Chapter 54
54
Henri must have handed over those who followed him to the castle and came here with the Duke.
It wouldn't have been difficult to find me since I had a tracking spell on me.
We rode in the carriage together towards the castle.
I was lost in thought the whole time.
'What happened?'
Why does Andy know Zachary's tactics?
The boy's name is definitely Andy. It was clearly written as Andy on the list as well.
'More than anything, he's really weak.'
He even cried because he looked like he was about to get beaten by the maids.
I couldn't match him with Zachary, who is said to be a powerful knight, serious, and considerate.
As I was agonizing, something cold touched my cheek. It was Isaac.
"Sorry, I was underground so I didn't hear. I should have gone sooner."
"Gwaenchanha."
"...Kid, why do you always say you're okay?"
"Ung?"
"You say you're okay with living in such a terrible place, you're okay with not being protected, and you're okay even when I give you a gift."
Isaac looked genuinely upset.
I had gone through several regressions, but I always lived a hard life. I was so used to it that most things didn't bother me.
I was really satisfied with my life here. If it weren't for the preparations for exile, I wouldn't even have wanted anything more.
Isaac, who had been staring at me, lowered his shoulders. Henri's eyes were also downcast, and the Duke didn't say anything to those kids.
By the time I got out of the carriage, the sun was setting.
Isaac and Henri went back to their rooms with listless faces, and I was worried about them.
As I was fidgeting, the Duke bent down to meet my eyes.
"LeBlaine."
"Yes."
"Don't do anything dangerous again."
Is he angry that I'm just causing trouble?
It wasn't intentional, but the fact that I almost got into danger several times was a nuisance from the guardian's point of view.
When I drooped my eyebrows, feeling dejected, he smiled faintly.
"I'm glad you weren't hurt."
"......"
"Rest."
With those words, the Duke gently ruffled my hair and headed into the castle.
I touched the hair where the Duke's hand had been for a moment.
I felt strange.
"......"
My throat kept tickling, so I shook my head. Then, I closed my eyes tightly and ran in the opposite direction of the Duke.
'I don't have time to worry about this. I have to find Zachary quickly.'
I was running around like crazy and didn't look ahead properly, so I bumped into someone.
"Ugh..."
I bumped into them pretty hard, so I was rubbing my forehead when I heard a familiar voice saying, "Young Miss?" It was the Chairman.
"What's wrong?"
"I have to prepare for exile. I have a knight in mind. So, Chairman...!"
He stared at me as I clenched my fists and spoke anxiously. It was that gaze that seemed to see right through me.
"Is the Young Miss's anxiety related to returning home with the Duke and the Young Masters today?"
"T, that's not it!"
"I see."
"It's not..."
When I avoided his gaze and answered, the Chairman hummed and looked into my eyes.
"What is the reason for the Young Miss setting such a dangerous goal as exile?"
"Because it's going to be dangerous in the future. When Mina comes, I'll be a sacrifice."
"If you have the protection of Duke Dubled, the situation is likely to be different from before."
"But it'll change someday."
"Gongzhanmi and the Young Masters just think of me as a strange pet."
Their affection is like doting on a cat that came into the house. Otherwise, it's strange that they like me so much, someone who isn't related by blood at all.
How can you keep loving someone else's child? I'm not a sunshine-like kid like Mina.
"Young Miss. Do you know how difficult it is to protect the Young Miss, who has become more special than in your previous life?"
"......"
"His Excellency has many loyal and talented people. Even the Imperial Family covets Eugene North. But he puts those people aside and always takes the lead in the Young Miss's affairs."
"......"
"Theodore Dubled, as I know him, wouldn't do such troublesome things for a pet."
I didn't say anything, and the Chairman quietly looked at me and said.
"Now that I see it, exile was not a means of survival, but a taboo."
I flinched, and my shoulders rose.
"I'm going. I'm not talking to Chairman..."
"Did you forbid yourself from trusting anyone because you were going to be exiled anyway?"
"Go away! I'm not listening!"
"You were afraid of being abandoned by your family again. You were trying to abandon them before they abandoned you, rather than face the danger of failing to escape."
"I told you not to say it!"
"You were more afraid of that than going back to regression."
I glared at the Chairman with blurred eyes. I bit my lip and clenched my skirt to keep from crying.
He stared at me, trembling for a while, then bent down and passed by.
I ran into my room and slammed the door shut! I hid myself under the blanket.
It felt like a box that had been locked up with multiple layers of chains had been rummaged through.
I opened my eyes in the darkness where I couldn't see a single finger, and I quickly realized.
This is a dream. The nightmare that always chases me.
As soon as I realized, the surroundings began to change.
This was the altar of the Imperial Palace. The place where I was offered as a sacrifice and torn to pieces in my first life.
On the altar was an elephant bag. It was the bag I had packed for my exile preparations.
Someone grabbed the bag. The owner of the skinny hand with blood dripping down was 'me'.
Me with half of my head distorted and my whole body covered in scars.
[Stupid LeBlaine, after suffering like that, you still want to trust people?]
The adult LeBlaine, who muttered lowly, looked at the little me standing blankly.
'But... but, the Dubled people seem different.'
[You said that to Duke Amitié too. Our Dad is different. You said that during Valua too. I'm going to live differently this time.]
'Maybe it'll really be different this time. In my previous lives, there weren't people who were as good to me as the Dubled people.'
The adult LeBlaine twisted her lips and approached.
[That's because they think you're special right now.]
"......"
[It'll change when Mina comes. If it's revealed that you're a fake Child of Destiny, you'll be abandoned again!]
I covered my ears with both hands.
It felt like the pain of being sacrificed and the pain of being whipped by Duke Valois were flowing into my head.
The adult LeBlaine who came to me split into three: Mina, Duke Amitié, and Duke Valois.
[Are you going to beg for affection like a beggar again this time?]
[And when you regress, you'll decide again. I'm not going to trust anyone this time.]
[Like always!!]
Their faces, shouting, were grotesquely distorted.
Black pus dripped from their bodies, and their mouths were full of chillingly sharp teeth.
'D, don't come. Don't come!'
I stumbled to my feet and ran.
But they persistently clung to my shadow.
[I'm sorry, LeBlaine. But this is fate. Die for me, for the country.]
[Mina is a special child.]
[You rat-like bitch. Nothing works out because of you!]
The thing that had completely turned into black pus covered me. I felt suffocated, as if I had fallen into a swamp.
I struggled to get out of the pus that had swallowed me up to my neck.
'Please save me. I don't want to. I don't want to! Please save me!'
The dream always ended after I was completely submerged in darkness. It would be the same this time. I slowly released the strength in my hands.
At that moment, I saw a faint light in front of me.
"...B."
"...LeBlaine."
"LeBlaine!"
Huck!
I quickly opened my eyes. My whole body was drenched in cold sweat.
In front of me, I saw Isaac, not knowing what to do, Henri with eyes full of worry, and the Duke, frozen while holding my hand.
"Are you okay?"
"Were you very surprised because of what happened today?"
"Snap out of it."
This was in the light.
I swallowed my tears as I looked at the three people whose outlines were blurred by the light of the lamp.
I could feel that my face was distorted ugly without even looking at it.
I squeezed the Duke's hand tightly. Tears kept coming out even though I was trying to hold them back.
"Ugh... ugh..."
Isaac frowned at me, who was biting my lip tightly to keep from making a sound.
"You idiot! Why are you crying without making a sound!"
As he said that, he strained his forehead to keep the tears from falling from his eyes.
Henri pushed Isaac away and stroked my hair.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
"......"
"You were scared. I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner."
Since some time ago, Henri kept apologizing to me even when it wasn't something he was sorry for.
He apologized for protecting me but being late, and he apologized for not knowing what I liked.
The Duke hugged me.
"I don't know what to do when you cry."
"......"
"I just want to destroy the world."
I laughed at his words.
The Duke, who didn't know how to give affection or how to love, loved me awkwardly, which was funny and warmed my heart.
'The me in the dream' is right. I'm stupid. I'm a foolish idiot even after living four lives.
I wanted to try believing again.
I knew that there was a greater chance of getting hurt, and I knew that running away would be the easier path, but I didn't want to let go of the warmth that touched my skin.
'Just one more time.'
When I smiled with my face all wet, the faces of the Dubled men brightened. Leah and the maids, who had been pacing around, relievedly lowered their shoulders.
"...Dad."
The Duke's gaze wavered for a moment when I called him.
It was the first time I had called him that since receiving Etwal.
"Oppa."
Henri and Isaac's eyes widened as if they were about to fall out, and they gaped.
"O, o, oppa...!"
"LeBlaine just said that to me..."
"No, she said it to me!"
"She said it to me, you idiot."
I buried my face in the Duke's shoulder as I watched the two of them bickering.
I was in the light. I wasn't afraid of that nightmare anymore.
That night, I threw away the elephant bag.
