. With a thud! A familiar, stinging pain rushed to the back of my head.
……What, what’s going on?
I lay on the floor, blinking my eyes. I’ve experienced this situation somewhere before.
“I’ve felt it since before, but you talk too much uselessly.”
A calm voice rang out. Only then did I gather my dazed mind and sit up. He was already lying on the bed, still covered in the sheet. The sight of him trembling in fear from the nightmare was nowhere to be seen.
“Haven’t you heard the saying to watch your mouth?”
Moreover, even a calm warning.
His usual crazy appearance made me wonder what was going on for a moment.
“Be careful next time.”
“……I will be careful.”
So, his dirty temper has returned.
I rubbed the back of my head that had hit the floor and glared at his face, which had regained its composure. He narrowed his brow slightly.
“Stop looking. Before I pluck your eyeballs out.”
Anyway, he’s good at sensing things like this. I immediately lowered my eyes as he warned. I’m losing energy. I drooped my shoulders and washed my face roughly.
I watched him bury his face in the pillow and got up from my seat. I had taken just one step towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Ah, I’m going back to my room.”
“Why?”
“Pardon?”
“You said you’d stay until I calmed down.”
“I think you’ve calmed down enough.”
“Not at all. Someone said they’d stay by my side, and my heart is still pounding. I’m scared.”
“……”
No, I said something nice to him! I was about to burst out, but I remembered who the man in front of me was and shut my mouth.
“Stay here. Until I fall asleep.”
“Yes, yes.”
He frowned at my insincere answer. I didn’t care and sat back down on the floor, staring only at the moon through the curtains. Imagining beating him up in my head.
The sound of breathing came from behind me.
The sound of breathing that had regained its peace continued for so long.
