Translator: Nox

Chapter 83

83

83. To You, Whom I Couldn't Erase Even If I Tried to Forget (7)

I told Vincent I would look into the ink, but it was just an excuse to get through that moment. Besides, it was full of loopholes. Still, Vincent let it slide, perhaps because he sensed I was hiding something, or maybe he didn't have a good enough reason to press me right then.

I don't know what Vincent intends to do by finding out the source of the ink, but I had to give him an answer anyway. Just in case, I asked Johnny where he got the ink. I thought if I told him who the owner of the ink was, his interest might wane.

'I don't know. I got it through someone else.'

'You said someone you knew had it, right?'

'It was gotten by someone known by someone known by someone that my acquaintance knew. I didn't think it was necessary to go into such detail.'

'Then do you know who that someone known by someone known by someone is?'

'How would I know? Someone known by someone known by someone known by someone, or whatever.'

'Why are you adding more people?'

I was in no mood for wordplay. When I asked again where he got it, Johnny, who had been annoyed the whole time, suddenly hardened his expression.

'Did someone say something about the ink?'

'Not really... I just, someone wants to know where you got it.'

'Why do they want to know? They probably sell it all over the place.'

'I heard it's not something you can buy just anywhere. Apparently, it's very hard to get.'

'R-really? Was it that important?'

Johnny mumbled, flustered. I frowned. He didn't know? He nodded his head vigorously. Judging by his expression, he really didn't know the value of the ink. Well, even I, who had used it myself, didn't know, so how could he?

'I, I got it through someone else too... Oh, what should I do?'

'Could it be that someone working for another Count's family got it for you?'

'I don't know. I just gave you what someone got for me.'

'Could there be a problem? Did someone say something? Who is it? Ah, should I find out?' Johnny grabbed my arm with a frightened face and urged me. I had a hard time calming him down as he made a fuss about what to do if something big happened.

If he got it through acquaintances, it's possible that he was connected to someone working for the Christopher family. Frankly, I'm surprised that Johnny managed to get his hands on something like this through any route. I'm even more surprised by the person who lent it to him.

Anyway, in the end, Johnny doesn't know where he got it either. He said he would look into it if necessary, but I didn't expect him to go that far. It wouldn't mean much even if he found out the source anyway. I just asked him in the hope that I could ward off Vincent's interest. I feel a little sorry for him since he went out of his way to help. Still, it's better than being directly questioned by Vincent.

Now there's only one way. I'll pretend to look into it for a while, and then, when the time is right, I'll say I couldn't find out. It wasn't entirely a lie. It seemed difficult to find out who that distant acquaintance of an acquaintance of an acquaintance was...

But what does Vincent want to do by finding that person? I wondered, but I decided not to dwell on it. Unnecessary interest invites disaster. He was probably just curious.

Anyway, the Probationary period will be over soon, so I just need to endure it for a little while. Once I leave this place, he'll quickly forget about someone like me. In fact, it was absurd that I even met him again and had this conversation. Yes, considering my place.

On a day when he seems to be in a good mood, I'll tell him I couldn't find it. I'll say I tried to find it somehow, but it was difficult, and apologize, and he'll understand. I was looking for an opportunity in my own way.

It was quiet inside the mansion because it was break time. Robert was also taking a nap, so I was walking down the hallway to get some fresh air.

'Oh, Ann.'

I met Joelly in the middle.

'My stocking tore. Can you get me a new one? Alicia just went to rest, so I don't want to call her back.'

I went to her room with Joelly. I checked the design of the stockings she was wearing, opened the closet, and chose a design and color that were as similar as possible.

I took it and knelt down in front of Joelly. I put her leg on my knee and took off the torn stocking. Then I carefully put on the stocking I had brought. She stared intently at me.

'How is life here? Are you settling in?'

'Yes.'

'Are there any difficulties?'

'No. Everyone is helping me kindly.'

She might think it's just lip service, but there really weren't any major difficulties. Taking care of Robert was hard, but not to the point of death. Though sometimes I felt like I was dying.

'How did Ann come to be here?'

'I came because I was told they could introduce me to a good job.'

'Oh my. What if it was a bad place?'

'I know. I was lucky.'

After checking that there were no wrinkles, I put her leg down. Joelly smiled, thanking me. I held the torn stocking in my hand and looked up, and she was looking down at me from right above.

I was momentarily flustered because I didn't expect her to be so close. She curved her eyes.

'Aren't you scared?'

'Pardon?'

'Is it reckless? Or should I say you have courage?'

Suddenly, what was reckless and what was courageous? I couldn't follow the flow of the conversation, but I gave an answer anyway.

'Not really. I'm very timid.'

'How much? To the point where you can't even open your eyes at night because you're scared?'

'Not to that extent...'

'I am. When I'm alone, I'm so scared at night that I can't open my eyes.'

When I widened my eyes at her sudden words, she straightened her back. Joelly, who put one leg on the chair and rested her cheek on her knee, continued softly.

'I'm very timid.'

'How much do you mean?'

'Hmm. To the point where I can't even sleep alone? I used to be scared of being with someone, but now I'm more scared of being alone. When I'm alone, no one knows. Even if I need help right away, there's no one to help me. In that case, it's better to have someone by my side. It's even better if there's someone who wants me to be by their side.'

'...'

'Other people say that the person next to you might be more dangerous, but I still like being with someone. Two is better than one, and three is better than two. The more people, the better. Whether they threaten me or not.'

She lowered her eyes and fiddled with her long hair. Then she twisted her hair around her index finger. I glanced at it for a moment and then looked up at her again. She was clearly speaking in a calm voice, but somehow it sounded depressing.

'I agree too.'

'…Ann too?'

Joelly slightly raised her eyes. I nodded. It was a sudden topic, but I agreed with her to some extent.

Alicia's and my relationship wasn't much different. We don't like each other, but we can't abandon each other either. Alicia to live, and me to be remembered. In the end, we were using each other for our own purposes. The reason I kept Alicia by my side was because she was the only one who could remember my death.

Father also died, and I ran away from that old house. But I didn't have any friends or close people to rely on. It was a barren life with no one left by my side. That's why there was only Alicia. I hated her and didn't like her, but even so, I could feel that I was alive only when she was by my side.

'There's no such thing as a relationship that everyone can be satisfied with.'

'...'

'Ah, I'm sorry.'

When I spoke, Joelly's expression was already slightly hardened. I was just trying to comfort her because she looked depressed, but I ended up talking too much. I hurriedly bent over.

'Why are you suddenly apologizing?'

'Because you seemed angry.'

'Not angry, but um, just surprised...'

There was definitely no anger in her voice. Well, that's a relief. Thinking so, I straightened my back, and at that moment, white hands cupped my face and lifted it up. Long golden hair poured down on both sides. My body instinctively stiffened when I saw her face looming right in front of me.

I widened my eyes. My mouth opened on its own.

I mean.

'Ah, it hurts! It hurts!'

'It hurts? Does it hurt a lot?'

'Yes? Yes? Ah, ah! It hurts! It hurts a lot!'

I waved my hands and pushed her away. Joelly just giggled and didn't let go of me. She grabbed my cheeks, stretched them out, and then pressed them hard again, squashing my face.

I floundered with my face squashed like clay, and only after I crawled away from her on all fours could I grab my tingling cheeks. This must be red.

'Ahaha!'

Joelly grabbed her stomach and leaned back. She laughed cheerfully, as if she was having so much fun. I rubbed my cheeks and looked at her in disbelief.

'I'm sorry. You were so cute that I couldn't help myself.'

'…Ahaha.'

It hurts too much to say 'I couldn't help myself.' I forced a smile and composed myself.

'If it's not reckless, and it's not courageous, then is it diligent?'

'Thank you.'

'Huh?'

'Because you thought I was diligent. Thank you for your words.'

I bowed and got up from my seat. I rubbed my still tingling cheeks once and glanced at the door. Can I go now? I wanted to correct what I had said earlier. I wanted to be alone now, not with someone.

'I heard the news. You did something good for Robert.'

Joelly changed the subject. I replied gloomily.

'It's nothing.'

'I heard you asked Vincent directly?'

'Yes. It's all thanks to the Master's help.'

When I told Robert that a reply had arrived, he had a blank look on his face. He looked like he was dreaming. When I handed him the letter in his small hand, the child looked like he was about to cry. He didn't even think of tearing open the letter and just stared at it, so Nanny read the letter for him instead. Robert finally burst into tears.

The reply from Robert's mother was filled with words of how much she missed him and wanted to see him. Although they were apart, the hearts of the mother and son were the same.

'Thank you, Ann. Thanks to you, the young master's longing has been eased a little.'

'No. It's not like I did anything.'

'But Ann also asked the Count directly. I heard from the servant who came to pick up the letter. He said that the Count spoke sternly, but he could see your efforts to ask him anyway. Ann took the courage first, so it wasn't difficult for me to talk to the Count either. Thank you so much.'

'You flatter me.'

'I'm really grateful. Actually, because the Madam's reply was delayed, I was regretting whether I had done something unnecessary. At some point, I think I started to give up like the young master.'

'Nanny.'

Nanny had the same face as Robert. With a sad yet happy face, she gave me a look of gratitude. I was a little embarrassed because I didn't understand why I should receive such a look. It was just a letter. It's something anyone could have thought of, and it was just a matter of the opportunity being right.

'People get too caught up in the immediate tasks when they're too busy. So even longing becomes dull. Or they forget it for a while. Either way, it's not good. She also cried a lot when she read Robert's letter this time. Whoever delivered it, you gave her the opportunity to read the letter and write a reply again. Thank you.'

'No.'

I shook my head firmly. I don't know why everyone is thanking me, including Nanny. I really didn't do anything. I suggested it out of my own greed to avoid troublesome things, because I was afraid that Robert would do something dangerous again by climbing on the Iron horse statue. It just happened to create a good result.

Besides, strictly speaking, it wasn't a result I created alone. Vincent probably granted it because it was a request from Nanny.

'You're very humble.'

Joelly smiled. It didn't seem like a compliment.

'Still, you seem like a good person.'

'You flatter me.'

'I'm not saying you have a good personality.'

Her smile deepened. Tenderness emanated from within.

'I'm saying you're a good-hearted person.'

'...'

'Shall I tell you something interesting?'

She composed her smile and gently tilted her face. Covering her mouth with one hand, she looked like someone about to tell a secret. As she started by arousing curiosity, saying, 'This is a really, really secret,' I also pricked up my ears slightly.

'Actually, there's one more coward here.'

'Yes.'

'That's Vincent.'

My eyes widened at those words.